I hate my hair! Natural is not for me

[Connie]

I agree with what everyone has said. It takes time to get used to that new texture. Here's a little one on one love a little two on two love and a group hug. Hope you feel better!

I LOVE your twists blackButtaFly! I see some other naturals on here with beautiful natural lengths. I wish I had your patience for real!

 

[kally]

Girl you are not the only one. I have hated my hair probably since birth and yes not to offend anyone this is MY hair I am talking about. I would give anything to have 3a/b hair. 4A/b is beautiful,but not for me. I was forced to go natural because chemicals are not for me.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, but I totally feel you! I wear my hair straight most of the time like Whip said. My hair has 3 different textures and it's really hard to manage without a braidout or twistout, and the flat iron makes my world a better place!

Keep trying different styles. I know that my hair is healthier than it has been since I was a little girl. Even though it's more work, my hair is growing really nice, and it's very healthy. That, to me, is worth the struggle. I've thought about texturizing and relaxing more than a few times, but I'm always glad that I don't let myself do it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I wish i would have known you were about to BC. I always encourage people to grow it out a long time if they were used to long hair. A friend of mine told me to wait a few years, and I'm so glad I listened. I waited over 3 years to cut it all off. I just trimmed regularly. (That's neither here nor there for you, but maybe someone else will read it.)

 

[bludacious]

Been there! I actually liked my hair in the natural form but I just didn't think that it fit my face. So, 6 months after BC, I relaxed. I don't regret it. I had to do me! That's what I am going to say to you, "DO YOU!" If you decide to relax again, Do it! If not, then you will deal with it. Have you tried a professional stylist who maybe specializes in natural hair?

 

[Incredible1ne]

I've been having issues with my natural hair too. I was so close to buying that Just for Me Texture Softener the other day but I put it back and left the store. Every time I tell someone about my hair problems they say nooo don't relax it but they have no solutions for me. I would hate to weave and wig it up all the time but that's what I feel like is going to happen The only thing that keeps me from going back to the chemicals is being dependent on a stylist to do my hair since I cannot self relax. Plus my hair and scalp is much healthier. But what good is that do when you're looking crazy about the head most of the time?

 

[spelmanlocks]

Just give yourself time to adjust to your new hair texture. I was natural for over 20 years of my life and when I got my first relaxer I went into shock. I didn't know what to do with my relaxed hair and didn't like the way it felt after being used to fluffy, thick hair for so long. But with patience, time, and the help of LHCF I've gotten used to having relaxed hair now and even like it.

Natural hair takes a lot of patience. I remember my arms used to hurt from doing my hair when it was natural, but you just have to learn how to work with it and find styles that compliment your face. Maybe you can get braids until it grows out more.

 

[turnergirl]

This may be highly controversial on this board but I know this to be true.

Straightening your hair will change your texture. It may not change it everywhere and it may not make your hair go really straight but it will change it. I say that because you have complained about having some serious texture issues. Myself and quite a few other women I know have dealt with this. there is a woman's fotki who transitioned with heat for quite a while and when she BC'd her hair texture showed it. She finally BC'd again and her hair texture was totally different.

So basically, you never know what your hair texture really is like. I thought my texture was one way and then my stylist cut off an additional inch of hair that had been straightened just before I decided to transition and I was looking at a totally different head of hair. I will pm you and give you that woman's album.

Anyway, do you think the unmanageable textures could be the result of heat usage and not your natural texture? I would hate to see you go through all of this frustration over something you could change. Also, dealing with your natural hair gets easier by the day. It is not until your hair gets into the longer lengths that you may start singing the detangling and knot blues. I don't know it is just a thought.

How do you want to wear your hair primarily, straight or culry?

 

[bLackButtaFly]

This may be highly controversial on this board but I know this to be true.

Straightening your hair will change your texture. It may not change it everywhere and it may not make your hair go really straight but it will change it. I say that because you have complained about having some serious texture issues. Myself and quite a few other women I know have dealt with this. there is a woman's fotki who transitioned with heat for quite a while and when she BC'd her hair texture showed it. She finally BC'd again and her hair texture was totally different.

So basically, you never know what your hair texture really is like. I thought my texture was one way and then my stylist cut off an additional inch of hair that had been straightened just before I decided to transition and I was looking at a totally different head of hair. I will pm you and give you that woman's album.

Anyway, do you think the unmanageable textures could be the result of heat usage and not your natural texture? I would hate to see you go through all of this frustration over something you could change. Also, dealing with your natural hair gets easier by the day. It is not until your hair gets into the longer lengths that you may start singing the detangling and knot blues. I don't know it is just a thought.

How do you want to wear your hair primarily, straight or culry?

Turnergirl I wa thinking this as well. It might be heat damage, since you said one side of your hair was different then the other... I've heard it related to ice cream. If you melt ice cream and then put it back in the freezer it'll still be ice cream but it'll be a different form or consistency. That's what heat damage is. Not saying that's what's going on, but it's defninitely something to consider.

OT: Thank you Connie! :blush3atience it truly is. But also practice makes perfect.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

This may be highly controversial on this board but I know this to be true.

Straightening your hair will change your texture. It may not change it everywhere and it may not make your hair go really straight but it will change it. I say that because you have complained about having some serious texture issues. Myself and quite a few other women I know have dealt with this. there is a woman's fotki who transitioned with heat for quite a while and when she BC'd her hair texture showed it. She finally BC'd again and her hair texture was totally different.

So basically, you never know what your hair texture really is like. I thought my texture was one way and then my stylist cut off an additional inch of hair that had been straightened just before I decided to transition and I was looking at a totally different head of hair. I will pm you and give you that woman's album.

Anyway, do you think the unmanageable textures could be the result of heat usage and not your natural texture? I would hate to see you go through all of this frustration over something you could change. Also, dealing with your natural hair gets easier by the day. It is not until your hair gets into the longer lengths that you may start singing the detangling and knot blues. I don't know it is just a thought.

How do you want to wear your hair primarily, straight or culry?

I don't want to start a debate on this subject, because I am definitely not a hair scientist. Maybe you are right, but FOR ME I know that my father, who has naturally curly hair, has 3 different textures just like I do. He has never used any chemicals or heat, but we have the same 3 textures on our heads- curly in the back, wavy in the front, and a kinkier patch in the top. He has to go to a female barber who is used to cutting longer hair to get a cut because he has never found a regular barber who can cut his hair and make it all blend together. I know that it's not the heat for me. It's just how my hair is.

 

[DeepBluSea]

I felt the same way as you did
when I bc'ed
i didnt feel like my face fit my texture
and i was regretting the whole decision to go natural
but after a month or so of being natural
i began accepting what I had
and started working with it
instead of against it
and some days are harder than others
especially when my hair won't act right
maybe you can do different styles like twists
or braidouts to help you get through this stage

ITA esp with the bold part. Everyone's hair is different even when we have the same hair type. Focus on finding the right products and on hair health. It is hard to learn to love our hair and texture. It doesn't happen overnight for everyone. Good luck on your journey.

 

[MissFallon]

At first I thought all the textures were heat damage and at one point convinced myself that I had 4B hair. I was a regular rollersetter but since transitioning I wore mostly my lacefront or my airdried hair in a bun. I didn't use heat much but it was easy to get straight styles since my hair was thinner and less resistant. I had heat demage on my bangs due to a bad braid experiment gone wrong. My left side grows in striaght but when it dries it will have maybe a 2b/3a type of wave to it. It is has been like that all my life. In the middle of my head I have these big bottle sized curls and on one side it is straight 3C. On my left side in the front I just started to see waves but they are big and I can't brush my hair back or else they will straighten out. I literally have a combination of my mom's hair (3b) and my dad's 2a/b with a little 3C to confuse the situation.I figured out that if I use wheat germ conditioner (dominican product) every time I co-wash all my hair curls into pretty similar curl patterns so that is what I was doing b4 but yesterday I wanted to see how to work with the textures that I have w/o increasing or decreasing the curls. I just bought some color and I think that a change in color may make me feel better about my hair also plus I'm gonna do a rod set later on tonight.

 

[MissFallon]

I transitioned a while back (w/o knowing what I was doing) from around age 10-14 and did small chops. This was when my mother let me do my own hair. I hated getting relaxers so I just didn't do it. Although I wore my hair straight mostly I did like wearing it curly but I kept it incredibly simple and just applied oil to soaking wet hair and walked out the door. Plus my natural hair unstretched was a little past my shoulders which I loved the way it looked. I relaxed my hair again right b4 I turned 15 because I started going back to the salon and found it easier to wear it straight when it was relaxed. Plus I also had the same problem with all the crazy textures back then but I didn't really care too much. I think it will look fine when it grows out maybe 4-5 inches more. If my hair grew outward I would be happy too cuz I could sacrifice length for big hair. I think I am going to go purchase some more of that oil though cuz I remember it was so great when I used it and it made my regimen very simple.

 

[MissFallon]

Ok I'm not too fond of this style but I think it is the one for right now. I like that it is big and doesn't look thin, and it kinda sorta fits my face. I had to completely pick out my curls for almost 15 minutes to get this and then reshape it so it was circular instead of leaning to one side. This will work until I rod set it.

 

[Cayenne0622]

You look so cute! I know a girl who went natural. Initially, she regretted it because her texture was weird. She is now BSL (1 year after her big chop). She said that her true texture didn't shine through until she had been without the relaxer for several months. Your hair is trying to "find" itself. Give it a chance. I think you'll be very happy in the end. I admire all of the ladies who have had the courage to go natural. I hope I can try one day.

 

[blazingthru]

I totally understand what your going through I had the biggest shock when I went natural I have this big face and all of a sudden my nose seem to get bigger and bigger and I have a huge forehead that just stood to attention. I had no support no encouragement nothing. I had to adjust on my own and after a while I learned to love it. My friends talked me into getting a color and I had a horrible reaction, my scalp hates, hates chemicals I had sores and white spots everywhere and huge flakes. Okay so no color no chemicals everyday was a challenge that I got over until I reailze hey this is me, this is what god intended for me and it helped me get over myself. Now I couldnt' imagine anything else but my natural hair and its not even long yet. I don't care what anyone thinks I love my hair. Does it get on my nerves yes, It doesnt' lay they way I want it to or come out the way I thought it would from day to day I just readjust and move on. I wish you great luck on whatever you decided to do. Its all about you and what you want for yourself and what your trying to achieve. Who cares what anyone else thinks its your hair and its going to be fab, just wait and see. Set a time and then go from there. In six months you will be a totally different person.

 

[1QTPie]

I've been natural 2 months and I regret doing the BC. I haven't been able to wear my hair out in a decent style since I cut it. It was past bsl when I chopped it off and its never been shorter than almost APL in my life. I hate the texture of my hair, the inconsistent curls, the frizz and most of all the length. I can't do anything with it and I'm so mad! My hair isn't hard to deal with but it is impossible to style in a nice looking style. I'm already self-conscious when I go out with it short and straightened but today I went outside (not even outside, just got in the elevator and went downstairs) and I asked 3 ppl in the elevator if my hair looked "funny" or "strange". 2/3 ppl said yes

My hair just hangs and there is a whole side that does not curl but barely waves with the right products and it looks strange. My face is too fat for short curly hair and its driving me absolutely nuts. I regret cutting it, I should have transitioned longer but I was so hyped to wear it curly. Now I can't wear it out and phony ponies look funny, and i cant find weave hair to match my texture and full head weaves look odd to me. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of my lf plus I ran out of supplies so I'm stuck with nothing. I just had braids and hated those also. I need my hair to grow back asap. Plus I refuse to relax it cuz I had long relaxed hair 2 months ago and transitioned for all this time and cut all my hair off. Relaxing just seems stupid IMO. I'm incredibly fustrated and it doesn't help that I got 3 ouchless bands stuck in my hair and had to cut 3 small sections of my hair out to get them out.

Sorry I know this is long but I just had to vent!

I still don't understand the concept of something you are born with not being for you, but I guess I kinda get what you are saying. Have you gone to a stylist to get your hair shaped? In my awkward phase I wore headbands like they were going out of style and my bobby pins were my best friend.

Let me hip you to something sista. If you aren't confident it YOU, no matter if you have a long silky Yaki or a bald head from chemo, yes, you will not look as good to others. Confidence radiates. Stop being so self-conscious about your hair and hold your head up.

If you don't want to have natural hair, don't. Do YOU.

 

[SparklingFlame]

I am sure you have heard all this before but give it time. I felt the SAME way you did when my hair first started growing in. I shaved my hair bald and started from scratch so you KNOW I didnt know what I was doing. The first bout of hair you get after a BC is that ruff stuff. Its hard to manage, stiff, dry, crackly, not to mention it has 10 different textures. Trust me it will get better with time!

If you really hate it you ca always relax!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

MissFallon your new style is very cute! I love the puff!!!!

 

[lildhe]

MissFallon... Have you thought about tree braids ? they will be great for u right now ...style and protection... like the lhcf sistas said "everything is gonna be alright !!"

 

[NuMe2004]

Girl, give it time. You will learn to love your hair. The BC is a drastic move, so it's understandable that you feel this way. All I can say is hang in there. Plus, your hair is growing as we speak, so the length will definitely come back in effect in due time. Please don't give up !

 

[BroadstreetBully]

HEY MissFallon, any updates??

 

[MissFallon]

I went to the dominican salon and got a blowout saturday. My length is actually longer than I thought (I was still looking at the June 07 pic as a reference). I don't think I can keep my hair straight for too long due to the weather so I am going to get cornrows either this week or next and just skip my aveda institute appt. I also learned that I can now do a sock bun so I'm happy about that too since that was my fav protective style.

 

[glamazon386]

I went to the dominican salon and got a blowout saturday. My length is actually longer than I thought (I was still looking at the June 07 pic as a reference). I don't think I can keep my hair straight for too long due to the weather so I am going to get cornrows either this week or next and just skip my aveda institute appt. I also learned that I can now do a sock bun so I'm happy about that too since that was my fav protective style.

I'm glad you found something that works for you.