I don't want a relationship, but we can be exclusive (sexually)
- Thread starter SincerelyJane
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naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
I think some of the responses is supporting caltron argument:
1. Are they REALLY EXCLUSIVE TO YOU?
2. Men with easier access to sex are less likely to be exclusive even if they say they are.
3. Men who have a hard time getting sex are more likely do do this for a woman (who usually DOES NOT have a hard time getting sex) who is less likely to be exclusive.....
4. Said woman is more likely to get tired, find a better suitor and the guy ends up catching feelings which are unrequited and it goes bad.
5. Unless you have a hard time getting sex, whats the benefits for a WOMAN, to limit herself to ONE sex-only partner?
6. Thus the perceived benefits are not really benefitting a woman...again, unless she has a hard time getting sex.
7. Maybe the "exclusive" part is throwing me. I see men saying that to get over, or vice versa....where a woman accepts the sex only part just to be with him...knowing thats the best/most she's gonna get.
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1. Are they REALLY EXCLUSIVE TO YOU?
2. Men with easier access to sex are less likely to be exclusive even if they say they are.
3. Men who have a hard time getting sex are more likely do do this for a woman (who usually DOES NOT have a hard time getting sex) who is less likely to be exclusive.....
4. Said woman is more likely to get tired, find a better suitor and the guy ends up catching feelings which are unrequited and it goes bad.
5. Unless you have a hard time getting sex, whats the benefits for a WOMAN, to limit herself to ONE sex-only partner?
6. Thus the perceived benefits are not really benefitting a woman...again, unless she has a hard time getting sex.
7. Maybe the "exclusive" part is throwing me. I see men saying that to get over, or vice versa....where a woman accepts the sex only part just to be with him...knowing thats the best/most she's gonna get.
Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
What's the benefit to women or men to have multiple sex partners? People do it anyway
sissimpson
Well-Known Member
anybody wonder why STD's are rampant in our community?
jhcprincess
Well-Known Member
I really don't see the point of exclusivity if one is not in a relationship.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
Unsafe sex practices? This also contributes to unwanted pregnancies. We cannot pretend that people aren't having sex, being promiscuous or being unfaithful. We need to instil and practice safe measures.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
What's the benefit to women or men to have multiple sex partners? People do it anyway
I don't know women who do it. On the contrary. They married their first, and if they divorced, a friends with bennies situation is what most would look for if not another husband.
For some women, it would be very strange to have sex with too many new dudes. FWB and condoms would be a good, worldly, short term solution to unmarried lust.
carcajada
Well-Known Member
I don't think he was being honest. i bet he told other women at the same time the same story. So 5 other women think they are being "exclusive" with him.
erplexed
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
in literally any other thread on this forum posters would be going in on anyone who even suggested there is a benefit to multiple sex partners. could these shifting agendas be any more transparent...LOL I'm reading this thread shaking my head at myself bc I feel like such a prude and so conservative.
I do know there is such a thing as safe sex but as far as STDs go, there is still a risk to contract them even if you protect yourself (ie HPV). Like stuff like that def intimidates me and all it takes is one person, like pregnancy. so....yeah....i feel like a conservative prude lol
Destiny9109
Well-Known Member
See now my uncles, older cousins, brothers told me it was the women who do this. Tbh with what I see around me I believe it, women catch feelings more often than men.
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
Sounds like a waste of time. Why spends time catering sexually to a f**k buddy when you could find someone who really wants to be with you and build something serious.
Keep getting your yearly paps and you're safe I suppose.
Keep getting your yearly paps and you're safe I suppose.
Meemee6223
Well-Known Member
Nevermind. 
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MixedBerry
All I want to do is drink and fuhk.
Lord, how did I end up in this thread?!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but women aren't particularly wired for this type of "arrangement." You can only do the do with someone so many times before you start to feel connected with them.
I honestly do believe it's totally possible to be successful in that endeavor. Especially depending on your mental state. I mean sure, if you're looking for a husband and being all marriage minded and stuff, then nah this ain't gonna work for you! Lolol.
But if you're all about self exploring, self serving, self being left alone once it's over, then yassssssssssss it's so ideal. I think a person has to know themselves and their limits and boundaries. Like, you have to know what you want and be about to express it. These types of "special" situations require that you be a great communicator and be able to speak up for yourself. You basically get to order up your desired "entrée". So it's good that you know what you want and how you want it. If not you'll be asking the waiter for their recommendation then be all unhappy when the dish arrives! Oh and did I mention that it's so STRESS FREE?
MixedBerry
All I want to do is drink and fuhk.
But thats just it, in a FWB situation you don't want a relationship, you don't want to build something! All you wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
I agree with this. It really depends on how you are wired. For a while I was really over the relationship thing. TV made FWB look easy. Every guy I every hinted to about it wanted to get married and have kids
I felt betrayed by the media 
In my past I have had long periods of time where I really just did not want to be bothered with a guys whole emotional needs thing and the whole we are going to spend time together thing. IRL I'm not necessary that warm and fuzzy girlfriend. My life philosophies usually hurt guy's feelings. But yeah, if we can hook up every now and then and you go home, that was cool with me.
I could just never get anyone to agree with it.
I think it is a small percentage of women that this works for.
caltron
Well-Known Member
You're saying it's not a relationship, but I think once you make it exclusive, it IS a relationship. It's just not a traditional one.
To me, what you ladies are looking for is not sex but a relationship where you don't risk getting hurt emotionally. Most women who just want sex just go out and have sex and it's not this complicated.
To me, what you ladies are looking for is not sex but a relationship where you don't risk getting hurt emotionally. Most women who just want sex just go out and have sex and it's not this complicated.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
No, just looking for sex without the responsibility of the relationship. Going out to find someone new to have sex with every time you want to have sex is way too much work. That probably works for a person that is willing to sleep with anyone. I can't even imagine that.
I don't really think I can explain it to people any more than my girlfriend could explain to me why she was so excited to get married.
It's just two different worlds.
caltron
Well-Known Member
No, just looking for sex without the responsibility of the relationship. Going out to find someone new to have sex with every time you want to have sex is way too much work. That probably works for a person that is willing to sleep with anyone. I can't even imagine that.
I don't really think I can explain it to people any more than my girlfriend could explain to me why she was so excited to get married.
But it seems you would have responsibilities even in this arrangement. If you decided you didn't want to have sex for a year, that guy is going to end the relationship arrangement. Or if the sex wasn't satisfying to you, I'm sure you'd end it. Just like in any other relationship, if you don't keep the other person happy they are not going to stay in it.
And I am going to have to disagree that it's a lot of work for a woman to get sex whenever you want it if it's clear that's all you want. I am still amazed at how ready guys are for sex. Any sex. I think as women we tend to underestimate their sex drive.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
Yes there is still responsibility but I think the degrees are different like babysitting a child versus having a child. I also don't think I would have an issue if he ended it. The whole point is that it is temporary.
As far as it being a lot of work, I meant for me. It would be a lot of work weeding out people. The line after that said it wouldn't be hard for people who would sleep with anyone. Yes there are plenty of men that would slept with me but it doesn't mean that I will find one to sleep with out of that number.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i think this is simultaneously laughable and also kind of pitiful, because it sounds as if you literally cannot imagine it being possible that a woman could and would want to use a man for sex the same way many men use women for sex. not every woman is constantly at risk of "getting hurt emotionally" with EVERY SINGLE DUDE she deals with, are you serious? you can like a guy in a lot of ways, or very few ways, and know firmly that your feelings for him are going to be completely limited. there is no reason for a woman to form an emotional attachment to every man she meets, dates, or sleeps with, and i think its sad that so many of the responses in this thread talk as if this is not possible. it demonstrates a very low opinion of women and their emotional intelligence.
additionally, no offense, but you clearly don't know anything about having sex casually, like, at all. because it is a WHOLE lot of work. not in the sense of "it's hard to get a man to sleep with me" in any way. but you have to get up and get dressed and go out, which is a huge effort in itself. finding and actually picking up a good conquest at a bar? girl please. and even if you decide to just find someone online you still have to pull yourself together to meet him in addition to having to go through the same process of choosing a guy that's not a waste of time. and with online, say you pick a guy, there is a very real possibility that he's not even going to look like his photos and an even bigger possibility that his equipment and skill with it is not going to match up to your expectations.
there is a very specific place you have to be mentally in order to enjoy sex under these circumstances. say you just met some guy at the bar and youre gonna go home with him. it's awkward, and there is no guarantee you're gonna get what you want. say what you really want is a guy to go down on you, then hold you down while he pounds away at you. what's your strategy for making sure you've found a complete random who's gonna do that, and do it right? and you know what, having to talk to this random person about "do this and do that" is a hassle and takes you out of the moment and makes things awkward and unenjoyable. that's assuming you're even in the mood to be assertive in the first place. there is so much more from even WANTING to have sex under these circumstance to actually enjoying it and having it worthwhile than "go out and have sex, it's not complicated." that's completely laughable. have you ever even done that before? you must just be talking about finding a pole to fit the hole - again, demonstrating very low opinions of women.
which is fine for you, whatever, get down how you live, it ain't affecting me none. but your opinions on this subject do not sound based in actual experience at all.
No, just looking for sex without the responsibility of the relationship. Going out to find someone new to have sex with every time you want to have sex is way too much work. That probably works for a person that is willing to sleep with anyone. I can't even imagine that.
I don't really think I can explain it to people any more than my girlfriend could explain to me why she was so excited to get married.
point blank, what's going on in this thread is symptomatic of a larger need for certain kinds of women to dictate what is an acceptable relationship. or, tbh, more accurately, the need to "hate" on any relationship with a man that seems successful if it is not something the person in question would do. you would also see this in sugar baby relationships, may december relationships, and of course with this forum specifically, interracial relationships. people do not like hearing about the idea of a fwb relationship working because then it would mean other women are capable of doing something that they cannot do, and they want to frame it negatively so that relationships exist on a plane they are comfortable with. some women here really do not seem comfortable with the idea that a man can like and choose a woman in many other circumstances than whatever the current party line is (see also fat women with attractive men). it is more comfortable to believe there are certain things a woman needs to do to get a man, because it's not fun to think some women can have whatever man they want in any way they want him.
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
bunnycolvin I agree with you.
I have a friend who's in a non relationship. They enjoy eachother's company, have great secks, and know their boundaries. They both see other people and this has been going on for almost 2 years.
Sent from my iPad mini mini.
I agree with you.I have a friend who's in a non relationship. They enjoy eachother's company, have great secks, and know their boundaries. They both see other people and this has been going on for almost 2 years.
Sent from my iPad mini mini.
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
I'm sticking to being a fvck buddy as a waste of time lol.
caltron
Well-Known Member
I am almost 40 years old. Believe I know how casual sex works. I know women have needs just like men. This is not a mind blowing concept for me. I know what it's like to have raging hormones. In that way, men and women are similar.
However, unlike men, women don't have to beg for sex. This is the reason why straight women can get top dollar for sex from men as prostitutes. A straight man can't do the same if he wants to service straight women. This is the women why women can get paid as sugar babies just for the fact that they are sexually appealing without giving up anything. And by and large most of these women are just average or even below average looking women with nothing much else going for them. In this key way, men and women are not the same.
So the big question for me and what I still don't understand is what you're getting from these arrangements. With prostitutes and sugar babies, even if you don't agree with the morality of it and don't like the self esteem implications, it's not hard to understand why women do it and it's even tempting for a lot of women having to slave away at 9 to 5s. So with so many women getting such tangible benefits from sex only arrangements, it's really just hard to understand the appeal of an arrangement where you're getting nothing but sex in return. That is not a judgment on the morality of casual sex, but sincere confusion over why you are willing to accept less than what you can get under this non-relationship arrangement if the morality of it all isn't an issue.
No I don't speak from experience on going after casual sex, but from years of observing other women's and men's behavior and it's shocking when you see what seemingly solid men will do for some sex. Happens all the time at summer programs, conventions, etc. Hook up city. If you want pointers from women with experience, just ask some of those women for pointers on the art of booty calling.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
you know what, please do not explain yourself further to me. its clear you are either incapable or unwilling to take in what multiple women are explaining to you. id rather talk to a brick wall.
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LovinLea
Well-Known Member
No. No. No.
1. Feelings. People have feelings.
2. Why would a guy promise his penis to you....but nothing else? Or a woman promise her kitty to a man..but nothing else? Look at bunnycolvin, she slept with another dude and lied about it so she could keep getting free D.
3. Mistaken pregnancy is now a factor. So a guy you don'teven want to have a relationship can be the father of your child. Birth control fails all the time. And let's be real after a long time of sexing the same person, the condom does eventually come off. It can be a one night drunk mistake or it can be a familiarity thing.
4. STDs! Condoms don't protect against all STDs. You feel good about testing every 3 months. You get January's test results. He contracts something in February. You don't find out until March's test results?
1. Feelings. People have feelings.
2. Why would a guy promise his penis to you....but nothing else? Or a woman promise her kitty to a man..but nothing else? Look at bunnycolvin, she slept with another dude and lied about it so she could keep getting free D.
3. Mistaken pregnancy is now a factor. So a guy you don'teven want to have a relationship can be the father of your child. Birth control fails all the time. And let's be real after a long time of sexing the same person, the condom does eventually come off. It can be a one night drunk mistake or it can be a familiarity thing.
4. STDs! Condoms don't protect against all STDs. You feel good about testing every 3 months. You get January's test results. He contracts something in February. You don't find out until March's test results?
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I dont know how to separate my feelings like that. Hats off to the ladies who do this easily. None of it makes sense to me. Im either in 100% or out 100%. I like relationships....whole ones.
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