I feel like giving up

[daviine]

On New Year's Eve, I went to a party at my aunt's house. I wore my hair out but I felt so horrible. I always wear my hair in a bun in hopes that one day I will take my scrunchie out and everyone will be floored by long my hair has grown.

Anyways, so my hair is an acceptable length but it is SOOOOO thin that I am not able to enjoy the length. When I wear my hair out, I feel like those bald men who comb their hair over in an effort to (unsuccesfully) cover their bald spot.

I feel like I have ten strands of long hair. I know its more than that but I feel those people who hold on to raggedy ends for dear life just for the sake of length.


I feel like perhaps I should cut my hair off and start all over again (like Caress) but I have never had short hair and I don't think I could bring myself to do it because I think I would die of low self-confidence/bad hair-days. Secondly, I don't know why my hair is so thin so cutting it off will not guarantee that it won't happen again.

Sometime I think that it only looks thin becasue my hair doesn't seem to be all one length but other times it just seems as though I have thin ends. Either way, it is disheartening. I am scheduled for a touchup on my birthday. Perhaps I'll ask Marvin what he thinks.

My hair has been this length before and it wasn't so thin. However, the photo that I was looking at was three months after my son was born so I don't know if this had anything to do with it. I'm trying to look for other pictures where I wasn't pregnant to see if that was a factor but I can't. I look back at my childhood pictures and I had thicker hair than I do now. Thisis the only point in time that I can remember having this problem and it is really depressing me. To top it off, I feel silly being depressed about hair (there's so many more imortan things in life) but I can't help the way I feel.

I just want to give up but I'm secretly hoping that if I keep growing my hair, somehow it will all work out. However, I've been on these hair boards for since 1999/200 and I feel defeated because I feel all I have achieved is long, thin ends.

Anyways, once again, thanks for allowing me to vent.

 

[keylargo]

Don't give up girl.. My hair is really short and abused right now and I know I have a long ways to go. I'm just doing my homework on this board everyday so that I'll be ready when I take my braids out.

You should probably post your vitamin regimen so that the experts here can make suggestions for you.

 

[legs71]

Daviine,

Please don't feel so down!!!! I can definitely relate to where you are coming from because all my life my hair has been thin AND short. 15 months ago I decided to stop the madness and go au natural. This helped thicken my hair up plus I started taking b5 3 months ago and this has helped a great deal also. Granted my hair isn't as thick as I would like it to be, but I've realized it's how God intended for it to be so it's something I have to accept whether I like it or not. In the meantime, if you haven't done so already add some B5 to your diet. I don't know exactly how it works, but my hair definitely looks thicker. Not necessarily thicker from the roots, but the hair strand look thicker.

 

[Kitkat]

Don't give up, Daviine! I can understand feeling frustrated at your hair if it's not doing what you think it should be doing. We are all our own worst critics. Your hair probably looks better than you think, and you have probably achieved more in terms of your goals than you realize. Definitely ask Marvin what he thinks when you go for your treatment, and find out what else you can do to achieve your desired level of thickness.

Hang in there girl. We're all in this together!!

 

[brownrelaxedhair]

Davinne,

Please don't give up. Concentrate on having the whole of you looking good, not just the hair so its a more wholistic look at yourself and not just being about hair (although it is hard if you don't like the way it is right now). That way its about you as a person and not just the one aspect of you (hope this makes sense in the way I'm trying to write it).

Its very easy when reading these boards to get into hair so much that it becomes something you think about more than had you not read boards (I'm guilty of this /images/graemlins/tongue.gif) . Read the advice here as there is alot of it, esp. on supplements to take, protective styling and fantastic shampoos and conditioners.

Would you post your regime here for everyone to read and offer up some specific help for you?

Don't give up now. Hair *does* grow and does respond to the right treatment. Good luck with Marvin too.

Hugs

 

[Valerie]

Dear Davine
I'm sorry to hear, you say that you had your son, three months ago, am I correct.
Are you still breadfeeding, if you are well, there are certain supplements you can take, while you are breastfeeding until you have finished breastfeeding then you can get back to your normal programme. Your hair sometimes goes through a form of hair loss, because when you were expecting, your hair didn't go through its normal shedding, your hormones levels were getting back to normal, first of all I would suggest you take the following supplements, such as Royal Jelly, very rich in Panothenic acid, good for your depression and your hair etc, take sweet wheat grass or spirulina, evening primrose oil, there is only one hair tablet which you can take when you are breast feeding known as Pil Food, I am not sure if you can get it over in the states, hence it the link www.cedarhealth.co.uk, are you taking your prenatal vitamins, you should be taking them as well, also your iron levels would be down, try having thing like blackstrap molasses, brewers' yeast etc. Look to see what companies are making for supplement for nursing mothers, try and find out which juices and vegetables are rich in sulphur, do that you can make juices and drink lots of chamomile tea and get lots of head massages, also try protein treatments to thicken up the strands, until the new growth occurs, within three -four months, your hair will start to get back to normal, use either gelatine or apple pectin, also make a strong dose of Pantothenic acid (B5) tablets, dissolve them and pour on your hair, that is known to bind to your hair. Anyway, I hope I have helped. All the best, just give yourself some time, I remember when Ayodele was five months, my hair was thin and very limp, my hair could not hold a curl, anyway, I started taking my supplements and within a month or so, my hair felt much more different. After your son has stopped breastfeeding, I am assuming you are breast feeding, you can go back to your regular supplements, also you need some loving tender care and lots of pampering.

 

[Tracy]

Daviine,

Hi cutie /images/graemlins/grin.gif. Now - giving up is NOT - I repeat NOT - an option. You may cut your hair if you want a shorter style, which you don't, but if you do not, you should do exactly what someone mentioned above and go ahead and trim a little off at your next touch up when you see Marvin. I find this changes my feelings about my hair immeasurably when I feel it's not looking so hot, and I always feel like I'm one inch further from the look I hate, rather than an inch further from my goal. An inch can make all the difference...

Also - the thickness I've gained I can say unequivocally came from the pantothenic acid/B5 I've been taking. I've been taking it on and off (mostly on) for 3 years and I've attained a measurable increase in thickness. My hair was VERRRRY thin before - like noticably thin - and now it's not so bad. Some people even say it's thick!

One more thing....after your trim and before you do anything else go to a good Dominican salon for a wash and set - no blow. You airdry a lot which is wonderful for the hair - but if you haven't figured out how to make it look ultra cute can begin to wear on the eyes. A little styling help may be in order, not to camoflage problems, but to enhance the body and bounce that us thin and find haireds get as a consolation prize for not having as much hair as everyone else. /images/graemlins/wink.gif I think a good wash and set will change your mind if you go.

And sometimes you need someone to be committed for you when you can't - so since you live so close to me I'd be HAPPY to meet up with you to take you to my fav. spot and rant and rave at how lovely it looks. /images/graemlins/wink.gif I agree - sometimes we're our own worst critic. And I think that's partially what's going on here. I'm sure the munchkin baby (your son - all babies are the munchkin baby to me - even when they're 8! /images/graemlins/grin.gif) took a toll but not such a big one that you should have to cut it all off. I'd also be happy to give you an honest, objective opinion about whether you need a trim - I highly doubt however that you need something as drastic as a short cut.... email me: [email protected]

We can fix it - but don't cut yet....

 

[Guest]

What kind of conditioner have you been using. My ends are just as strong as the roots and they usually are weak and brittle. I attribute it to taking hair vitamins and using a good conditioner. Perhaps, you can cut in phases so your hair is never really short, just shorter.

 

[Miss Montserrat]

As these ladies have said, DONT give up. I will be the first to admit that I used to put all types of braids and extensions in my hair to hide the see through ends.Now my hair is almost to my bra strap (and trust me... Its not hereditary) i had to cut it off and start form scratch. After I cut it I made a new commitment to take care for it. Im saying all of this to say that you have to start thinking positive because the more you stress yourself out and the more you look in the mirror at the bad ends... the worse it will be for your hair. Some people lose hair when thay are depressed. Start over, stay positive and let us now your regimine. I live in NY and i will help you along with the ladies on the forum.

 

[sweetcocoa]

Daviine, please don't give up. I was the opposite...I had long, thick healthy hair most of my life. I always thought it would be that way. I always got complimented and no matter WHAT I did...my hair aways looked good...until 1 1/2 years ago. My hair started thinning out and breaking off. People kept asking me if I got my hair cut(which I hadn't). I was so stressed and depressed! I didn't know how to deal with it cause I've never experienced this problem. I tired several different things...but nothing worked. /images/graemlins/confused.gif Then I got on the internet and found the hair boards. They clued me into all the things I was doing wrong(including the stress caused by losing my hair). I stopped all the blowdrying and the curling iron. I was 'overdoing' the protein(cause I didn't know you could do that). Once I figured out what I was doing wrong, I cut off about 2 inches of damaged thin hair. That 2 inch cut helped me back on the road to healthy hair(I also stopped relaxing to take a break from the chemicals...but that was my personal preference). All the ladies offered good advice and I just want to say....don't give up. I almost did...but I'm glad I didn't. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[pebbles]

Daviine,

What's all this about giving up? Forget it, you can't give up. Like Tracy said, that's not an option. Start taking the B-5 vitamins. They will help. Also, I find that when I trim my hair, it looks so much better. I'm sure your hair looks much better than you think it does. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Robin41]

Daviine, don't give up sweetie. I have thin hair too but I think it's only because my hair was cut in layers for soooooo many years that it's hard for the top to catch up with the bottom layers of my hair. So now the bottom is see-through and my hair is a lot thicker at the top of my head. If you've had layers, that may be the reason for what you perceive to be thinness.

If you have a trusted stylist, maybe you can get her opinion on what the problem is and what to do about it. I personally feel that having healthy hair is more important than long hair.

Don't give up now. Hang in there kiddo.

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I am scheduled for a touchup on my birthday. Perhaps I'll ask Marvin what he thinks.


[/ QUOTE ]

Yes do just that. He seems like he knows what he's talking about and also respectful of one's decisions in his salon. Having said that if he says something like it needs a major cut and you aren't ready for that drastic change, then let him know and go at it in your own time.

As the other ladies said, DON'T GIVE UP. 9 times out of 10 we are our worst critics, and because we think and talk about hair an awful lot we notice every little thing, probably right down to the number of hair strands that come out of our hair during a hair wash. To others it may look thick and healthy and there be absolutely nothing wrong with it. That's why I'm in favour of you asking Marvin his opinion about your hair.

I remember someone posting about their ends not being as thick as they'd like and I remember telling them something along teh lines that you have to remember that the top half of your hair isn't the same legnth as the bottom half causing it not to look as full and thick as you'd like it to. All different areas on the head grow at different rates the back could grow quicker than the top which gives your hair that thin appearance. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say here, without me rambling. Basically I think it may take a while before it looks voluminous where you can cut or trim your hair and the top is longer than the bottom section so when you cut it, it will look thicker.

Hopefully I made some sort of sense there /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[free2bme]

I have to agree with all the posts above don't give up. My hair process has been a 1 1/2 odessy with plenty of gains and many setbacks girl. You just had a baby that in it's self is a major major accomplishment and your body &amp; hormones are still trying to adjust. Shedding is very normal during this phase you are in.

We are usually are worst critic. I compare my hair progress to people I see on the boxes of relaxer kits and stuff even tho i know those pictures have been air brushed a billion times!!! So I am almost positive your hair isn't half has bad as u think it is. What you can do is trim a bit more agressively than u usually do to even up hair with out sacrificing major length. That's what I've been doing. I've been shoulder length for almost 6 months now but my hair is definately healthier.

 

[leejure]

Re: I feel like giving up...

Daviine (Imma pinch you! (for Charli since she ain't here)

Ah Sweetie Cheer up! I have been there (as you may remember) and so have Charli and the solution for both of us was to get the last couple of inches cut off and let me tell you , it made a WORLD of difference.

Are you taking any supplements?

On a lighter note, my best friend has the thinnest hair ever, but it is so healthy and long and it looks good. I bet your hair isn't as bad as you think it is.

Love ya! Cheer Up o'kay /images/graemlins/blush.gif)

 

[daviine]

Ladies.......thank you SOOOOO much for your replies. I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply....I just wanted to get it out of my system because I really felt like crying yesterday. You don't know how much better I felt after reading your replies.

I just wanted to say in case I confused anyone was that my son is now five years old. The pictures I was looking at, which I will put in my picture trail account, are from when my son was about 4 months old.

Anyways, thanks so much for your support ladies. I am truly blessed to have you in my "life"! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[HoneyRockette]

Daviine, I know I am late (story of my life) but I feel you on this one. The main reason why I got braids is so I could give my hair a break from the relaxer and give it a chance to regain some density but it seems to be back firing on me. I removed them yesterday and my hair is paper thin. It's about the thickness of a cookie sheet and I was sitting at my vanity with a pair of scissors ready to cut. I was just about to run here crying when I saw this post. After staring at this post for an hour I have decided to just continue with my plan (to not relax my hair until July or August) and shut up about it. Like you, however I refuse to wear my hair down. But I do have one question that I know have been asked and answered a thousand times but I still fail to understand- How does B5 help if your existing hair is thin? So basically I would just have to wait a few years until my hair grows out in order to enjoy thicker hair? Is that what it is? Doesn't that mean I would have to cut off all the thin hair at some point? Sorry for taking over your thread Daviine.

 

[babygirl89]

I agree with you. My natural hair is very thick, but after I get a relaxer it's thin. I wish my hair could thicken some more while relaxed.

 

[LondonDiva]

Daviine,

I'm glad the responses helped you andperked you back up. We are all going to experience setbacks in our hair journeys. I'm sure Jade has had them too even with the length she has achieved still managed to have hair setbacks when she was ill. It all takes hard work, determination and perseverance no matter how healthy our hair may seem, it takes extensive hard work to get there.

HoneyRockette I too hope that you overcome your hair problems at the moment.

 

[JerseyGirl]

GIVE UP!!! Those words should never been used out of the mouth of a STRONG BLACK WOMAN. They should only be used on two things - a STUPID A$$ MAN or a NOT WORTH IT JOB. But never on yourself or your children. Look at our mothers - did they ever give up on us - HELL NO. I know we are talking about hair but those words are not in my vocabulary.

You also must remember it is winter (the coldest in New York - this weather is brutal and the damage that it is doing on hair and your mood is depressing). I want you to wipe your tears and be STRONG. Keep your appointment with Marvin for your birthday - you deserve it. Take his tips and start a new regime for yourself. Its 2003 - a new year - make your New Year's Resolution to spend my time on yourself. That's what I am going to do. I know having children can take up all of your time caring for them. But I told my family that this year Mommy is going to spend my time on herself. NEVER GIVE UP!

I hope I don't sound too harsh but there is always tomorrow and tomorrow is always a new beginning. With the support of this board (we are your friends and we love you) you can be STRONG AND POSITIVE. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP GIRL! YOU CAN DO IT!

 

[legs71]

HoneyRockette,

For some reason relaxed hair and braids just didn't work for me either. My hair was so thin and stringly I literally felt I could count the strands in my hair. I am now natural and I still wear braids, but my hair does not thin out. 3 months ago I started taking b5 and I am a witness it does work. When I took my last set of braids out I could not believe how much thicker my hair appeared to be and my mother even commented on the difference. B5 thickens the strand itself giving the illusion of a thicker,fuller head of hair. My roots look kind of funny though as if I had a hair transplant or something or maybe it's just me. There's been a debate on whether the vitamins affect the new growth only. I believe some of them if not all of them affect the new growth and old growth because my entire head of hair has taken on a new appearance overall.

 

[azul11]

i've been asking what are the side effects of the b5 but no one has really answered. i dont want to restart a pill regime because taking pills gets tedious to me and the thought of taking big ol horse pills every day is annoying. i tried a regime that only increase my appetite and had other side effects that i just didnt feel were worth it. i am interested in the b5 for stronger hair. what are the effects it had on you physically besides what it did to your hair and what brand did you use? (sorry for changing the topic but i am just curious to know.) God bless you all.

 

[legs71]

azul11,

I didn't know whether or not that question was directed to me, but I'll try to answer it the best of my ability. I haven't had any side affects and I specifically take b5 for the benefits it has on the thickness of my hair. Mainly it is good for the health and growth of hair. I use the Puritan's Pride brand and I take 1000mgs. daily. If you're looking for something to strengthen the hair I would recommend l-cysteine.

 

[caress]

Everyone else has already said much of what I would say. In my situation I now need a cut because my ends have gotten to look so bad that I can't wear my hair out. I don't think a cut is necessary in your case. Hopefully with the B5 (and other supplements and practices) you'll be able to thicken up your new growth and over time your hair will thicken up. Just please don't give up!

 

[Tracy]

Azul,

The problem with people telling you what side effects they had with B5 is that 'they' aren't 'you'. And generally as far as I know B5 doesn't have any broad based negatives that sometimes affect people as is true of some other supplements like MSM. For me, B5 had no side effects besides thicker hair that I've noticed. I might be hungrier - but I frankly I haven't really noticed. I'm always hungry. But that's me....

If you find pills make you hungry or you are just generally adverse to them then you should find another method to thicken your hair. If supplements have not benefitted you in the past, they probably won't benefit you now. That may just mean this method isn't right for you. Many times people have vitamin deficiencies and that's what make supplements so helpful for them. This may just not be the case with you. Everyone's different. Go with what you know about your hair and body....

Good luck.

 

[azul11]

you are so right because the idea of taking pills makes my throat close up. i have to psyche myself up to taking a pill because if i think too much about it i will gag. i had to really overcome that when i was taking like 12 or more pills a day. for me it was nauseating to have to take them day after day. i think my best bet would be to get vitamins in my diet from food. i may down the road consider a vitamin but maybe just one instead of 20. God bless you all.

 

[Peacesteem]

Hi all,
I think that braids can be very benifitial to giving the hair and espessially the ends a break. However, I learned on the growlongafrohair.com that synthetic hair is very akaline and has to be treated first. If the synthetic hair is not treated it can eat your hair out also the braids cannot be too tight. Some people wash the synthetic hair or rinse it with AVC (apple cider vineagar).
Also, you are supposed to do a deep conditioner on your hair BEFORE you put the braids in and while your hair is in braids use braid spray on the ends. Then when it's time to take it out you have to set the time to carefully take your hair out maybe a oil treatment before you take them out. The way you part your hair is very imortant the part should be medium parts and the braids the size of a pencil any smaller makes breakage more likely.
I wear my 4a/4b hair natural, my hair is kept in braids no extentions with medium size parts the braids are a little smaller than a pencil due to thickness of the hair. However, I do not do the tiny little braid thing. I spray my scalp with apple cider vinegar and do the no poo every three days using sauve cocconut coditioner which cost only 1.79! My ends are very healthy and I also use infusium 23 leave in for dry and unmanagable hair daily by spraying it on my ends. Last but not least make sure your comb is seamless this can cause breakage over time.

My hair is just toching my shoulders. I have my hair in braids no extentions will leave them in for two months let hair rest in twists for a week and then rebraid. So far I am gaining length for the first time using this regime because my ends are not breaking off like before. I am getting an inch every two months which is average hair growth.
Goal bra strap-who knows from there
Peace and Blessings!