I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but....

[GreenD]

are any of you ladies separated or divorced? I'm new to this forum (kinda new in the hair part), but I'm really going through it and I need some unbiased help. I don't know where to begin. But I think I'm coming to the end of my rope. This year will be 4 years of marriage in Nov. and just by reading through this forum, I feel even more that I'm not experiencing all that I could and should be in a marriage. I know every marriage is different and I'm not comparing my hubby to yours, but I think I may have more than enough signs telling me it may be time to go, but I'm so terrified to be on my own.

Just looking and reading through the post almost brought me to tears, because I feel as though I deserve to be treated the same way and feel like I haven't even though I know I should.

So my question is, how do you know when it's time to separate and go your separate ways? How do you even begin the separation process in a civilized manner?

I REALLY hate to bring the vibe in here down, but I really don't know who else to talk to or what to do.

Thanks so much for your help!

 

[ThickHair]

I knew it was time for us to part ways when I didn't care what he did. I didn't care if he ever came home from work. I just wanted him to walk out the house and never return. I didn't want any harm to come to him but I no longer wanted to hear him breathe nor see him exist. I wanted him to find a girlfriend, heck even a boyfriend.

The very last straw is when I suggested counseling and he said yes. I set up the appt and everything he ultimately said "NO". That was it. I was sick and tired of being tired.

Oh and it crossed my mind where I could bury him and no one would every find him. SERIOUSLY FOLKS.

The thing I will say is that I exhausted every avenue because I didn't want to think years from now, "Did I do every thing to save my marriage?" "Did I give it all my heart and soul?" I can confidently say yes.

Finally I ask myself, 'If he changed would I still want him?" Ultimately the answer was no and I knew that was it.

Our time together: Started dating 94, engaged 99, married 00, seperated 05, divorce final 07. This was not some whirlwind romance, we were a LT couple, by today's standards. I hate with a passion that we dated longer then we were married.

 

[Bunny77]

Being unmarried, I can't help much, but I just wanted to say that you shouldn't worry about being a Debbie Downer. We're here to help!

 

[MissYocairis]

So my question is, how do you know when it's time to separate and go your separate ways? How do you even begin the separation process in a civilized manner?

I REALLY hate to bring the vibe in here down, but I really don't know who else to talk to or what to do.

Thanks so much for your help!

After you have tried. You have to try your best. When you know you have done all you could to no avail, then you will have peace and resolve about moving on. I'm not sure what issues you are dealing with in your marriage, but you have to put forth some effort to heal it. This is usually done through open communication, counseling, prayer, quality time, etc.

If you and he are unable, then you will know when it is time to leave and you will not be conflicted about it. You will know that you have done all that you could. From there, you can move on wishing him love and peace.

I am sorry that you are going through this. Again, I don't know all the details. If there are things that are really non-negotiable for you - i.e. abuse or infidelity or drugs or something...then, that is a different story.

 

[MissYocairis]

I knew it was time for us to part ways when I didn't care what he did. I didn't care if he ever came home from work. I just wanted him to walk out the house and never return. I didn't want any harm to come to him but I no longer wanted to hear him breathe nor see him exist. I wanted him to find a girlfriend, heck even a boyfriend.

The very last straw is when I suggested counseling and he said yes. I set up the appt and everything he ultimately said "NO". That was it. I was sick and tired of being tired.

Oh and it crossed my mind where I could bury him and no one would every find him. SERIOUSLY FOLKS.

The thing I will say is that I exhausted every avenue because I didn't want to think years from now, "Did I do every thing to save my marriage?" "Did I give it all my heart and soul?" I can confidently say yes.

Finally I ask myself, 'If he changed would I still want him?" Ultimately the answer was no and I knew that was it.

Our time together: Started dating 94, engaged 99, married 00, seperated 05, divorce final 07. This was not some whirlwind romance, we were a LT couple, by today's standards. I hate with a passion that we dated longer then we were married.

Good story, good advice. I struggled with leaving for years. And, the day I left, I was positive I would never return. After I left, dude wanted to go to counseling. Dude wanted to work on the marriage. Bought me gifts....I wouldn't accept them. Bought us a brand new SUV...I didn't even wanna look at it. Dude wanted to do all the things that I had been pleading for us to do when I was there. But, it was too late. I was DONE. I couldn't even stand the smell of him. Never looked back, not even for a second.

And, as you said, I had already earnestly tried...very hard. So, I had absolutely no guilt. No remorse. Except that I married him in the first place...and even THAT became more of a shallow sentiment because I grew to respect the experience in general as it helped me grow as a woman.

 

[lotusdream]

Hello, I never been married but I would like to add my two cents if you don't mind.
I think in every marriage there comes a time where you are just not feeling the spouse. Usually it is just a temporary rut. Have you tried counseling? Have you had a sit down chat with your husband? If he is not abusive, I think you should try these options before separating. JMHO

 

[GreenD]

After you have tried. You have to try your best. When you know you have done all you could to no avail, then you will have peace and resolve about moving on. I'm not sure what issues you are dealing with in your marriage, but you have to put forth some effort to heal it. This is usually done through open communication, counseling, prayer, quality time, etc.

If you and he are unable, then you will know when it is time to leave and you will not be conflicted about it. You will know that you have done all that you could. From there, you can move on wishing him love and peace.

I am sorry that you are going through this. Again, I don't know all the details. If there are things that are really non-negotiable for you - i.e. abuse or infidelity or drugs or something...then, that is a different story.

LOL, no there are no drugs, abuse and/or infidelity, just that I feel drained and feel at my wits end. I've given soooo much and feel as though I haven't gotten much in return. I've read so many marriage books and I'd be so excited and tell him to read it and he'd never even read the first page. They just collect dust in his nightstand. I've suggested counseling numerous times, and he said he doesn't have the money for it. I've seen movies like Fireproof and have encouraged us to see it together as well, but that never happened. I've gone to church and tried to get myself together and go in with the approach to work on myself before tackling him and our marriage, but whatever I do, it doesn't yield a different response at all. I have talked to him nicely, I've screamed and yelled, I've cried, I've been silent and NOTHING WORKS. It's like I just exist with him. I feel like I'm an accessory to his life, and not really part of it. He's not affectionate, we don't talk much, and whatever he's ever needed I've always been there to help and/or assist with it. I really don't know what else to do. In my opinion I've done everything to be a good wife. I've been faithful to him, supportive, not the type to be in clubs, I'm very honest and upfront, I cook, I clean, I haven't gained weight (except for a little but he likes it), and it's like all of that is taken for granted.

When we've had these conversations I'll ask if he thinks he's being a good hubby and he always says "no". But he always follows with "I'm going to try, I really am and I'm sorry". But nothing changes. He may make attempts for like a week, but after that we're right back where we started. Asking him to spend time with me is forced, and I try to tell him that I don't want to go out with him if he feels like he's obligated to and it's a chore to do so. I want to go out with someone that will enjoy my company.

It's just a pile of mess. I love him so much, and I do only want the best for him, but when I mention that I'm not happy and it's not working he seems to automatically care and almost beg me to reconsider. In the past it's worked because my dumb *ss is still here. I'm just so torn between thinking and believing he'll change and just finding my own happiness by myself.

My friends have suggested that maybe I just leave for like a week, so he can see what it will be like for me to not be there for a while. Since I just got a job, I think I may consider that, since I'll be making more money and will have the means to do so. I've told him in the past that if I had a job I would've been gone, so now I have one, I hope he makes an effort in repairing our marriage.

 

[Xavier]

DivaDiva, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have never been married so I can't contibute much but have you read through this thread:http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=314897

You seem like you are doing everything right. Some men just don't realize what they have until it is gone.

Was he like this before marriage?

 

[GreenD]

DivaDiva, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have never been married so I can't contibute much but have you read through this thread:http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=314897

You seem like you are doing everything right. Some men just don't realize what they have until it is gone.

Was he like this before marriage?

NO!! LOL, he was the complete opposite. He was perfect for me. I knew I was the center of his world, first priority and I was comfortable and confident with where I stood in his life. I knew what I meant to him and he to me. He appreciated me, and was affectionate and just everything I was looking for. That's why I married him. Now, I'm seeing and learning that I guess he only did somethings that to snag me and seal the deal.

For example, we were trying to figure out a place to eat. I suggested Olive Garden. He said he didn't like Olive Garden. I was puzzled and ask why not, since we'd gone there when we were dating. He said he never liked it, but only went because I liked it. Now he won't do anything he doesn't like and if by chance he does, it won't make for a pleasant evening. He makes it known that he doesn't like it.

LOL, as for the thread, thanks. I started reading that last night and am half way through. I almost cried reading the posts, because it illustrated genuine love or something I know I don't have in my marriage. From what I read there were men willing and wanting to be happy with their wives as well as ensure their wives were happy in their marriages. I just don't have that unfortunately, but really wish I did!!

 

[fobaker]

I knew it was time for us to part ways when I didn't care what he did. I didn't care if he ever came home from work. I just wanted him to walk out the house and never return. I didn't want any harm to come to him but I no longer wanted to hear him breathe nor see him exist. I wanted him to find a girlfriend, heck even a boyfriend.

The very last straw is when I suggested counseling and he said yes. I set up the appt and everything he ultimately said "NO". That was it. I was sick and tired of being tired.

Oh and it crossed my mind where I could bury him and no one would every find him. SERIOUSLY FOLKS.

The thing I will say is that I exhausted every avenue because I didn't want to think years from now, "Did I do every thing to save my marriage?" "Did I give it all my heart and soul?" I can confidently say yes.

Finally I ask myself, 'If he changed would I still want him?" Ultimately the answer was no and I knew that was it.

Our time together: Started dating 94, engaged 99, married 00, seperated 05, divorce final 07. This was not some whirlwind romance, we were a LT couple, by today's standards. I hate with a passion that we dated longer then we were married.

This is exactly the way I felt. I recently separated in July from my husband of 13 years and we have a 13 year old daughter that lives with me now. I've never been on my own either and it was a scary thought at first. But I've never been happier. I love coming home to my own apartment and having that "peace" of mind. You'll know when you are ready to move on when you are tired of being tired. We still care about each other but we can't live together. Life is too short to be living unhappy. Hope this little bit helps.

 

[Evolving78]

LOL, no there are no drugs, abuse and/or infidelity, just that I feel drained and feel at my wits end. I've given soooo much and feel as though I haven't gotten much in return. I've read so many marriage books and I'd be so excited and tell him to read it and he'd never even read the first page. They just collect dust in his nightstand. I've suggested counseling numerous times, and he said he doesn't have the money for it. I've seen movies like Fireproof and have encouraged us to see it together as well, but that never happened. I've gone to church and tried to get myself together and go in with the approach to work on myself before tackling him and our marriage, but whatever I do, it doesn't yield a different response at all. I have talked to him nicely, I've screamed and yelled, I've cried, I've been silent and NOTHING WORKS. It's like I just exist with him. I feel like I'm an accessory to his life, and not really part of it. He's not affectionate, we don't talk much, and whatever he's ever needed I've always been there to help and/or assist with it. I really don't know what else to do. In my opinion I've done everything to be a good wife. I've been faithful to him, supportive, not the type to be in clubs, I'm very honest and upfront, I cook, I clean, I haven't gained weight (except for a little but he likes it), and it's like all of that is taken for granted.

When we've had these conversations I'll ask if he thinks he's being a good hubby and he always says "no". But he always follows with "I'm going to try, I really am and I'm sorry". But nothing changes. He may make attempts for like a week, but after that we're right back where we started. Asking him to spend time with me is forced, and I try to tell him that I don't want to go out with him if he feels like he's obligated to and it's a chore to do so. I want to go out with someone that will enjoy my company.

It's just a pile of mess. I love him so much, and I do only want the best for him, but when I mention that I'm not happy and it's not working he seems to automatically care and almost beg me to reconsider. In the past it's worked because my dumb *ss is still here. I'm just so torn between thinking and believing he'll change and just finding my own happiness by myself.

My friends have suggested that maybe I just leave for like a week, so he can see what it will be like for me to not be there for a while. Since I just got a job, I think I may consider that, since I'll be making more money and will have the means to do so. I've told him in the past that if I had a job I would've been gone, so now I have one, I hope he makes an effort in repairing our marriage.

you sound like me, but i got a boat load of other problems going on. i think it is time to separate. sometimes folks have to lose something in order to take people serious. legal separation is like divorce and it cost the same. do you have any children? if you just want to separate for awhile i would not suggest you go out and get a boyfriend either.

 

[tarheelgurl]

Ask yourself if you love him more than you fear being alone. Being alone wasn't anything that scared me when I left my ex-husband....in fact I never even thought about it. But my case was an abusive one so it may be different from yours.

My ex flipped the script after we got married. I think its common since I have hear other women say the same thing....he was one way before we married but changed after we got married.

Why don't you try doing some of the things he likes to do? Do you both still get along reasonably well? Are there lots of problems?

If not, then I would say that you are just at a low point in your marriage and probably should just try to revamp some things. You may have gotten into a rut.

 

[GreenD]

This is exactly the way I felt. I recently separated in July from my husband of 13 years and we have a 13 year old daughter that lives with me now. I've never been on my own either and it was a scary thought at first. But I've never been happier. I love coming home to my own apartment and having that "peace" of mind. You'll know when you are ready to move on when you are tired of being tired. We still care about each other but we can't live together. Life is too short to be living unhappy. Hope this little bit helps.

Thanks!! This and all the other comments have been extremely helpful. I really do appreciate all of the feedback ladies. I just gotta work up the nerve to walk away. And I think it will tear me up to see him hurt that I go, but I guess Samantha said it best in Sex and the City (the movie), "I love you, but I love me whole lot more!!".

I honestly think that we'd be really great friends if and when we separate, as I'd like to maintain some kind of relationship with him, just not a marriage. He's a great guy that I want to be in my life some how, just maybe not by marriage.

 

[GreenD]

you sound like me, but i got a boat load of other problems going on. i think it is time to separate. sometimes folks have to lose something in order to take people serious. legal separation is like divorce and it cost the same. do you have any children? if you just want to separate for awhile i would not suggest you go out and get a boyfriend either.

LOL, yes mom!!! LOL, no I'm kidding, but a boyfriend is sooooo far from my mind. I can't even look at another man seriously. Are you kidding me?! But to answer your question we don't have any kids. And I think you're right. I don't think he'll realize what he has until it's gone. I hate for it to come to that point, but he pushed me to that point.

 

[msa]

I'm not married, nor have I ever been, so take this with a large rock of salt.

I've noticed that most people are not taught how to fill the role of spouse, especially men. There usually isn't any instruction on how to be a husband. And it seems like he recognizes he's not being a "good" husband, but maybe he doesn't know how to fix that.

I think counseling is a great idea, and I think if he truly wants to save the marriage he'll do it regardless of the cost. But lots of counseling centers have sliding scale and low cost options. So do churches and some ymca's. Try finding something like that so that cost can't be an excuse.

 

[panamoni]

Counseling helped me decide that we needed to be separated. We were forced to "show up like grown-ups" and answer tough questions. His words and actions were clear when he was put to the test of being a good husband. He couldn't handle accountability. So there came a point where I had to decide if I was willing to live with him if he were to remain the same. We're currently separated.

 

[fobaker]

Thanks!! This and all the other comments have been extremely helpful. I really do appreciate all of the feedback ladies. I just gotta work up the nerve to walk away. And I think it will tear me up to see him hurt that I go, but I guess Samantha said it best in Sex and the City (the movie), "I love you, but I love me whole lot more!!".

I honestly think that we'd be really great friends if and when we separate, as I'd like to maintain some kind of relationship with him, just not a marriage. He's a great guy that I want to be in my life some how, just not by marriage.

Yes you can still be friends. My husband and I get along much better now than when we lived together and it makes our daughter happier to see us getting along even though we are not living together. She now also has two rooms to decorate. lol

 

[MissYocairis]

LOL, yes mom!!! LOL, no I'm kidding, but a boyfriend is sooooo far from my mind. I can't even look at another man seriously. Are you kidding me?! But to answer your question we don't have any kids. And I think you're right. I don't think he'll realize what he has until it's gone. I hate for it to come to that point, but he pushed me to that point.

Good! Please don't get pregnant before you resolve this issue with him! Kids only muddy the waters when there is a troubled marriage.

Your situation reminds me of the discussion we had here on "the emotionally distant husband". Have you read that thread? Here's the link: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=377764&highlight=emotionally+distant

and here's a link to an article on the same subject that was posted in this forum...
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=402334&highlight=emotionally+distant

I know this is terribly saddening and confusing but I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for being courageous enough to both love selflessly and to also love yourself enough to consider your options. I know that whatever happens, you will find more joy than you thought was possible.

Sometimes, the answer isn't necessarily about the other person...the answer is about learning who we really are in and how that is supposed to look.

 

[Xavier]

DivaDiva,

I know that you said you suggested counseling and your DH said he could not afford it. Have you tried looking into government sponsored programs for families? Also a lot of companies have resources for employees who need parenting classes, marital counseling, etc. Have your husband look into this. I know at my job these services are offered for free to all employees.

 

[GreenD]

Ask yourself if you love him more than you fear being alone. Being alone wasn't anything that scared me when I left my ex-husband....in fact I never even thought about it. But my case was an abusive one so it may be different from yours.

My ex flipped the script after we got married. I think its common since I have hear other women say the same thing....he was one way before we married but changed after we got married.

Why don't you try doing some of the things he likes to do? Do you both still get along reasonably well? Are there lots of problems?

If not, then I would say that you are just at a low point in your marriage and probably should just try to revamp some things. You may have gotten into a rut.

I never thought of it like that. I love him, but I've lived alone before, so it's not the actual being alone. It's fear of not having that cushion, of extra money, or him changing my oil. I just hope I can afford to live on my own. When I was on my own my student loans were deferred and I had savings, you know. My finances were different but I'll be making more money from when I was living on my own. So it's a matter of just being able to get back on my feet again and not be in the poor house while doing so.

 

[tarheelgurl]

I never thought of it like that. I love him, but I've lived alone before, so it's not the actual being alone. It's fear of not having that cushion, of extra money, or him changing my oil. I just hope I can afford to live on my own. When I was on my own my student loans were deferred and I had savings, you know. My finances were different but I'll be making more money from when I was living on my own. So it's a matter of just being able to get back on my feet again and not be in the poor house while doing so.

Finances is one big thing that will change when/if you leave since you'll go from living on 2 incomes to one. As far as oil changes go, you can go to Jiffy lube or Sears to get your oil changed so I wouldn't sweat that.

How long have you two been going thru this where you feel that you are unappreciated? To be honest, if I were you I would stop doing things that try and get a response from him. Ignore him for a little bit. It sounds like you may be trying too hard to be the good wife. Stand down a little and give him the opportunity to be a good husband.

This is just MHO so you can take it for whatever you feel but I hate to see a marriage break up.

Maybe going away to a friend's house or hotel might do something to shake him but I think you all need to find some common ground. The way I see from what you have written you are in one place and he is in another.

IDK, but I wish you luck on whatever your choice is.......keep us updated.

 

[mscocoface]

You new job, check to see if they have any type of employee assistance network that will show you all the things they can help you with. If he does not go to counsellling it doesn't mean you shouldn't, if you choose to.

Being seperated may be your best choice, only you can make that determination. Set a plan and a timeline and work it. You know if you need support we are here for you.

I understand your delimma I did a seperation and finally did a divorce after being with my high school sweetheart. We were together 27 years and married 21 years.

It is tough, rough, and difficult, but that test can turn into a testimony.

There are great books and articles to help you with whatever you decide. I don't know if you belong to a church or what your faith is but if you have one and there is support seek that also, it may not cost you.

Wishing you all the best and supporting you in whatever you decide.

 

[GreenD]

Good! Please don't get pregnant before you resolve this issue with him! Kids only muddy the waters when there is a troubled marriage.

Your situation reminds me of the discussion we had here on "the emotionally distant husband". Have you read that thread? Here's the link: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=377764&highlight=emotionally+distant

and here's a link to an article on the same subject that was posted in this forum...
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=402334&highlight=emotionally+distant

I know this is terribly saddening and confusing but I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for being courageous enough to both love selflessly and to also love yourself enough to consider your options. I know that whatever happens, you will find more joy than you thought was possible.

Sometimes, the answer isn't necessarily about the other person...the answer is about learning who we really are in and how that is supposed to look.

LOL, I realized earlier in the year I wasn't going to let that happen. I even asked my dr. what I could do to ensure it doesn't happen and she just told me about different birth control. I was thinking more like taking my uterus out!! She wasn't entertaining that of course. But I avoid sex like the plague. It's not happening, and I do that to ensure nothing will be produced. It's soooo not a game.

You almost had me tearing up here at work girl!!! But thanks so much. I guess God gave me what I wanted, only to realize you definitely have to be careful what you ask/wish for. I never thought in a million years I'd be at this point in my life, but there is plenty of good in it, and I don't regret any of it.

 

[GreenD]

DivaDiva,

I know that you said you suggested counseling and your DH said he could not afford it. Have you tried looking into government sponsored programs for families? Also a lot of companies have resources for employees who need parenting classes, marital counseling, etc. Have your husband look into this. I know at my job these services are offered for free to all employees.

Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it!! The hubby is a weird creature. He has the money to go to counseling, I don't. He gets new video games and clothes, etc. so he can afford it. Does he want to? No, even in pre-marital counseling he didn't want to go. He thought it was pointless.

He has however contacted his HR dept. and was given a number of some 800 hotline where I guess we both have to call in and talk out our problems. I don't really like that. I'd prefer a face to face counselor. I got some researching to do and I'll present him with it. He can take it or leave it.

 

[GreenD]

Finances is one big thing that will change when/if you leave since you'll go from living on 2 incomes to one. As far as oil changes go, you can go to Jiffy lube or Sears to get your oil changed so I wouldn't sweat that.

How long have you two been going thru this where you feel that you are unappreciated? To be honest, if I were you I would stop doing things that try and get a response from him. Ignore him for a little bit. It sounds like you may be trying too hard to be the good wife. Stand down a little and give him the opportunity to be a good husband.

This is just MHO so you can take it for whatever you feel but I hate to see a marriage break up.

Maybe going away to a friend's house or hotel might do something to shake him but I think you all need to find some common ground. The way I see from what you have written you are in one place and he is in another.

IDK, but I wish you luck on whatever your choice is.......keep us updated.

Thanks so much, and you're right. I have backed down and right now I don't do anything. I just go home, eat dinner, walk the dog, talk to my neighbors and am usually in the bed or getting ready to by the time he comes home. I don't worry with trying to keep the house clean, I just pick up after myself and the dog. I cook enough for both of us, and am considerate, but I don't go out of my way any more. I realized that just worrying about me and not him keeps the stress at bay!! But I'll try more to fall back with him. And I'll of course keep you all updated.

Our issues have just snowballed. Like it may have started out super small and I'd let it go depending on what it was, because I thought it was a one time thing. Then I'd start to see a pattern, and I'd approach him on it. From there it would just escalate and get bigger and because it was never resolved, it's somewhat out of control. Mind you I communicated when I was unhappy or didn't like something, but he has a way of making you believe it'll change but it doesn't. So I'd take it a little longer and then say something and it just continued in this pattern. Like he heard me but didn't trip off of it I guess. He says he thinks everything is okay when I don't say anything, but I'm not going to complain all day every day. And even when I do say something it appears to go almost ignored any way. I state it one time and I feel I shouldn't have to repeat myself. Take me serious the first time you know?

 

[MissYocairis]

LOL, I realized earlier in the year I wasn't going to let that happen. I even asked my dr. what I could do to ensure it doesn't happen and she just told me about different birth control. I was thinking more like taking my uterus out!! She wasn't entertaining that of course. But I avoid sex like the plague. It's not happening, and I do that to ensure nothing will be produced. It's soooo not a game.

You almost had me tearing up here at work girl!!! But thanks so much. I guess God gave me what I wanted, only to realize you definitely have to be careful what you ask/wish for. I never thought in a million years I'd be at this point in my life, but there is plenty of good in it, and I don't regret any of it.

Well, this is temporary. You guys will navigate through this and end up either apart and happy (you) or together and happy. Either way, it's going to work out. How come you aren't having sex? You guys aren't intimate either?

I really think that you should stay on your position that a face-to-face counselor is needed asap. If he continues to disregard that...then, there isn't much more you need to do. Begging is not needed. He's one stubborn ole mule ain't he? I know he's going to be whining and licking wounds and falling all out in the street if he loses you. He needs to wise up today.

 

[GreenD]

You new job, check to see if they have any type of employee assistance network that will show you all the things they can help you with. If he does not go to counsellling it doesn't mean you shouldn't, if you choose to.

Being seperated may be your best choice, only you can make that determination. Set a plan and a timeline and work it. You know if you need support we are here for you.

I understand your delimma I did a seperation and finally did a divorce after being with my high school sweetheart. We were together 27 years and married 21 years.

It is tough, rough, and difficult, but that test can turn into a testimony.

There are great books and articles to help you with whatever you decide. I don't know if you belong to a church or what your faith is but if you have one and there is support seek that also, it may not cost you.

Wishing you all the best and supporting you in whatever you decide.

Thanks, I was thinking that would be one of the first things I take advantage of. I definitely will consider going by myself even if they don't offer it, so I can work on me and change myself as needed. I'll also be able to same some money for my move stash too!!

 

[GreenD]

Well, this is temporary. You guys will navigate through this and end up either apart and happy (you) or together and happy. Either way, it's going to work out. How come you aren't having sex? You guys aren't intimate either?

I really think that you should stay on your position that a face-to-face counselor is needed asap. If he continues to disregard that...then, there isn't much more you need to do. Begging is not needed. He's one stubborn ole mule ain't he? I know he's going to be whining and licking wounds and falling all out in the street if he loses you. He needs to wise up today.

LOL at the bold!! He's so stubborn, he's a Capricorn!! LOL!! I hope we can get through this, I'd like for us to, but I'm not going to kill myself any more than I have trying.

 

[MissYocairis]

LOL at the bold!! He's so stubborn, he's a Capricorn!! LOL!! I hope we can get through this, I'd like for us to, but I'm not going to kill myself any more than I have trying.

Oh yeah...he has to be bucked in the horns to wake up. Don't forget to pray, sis.

 

[tarheelgurl]

Oh yeah...he has to be bucked in the horns to wake up. Don't forget to pray, sis.

Good advice.....try meditation too.