I need some SERIOUS advice!!!

[Mama Cita]

Okay, the situation is: I have a 4 years old son, he is the most handsome, extraordinary child I've exer met, of course I may be partial because I am his mother Anyway, his father basically abandoned us and never tried to even see him. I was only 2 1/2 hours away from him for the first three years of my sons life and the firsttime he saw him was when my son was 7 months old. For some odd reason we are now working together again in the same place where we met before but he is different... Now when I started this job again in January, I had a boyfriend and we were going to try to make it through our being physically seperated but it didnt work, I am not sad about it though, more relieved, he was very controlling and hot tempered. Anyway, he initiated contact via email and I told him since we are here together, he needs to man up and talk to me face to face. He did and he was completely honest with me, I can tell because it was the first time he was completely honest with me so I can tell the difference. He told me things that hurt but it was the truth so it put me at some sort of ease ( I dont know if that makes any type of sense to any of you ladies) Well, the basic scenario is when we worked here previously, he met someone a few weeks before we met and he was trying to be a "player" . He was dating both of us at the same time, I ended up getting pregnant though. Neither one of us wanted the baby but when I went to the abortion clinic, I passed out and the doctor wouldnt let me do it then, after that I decided it was a sign and I kept him, best decision I ever made; anyway I left before him and we were supposed to get married but he changed. I had the baby, and I find out later on that he got married. He told me everything and over the months we got closer than I ever was to anyone. His wife wants a divorce and keeps threatening him with one and he was waiting until he was home to tell her so they can go draw up the papers. She found out about me and now she wont give him a divorce. She has flat out told him some meant nasty things a wife shouldnt tell their husband but now she is acting like everything was fine. There is more to the story but I dont want to bore you ladies and it is a small world so I dont want to hurt or offend anyone. What should I do? He wants to be with me and I want to be with him but the situation seems impossible, i should feel like I am doing wrong but I dont, I know right from wrong and i dont see us as wrong. I have loved this man for the past 5 years and I cant let it go, even when he put us through so much I still loved him. He is the only person I have ever seen myself being with for life...

 

[LaShanne]

He's married, plain and simple. If you two love each other as much as you say you do, then you can wait it out till he gets his divorce. If he wants to be with you as badly as he claims, he will do whatever is necessary to make it happen. You've waited this long, right? What's a couple more months?

I feel that you know what you're doing or considering is wrong, thats why you've come to us with your dilemma. Your son has looked up to you as his queen, his role model, his everything, his whole life. Continue to model that behavior for him so that when he becomes a man he knows what to look for in a good woman and he learns what's expected of him as far as how a man is to treat/respect a woman.

I hope my advice was of some assistance to you and I hope you make the decision thats best for you and your beautiful son.

 

[prettypuff1]

I have been in your place... My son's father has a long term g/f and he told me all of the same things that he has told you. That he wants to be with me and all that great stuff.. But plain and simple he is married. no questions about it, and no matter how much he says he wants a divorce, he hasn't done it yet. He is off limits, and there is nothing else about it. Is he showing how much he cares for his child, is he doing right by him. I would take some time and get over him, and then come back to the situation and try to be with him provided that he is divorced. I think you need some time to think clearly and see things for what they are........ I had to do it and came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to leave his long term g/f and was only interested in getting some.... Not to say that your son's father is like that but it is a growing trend.....

 

[misskris816]

Based on your post, it sounds like you want re-write the script on how you and your ex's relationship initially ended. I can understand that too, but for some reason while I was reading your post I kept getting an uneasy feeling.

As LaShanne said, he's married. You need to leave well enough alone until he's in a better situation. Right now, he can't devout himself to you the way that you deserve, so don't settle for scraps. Even though he claims to want a divorce, a respectable man would wait until the marriage has been dissolved.

You said that you loved this man for 5 years and you can't let it go, despite what he's put you and your son through. Not everything we want is good for us. Do you truly believe this man is good for you...and good to you?Only you know that answer. If the answer is yes, then try to make it work...but make it work when someone else isn't his wife.

Best of luck to you.

 

[lizjoseph]

I've always wanted to know the answer to this question: Is it possible to still get a divirce even if the other person refuses to give it to you or sign the paper work? I have a feeling that if someone really wanted a divorce, there has ato be a way they can get one. If not, wouldn't that be like holding someone "hostage" in a amrraiage that they don't want?