I don't want a relationship, but we can be exclusive (sexually)

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SincerelyJane

New Member
Y'all heard about this phenomenon? Men are propositioning women with this. My friend was telling me how this guy came at her with this suggestion with a straight face last night. How would this benefit the woman??? It doesn't! Making me mad just thinking about it. Has any man come at you like this?
 
That could work for lots of people men AND women. Not all women want relationships...
I ain't mad.
 
Fine 4s said:
That could work for lots of people men AND women. Not all women want relationships...
I ain't mad.
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Well, for those women who would like this kind of arrangement, I hope at least the crayon is 7 inches plus, dipped in gold and sprinkled with diamonds and rubies. Also, the coloring needs to last until the woman is satisfied. Otherwise, I don't see these arrangements going well for the woman.
 
caltron said:
Well, for those women who would like this kind of arrangement, I hope at least the crayon is 7 inches plus, dipped in gold and sprinkled with diamonds and rubies. Also, the coloring needs to last until the woman is satisfied. Otherwise, I don't see these arrangements going well for the woman.
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I don't believe anyone else is in a position to say what should or could work for someone else. Context is everything!

ETA- I'm sure we're thinking about different scenarios for why someone would agree to this arrangement and there's probably a little moral judgement sprinkled in there...

EETA- Has me thinking about this quote that goes something like, 'what disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgement of them....' caltron
 
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The arrangement can work if both parties are on the same page. If one wants a romantic relationship and the other only sex it s not gonna work and one heart will be broken .
 
Fine 4s said:
I don't believe anyone else is in a position to say what should or could work for someone else. Context is everything!

ETA- I'm sure we're thinking about different scenarios for why someone would agree to this arrangement and there's probably a little moral judgement sprinkled in there...

EETA- Has me thinking about this quote that goes something like, 'what disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgement of them....' caltron
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No moral judgments here at all. I'm just being realistic. If the dude is straight out saying he doesn't want a relationship with a woman, I don't see him being all that motivated to make the sex really good. It takes a lot less to satisfy them than to satisfy us. Sounds like he's wanting a prostitute he doesn't have to pay for.

Also, it's really easy for a woman to get no-strings attached sex than it is for a man. So I don't see this as an even-steven deal or why a woman would even need to this kind of arrangement.
 
Well my friend was dating this guy and told him she doesn't have sex unless she's in a committed relationship. He told her he wasn't ready for a relationship but was willing to be exclusive. I was offended for her. I actually ran into him yesterday and told him about himself because I don't like that.
 
I could see this benefiting some women as well. Some women want the sex but not the man or not that man so they have a place holder.

Not that I'm agreeing with it, but these arrangements are not always to the detriment to the women involved.

I could see the need for exclusivity in the agreement to ensure that both parties aren't sharing their goods around until I suppose you end the arrangment.
 
SincerelyJane said:
Well my friend was dating this guy and told him she doesn't have sex unless she's in a committed relationship. He told her he wasn't ready for a relationship but was willing to be exclusive. I was offended for her. I actually ran into him yesterday and told him about himself because I don't like that.
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Why? He was being upfront and honest. He didn't string her along. I get that she's hurt but I would value his honesty more than anything. It would be better if both men and women say what they really one and allow the other person to make a conscious decision instead of pretending.
 
LiftedUp said:
Why? He was being upfront and honest. He didn't string her along. I get that she's hurt but I would value his honesty more than anything. It would be better if both men and women say what they really one and allow the other person to make a conscious decision instead of pretending.
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He was trying to get over. He just wants to get in her pants and he thought offering her exclusivity would get him that. He presented it like it would be a win for her. I think that's manipulative. I don't like that.
 
No, but I've come at a man like that. Just one. He's my SO now :lol:

If she doesn't like what's on the table then cool, move on. I prefer guys that tell the truth about what mode they are in than lie and manipulate to get women into bed.
 
caltron said:
Well, for those women who would like this kind of arrangement, I hope at least the crayon is 7 inches plus, dipped in gold and sprinkled with diamonds and rubies. Also, the coloring needs to last until the woman is satisfied. Otherwise, I don't see these arrangements going well for the woman.
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I think the woman who wants this arrangement would be more discriminating than you just explained. She gone be satisfied to capacity or he's not the one. :lachen:
 
LiftedUp said:
I could see this benefiting some women as well. Some women want the sex but not the man or not that man so they have a place holder.

Not that I'm agreeing with it, but these arrangements are not always to the detriment to the women involved.

I could see the need for exclusivity in the agreement to ensure that both parties aren't sharing their goods around until I suppose you end the arrangment.
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No, I get why this arrangement is appealing to some women. What I don't get is what are they getting that is better than what they already have. When it comes to women's ability to get no strings attached sex, the world is our oyster. You can get any kind of sex you want anytime you want. You don't need some exclusivity arrangement to get it.

Also, I think it's a little naive to think that the guy in question would honor the exclusivity part of the arrangement if he got the opportunity to get no strings attached sex from another woman. The fact that the man is wanting this arrangement means that he is having trouble getting sex any other way. The guys who have the golden crayons are not going to want to limit themselves to one woman. So what does the woman have? Being stuck in a exclusive sex agreement with a guy no other women want to have sex with.

I'll just have to say I don't get why a woman would need such an agreement and leave it at that.
 
Fine 4s said:
That could work for lots of people men AND women. Not all women want relationships...
I ain't mad.
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im currently doing this. but i only agreed to it because he got mad when he thought i boned someone else (which i did) and didnt want to keep seeing me if i was sleeping with other people.

i dont want a relationship though so i think this was more his compromise than mine. its not that much of a big deal for me not to sleep with someone else. but i am concerned that hes gonna act like a crybaby again when i start going out with other men, even though from our agreement it's supposed to be okay.

it definitely benefits the woman the same way it benefits the man when he doesnt want a relationship. im getting all the benefits of a boyfriend with the (alleged) freedom to find someone better.
 
I always assumed people did this to avoid disease and as not to deal with the 'getting to know you' drama that comes before sex.

If you find a person you get along with and have sexual chemistry with - but don't want the emotional part - pick a like minded person and get each other off.

I think the man misinterpreted OP's friend. She actually wants a relationship - and sex comes with that when she's ready. I think he read her as saying, I don't give it out all willy nilly. So he was like, 'oh, I understand. I won't bring you no diseases and you don't bring me none.'

If she did it, he'd probably end up whipped :lachen:
 
Lots of people are in exclusive friends with benefits situations. It's nothing new.

The benefit is less of a chance of contracting an STD since it's allegedly exclusive.

The problem is someone usually catches feelings or someone isn't truly exclusive.
 
caltron said:
No, I get why this arrangement is appealing to some women. What I don't get is what are they getting that is better than what they already have. When it comes to women's ability to get no strings attached sex, the world is our oyster. You can get any kind of sex you want anytime you want. You don't need some exclusivity arrangement to get it.

Also, I think it's a little naive to think that the guy in question would honor the exclusivity part of the arrangement if he got the opportunity to get no strings attached sex from another woman. The fact that the man is wanting this arrangement means that he is having trouble getting sex any other way. The guys who have the golden crayons are not going to want to limit themselves to one woman. So what does the woman have? Being stuck in a exclusive sex agreement with a guy no other women want to have sex with.

I'll just have to say I don't get why a woman would need such an agreement and leave it at that.
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why is that naive? youre coming from a place where the man is manipulative and trifling, and the woman is so desperate for a relationship she's agreeing to something she doesnt want. not everybody lives like that. not everybody is a trifling human being and not all women are weak fools.
 
Every situation I have ever known like this the men always cacth feelings and start acting like it's a relationship more than the women.

The men get crazy.. deranged.. lol

Sex gets Men caught up. Every. Time.
 
Right brownb83! I've had guys genuinely get their feelings hurt when I told them I wanted to discontinue sleeping with them. I've never had this exact scenario happen to me, so I've always assumed that if I'm sleeping with a guy and we're not "official", he's banging someone else too. Well, more than once I've told a FWB that I won't be sleeping with them anymore, for one reason or another, and I find out that I was the only one and they were basically thinking we were in a relationship. HAH! I don't know when a FWB situation ever turns into a relationship without having "the talk", but these men seem to think it's possible.
 
SincerelyJane said:
He was trying to get over. He just wants to get in her pants and he thought offering her exclusivity would get him that. He presented it like it would be a win for her. I think that's manipulative. I don't like that.
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I agree. Why offer exclusivity but no commitment? That makes no sense to me.
 
I was in that for a year then I wanted a commitment. I'm just not the type to have various sexual partners, but I like sex. After awhile I became exclusive in every way and it was not something he was willing to provide, commitment.

So, with the help of LHCF, I regrouped and started dating again, but now he wants the relationship (unavailability). But we still sexing, because it was spectacularrrrr

kiely-williams-spectacular-o.gif


:lol::lol:

But when I find the ONE to pique my interest sexually, it's adios.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Lots of people are in exclusive friends with benefits situations. It's nothing new.

The benefit is less of a chance of contracting an STD since it's allegedly exclusive.

The problem is someone usually catches feelings or someone isn't truly exclusive.
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:yep: the benefit is, quite frankly, having sex on a regular basis without having to go find new partners constantly. i could pick up a different guy every night if i wanted to. but for various reasons, i dont want to. its a lot of work. you never know what youre gonna get with a random. it may not be worth it. you may regret it. its not convenient. etc. its a lot easier to just not have to worry where your next dick is coming from.

personally, im not a fan of sexual exclusivity outside of a relationship. i want to be free to feel like i can sleep with whoever i want. but this guy wouldnt have been comfortable with that. and since im currently more in the "its too much work" than the "i should sleep with whoever i want" mindframe, for the time being im going along with it.

idk. the last time i did fwb, we didnt say it had to be exclusive, and we ended up dating. this time the fwb is exclusive and i know 100% i'm not going to let it slip into a relationship. it depends on the two people involved how its going to work out. i wouldnt do this with a guy i thought i could be with.
 
SincerelyJane said:
Lol you can't just drop in and say something like that and not expound :lol:

I'm not going to lie the responses here have me rethinking my views on this :scratchch
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The stuff that transpired is now in the past. But oddly enough I just happened to mention that incident to a colleague (we were having girl talk) and I log on to browse the forum and this is one of the first things I read:nono: Visceral reaction!

Frankly I see it as I was young then and didn't have good assertion and self-protection mechanisms. I wasn't ready for that situation emotionally, so being able to engage with it still physically while going at a slower pace emotionally was what I thought I needed. So I thought!

What I didn't have the foresight to know is that engaging sexually with someone will eventually speed up romantic feelings (given other factors that were present with this guy). It did end up causing too many unnecessary conversations down the line and confusion and... yeah.

That person ended up being my most significant boyfriend to date, BTW, so we were ultimately exclusive (ETA: I meant a very serious relationship transpired) for a long while. But frankly if I had to go back to the beginning I would have walked away. I know too much now.
 
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bunnycolvin said:
:yep: the benefit is, quite frankly, having sex on a regular basis without having to go find new partners constantly. i could pick up a different guy every night if i wanted to. but for various reasons, i dont want to. its a lot of work. you never know what youre gonna get with a random. it may not be worth it. you may regret it. its not convenient. etc. its a lot easier to just not have to worry where your next dick is coming from.

personally, im not a fan of sexual exclusivity outside of a relationship. i want to be free to feel like i can sleep with whoever i want. but this guy wouldnt have been comfortable with that. and since im currently more in the "its too much work" than the "i should sleep with whoever i want" mindframe, for the time being im going along with it.

idk. the last time i did fwb, we didnt say it had to be exclusive, and we ended up dating. this time the fwb is exclusive and i know 100% i'm not going to let it slip into a relationship. it depends on the two people involved how its going to work out. i wouldnt do this with a guy i thought i could be with.
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Right, I had him submit lab results, EKGs and CAT Scans...:lachen: and then three months later, do it again. My kitten cannot purr for just anyone. Now I have to find it a forever home...
 
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