I have a CRACK problem! Please Help!

Cloud06

Cloud06

New Member
How do you tell someone they have a problem with drugs?
Here's my story:
My ex, he was my SO, until I found out he was snorting coke. He did it right in front of me and then told me all the times he was high and what to look for when he was high. After that I could not be with him. I've known him for about six years and we dated when we were younger. But he just started doing coke over the summer. I tried to ask him what made him change or what caused him to turn to crack, but he just says he does it because he wants to. He's in denial about the effects of crack and the damage it can do in a short amount of time. He tres to justify crack with weed by comparing the two. Now he does it more often than none and it kills me. I love him so much but I don't agree with his lifestyle, but I want to help but I don't know how? How or what should I do?
 
I can imagine this must be really difficult for you. Unfortunately I don't think most addicts realize they have a problem until they reach rock bottom, and even then it can be very difficult for them to recover. It sounds like your ex isn't even willing to admit he has a problem so it will probably be a while before he will quit, if at all. If I were in your shoes, I would have to cut him out of my life completely unless he was willing to seek help for his addiction. You can't help someone that is not trying to help themselves or even see that they have a problem.
 
Wow...what a difficult situation to be. I'm not going to say that I could never be with an addict, however it would be really hard for me to be with an addict that hadn't yet realized he had a problem. It would be one thing if he was on his way to recovery, but he seems to be in the beginning stages of addiction...using but not admitting to having a problem. I can't really tell you what to do, I can only just say that I wouldn't be able to do it. I wish you all the best of luck.
 
You are going to have to get the hell away from him. A crackhead will generally bring you down with them. Either financially and emotionally, or by trying to bring you into doing drugs with him. He is on his way down and I would advise you to get away while you are ahead.

If he was your husband, possibly even longtime SO, then I could see you helping him, but he is about to go through it and probably put you through it as well, and I couldn't imagine doing that for an ex.

I've known too many drug addicts and trust there will soon be a day when there isn't any room in his heart for anything but his drug anyway, and it sounds like that day is soon coming. No one does crack recreationally. This is crack we're talking about. Please be honest with yourself and good luck!

ETA: I'm glad you aren't the one with the crack problem, because that's how it appeared from the title :lol:
 
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ITA with RealLuv and Cincy; you can't make him stop being a crack user unless he wants to stop. Oh heck, even if you dragged him to a treatment center he wouldn't be admitted unless HE wanted to get the help. I know you love him and believe me this situation will only get worse and your heart will sink even more. I can't tell you what to do but I can only offer prayers for you and him. If you need to talk pm me. God Bless.
 
Thank yall for the advice. I love this man but I dont support his addiction. And I'm going to have to let this go before he brings me down. He seems to be doing alright for himself, holding down a job and whatnot but I know that one day its gone get hard and he gone get high and forget about me even though he's consantly telling me how much he needs me and how if he had me again he would quit, but I know that crack got his mind wrpped up and that's temporary delusions. Thanks again for some help.
 
Two words:

FALL BACK

People will change/ask for help when they are ready to.

Bringing it up, asking him to get help, etc...are going to do nothing.

Wait until he stops...or asks for help to stop.

Until then, all you're gonna do is waste your energy and break your own heart.

This is coming from a former alcoholic who used to put away half litres of liquor by herself. My drinking got so out of control after my dad died that people in my family were trying to help me when I had no desire to be helped. All that made me do was go into hiding and drink more.
 
Cloud06 said:
Thank yall for the advice. I love this man but I dont support his addiction. And I'm going to have to let this go before he brings me down. He seems to be doing alright for himself, holding down a job and whatnot but I know that one day its gone get hard and he gone get high and forget about me even though he's consantly telling me how much he needs me and how if he had me again he would quit, but I know that crack got his mind wrpped up and that's temporary delusions. Thanks again for some help.
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So he's a functioning addict right now. You should pray for him and love him from a DISTANCE. I speak from experience. I was with a dude who snorted coke and sold crack. He became abusive because his mind wasnt right. There was nothing I could do to stop him from abusing drugs. Crack is even more serious. People have to hit rock bottom first. I mean, just think about it - people abandon their children and steal from their loved ones to support their addiction. You dont want to end up having him steal from you or hitting you because he;s tweaking. Just stay away!!!!! PLEASE!!!!
 
OK JMO If he doesn't see it as a problem and is not trying to get help, get out and get out now, My uncle got hooked on the stuff, lost everything was homeless and still didn't let it go. He has been addicted for years, but if you talk to him he will almost convince you that he has it undercontrol, even though his own children couldn' pick him out of a line up. He was a causual user for years and was able to hold down a good job, but one day the drugs took over and he never came back from it. I am afraid he will be found dead in an alley somewhere with a needle in his arm, but you can't help those that don't want to be helped.

Cloud06 said:
How do you tell someone they have a problem with drugs?
Here's my story:
My ex, he was my SO, until I found out he was snorting coke. He did it right in front of me and then told me all the times he was high and what to look for when he was high. After that I could not be with him. I've known him for about six years and we dated when we were younger. But he just started doing coke over the summer. I tried to ask him what made him change or what caused him to turn to crack, but he just says he does it because he wants to. He's in denial about the effects of crack and the damage it can do in a short amount of time. He tres to justify crack with weed by comparing the two. Now he does it more often than none and it kills me. I love him so much but I don't agree with his lifestyle, but I want to help but I don't know how? How or what should I do?
Click to expand...
 
Although it wasn't crack, my ex-husband allowed drugs to take his marriage, family, career and livelihood...plus it made his abusive and irrational at all times. You do not want to live like that. Like stated before, if he is trying to get help, you can be a friend and offer him moral support, but that is all. If he isn't even trying to do that..you need to walk away. Know that there is no way he can destroy his own life w/o bringing you down with him.
 
There are soooo many men out there. Why choose a crack addict? Nothing good will come from this relationship. No matter how pitiful he sounds, and how much love you have for him, this man doesn't love himself. You can't love someone that don't love themselves. Run don't walk!
 
Unfortunately everything previously posted is true. You have to distance yourself before you get dragged in any further. You can only help those who want to be help. Prolonged exposure to the situation will dilute your feelings on the behavior and eventually will become "not so bad" because it appears to be controlled behavior. If you're his only stability your house will be the first he'll go to in order to rob, steal or take what's needed to maintain his habit. My prayers are with you. Better to get out sooner then later.
 
Cloud06 said:
Thank yall for the advice. I love this man but I dont support his addiction. And I'm going to have to let this go before he brings me down. He seems to be doing alright for himself, holding down a job and I know that one day its gone get hard and he gone get high and forget about me even though he's consantly telling me how much he needs me and how if he had me again he would quit, but I know that crack got his mind wrpped up and that's temporary delusions. Thanks again for some help.
Click to expand...

That is only temporary. As he does more and more drugs, getting high will become more important than paying his bills, his family, etc. I have a dear cousin who struggled with her husband for years. At first he was getting high on occasion, but always went to work and used his check to pay the family bills. Eventually he started using his entire check to buy drugs and stopped paying bills. As the drugs took over, he couldn't work anymore. They eventually lost their nice home. My cousin is in a tiny apartment and her husband is out roaming the streets, looking for his next fix. So sad, but so true.
 
Suerte said:
Two words:

FALL BACK

People will change/ask for help when they are ready to.

Bringing it up, asking him to get help, etc...are going to do nothing.

Wait until he stops...or asks for help to stop.

Until then, all you're gonna do is waste your energy and break your own heart.

This is coming from a former alcoholic who used to put away half litres of liquor by herself. My drinking got so out of control after my dad died that people in my family were trying to help me when I had no desire to be helped. All that made me do was go into hiding and drink more.
Click to expand...

I learned all this the hard way. I have a relative that is on the express train to the grave, and I have begged, pleaded, run around trying to ask other folks how to help, all to no avail. I had to get to the point where I released the outcome, because they have to learn to love themselves enough to get help. The only thing I was succeeding in doing was draining myself and not focusing my energy on more positive things.
 
Suerte said:
Two words:

FALL BACK

People will change/ask for help when they are ready to.

Bringing it up, asking him to get help, etc...are going to do nothing.

Wait until he stops...or asks for help to stop.

Until then, all you're gonna do is waste your energy and break your own heart.

This is coming from a former alcoholic who used to put away half litres of liquor by herself. My drinking got so out of control after my dad died that people in my family were trying to help me when I had no desire to be helped. All that made me do was go into hiding and drink more.
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I agree 100%!

There is NOTHING anyone can do for an addict if he/she doesn't want to change himself.

I knew an addict for a couple of years in my youth, and as far as I know he is still an addict. Nothing I ever did made any difference in his life. I had to ask myself - will I make myself useful in this world by being in his life entangled in his mess or will I make better use of myself somewhere else? The answer was simple, because I had tried everything.

I have seen people start doing drugs from one day to another, and after a couple of months they are full fledged addicts. That is a choice they are making and they are entitled to it. :perplexed I feel sorry for them, because it is a form of self-medicating mental problems in 99% of the cases. It's just a prolonged suicide.

I decided to cut out all types of crazy people in my life and that made my life so much better. No more stress...Life is too short!
 
FlowerHair said:
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I agree 100%!

There is NOTHING anyone can do for an addict if he/she doesn't want to change himself.

I knew an addict for a couple of years in my youth, and as far as I know he is still an addict. Nothing I ever did made any difference in his life. I had to ask myself - will I make myself useful in this world by being in his life entangled in his mess or will I make better use of myself somewhere else? The answer was simple, because I had tried everything.

I have seen people start doing drugs from one day to another, and after a couple of months they are full fledged addicts. That is a choice they are making and they are entitled to it. :perplexed I feel sorry for them, because it is a form of self-medicating mental problems in 99% of the cases. It's just a prolonged suicide.

I decided to cut out all types of crazy people in my life and that made my life so much better. No more stress...Life is too short!
Click to expand...

It is so true. It's just medicating a pain/emptiness. I no longer drink but since I stopped drinking, I've medicated with food. I wish I could find some kind of like, healthy thing to latch on to... but then what is that? Another crutch? I'm trying to figure out what in my personality makes me the way I am but I feel like I'm always gonna have something that I do too much. I just want to find something healthy. I wanna eat too many vegetables. I wanna go hiking through a beautiful forest too much. I wanna travel too much.

For people with addicts in their lives...I am so serious...ignore the behavior. Do not at all acknowledge the behavior. When someone wants help...they will seek help. I know that sounds harsh or like you're sweeping it under the rug... but don't let someone elses addiction become your burden. If someone is gonna get better, they will. If someone is going to die, they will.
 
Suerte said:
It is so true. It's just medicating a pain/emptiness. I no longer drink but since I stopped drinking, I've medicated with food. I wish I could find some kind of like, healthy thing to latch on to... but then what is that? Another crutch? I'm trying to figure out what in my personality makes me the way I am but I feel like I'm always gonna have something that I do too much. I just want to find something healthy. I wanna eat too many vegetables. I wanna go hiking through a beautiful forest too much. I wanna travel too much.

For people with addicts in their lives...I am so serious...ignore the behavior. Do not at all acknowledge the behavior. When someone wants help...they will seek help. I know that sounds harsh or like you're sweeping it under the rug... but don't let someone elses addiction become your burden. If someone is gonna get better, they will. If someone is going to die, they will.
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You are one strong woman! :rosebud:

I feel that it is actually more loving to put some boundaries with addicts instead of enabling them and get too much inside their day-to-day drama.
 
poetist said:
So he's a functioning addict right now. You should pray for him and love him from a DISTANCE. I speak from experience. I was with a dude who snorted coke and sold crack. He became abusive because his mind wasnt right. There was nothing I could do to stop him from abusing drugs. Crack is even more serious. People have to hit rock bottom first. I mean, just think about it - people abandon their children and steal from their loved ones to support their addiction. You dont want to end up having him steal from you or hitting you because he;s tweaking. Just stay away!!!!! PLEASE!!!!
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ITA with what poetist says. I too speak from experience. Some one else's (a former SO) addiction brought me to my knees because I thought I could be his SHE-RO. I got hit, lied to and stolen from. It is not worth it. Only he can decide when he is ready to quit and/or seek help. I will pray for you, Honey. I know you will need it. PM me if you need emotional support. STAY BLESSED!
 
Where is his family ? How old is he ? Maybe you could let his mother or father know and let them deal with it. I have been through a similar situation with my ex-husband like the other ladies and he took me through a lot. He went to many different rehab programs but he was never ready to stop completely. He has a new woman now and I can tell he still relapses because we don't hear from him.
Say a prayer for him, tell him he has a problem and he needs help. Tell him you will pray he stops but you can't be around it.
 
OP, your title is telling because as long as you are with him, he may be the user, but you will still carry the baggage of it.
 
I agree my brother was/is (don't know the status) a crackhead and he was messing things up for his girlfriend (who has 3 children for hima nd is a full time student studying at university). He'd do anything to get it which included attended frequent crack parties, or getting the girl he was cheating on his girlfriend with to get the crack...and we shall not go into the things she is WILLING to do for my brother. Either way my sis in law let him go, and life has been better for her - hard but better. My bro is FINALLY seeing the error of his ways...its a work in progress tho...

ReaLuvsAOxymoron said:
You are going to have to get the hell away from him. A crackhead will generally bring you down with them. Either financially and emotionally, or by trying to bring you into doing drugs with him. He is on his way down and I would advise you to get away while you are ahead.

If he was your husband, possibly even longtime SO, then I could see you helping him, but he is about to go through it and probably put you through it as well, and I couldn't imagine doing that for an ex.

I've known too many drug addicts and trust there will soon be a day when there isn't any room in his heart for anything but his drug anyway, and it sounds like that day is soon coming. No one does crack recreationally. This is crack we're talking about. Please be honest with yourself and good luck!

ETA: I'm glad you aren't the one with the crack problem, because that's how it appeared from the title :lol:
Click to expand...
 
Take him to an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting, and let him meet the other 'recreational' drug users. Coke is serious, and NEVER let anyone downplay it.

I volunteered @ a police precinct as a teen for 4 years in the juvenile division, and spoke with one too many people who sounded just like your ex. He knows coke is bad. Yet he still does it? Why is this? I know life is hard and all, but the only difference between everyone (besides DNA) is the choices we make. If you care for him, then you need to be real and tell him that you've got goals in life, and the LAST thing you need is someone who isn't trying to uplift you. We've got people dying of diseases they can't control or cure, and he is abusing his body on purpose???

ETA: http://www.na.org/
 
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