I absolutely DESPISE this philosophy!!

[BroadstreetBully]

So I was chatting with some ladies about men. I questioned why women in unfulfilling relationships wait on the guy to make the decision instead of leaving and moving on to someone who is going to treat them right. According to these ladies, you should never do the dumping, because it makes you look bad. Instead, force him to dump you. Apparently, getting dumped looks better than dumping that person.

What kind of BS is this? I mean, is this the proper way of doing things? Are we still in highschool?

Since when does it look bad to stand up for yourself, and realize that you're worth more? Why hold on to something that's bringing you down for fear of what others will think? I have too much stuff in my life going on to play games with a guy to convince him to break up with me. These ladies have no idea.

But why do people judge you if you break up with someone? I must admit, I used to "play the victim." I thought that telling a guy about how much I've been dumped, etc...would make him see that I'm a good woman who's been hurt and I'm looking for him to change that. But honestly, I think that was the seal of death.

When you play the "I was dumped" (victim) game, often times it shows...

I.) That you had little to no self esteem, and allowed yourself to stay in a toxic relationship that was bringing you down.

II.) That you might still have feelings for this person, since they had to call it off...if they didn't break up with YOU, you two might have still been together. So what if this person comes back and claims to have changed their ways? Where does that leave the new person?

III.) That you didn't think better was out there, you allowed yourself to stay with someone who didn't deserve YOU...and yet you didn't have the strength to leave and find the right person...i.e the new SO.

I mean, this might not ALWAYS be the case, but I think these ladies are setting themselves up for disaster. If they want to go through life playing the victim, they will get stuck with a lot of guys just looking to take advantage of someone they think has low self-esteem. But taking control of your relationship when you know you no longer want to be with someone shows these men that you AIN'T playing, and you are too cute to put up with their BS.

What do you ladies think about this philosophy, and have you been judged? Do you think these ladies are right?

 

[Spongie Bloom]

to be hones ive never done the whole victim or damsel in distress caus ei frankly i dont need saving, i dont believe in romeos and heros..a man is just that a man. actually in high school if u were dumped pple would kinda laugh behind ur back they would never say it to u but u knew it ( i went to an all girls school) so when a guy started acting like he wanted to break up the philosophy was dump him before he dumps you!! and ive carried it through to my 'adullt' life im 21 now. And to be honest when i start talking to someone i dnt tell them i dumped my ex or i was dumped its always we broke up..though when i was younger i took pleasure in saying i dumped him i never leave things like this to the man cause you could wait forever cause hes keeping you as an option.

one of my flatmates bf at the time wanted to break up with her and told her from get go and she talked to him pleaded begged and he ended up saying he would think about it but it was obvious he still wanted to go thru with it, this girl would say maybe i should give him a free pass to go on a date n sleep with another girl then he can come n tell me if he still wants to break up or not erplexed he actually said no that wouldnt make a difference...and so she just waited for him to make up his mind took 3 weeks the longest break up ive ever witnessed but it was obvious he had checked out of the relationship no matter how much make up or short skirts she wore in front of him at that time. Then after that she told any guy who listened how she'd been dumped (our neigbours are 6 boys) she cooked them dinner n invited them over only to tell them bout being dumped every chance ,she got then later told one of them (bout a month later) that she fancied him can anyone guess his response

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I do not agree with this philosophy either. I don't even understand it. If I was unhappy with my so, I would leave. I can understand high school girls having this discussion, I am surprised to hear grown woman waiting for a man to leave them. If a woman has to make a man leave her, why bother? Why not just leave him, and make you life easier?

A friend of mine stayed with her man for 15 years! From the get go he never took her out to eat (he was too embarassed by her weight and she wasn't the prettiest woman - not that that is a good excuse, but it was his reason), and he hardly spent time with her. And she knew he was always cheating. But they ended up living together (he hardly paid any of the bills even after she helped him get a good job), and having a child (which he was out of town on "business", so he couldn't be there for the delivery). And since she refused to buy a house with him, he just simply left; and never came back (that was about a year ago, and he already has a new baby and live-in girlfriend). After all that he did, and didn't do, (she spent most of her birthdays alone!), she still couldn't leave; but he had the nerve to leave her (he obviously never loved her). And she even mentioned that she wouldn't get back with him cause he has a new baby.

What happened to loving ourselves and deeming ourselves worthy? It's disappointing to hear and witness these type of things. Woman tolerate so much. And men will continue to treat woman as such, as long as woman tolerate it.

 

[princessnad]

I agree. Playing the victim is never the answer.

 

[Farida]

I basically hate 95% of dating philosophies because many of them are arbitrary!

Like, don't give a call to a man you like because you'll look desperate. Even though he told you to call him. Fine. Don't call him, and he'll just think you're not interested and he'll move on and then you'll be cussing up a storm.

This girl at my school has this book that allocates how much time a couple should spend together. I'm talking hours. Like, if you've known each other 2 years, 3 hours a week and not more. She'd be preaching to people about how they are spending too much time with their men...ironically all those preachees are now married or engaged and she doesn't even have a bf or prospective date .

Basically play hard to get. If he wants you and you want him stop wasting your precious time and get on with it!

OP I despise that philosophy too!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I basically hate 95% of dating philosophies because many of them are arbitrary!

Like, don't give a call to a man you like because you'll look desperate. Even though he told you to call him. Fine. Don't call him, and he'll just think you're not interested and he'll move on and then you'll be cussing up a storm.

This girl at my school has this book that allocates how much time a couple should spend together. I'm talking hours. Like, if you've known each other 2 years, 3 hours a week and not more. She'd be preaching to people about how they are spending too much time with their men...ironically all those preachees are now married or engaged and she doesn't even have a bf or prospective date .

Basically play hard to get. If he wants you and you want him stop wasting your precious time and get on with it!

OP I despise that philosophy too!

IA. In my last relationship I did 99% of the calling once it got serious, because my schedule was more demanding, so I called him when I had the time.

And these ladies who preached this philosophy are single and are always in some crumby relationship. I wonder why?

 

[erokawa]

That's the dumbest philosophy ever. I wasn't happy, and I left my ex. Why change your course of action just to get a certain reaction, i.e. pity? It makes you look weak, insecure, and immature. A real woman can take the best action for herself without doing something else to bring on a certain reaction. I don't care what people think of the fact that I left if they cared... it's about me, not them.

I've never heard that philosophy before though. That's odd.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I basically hate 95% of dating philosophies because many of them are arbitrary!

Like, don't give a call to a man you like because you'll look desperate. Even though he told you to call him. Fine. Don't call him, and he'll just think you're not interested and he'll move on and then you'll be cussing up a storm.

This girl at my school has this book that allocates how much time a couple should spend together. I'm talking hours. Like, if you've known each other 2 years, 3 hours a week and not more. She'd be preaching to people about how they are spending too much time with their men...ironically all those preachees are now married or engaged and she doesn't even have a bf or prospective date .

Basically play hard to get. If he wants you and you want him stop wasting your precious time and get on with it!

OP I despise that philosophy too!

i know right dating philosophies have never worked for me always trying to remeber what you should say or act... i havent been following any n im doing just fine

 

[Shimmie]

i know right dating philosophies have never worked for me always trying to remeber what you should say or act... i havent been following any n im doing just fine

I agree. Just relax and be who you are. Follow your instincts and most of all, allow God to be your dating coach. For He knows the heart of the man that He created and can tell you when to move and not move...

I believe that we don't have to make life harder than it has to be, we'll be too pensive / fearful to read a man's signals or even 'hear' what the relationship is trying to 'speak' to us.

Soooooooo, burn the 'dating books' and live...enjoy being free and not bound to what may work for some, but not others. Never fails.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

That's the dumbest philosophy ever. I wasn't happy, and I left my ex. Why change your course of action just to get a certain reaction, i.e. pity? It makes you look weak, insecure, and immature. A real woman can take the best action for herself without doing something else to bring on a certain reaction. I don't care what people think of the fact that I left if they cared... it's about me, not them.

I've never heard that philosophy before though. That's odd.

I agree. Anyone who judges me for doing what I felt was right for me isn't worth my consideration anyway.

Actually that philosophy is quite common with both men and women. Instead of just dumping you...they push you to dump them by acting up. That way, they leave the relationship feeling like they did nothing wrong. It's a shame...