I may have made a mistake.....

[MACgirl2k2]

Hello ladies, you might remember me from the “I need to get a life” thread. I seem to have gotten my old life back. I re-united with my ex boyfriend last week. He seemed to be getting himself together and was telling me all this great stuff about how we should be together and we are destined to be toge5ther and get married...yada yada yada…long story short…I took him back.
Fast-forward, we went out on a date that he asked me for and I ended up paying for our meals. I didn’t let it phase me but now, every time I talk to him he complains about how he wish his life was better or if he could get a better job and do this and that. I try to be encouraging but I feel like I’m falling back into lifeless relationship. Not to mention he’s been hounding me for sex and unprotected sex at that? WTF is wrong with him or me for the fact. Did I make a huge mistake by taking him back?

 

[jamiss]

Yes, it sounds like you made a mistake taking him back. If you are unhappy, it was a mistake.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You didn't make a huge mistake, but this should be a sobering reminder of why he was an ex.I have opinions about what he did but that doesn't matter. The point is that his behavior, IMO, is unnacceptable.

I would promptly break up with him, sever ties, and move on.

This time, find a new life, not an old one.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Yes. You made a mistake. Especially if you are not happy, and falling back into the same negative pattern.

He obviously feels like he's got you back, he can pull the same stuff all over again...demanding unprotected sex? WTF? Not acceptable at all.

 

[Nikki4ny]

Unprotected sex ... Um no honey. Simple as that. No. Based on the little bit you've said already he's lucky to get your time....but the other unprotected is not even a thought.

There was a time when NO was my favorite word and it felt good.

Just say NO

 

[carcajada]

Yes, it sounds like you made a mistake taking him back. If you are unhappy, it was a mistake.

Basically.

 

[MACgirl2k2]

Thanks for responding. I'm just confused because he acts like I'm the best thing in his life but all he's focused on is material things and making people realize he is a good man. What ever the f--- that means. (Excuse my language) Then he has family issues and I try to be positive and encourage him. It's like life is kicking his butt everywhere he turns. I worry about him all the time. One minute he's happy, next minute he's telling me what he can't do for me. It's like a neverending emotional rollercoaster.

oh I would never do the unprotected sex thing with that nice wedding band. I don't care how deep his voice is and how big his .....well you know...lol..

 

[andrea]

Well you probably are the best thing that has happened to him! The question is: Is he? I think if you answer that question honestly then you will know what to do.. Don't sell yourself short. I think if you are having these doubts then you know maybe he is not the best for you.

We are here for you.. I wish you luck....

 

[Caramela]

Yes. You did. And please stop having unprotected sex and feeding him.
You sound like you just wanted that comfort... familiarity. But it doesn't seem to be worth it based off of what you said.

 

[MACgirl2k2]

Thanks Laides. I didn't have unprotected sex with him. In fact I have been avoiding spending time with him alone. I am trying to move up in my career and get my priorities in order. I'll admit it, I am weak for taking him back because I've known him for 8 years and that was the longest relationship I ever had. But I'm strong enough not do something that crazy(the unprotected sex) knowing it would possibly trap me to him for the next 18 years of my life. I am supposed to see him this weekend and I am going to have a talk with him in a public place about my concerns. I'll keep you all posted on what happens. Thanks so much for responding, you've made everything so much clearer for me. Thank you.

 

[Makenzie]

I'm not familiar with your history but this sounds similiar to the relationship I just got out of. The guy treated me like a queen and but i started noticing things. I'm paying for everything, there is always drama in his family...ALWAYS...he's trying to get a business off the ground and incurring a ton of debt. There was no $ coming it at all. His momma asked to borrow $ from me and ain't thought about paying it back. He was sweet and kind to me but he and his family was emotionally draining me. I broke up with him and even then I still wanted him. Now its been some months and feel so much better. I'm alone but content.

I wish you the best and I think it's in your best interest to let that relationship go. Completely. Ain't no being friends afterwards.

 

[mscocoface]

Hello ladies, you might remember me from the “I need to get a life” thread. I seem to have gotten my old life back. I re-united with my ex boyfriend last week. He seemed to be getting himself together and was telling me all this great stuff about how we should be together and we are destined to be toge5ther and get married...yada yada yada…long story short…I took him back.
Fast-forward, we went out on a date that he asked me for and I ended up paying for our meals. I didn’t let it phase me but now, every time I talk to him he complains about how he wish his life was better or if he could get a better job and do this and that. I try to be encouraging but I feel like I’m falling back into lifeless relationship. Not to mention he’s been hounding me for sex and unprotected sex at that? WTF is wrong with him or me for the fact. Did I make a huge mistake by taking him back?

If this was someone on this board telling you this same situation, what would you advise them to do? Life is too short, and no one in this day and age should be having unprotected anything especially when medical records have not been exchanged.

Do exactly what you would tell one of us to do. You were not created and destined for this type of situation. Something is wrong with him, but if you allow him to treat you this way then something is wrong with ___. (I will let you fill in the blank)

Take care of yourself Queen, because that is what you are and how you should be treated. Even if no one else calls you that or treats you that way, you should call yourself a Queen and treat yourself that way.

Don't beat yourself up about this, we live and we learn and you will be able to tell someone else how to handle this type of situation and you will be speaking from experience such as the other lady mentioned above.

Take care!

Blessings.

 

[SelahOco]

Hello ladies, you might remember me from the “I need to get a life” thread. I seem to have gotten my old life back. I re-united with my ex boyfriend last week. He seemed to be getting himself together and was telling me all this great stuff about how we should be together and we are destined to be toge5ther and get married...yada yada yada…long story short…I took him back.
Fast-forward, we went out on a date that he asked me for and I ended up paying for our meals. I didn’t let it phase me but now, every time I talk to him he complains about how he wish his life was better or if he could get a better job and do this and that. I try to be encouraging but I feel like I’m falling back into lifeless relationship. Not to mention he’s been hounding me for sex and unprotected sex at that? WTF is wrong with him or me for the fact. Did I make a huge mistake by taking him back?

Don't have a child with him.

 

[DragonPearl]

Exhibit number one: you're paying for the meals on a date he asked you to go on. Translation: he is not financially together.

Exhibit number two: He is pressing you for unprotected sex, which might result in unwanted pregnancy and bringing in this world a child he can't financially take care of since he can't even buy you a meal. Let's not even get into the possibility of STDs.

You get my drift. I don't need to produce Exhibit number three and four.

If you were my daughter, with all the love in my heart, I would tell you, YOU CAN DO BETTER. But you will never do better if you stick to losers. He is a loser. Any man who cannot financially take care of a child and insists on unprotected sex is a loser. Lose him.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

You can do bad all by yourself. Getting a life doesn't mean going back into the past. Getting a life means taking the time out to figure out what it is YOU want. Not making yourself available to be someone's doormat. It should always be about YOU, not about someone else, especially some broke a$$ bama. How is it he invites you out, and you wind up paying. He knew that when he asked. Then he gives you the ole song ... ./'./'./' yeah, I wish I had a better job, so I can get a better job, the man holding me back, yadi yadi yadi./'./'./' sittin up there givin you a song without the dance. You tried to be encouraging, but he can't even encourage himself. That is like trying to take a crackhead off the street into rehab. They have to WANT to do it.

When you called him, he heard WEAKNESS in your voice, knew just what to say and how to say it and took it from there. He already auditioned for the role and flunked the first time. Now, you got him reauditioning again. Not a good move. If he wasn't getting himself together before, he ain't gonna get himself together now. One thing about those types of men, they NEVER change. And I know you don't have time trying to help dis broke back bama get on his feet, when you have to first figure YOU out. Single sistas have it hard as it is, then to add baggage on top of it? Oh hell no.

A man is only going to do what you allow him to do, and if you allow him to stay in your life, then that decision is on you. And he wants to have sex wtih you unprotected? He already screwed you once at dinner.....you get the picture.

Stay strong sister and run from the hills. It's better things to do than to be bothered with this joke.

 

[MACgirl2k2]

Thanks ladies. Pretty Brown Eyes, that is exactly my situation. The only thing different is he want to be a jazz musician. (I don't have the heart to tell him he can't play that well though). Every time something good happens he finds a way to spoil the moment. I have low self esteem because I am 100 pounds over..well was I lost my 1st 18 pounds and will continue till I reach my goal weight. I know this relationship isn't healthy and I need to get out of it. It's hard for me but I am going to suck up my pride and do it.

 

[DragonPearl]

Thanks ladies. Pretty Brown Eyes, that is exactly my situation. The only thing different is he want to be a jazz musician. (I don't have the heart to tell him he can't play that well though). Every time something good happens he finds a way to spoil the moment. I have low self esteem because I am 100 pounds over..well was I lost my 1st 18 pounds and will continue till I reach my goal weight. I know this relationship isn't healthy and I need to get out of it. It's hard for me but I am going to suck up my pride and do it.

I don't care what you look like and what he looks like. You can still do better than this loser. Do not allow weight concern to make you settle for men like that. He is playing on your low self-esteem and he is toxic to your emotions.

Take care of yourself physically, and take care of yourself emotionally.

 

[MACgirl2k2]

Thanks Jessy. You're absolutely right.

 

[Makenzie]

You can do bad all by yourself. Getting a life doesn't mean going back into the past. Getting a life means taking the time out to figure out what it is YOU want.

When you called him, he heard WEAKNESS in your voice, knew just what to say and how to say it and took it from there. He already auditioned for the role and flunked the first time. Now, you got him reauditioning again. Not a good move. If he wasn't getting himself together before, he ain't gonna get himself together now. One thing about those types of men, they NEVER change. And I know you don't have time trying to help dis broke back bama get on his feet, when you have to first figure YOU out. Single sistas have it hard as it is, then to add baggage on top of it? Oh hell no.

A man is only going to do what you allow him to do, and if you allow him to stay in your life, then that decision is on you. And he wants to have sex wtih you unprotected? He already screwed you once at dinner.....you get the picture.

Stay strong sister and run from the hills. It's better things to do than to be bothered with this joke.

So true!!!

 

[prettykinks]

An ex is an ex for a reason. Don't go backwards in relationships take that old relationship you had with him and use it as a learning tool to help you in the future relationship you get into.

 

[Makenzie]

Thanks ladies. Pretty Brown Eyes, that is exactly my situation. The only thing different is he want to be a jazz musician. (I don't have the heart to tell him he can't play that well though). Every time something good happens he finds a way to spoil the moment. I have low self esteem because I am 100 pounds over..well was I lost my 1st 18 pounds and will continue till I reach my goal weight. I know this relationship isn't healthy and I need to get out of it. It's hard for me but I am going to suck up my pride and do it.

Yes get out of it. You overweight? So what!!! Believe me when I say the right man who loves you and treats you correctly either won't care, or he'll be right by your side at the gym and not Mcdonalds. I'm 50 lbs over my goal but you have started doing somthing about your weight (congrats I know it ain't easy). I just hade Potbelly's for the 2nd time this week. ANYWHO when you start realizing you are better than what this guy has offered you you will be so much happier. I look back on my relationship and feel like the biggest fool. But please believe me that I am the happiest I have ever been cuz I surround myself with those who genuinely love me and I take care of myself. He's paying back the money he owes me and I am fortunate with that. But I could saved myself a lotta heartache if I thought more of myself and been smarter.

Remember you don't NEED a man. You only WANT one. Take care of youself so you can attract a guy with like tastes and qualities to yours. You'll be fine. It will be hard in the begining but you will be so happy you did. LET HIM GO!!!!!!

 

[Bunny77]

Macgirl,

I agree with everything that everyone has said, but also want to add that losing 18 pounds is GREAT!!!!

You have so much going for you and you are making some great changes in your life that will only make you feel better about yourself and happier... don't let some ***** mess that up, okay?

Keep up the good work with the weight loss!

 

[locabouthair]

Hello ladies, you might remember me from the “I need to get a life” thread. I seem to have gotten my old life back. I re-united with my ex boyfriend last week. He seemed to be getting himself together and was telling me all this great stuff about how we should be together and we are destined to be toge5ther and get married...yada yada yada…long story short…I took him back.
Fast-forward, we went out on a date that he asked me for and I ended up paying for our meals. I didn’t let it phase me but now, every time I talk to him he complains about how he wish his life was better or if he could get a better job and do this and that. I try to be encouraging but I feel like I’m falling back into lifeless relationship. Not to mention he’s been hounding me for sex and unprotected sex at that? WTF is wrong with him or me for the fact. Did I make a huge mistake by taking him back?

im sorry but if your not married to him, he shouldnt be demanding unprotected sex.

and letting u pay for the meal if he offered is crazy.

please break up with him.

i hope you dont mind me asking, but how old are the two of you?

 

[patient1]

Thanks for responding. I'm just confused because he acts like I'm the best thing in his life but all he's focused on is material things and making people realize he is a good man. What ever the f--- that means. (Excuse my language) Then he has family issues and I try to be positive and encourage him. It's like life is kicking his butt everywhere he turns. I worry about him all the time. One minute he's happy, next minute he's telling me what he can't do for me. It's like a neverending emotional rollercoaster.

oh I would never do the unprotected sex thing with that nice wedding band. I don't care how deep his voice is and how big his .....well you know...lol..

Haven't read the other posts because there it is. He's putting on the show because he wants to hit it raw. Forgive me, but blunt is best here. Hope you've taken heed of some of the excellent advice I know has been posted without even reading it.

Lots of love to you,
p1

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Thanks ladies. Pretty Brown Eyes, that is exactly my situation. The only thing different is he want to be a jazz musician. (I don't have the heart to tell him he can't play that well though). Every time something good happens he finds a way to spoil the moment. I have low self esteem because I am 100 pounds over..well was I lost my 1st 18 pounds and will continue till I reach my goal weight. I know this relationship isn't healthy and I need to get out of it. It's hard for me but I am going to suck up my pride and do it.

First, congratulations on the 18lb weight loss!!!!!!! And just from your post, you sound like a very kind-hearted person. Keep on reaching your goal in terms of the weight loss and whatever else you are trying to pursue. When you get to your desired weight, and people start to compliment, your whole attitude will change. Plus, your LIFE will change too. Also, you will see the reward with all the time you have invested in yourself from working out, or whatever method of weight loss you are using. This is a good thing, but regardless, always be happy with the skin that you're in. When you beam confidence, no matter what size, others will see it and respect it!

By the time you reach your goal, the next time you see this guy, you won't even want him anymore because you will have a new outlook on life!!!

 

[MACgirl2k2]

i hope you don.t mind me asking, but how old are the two of you?

We are both 30 years old.

Thanks ladies for hearing me out. I its hard but I know there has got to be someone other for me. I am going to distant myself from him and focus on getting my life back in order. Before I can love someone I have to first love me. I don't love what I see in the mirror and that is going to take a while for me to fix but I am praying each day for a breakthrough.

 

[andrea]

We are both 30 years old.

Thanks ladies for hearing me out. I its hard but I know there has got to be someone other for me. I am going to distant myself from him and focus on getting my life back in order. Before I can love someone I have to first love me. I don't love what I see in the mirror and that is going to take a while for me to fix but I am praying each day for a breakthrough.

I know how you feel... I think that is a biggie.. I tried sending you a PM.. It says you do not accept then.. LOL. I have been here for years and didn't even know that was an option....

 

[Makenzie]

We are both 30 years old.

Thanks ladies for hearing me out. I its hard but I know there has got to be someone other for me. I am going to distant myself from him and focus on getting my life back in order. Before I can love someone I have to first love me. I don't love what I see in the mirror and that is going to take a while for me to fix but I am praying each day for a breakthrough.

Forget distancing yourrself you need to drop him. He will do and say whatever is needed to keep you around. There is no middle ground on this.

Yes you need to love yourself first. How can we as women expect love and respect if we don't give it to ourselves first? It won't be easy but its whats YOU HAVE to do.

 

[prettypuff1]

We are both 30 years old.

Thanks ladies for hearing me out. I its hard but I know there has got to be someone other for me. I am going to distant myself from him and focus on getting my life back in order. Before I can love someone I have to first love me. I don't love what I see in the mirror and that is going to take a while for me to fix but I am praying each day for a breakthrough.

Cut him off today honey... Just believe that you are worth of something better than this. Good thing is that you have something better than this, being alone..

I dont care if you are 500 pounds over your goal, you still dont deserve this joker. He knows your not totally comfy with your body yet and he thought he could take advantage....

You already know what to do about the unprotected sex deal....

 

[lexi08]

We are both 30 years old.

Thanks ladies for hearing me out. I its hard but I know there has got to be someone other for me. I am going to distant myself from him and focus on getting my life back in order. Before I can love someone I have to first love me. I don't love what I see in the mirror and that is going to take a while for me to fix but I am praying each day for a breakthrough.

Congrats on the weight loss, keep up the good work. Like the other poster said, don't distance yourself from this fool LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR GOOD, DROP HIM 100%. No phone calls, e-mails, texts, meet ups, nothing Work on loving yourself this man is not going to help you.