I am a terrible person.

[coconow2007]

U r young enjoy life if its meant to be it will - don't force anything just let what happens naturally.

 

[MusicandWine]

Thank you for the input. I do think the distance will allow us a bit of clarity for a bit. We can try being apart without actually separating.

And thank you. Even though I never really see you around, you seem like a very level-headed person.

I meant to suggest not separating when you two go to different schools.

I used to spend a lot of time in the entertainment forum but recently fell off that. But I read all the other forums I just don't have much to say.

 

[ScorpionQueen]

you are not a terrible person at all..I think it's good that you are in touch with your true feelings...

 

[lux10023]

i say liv eyoru life--if its meant to be it will be...

i've let them go--and theyve returned at diff parts of my life--some still tryna return to this day lol---

but i would hate to live life liek damn i wish i woulda or shoulda etc

 

[robot.]

I know a girl who was with someone for five years, and broke it off with him because he was her only serious relationship and she wanted to explore.

The guy tried to get her back for six months, then when he finally let go and started seeing someone else she realized she really wanted to be with him.

She spent six months trying to get him back, went through this whole ordeal but long story short, she lost him for good. (At least for now, who knows what the future holds.)

She was hurt for awhile, then started dating around. Each subsequent guy she dated she thought was "the one", but none of it has worked out.

Not saying this to scare you or anything, because it's just one scenario out of a thousand possible outcomes. But the thing of it is, had she stayed with the guy chances are she'd still be feeling restless. She would still have the "what if" when it came to dating around, just like now she has the "what if" she hadn't left him.

I don't think there are any right or wrong decisions when it comes to this, just different paths that you can take. You have to decide which path is right for you in the now, and try not to worry too much about the future because either way you could end up dissatisfied.

Ugh. And this is exactly what I DON'T want to happen.

But thank you - especially about the "right" and "wrong" part. I should stop thinking of it in such black and white terms.

 

[robot.]

U r young enjoy life if its meant to be it will - don't force anything just let what happens naturally.

Thank you. I've gotten like this from time to time - get panicked about the future and then end up mellowing out because I realize no one is forcing me to make a decision about anything.

SO and I will talk, but I will have sorted through my feelings by then so we can better understand each other.

I meant to suggest not separating when you two go to different schools.

I used to spend a lot of time in the entertainment forum but recently fell off that. But I read all the other forums I just don't have much to say.

I understand that. Well, I'd love to talk with you more!

 

[robot.]

I know how you feel. It almost feels as if you're missing something. If you have a curious disposition, that feeling can drive you crazy. I've only been in 2 serious relationships. I thought the first one with my crazy ex was going to be forever. On the outside, all things about him seemed perfect. He just wasn't the right guy for me. I stayed single for 3 years by choice. I had the urge to date, and test the waters, but hesitated. Watching my single friends jump from bed to bed, date to date didn't seem fulfilling. When I finally found my DH, he almost seemed too good to be true. Sometimes its hard to accept that someone so good wants to be part of your life. Accepts you for who you are no matter what. I just thank God I had enough sense to hold on tight to him. I'm so glad that I did.

Don't let fear, curiosity about the unknown, or misplaced complacency scare you away from your current SO. Follow your heart. Trust your own judgement. Most importantly don't filter your own relationship through the eyes of others.

I'ma get off my soapbox now. Just know that you ARE worthy of his love. Bask in it girl.

I really appreciate the bolded. It is hard to believe and this man has thrown me for a loop.

But I especially like the last line, thank you for that. No matter what I seem to think of myself, he thinks so much more and I'm glad he does. I need to stop trying to downplay myself in his eyes and just be that amazing person he knows I am.

 

[robot.]

matters of the heart....you can only follow your heart

I was in a similar situation, my first real love...greatest guy ever and even though I knew I didn't want to get married and go the route he wanted to go in life....I loved him and even though to this day I don't feel he was the "one" for me, I definitely handled the situation all wrong....I lied to him and broke his trust and wouldn't tell him the truth if my life depended on it...I did it all for selfish reasons to keep him at bay while i did what i wanted to do and that wasn't fair to him...I would of loved to at least have him in my life some sort of way, but he didn't even utter a word to me until 7 years later when he told me he still wasn't over it and then the next year he finally said he forgave me...it caused problems in his marriage not being able to let go of the hurt....

I would only advise that if you love him be honest with him....it is selfish to not want anybody else to have him if you are not completely sure you don't want him or want what he wants, or keeping him on the burner just in case...because if you meet somebody else who you feel is the "one" while you are experiencing life, you won't be upset if he moves on...you will only be upset if you get ran all over and dogged out and then be feeling all regretful and remorseful...don't let fear dictate your decisions, whereas you only stay because you may lose him to somebody else...you never know where you may end up in the long run and it could be with him, but honesty and trust are important no matter what to keep whatever relationship you have with him, and if you want to be free to roam you also have to be willing to let him be free

faith in love is

if its meant to be nothing will stop it from happening, if its not you will only find something better

whatever you decide to do , do it from love not from fear

I will try my best.

 

[10WordzOrLess]

"I'm in college and I want to date around and have those experiences with other guys."

Then DO IT! More power to you. If he is supposed to be with you, than he will, and if you see yourself wanting to venture out then you should, if he's not there when you're done "venturing", c'est la vie. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THINKING THIS WAY! IMO

You can't live life with "what if"

What if some one who'll make you NEVER want to be with anyone else AGAIN is at that new school?

What if you stay with him and become resentful, because you didn't get to try different things?

I'm all for adventure, so that's my verdict.

Every ex you ever had is with someone else as we speak (Becky or Otherwise), I don't think you should lose sleep over that.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

 

[panamoni]

You don't sound like a terrible person to me. Sounds like you're contemplating something important and worth contemplation. My advice is to go with your gut (try not to make the decisions out of fear -- take risks, do what excites you most). ;o) Good luck.

 

[DayStar]

Don't dump him.....it isn't easy out here. Just give yourself another 5 years and see how much exploring is benefiting others or yourself if you choose that route (but i hope you don't )..you have a good man...stick it out....i would trade places with you right now

 

[robot.]

Don't dump him.....it isn't easy out here. Just give yourself another 5 years and see how much exploring is benefiting others or yourself if you choose that route (but i hope you don't )..you have a good man...stick it out....i would trade places with you right now

I know some people are reading this and thinking, "this is supposed to be a PROBLEM?"

but it's a "problem" i'm grateful to have. i've always had luck in love and very meaningful relationships (*knocks on wood*) and i'm grateful for this one too. i thank god for him everyday.

 

[robot.]

"I'm in college and I want to date around and have those experiences with other guys."

Then DO IT! More power to you. If he is supposed to be with you, than he will, and if you see yourself wanting to venture out then you should, if he's not there when you're done "venturing", c'est la vie. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THINKING THIS WAY! IMO

You can't live life with "what if"

What if some one who'll make you NEVER want to be with anyone else AGAIN is at that new school?

What if you stay with him and become resentful, because you didn't get to try different things?

I'm all for adventure, so that's my verdict.

Every ex you ever had is with someone else as we speak (Becky or Otherwise), I don't think you should lose sleep over that.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

This is an excellent point. Thanks for the perspective.

 

[Nyssa28]

If you do let him go for a break or for whatever reason, just be prepared for the consequences. You're not a terrible person, that's very normal. You're suppose to enjoy life experiences before settling down.

 

[Eritreladiee]

He sounds like a hot commodity- definitely the kind I'd marry young.

To me, marrying young is kinda like going to the mall to window shop- you have no intention of buying anything, but then you come across an offer you really can't walk away from. Those are the purchases you never end up regretting.

Anyways, I'm not saying marry him. I'm just saying that if you do decide to let him go, a day will come when you'll want someone who fits the profile. And by then, majority of men who fit the profile will be off the market.

 

[robot.]

Eritre, I really liked your analogy.

 

[hopeful]

ROBOTxcore, maybe this has already been said, but I don't think it's possible to live without any regrets. If you stay with him and marry you may regret it and wished you'd sowed your oats. If you break up with him you may regret it for the rest of your life and always have this sad story about how you dumped this great guy and never found that type of love again. You may fall in love with someone else who is wonderful, never miss your current boo, but have a host of other regrets about your education or your career or other things. I try to live so that I have the least amount of regrets and the most joy. Looking at your siggy pic I can't imagine wanting to give up that fine man kissing on your neck...and the smile on your face says so much. I would stick it out with him for awhile and see what happens. After he moves away things may change anyway naturally or you may miss him terribly. Just be patient and try not to overthink this too much. Enjoy being loved, a lot of women are so lonely and don't have anyone to kiss and hold them that they can trust. So if I were you I'd hold onto him for a little bit longer.

 

[robot.]

Thank you, hopeful. There's a lot of truth in your post that I need to reflect upon. He's nothing I would want to give up.

 

[Theo]

Wow.... Robot thanks for starting this thread. In truth I am going through something really really similar. I'm not in college anymore, but I am in school, and get what you're saying. I really really get what you're saying.

So many posts in this thread really spoke to me. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I think what complicates things is that its not like I don't love him... I definitely do... but I don't know if I'm ready to take the plunge. And its not like marriage is on the table, but the way things are between us, it seems like it will be sometime soon, and I just don't know how I feel about it. Its even worse when you see couples all around you getting engaged and jumping the broom and whatnot!

I like what ajoyful said about not putting pressure on yourself, and that's the approach I decided on for myself. Of course that means I'm kinda just pushing the decision off until later, but maybe later something will have changed to make the decision more clearcut for me. I kinda take comfort in the fact that I'm happy where I'm at, and while I don't know if I want to be here forever, I do know this is definitely where I want to be right now.

ETA: And you're not a terrible person! If you're a terrible person them I'm a terrible person and I'm not a terrible person!

 

[robot.]

Thanks a lot for the input, ladies.

 

[Kerryann]

Girl seriously i wish i was you right now because being lonely and having the wrong person in your life is a ******.

Do what you feel is right follow your heart thats all the advice i can give you. Remember its hard to find the right guy and especially a good guy

 

[newbiemom]

Are you happy? Really happy? because just because someone is perfect that doesn't mean their perfect for you. Don't make decisions based on what you assume is out there as opposed to what you know to be a good man. That doesnt mean settle but I wouldn't recoomend living life in a what if state.

 

[chocolat79]

I don't have any REAL advice for you, BUT I will say this: one of my very, very good friends had the "perfect" BF in high school (her first love -GBM/came from a good family/attractive/goal-oriented) etc. She let him get away and at 35 now is regretting that decision to this day! Granted, she was extremely young and all that, BUT her ex is now a judge and has a family of his own. She ran into his parents not too long ago and he seems to be doing very well. She kicks herself when she thinks about it. I WILL say that it doesn't get easier as you get older AND the guys DO NOT get more decent. I am 30 years old and JUST met someone who I think will be in my future for a long time. Just my $.02

 

[robot.]

Thanks a lot. I made my decision yesterday and plan to stick to it. I'll ask a mod to close this thread so I'm not tempted to regret my choice because of fretting over your answers.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Uh...ma'am...ya just gonna leave us hanging!?!...... naw...You are more than welcome and be confident in your decision it was made by your for you and the best with everything!

 

[Priss Pot]

Dating around and seeing what else is out there ain't all that its cracked up to be. I've seen so many women go through relationship drama to know that a good man is worth holding on to.

I hope you are able to make a decision that makes you happy and that you can live with in the long run. I wish you the best

I totally agree with this. When I needed my "break" from my SO, I quickly realized that dating around is overrated. I quickly went back to my SO and told him we can put a lock on this here relationship cuz I ain't takin my butt nowhere else again, lol. It made me that much more grateful for what I had in him. Cause there are a whole lot of women out there complaining about what they don't have. So it'd be crazy for me to give that up just to turn around and have the same kind of man problems.

In the end you gotta do what's best for YOU. And IMO, staying with mine was what was best for me. Talking to other men just about drove me crazy, lol.

ETA: I just wanted to add that I'm 23, so I guess that may qualify as young.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Seems like you made the right decision. I would stick it out too.

 

[Eritreladiee]

I hate to be nosy.... but I feel kinda invested now.....

 

[robot.]

How did it become unlocked?

 

[Allandra]

Closed at request of OP.