I feel that it's over

[Beautytalk69]

Sorry for those who read the passage I just deleted. I already made up my mind. I'm not emotionally committed to this marriage. In my mind it's over. Maybe I have commitment issues. The only time I have ever been happy in a relationship, is when I had someone else on the side. That was the only way I wouldn't obsess over my partner cheating. I'm really insecure..it's bad. I have figured the only way I can stay in this marriage is if I have an affair. I know that's crazy..but that's the only way we both can be happy. He won't know about it, obviously.

 

[Charz]

Did you know of said friend before marriage?

 

[indarican]

I would try everything before divorce, dont make that decision out of anger. Let him know that you are very serious about this and feel that you are drifting apart. But let divorce be your final final option.

 

[Beautytalk69]

Did you know of said friend before marriage?

I changed the op..please read. Oh no I didn't know about friend.

 

[ThickHair]

Sorry for those who read the passage I just deleted. I already made up my mind. I'm not emotionally committed to this marriage. In my mind it's over. Maybe I have commitment issues. The only time I have ever been happy in a relationship, is when I had someone else on the side. That was the only way I wouldn't obsess over my partner cheating. I'm really insecure..it's bad. I have figured the only way I can stay in this marriage is if I have an affair. I know that's crazy..but that's the only way we both can be happy. He won't know about it, obviously.

Do you plan to remarry or stay single forever? You have admitted that you like a little on the side, that is your decision, I say "whatever" but don't get married again. JMHO

Have you gone over the reason's why you are inclined to want to have affairs and\or actually having them? What is missing in your life?

 

[lesedi]

This is sad. It's sad when any union breaks up. I do think that you need to be alone for a while and decide who you are. You need to evaluate or formulate your standards, past issues, childhood events and decide what you genuinely want from a partner in the future. I did the same about 18 months ago and it really helped me. I also found that i needed to abstain from sex while I spent a couple of months figuring out who I was and what I needed.

 

[Beautytalk69]

Do you plan to remarry or stay single forever? You have admitted that you like a little on the side, that is your decision, I say "whatever" but don't get married again. JMHO

Have you gone over the reason's why you are inclined to want to have affairs and\or actually having them? What is missing in your life?

I won't remarry. This isn't the life for me. I have trust issues,self-esteem issues, insecurity..and I suffer from depression. I have affairs, so I won't feel bad if someone cheats on me..I don't want to be the fool. Self worth is what is missing.

 

[firecracker]

I'm sorry you are conflicted. Feel better. I agree with Ledisi. You should really try a personal haitus/sabbatical whateva from relationships, seek therapy just to have some unknown **** to dump all yo past/present bs on and spend quality time with yourself. I think you would develop some clarity so that you can change those things you deem necessary to address some of the issues that are digging at you. I hope that came out right. Good Luck and take things slowly. No mo rash decisions. )

 

[ChasingBliss]

Beautytalk69, I love how candid you are about what is going on inside you. Gotta respect that. There are so many people walking around IN MARRIAGES with those very issues and are blaming the other person. Kudos to you and I hope you come to a final decision with peace in your heart and happiness over all.

 

[Skyfall]

Please still be open minded about talking to a therapist a personality and or psychoanalytic one. I think you should get some help before you become consumed by whatever is causing this depression and inner chaos.

 

[Windsy]

OP....you need to consider the fact that the problem is that monogamy is not for you.

 

[Imani]

^^^I would say take some time to address the self esteem and depression issues FIRST. and THEN decide if monogamy is for you or not. The core unresolved issues could be clouding your decision making process.

 

[Skyfall]

^^
Exactly this goes deeper than a sexual orientation issue.

 

[Windsy]

^^^I would say take some time to address the self esteem and depression issues FIRST. and THEN decide if monogamy is for you or not. The core unresolved issues could be clouding your decision making process.

I suspect that the OP has come to terms with her depression issues and isn't really looking to seek out therapy.

It's been suggested many times and I don't recall seeing a response saying that she would look into therapy.

Also I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP.

 

[ambergirl]

Whether monogamy will work for OP or not is still up in the air IMO. The reasons she's giving for cheating are not about sexual expression and freedom but self protection, fear, and self worth.

Also, OP I too applaud your honesty. You don't sound like a women who wants to embrace a non monogamous lifestyle. It sounds like you're resigned to it because you don't know how to be in a monogamous relationship and feel whole and happy.

I really hope you explore therapy. In that process you may very well decide that monogamy is not for you, but at least you'll be making a conscious choice and not living a certain lifestyle by default because you don't know how to heal your emotional wound.

 

[hopeful]

OP, your story touched my heart. I wish you peace and happiness. I really hope everything works out for you.

 

[Beautytalk69]

Ladies, I do have a lot of searching to do..so i can figure out my problem. I will not lie to myself and say i don't have a problem I do. Honestly, my sexuality is the only thing i have figured out. I have to figure out my emotional issues and take it from there. I have a very open minded Hubby. My problem is trusting him. I grew up in a House of man hatred who believed all men cheated. It stuck with me. I have to believe that my destiny isn't parallel to everyone else's. I just hope if he is cheating, i will see it. i.have to stop torturing myself with negative thoughts. It will be a lot of work to dismiss all of my past problems..but its a journey I'm willing to take.

 

[*CherryPie*]

@ the bolded,

How are you CERTAIN about what's not right for someone else? Especially someone on the internet?

I suspect that the OP has come to terms with her depression issues and isn't really looking to seek out therapy.

It's been suggested many times and I don't recall seeing a response saying that she would look into therapy.

Also I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP.[/QUOTE]

 

[Windsy]

@ the bolded,

How are you CERTAIN about what's not right for someone else? Especially someone on the internet?

I suspect that the OP has come to terms with her depression issues and isn't really looking to seek out therapy.

It's been suggested many times and I don't recall seeing a response saying that she would look into therapy.

Also I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP.[/QUOTE]

When you catch up on the threads then you come back and see if you want to edit this post.

 

[*CherryPie*]

No matter how many of her threads I read, I still know that I can never be CERTAIN of what somebody else needs.

@ the bolded,

How are you CERTAIN about what's not right for someone else? Especially someone on the internet?



When you catch up on the threads then you come back and see if you want to edit this post.

 

[Windsy]

No matter how many of her threads I read, I still know that I can never be CERTAIN of what somebody else needs.


I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP

And when I say you need to catch up on some threads to realize why I posted that....I mean it.

Instead of debating with my comment, do yourself a favor and go play catch up!!!

 

[firecracker]

No matter how many of her threads I read, I still know that I can never be CERTAIN of what somebody else needs.


I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP

And when I say you need to catch up on some threads to realize why I posted that....I mean it.

Instead of debating with my comment, do yourself a favor and go play catch up!!!

ITA That would be like a death sentence to Beauty. Now if she wanted monogamy one day and worked on somethings I truly would wish her well but I'd still think it would be hard as hell.

 

[ambergirl]

Based on a couple of posts, sounds like the OP is bisexual, lacking in self worth, and depressed. Bisexuality does not equal non monogamous.

And if the reasons being given for being non monogamous are this

The only time I have ever been happy in a relationship, is when I had someone else on the side. That was the only way I wouldn't obsess over my partner cheating. I'm really insecure..it's bad. I have figured the only way I can stay in this marriage is if I have an affair.

And this

I have trust issues,self-esteem issues, insecurity..and I suffer from depression. I have affairs, so I won't feel bad if someone cheats on me..I don't want to be the fool. Self worth is what is missing.

Then I don't think sexuality is the issue. Sexuality is how her depression, lack of worth, lack of trust, etc express themselves....not the cause for it.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I went and read her posts. And I still don't agree. I just think she needs a LOT of therapy. It may be a difficult road though.

I'm certain monogamy is not for the OP

And when I say you need to catch up on some threads to realize why I posted that....I mean it.

Instead of debating with my comment, do yourself a favor and go play catch up!!!

ITA That would be like a death sentence to Beauty. Now if she wanted monogamy one day and worked on somethings I truly would wish her well but I'd still think it would be hard as hell.

 

[firecracker]

I can't speak for ya'll but I don't want or feel the need to be right all the time. I just pray Beauty takes sometime to do some real soul searching and work it out so she can be as happy as she possibly can. Its much easier to stay pucked up then to actually do the real work and dig deep into self to change for the better.

 

[alive]

Beautytalk69, I love how candid you are about what is going on inside you. Gotta respect that. There are so many people walking around IN MARRIAGES with those very issues and are blaming the other person. Kudos to you and I hope you come to a final decision with peace in your heart and happiness over all.

so very well said.

feel better, OP

 

[Beautytalk69]

Honestly ladies, Idk what is right for me. All i know is now i can have the marriage and the fun...without cheating. Right now that will do. I don't plan to be in my fifties hanging out at swinger clubs. My Dh is over ten years my senior..and i guess we r going to rock it til the wheels fall off. Dh and i r doing good...today lol. We both know what we need to fix. Honestly, before I cheat, I will walk. At least my conscious will be clear.
Like I said...I need serious help..from somewhere! If that will change how i feel about my "hobbies" who knows. I just know I will grow from all this craziness. Thanks for everything ladies, u all have been great.

 

[Fine 4s]

I'm realizing that I have commitment issues...I run, I mean I RUN away from them. I'm more comfortable with those that don't reciprocate and I chase...continuously. I'm fighting it HARD in this new relationship ~ Run away bride lol