robot.
New Member
And it's been eating me up for the past week. 
I have an amazing, amazing boyfriend. It will be our first anniversary next Saturday and I can honestly say that it has been the best year I've ever spent with someone else. He is an ideal for an entire demographic: a "good black man," a seeming rarity among these parts. He's marriage-minded, faithful, has a job (just recently got promoted, at that) and in school (we're both in school), he has a career goal he's working towards, and has recently told me he wants to strengthen himself in his walk with God.
He provides for me when he can, with humility and grace. He'll drop what he's doing in a heartbeat if he knew I needed him to. He does his best to see that I want for nothing. If I ask, he'll cook for me, clean for me, do anything for me without a word and expecting nothing in return. He loves my family and my family loves him back.
I know I've got something special on my hands. My boyfriend is one of the kindest, most patient people I've met and in this time that we've been together, I know he's changed me for the better. I'm a little bit bolder, more confident, nicer (and I was a mean ole thing too), and just being with him just gives me a sense of security in everything I do.
I could never even begin repay him for all the things he's done for me. And while I know love isn't tit-for-tat, I really feel so inadequate next to him. He's amazing and I try to get by with giving the bare minimum in return. Of course he says he loves me for what I CAN do for him, not for what I CAN'T.
But I've always been fiercely independent and I hate this deep, constant feeling of always owing him something, of always trying to measure up to be good enough for him. I hate not feeling good enough.
He plans to transfer to another university next semester, about 3-4 hours away and I've been thinking of transferring out of state (simply because I've been here my entire life). So, the issue of remaining together comes up.
Now, neither of us were looking for anything serious a year ago, but things quickly turned out that way, especially for him. I honestly think he loves me more than I love him and I don't feel that's right. I never expected to feel this way about anyone anytime soon, but it's funny how love bops you over the head when you least expect it.
He has made it clear, time and time again, that he would like to stay together through the distance and ultimately marry me. I love him, but marriage is the furthest thing from my mind. I don't want to marry him, or anyone, anytime soon. I made his clear and he said to forget marriage, then. Do I still want to stay with him?
And this is where I'm hitting a wall.
He is my first serious relationship and I don't want to hurt him (or myself in the longrun). He was a manwhore before he met me and got all his dating out. I'm in college and I want to date around and have those experiences with other guys.
But at the same time, I know what I have and I don't want to be that woman who gave up something amazing. I don't want to give him up for one of you guys to swoop down and capture him.
Or worse, a Becky. I don't want anyone to have him, but I can't expect him to wait around while I get my ho-years out of my system. I can't be selfish in that way.
I don't want to think back ten-twenty years from now and be like, "Damn. I had this ninja with a job, a tight ***, and a bible and I gave that ish up and for what?" You know?
What's worse is that I have the tendency to become complacent. I don't have to be happy, so long as nothing is wrong, I will stay where I'm at. But I know he deserves more than that.
I don't know if I want to stay, but I don't want to let him go either. If I stay, how can I be sure I am with him for the right reasons? Should I "learn to love what's good for me"? Should I stay because of the security and love, or because I don't want anyone else to have him?
Maybe we should try a "break" and let each other breathe for a while? But then what is that ish? An "open" relationship? What? Man, I just don't know.
I have an amazing, amazing boyfriend. It will be our first anniversary next Saturday and I can honestly say that it has been the best year I've ever spent with someone else. He is an ideal for an entire demographic: a "good black man," a seeming rarity among these parts. He's marriage-minded, faithful, has a job (just recently got promoted, at that) and in school (we're both in school), he has a career goal he's working towards, and has recently told me he wants to strengthen himself in his walk with God.
He provides for me when he can, with humility and grace. He'll drop what he's doing in a heartbeat if he knew I needed him to. He does his best to see that I want for nothing. If I ask, he'll cook for me, clean for me, do anything for me without a word and expecting nothing in return. He loves my family and my family loves him back.
I know I've got something special on my hands. My boyfriend is one of the kindest, most patient people I've met and in this time that we've been together, I know he's changed me for the better. I'm a little bit bolder, more confident, nicer (and I was a mean ole thing too), and just being with him just gives me a sense of security in everything I do.
I could never even begin repay him for all the things he's done for me. And while I know love isn't tit-for-tat, I really feel so inadequate next to him. He's amazing and I try to get by with giving the bare minimum in return. Of course he says he loves me for what I CAN do for him, not for what I CAN'T.
But I've always been fiercely independent and I hate this deep, constant feeling of always owing him something, of always trying to measure up to be good enough for him. I hate not feeling good enough.
He plans to transfer to another university next semester, about 3-4 hours away and I've been thinking of transferring out of state (simply because I've been here my entire life). So, the issue of remaining together comes up.
Now, neither of us were looking for anything serious a year ago, but things quickly turned out that way, especially for him. I honestly think he loves me more than I love him and I don't feel that's right. I never expected to feel this way about anyone anytime soon, but it's funny how love bops you over the head when you least expect it.
He has made it clear, time and time again, that he would like to stay together through the distance and ultimately marry me. I love him, but marriage is the furthest thing from my mind. I don't want to marry him, or anyone, anytime soon. I made his clear and he said to forget marriage, then. Do I still want to stay with him?
And this is where I'm hitting a wall.
He is my first serious relationship and I don't want to hurt him (or myself in the longrun). He was a manwhore before he met me and got all his dating out. I'm in college and I want to date around and have those experiences with other guys.
But at the same time, I know what I have and I don't want to be that woman who gave up something amazing. I don't want to give him up for one of you guys to swoop down and capture him.
Or worse, a Becky. I don't want anyone to have him, but I can't expect him to wait around while I get my ho-years out of my system. I can't be selfish in that way.I don't want to think back ten-twenty years from now and be like, "Damn. I had this ninja with a job, a tight ***, and a bible and I gave that ish up and for what?" You know?
What's worse is that I have the tendency to become complacent. I don't have to be happy, so long as nothing is wrong, I will stay where I'm at. But I know he deserves more than that.
I don't know if I want to stay, but I don't want to let him go either. If I stay, how can I be sure I am with him for the right reasons? Should I "learn to love what's good for me"? Should I stay because of the security and love, or because I don't want anyone else to have him?
Maybe we should try a "break" and let each other breathe for a while? But then what is that ish? An "open" relationship? What? Man, I just don't know.
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" qualities they see in us we have to believe at some point that they are there and that we provide/give alot more then we give ourselves credit for; for that reason we should appreciate that we have a person in our life that loves us for all we are. With even that aside if you are questioning your relationship with him its obvious that you are not ready for that major step of marriage right now. You both appear to be young but you should never think that because of your age that you do not know what love is, at the same time you should never jump into anything or hold tight to someone when you are unsure or do so for selfish reasons. You indicated that the both of you may be at different schools soon so this may be the break that the two of you need. You have to acknowledge your feelings and concerns and if the love he has for you is real then trust that love will always be there as well as the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. If you try to hold on to the relationship feeling the way that you do if he finds out that you are seeing someone else that will hurt worse than it being clear that the two of you are taking a break and seeing other people. If the two of you end up back together forever then great if not then just be thankful that you got to experience what it means to be treated good by a good man. You may have regrets and then again you may not but unfortunately it happens and its life. Basically the two of you need to sit down and have a conversation concerning your feelings. 
