Hurting need to vent kinda long

W

worthy2b

New Member
Ladies,
I'm recently divorced, my ex was cheating with not one but females :wallbash:needless to say I was destroyed by his betrayal. This one female was so hateful she acted like she was mad at me because she was fking my husband. But I went on to forgive him and tried to work it out. Six months later he an She were at it again. It was a hard year because I knew he and she were messing around. So I left him. They both moved away and he and I became friends sort of.

Fast forward to today, I found out by word of mouth that they are together and talking marriage. She made sure that I got the word. I know I shouldn't have called him but I just wanted to know if it was true. He said they were together and she wanted to get married but he still hasn't gotten over me and if I would just come to where he is he would leave her. I know I will never go back to him because I know the things that they did the stupid fools took pictures. I don't respect him but I still love him.

I just can't seem to get past this I hate them both but I hate her more. I know it's not right to wish bad things on people and I'm constantly repenting for my evil thoughts. I just can't believe the one I chose to love, honor and cherish could be so inconsiderate of my feelings, our vows and my health. Yeah he was ucking that monkey raw. (that was the first thing I asked). I have a clean bill of health and for that I'm grateful. I just don't know how to move on and get past all of this hurt. I really need my sister's advice and prayers.:sad:
 
Keep it moving!!!! time will heal everything, there wont be a bandaid to instantly fix this. You need to take some time for yourself.


peace and blessings. it will be ok.
 
im sorry that you are going through this. i dont have all the answers, but i do know that your healing starts with a few things:
  1. recognizing that the pain and sadness that you feel is part of the grieving/healing process.
  2. count your blessings - even though this is a difficult time, try to think of (and write down) the things that you are grateful for. having a clean bill of health should be at the top of the list.:yep:
  3. prayer - keep praying that God gives you peace and restores your soul.
  4. don't EVER call him again. Sure, you might think about him, but everytime you pick up the phone and call him or accept calls from him, you are hindering your healing process and giving him time that he doesnt deserve. :nono:
  5. don't worry about whether he's gonna marry the "monkey" and politely decline updates on his/her situation from mutual friends. and as you know, what goes aroound comes around.
You are in my prayers!!!
 
poetist said:
im sorry that you are going through this. i dont have all the answers, but i do know that your healing starts with a few things:
  1. recognizing that the pain and sadness that you feel is part of the grieving/healing process.
  2. count your blessings - even though this is a difficult time, try to think of (and write down) the things that you are grateful for. having a clean bill of health should be at the top of the list.:yep:
  3. prayer - keep praying that God gives you peace and restores your soul.
  4. don't EVER call him again. Sure, you might think about him, but everytime you pick up the phone and call him or accept calls from him, you are hindering your healing process and giving him time that he doesnt deserve. :nono:
  5. don't worry about whether he's gonna marry the "monkey" and politely decline updates on his/her situation from mutual friends. and as you know, what goes aroound comes around.
You are in my prayers!!!
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Thank you so much and you are right. Everytime I cut him loose, he finds a way to get back in my life. I told him that I was done with all of this and yet I'm still in love.

I'm going to block him from facebook, all my emails and refuse to take his calls at home and work. I pray that this helps. I can't afford to gain another pound.:nono:
 
I'm so sorry, I know this is a difficult time for you.
I wish I could give them both one of these for you: :hardslap:... or maybe you got a few in before you left; if so, I understand.
I know you still love him, but you should make an effort to cut contact with him, and when you feel like calling him or continuing a friendship - remember that his actions were far from loving and even friends are supposed to have your best interest in mind. He only cares about himself.

You shouldn't feel the least bit guilty about being angry with him or her - those feelings are to be expected and it's natural to oscillate between feeling as though you're getting over it and feeling pure rage toward him.

It may feel like you're having more bad days than good ones lately, but do what you can to work through your emotions (prayer, journaling, counseling etc.). Try your best to avoid checking up on his relationship and the more you work on healing you'll find you won't be concerned with him at all.

And I just have to add, you don't have to wish bad or evil things upon the woman that cheated with your husband. She's with him now, she'll soon find out that he's the punishment of a lifetime.


 
"She's with him now, she'll soon find out that he's the punishment of a lifetime."

How true be careful what you wish, scheme and lie for.
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
 
Cut all contact with him is my advice.
It does more harm than good to get these kind of news in your face :nono:

:bighug:
 
Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I would recommend the following to help you move forward:
1. If you have a minister that you trust, sit down with him or her and tell him/her everything you told us. Ask them to pray for you and ask for scriptures that would be helpful for you. Right now you need a prayer warrior on your side.
2. Seek counseling, you need someone to talk about this. Most people will not be able to listen as much or as long as you need them to. So please find a good counselor.
3. Read books by women who have survived being betrayed.
4. Start planning and doing things that you enjoy--try to get him/them off of your mind. Now is the time to think about You, You, You and what makes you happy.
 
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Thanks ladies
I've started the self-improvement kick, going out doing more just trying to stay busy. Today it just hit harder than most. I had so many life changes in just 6 months. The demise of my marriage, and my only child leaving home for college so it's very lonely for me right now.
I pissed because I feel like everyone has gone on with their lives and I'm the only one left lonely and grieving.

I call my pastor often back in the states he has been a great help but it was 5 am (I think)there when I needed to vent.

Thanks again.
 
I would cut off any contact and make sure that if someone wants to tell you something about them....stop them right then and change the subject. Don't subject yourself to anymore hurt. Continuing to be friends with him will only cause you more hurt and you've got to think to yourself...why would you want someone back that has done all of this to you.

I'll keep you in my praryers and hope you heal soon!
 
brownelovely said:
I would cut off any contact and make sure that if someone wants to tell you something about them....stop them right then and change the subject. Don't subject yourself to anymore hurt. Continuing to be friends with him will only cause you more hurt and you've got to think to yourself...why would you want someone back that has done all of this to you.

I'll keep you in my praryers and hope you heal soon!
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@ the boldedI know I don't want him back, I gave him a second chance already. He got what he wanted I'm just trying to heal, just wishing the pain would ease up some.

I went to work today and had to tell a fool to stay out of my face, he was trying to ask me out. I still feel married does that make sense?
Thanks for the prayers
 
There is no magic fix for what you're going through. It's going to hurt like hell for quite a while, don't try to beat yourself over your feelings. You will have evil thoughts, so what, as long as you don't actually go out and do something physical to them, give yourself permission to go through your feelings.

Years from now, in hindsight, you will realize that you really didn't lose anything by letting him go. This man is no prize. He is incapable of loving and he is incapable of being there for anyone. This woman actually did you a favor, but you can't see it right now.
 
Im late but PLEASE LEAVE THIS FOOL ALONE! Like someone suggested cut off all contact with him and end it once and for all. He is NOT worth your time and she will get exactly what she deserves dealing with his trifling arse. SMDH.
 
I agree with cutting off all contact with him. Don't call him, change your number, block his emails, and let everyone know that you are not interested in hearing/knowing anything about him. Take time to enjoy your freinds and family and do special things for yourself. Time will heal your pain...take care.
 
I was in a similar situation (the other women were his "friend" and my own cousin) believe when i tell you that this fraction of a man is NOT worth it. You must believe that you deserve better because you do!!! Keep it moving and dont look back! Right now you are at a crossroad it your life: are you going to let that pathetic excuse of a man break your spirit or will you fight for your right to be happy with a true loving person by your side? We cant tell you what to do but know that you are loved by your sisters on this board and life get better day by day. Time heals everything <3
 
Thank you ladies so much. Went away on a short notice trip for work, it was eaiser to keep my mind off my situation.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and prayers. I knew I could count on my "sisters" to get me focused!!!!!:circle:
 
if I would just come to where he is he would leave her.
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So YOU have to come to him to put back together a relationship that he destroyed? Boy, these trifling negroes are a trip. I'm co-signing with everyone that said to stop talking to him. If he really wanted you back, HE would have contacted YOU. Keep doing what you're doing and open yourself up for another relationship (not too soon mind you, but by clingling onto this loser, you're not allowing yourself to move on; and it's like he's still in your life while it's clear that he's obviously moved on with his). By his cheating and breaking the relationship, you will realize that he did you a favour. He's the other b*tches problem now.
 
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I will pray for your continued strength and healing. Your success and happiness will be the best revenge. They will definitely get what's coming to them ; I have no doubt. Your life is not over..a new chapter has begun.
 
i am sorry you are feeling this way but god dont give you more than you could bere. Be strong because that right man is out there for you somewhere and if u let that pesticide come back in your life you will never move on drop all contacts with him because u calling him is making him feel extra good about himself. Dont worry the same thing he did to you he is going to to do to her look at the fact he wants you to come where he is so he can be back wit you this man is plain a$$ nasty forget him and move on and dont be suprise one day she leaves him for someone else and he is running back to your door ringing down ur bell
 
worthy2b said:
I can't afford to gain another pound.:nono:
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Whoa, don't start gaining weight on account of this fool. Please step away from the kitchen (and any other tempting food) and control yourself.

Gaining weight will not help anything, but just make you feel even more depressed, then you'll eat more, and get sucked into a vicious cycle of no return. The best way to determine if you've gotten too big, is if you have to buy a larger size of underwear. Seriously, when you start buying bigger drawers, you have lost all control.

So nip this depression/phase you're in in the bud right now. Start an exercise regimen. Enjoy nature, go dancing, have fun being active. Then write down your frustrations, pray, cuss at the sky if you have to but release this energy and use physical activity to help work out your stress. Men do this alot. When they are frustrated at work, normally they'll go play basketball or golf to relieve the stress. You need to do the same. I use kickboxing, step and Zumba classes throughout the week to ensure my body is as stress free and hot as possible, so I know you can do the same. I wish you the best, but only you and God can help you right now so reclaim your peace of mind and get on with your life. Carpe diem! :)
 
as mentioned before,this woman will soon find out the pain she caused you is all hers now.You must move on with your life,fill up your time so that you are so busy you don't have time to think about him or her.If she has a way of sending word to you about their situation then change that to.cut out mutual friend or be blunt and tell them:i'm not interested in hearingor talking about them." Time really does heal all wounds if you allow it to.Pray for strength wisdom and a new future,
 
Well I didn't change my number My daughter is in the states and changing the number would be difficult. But I just hang up when he calls. He emailed me and told me he ended it with her and he realized that I was right and he was wrong (you know the song and dance) I promptly blocked him.

My Job may be sending me where he is I asked them to send me anywhere else but there. I don't want them to know my personal business but I will do what ever not to go there.

I know I shouldn't listen to stories about them but I couldn't pass, when he ended it with her she kinda lost it she's drinking crying and calling all her friends talking about *****'S ain't ****, and how could he do her like that after all they been through. She still doesn't get it you get what you give. She knows now that what she wanted and got came with alot of pain. She got a real taste of him, it was all romance and fun when they were sneaking.

I don't feel sorry for either of them. I've gone on with my life and look forward to starting over. It's amazing how good it feels to finally let go. Plus it helped knowing they weren't happy together(I know I'm bad)
 
You are a beautiful person inside as well as out. You WILL be happy again and trust me when I tell you everything happens for a reason. This punk a** man and his nonsense was removed from your life for happiness and positivity to enter.
 
Yeah, sounds cliche but in time you will heal. I know it is hard to ignore how their ill gotten relationship is faring but let it go. Do not entertain people who want to keep you up on their news..you do not need to know or have space in your head for imagination. I would not let job opportunity pass me by because the two are in the area-the best revenge is SUCCESS.
 
((HUGS)) to you OP. I can only imagine how you must feel.

I agree with what everyone else said. Cut him off..You keep in contact will do you much more harm that good.

And thank God you're disease free! That's a blessing.
 
I didn't read all of the responses, but I will say this.

I can almost feel your pain as I read your post. The one thing that you must do in order to move on is to forgive. I'm not saying to forget, but you MUST forgive. You may not see it now, but you will see it later on. I'm a little older (in spirit), and have been there done that. Don't let this situation turn you into a bitter person. Don't let them do that to you. It wasn't your fault, as none of this affair had nothing to do with you, it had something to do with the both of them.

This is something bigger than you, and no one can give you a clear answer or work it out but God. Not even you. Not saying that the other ladies didn't give you good advice, (and they did), but this is waaaay bigger than you, and in order for you to move on and get the hatred off of your heart is to forgive. That is a terrible baggage to carry around for something that you did not do, nor do you deserve it.

Once you take it to God, fogive him and her, trust me on this one, all of your burdens will be lifted, then you will see them (him and her) for what they really are, as they will reap(sp) what they sew. There will come a time where they will both need you. TRUST my advice on this one. I've seen it happen before.

Don't worry about what they are doing. I know it's hard now, but don't worry about because you know why? Once God has lifted that hatred from your heart, and you start to move on with your life, I wouldn't be surprised if you start getting phone calls from her telling you how he dogged her, and what not. Life is funny like that. It's called karma. No good will come of it, but that part isn't up to you. Not up to me either.

The healing part of all of this will take some time. Mark my word on it. You'll be OK. It's a blessing in disguise and one day you'll see it. *sisterly hug*
 
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