Hubby clubby...LOL!

[syze6]

Ladies, would you have an issue with your husband going out with three female coworkers?

My sister's husband told her him and three other coworkers were talking about going out. It is supposed to be to celebrate four years of employment. Seems him along with three other ladies started together and this weekend is their anniversary.

The one co-worker which she knows of and met once suggested the celebration. She herself hasn't maintained contact with the other two women. The husband is the only one who has the numbers of the others.He barely communicates with them as well but still has their contact info. This co-worker and her husband used to do lunch often, but once they went to different locations their paths would cross every blue moon.

I told her I don't see an issue but she said it doesn't look right. Her husband should not be clubbing or bar hopping with three other unmarried women. Now...the one who suggested it used to be married and is divorced sine early this year. Her husband took issue with the frequency, my sister's husband and her communicated when they started. They would do lunch and call and text each other and such. My sister wonders when she was married, why she never suggested an outing in the last years.

I'm thinking, does it really matter? Isn't this one of those pick your battles things! ;-)

 

[krikit96]

My best friend is beautiful, everybody says so... she had no issue with her husband going out bowling or lunches or dinners with 3 female co-workers. One night we all went (him, his 3 girl co-workers, my friend and I) hanging out at a club and bowling and such... when we got back to her house to change my shirt, he took each of them around the block on his motorcycle.


I asked her THEN did it not look right to her, she said he was fine... they are now divorced. He was sleeping with ONE of the three women who he stayed in touch with most frequently. WHO WAS ALSO MARRIED. It hadn't started just yet, but it happened within those next 2 months.

She needs to trust her instincts and forget what other people say about HER and HER MARRIAGE... God gave us women's intuition for a reason... and it tunes in specifically to the man God has given us. If she feels something ain't right, it may not be that her husband is cheating on her... BUT! The woman may have other plans for him...

Nobody gets married with the intentions of breaking up and divorcing... but she's been thru it... she may be building her self confidence by wrecking another women's family...

If she has a problem with it, her husband should leave it alone, if it makes the other spouse uncomfortable, it is NOT worth it to do whatever it is that your spouse takes issue with. Why cause a problem in a happy home if you don't want to lose it all?

 

[brownelovely]

My best friend is beautiful, everybody says so... she had no issue with her husband going out bowling or lunches or dinners with 3 female co-workers. One night we all went (him, his 3 girl co-workers, my friend and I) hanging out at a club and bowling and such... when we got back to her house to change my shirt, he took each of them around the block on his motorcycle.


I asked her THEN did it not look right to her, she said he was fine... they are now divorced. He was sleeping with ONE of the three women who he stayed in touch with most frequently. WHO WAS ALSO MARRIED. It hadn't started just yet, but it happened within those next 2 months.

She needs to trust her instincts and forget what other people say about HER and HER MARRIAGE... God gave us women's intuition for a reason... and it tunes in specifically to the man God has given us. If she feels something ain't right, it may not be that her husband is cheating on her... BUT! The woman may have other plans for him...

Nobody gets married with the intentions of breaking up and divorcing... but she's been thru it... she may be building her self confidence by wrecking another women's family...

If she has a problem with it, her husband should leave it alone, if it makes the other spouse uncomfortable, it is NOT worth it to do whatever it is that your spouse takes issue with. Why cause a problem in a happy home if you don't want to lose it all?

Well said @ bolded. I've learned that you have to make the best decision for YOUR relationship. If you have a feeling, got with what you feel is best and not what someone else tells you.

 

[syze6]

My best friend is beautiful, everybody says so... she had no issue with her husband going out bowling or lunches or dinners with 3 female co-workers. One night we all went (him, his 3 girl co-workers, my friend and I) hanging out at a club and bowling and such... when we got back to her house to change my shirt, he took each of them around the block on his motorcycle.


I asked her THEN did it not look right to her, she said he was fine... they are now divorced. He was sleeping with ONE of the three women who he stayed in touch with most frequently. WHO WAS ALSO MARRIED. It hadn't started just yet, but it happened within those next 2 months.

She needs to trust her instincts and forget what other people say about HER and HER MARRIAGE... God gave us women's intuition for a reason... and it tunes in specifically to the man God has given us. If she feels something ain't right, it may not be that her husband is cheating on her... BUT! The woman may have other plans for him...

Nobody gets married with the intentions of breaking up and divorcing... but she's been thru it... she may be building her self confidence by wrecking another women's family...

If she has a problem with it, her husband should leave it alone, if it makes the other spouse uncomfortable, it is NOT worth it to do whatever it is that your spouse takes issue with. Why cause a problem in a happy home if you don't want to lose it all?

Yeah...my sister said her husband couldn't even remember the name of the third woman. He also said he would have to call the second woman because the one who suggested it didn't even have her number. She finds it strange for poeple who aren't in contact, to want to all of a sudden party together to celebrate.

She felt the initiater would have the phone number and not her hubby saying he needed to call. She feels the chick really wants to kick it with her hubby and some how the others got dragged in the invite. Now whose invite, she doesn't know but she said it doesn't look right. She refrains from outings with males. because she says someone on the outside my take it the wrong way. If she's sitting in a bar with three single co-workers it may not be received well. She remembers when she met her, the girl was goign on and on about how funny and silly her hubby was. How she doesn't know how she deals with him...he's her ace....yadda yadda.

 

[prettyinpurple]

To me, this is not a "pick your battle" situation. It is setting the bar for how he can interact with his female co-workers and friends.

Whenever I hang out with married co-workers after hours, their spouse usually shows up too. It's just a given, they're a unit and it's not weird for the spouse to come hang out too.

I agree with all of the points made by your sister. And it sounds like she knows her presence is not particularly wanted at this celebration. Not a good look.

 

[JustKiya]

*shrug* Wouldn't bother me in my relationship. If it bothers her, that's really all that matters. Asking other folks how they would handle it can only give you a very loose idea of how you should handle it, as you aren't married to their husbands and you aren't them, either.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Her husband needs to act right, and find some MEN to hang out with. He knows that he ain't right. If she was hanging out with 3 men, he would be trippin' out!

He's getting his ego boosted by doing that. His wife needs to put a stop to that cause that can EASILY turn into something more, if it hasn't ALREADY.

 

[NicBenny]

If I were you, I would let your sister follow her intuition. If she lets it happen once, more outings will follow with more flimsy excuses. I'm sure your brother-in-law wouldn't want your sister hanging out with 3 single men and I'm sure if she said that he would say something like, "Men are different. I know what men want ... I don't want you hanging with three dudes." And she knows what women want.

I have a friend that is dating a married man and they started off being "friends." They would laugh and giggle over the phone and flirt flirt flirt. Next thing you know they are in a relationship ... that was three years ago.'

My point is: I think that the woman is into your sister's husband. She enjoys spending time with him, whether in person or over the phone - women LOVE funny and silly men. I wouldn't be surprised if they made up the other two women ... so that they could hang out alone. I'm just saying.

Let your sister fight this battle, I think you will find it's worth it. And if he's going to cheat, he will no matter what, but she shouldn't make it easy for him.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[syze6]

If I were you, I would let your sister follow her intuition. If she lets it happen once, more outings will follow with more flimsy excuses. I'm sure your brother-in-law wouldn't want your sister hanging out with 3 single men and I'm sure if she said that he would say something like, "Men are different. I know what men want ... I don't want you hanging with three dudes." And she knows what women want.

I have a friend that is dating a married man and they started off being "friends." They would laugh and giggle over the phone and flirt flirt flirt. Next thing you know they are in a relationship ... that was three years ago.'

My point is: I think that the woman is into your sister's husband. She enjoys spending time with him, whether in person or over the phone - women LOVE funny and silly men. I wouldn't be surprised if they made up the other two women ... so that they could hang out alone. I'm just saying.

Let your sister fight this battle, I think you will find it's worth it. And if he's going to cheat, he will no matter what, but she shouldn't make it easy for him.

Just my 2 cents.

Yeah...it does seem like he presented the other two woman, to sweeten the pot. Knowing my sister, he knew he had to include others in the "celebration" My sister knows her husband and she knows the idea was purely the girl's. He ran it by her quickly on his break, because he knew she would have looked at him like he was crazy! Yes...he would have fit if she went to hang with male co-worker.

If the others were really invited, he could have just given the number to the girl to call. Doesn't sound like she even inquired or was trying to get the number. I'm glad I don't get posed those situations, I guess some men try to pull it! LOL!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

i would tell my husband..."oh yeah, what time do u want me to meet yall there" and call it a day. and be nice bout da shyt. no need in gettin all bent outta shape....it's not dat serious. she's makin it a federal case.

sure, he can go. and i'd be right there havin a good time right along with them.

das it n das all.

all dis goin back n forth is crazy.

 

[itismehmmkay]

It would bother me.

 

[NicBenny]

Yeah...it does seem like he presented the other two woman, to sweeten the pot. Knowing my sister, he knew he had to include others in the "celebration" My sister knows her husband and she knows the idea was purely the girl's. He ran it by her quickly on his break, because he knew she would have looked at him like he was crazy! Yes...he would have fit if she went to hang with male co-worker.

If the others were really invited, he could have just given the number to the girl to call. Doesn't sound like she even inquired or was trying to get the number. I'm glad I don't get posed those situations, I guess some men try to pull it! LOL!

I'm sure he's not a bad guy, but men will be men. They like attention and flattery just as much as women. Like you said, he already knew how your sister would respond, that's why he presented it like that.

I wish your sis the best and hopefully, his "friend" will respect their marriage.

 

[Triniwegian]

That would be a no...Good thing my SO knows better than to even think about it.
No Way!

 

[-Kąditty-]

Um, yes, I would most definitely have a problem with it. Call me insecure, overbearing, and anything else that I can be identified as. I am no fool and DH will not play me as one. No, it doesn't automatically mean he is cheating but why set the scene for them?? Might as well give them keys to a hotel that comes with wine, candles, and roses.

Now, if he came to me and invited me along, cool. Knowing me, I would decline. And knowing DH, he wouldn't go if I declined. Just as I would if the roles were reversed.

Boundaries should be set for a reason.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Maybe I'm just weird or something. I have male friends or coworkers who have significant others, and whenever there is a group outing, we always ask those who have spouses to bring them along. Especially if we've never met the spouse. Why can't your sister hang out with them?

This particular situation doesn't seem bad, but like others said...the decision is ultimately up to your sister.

 

[Sosoothing]

If she has a problem with it, then its a problem.

As for me, this would not be okay.

 

[zenith]

Since it's a celebration about work, your sister needs to be there as well to celebrate as well.
Infact everyone should bring a date/friend so that we all can celebrate being employed during these harsh economic times.

The same way a farmer watches over his farm to protect it, so should a wise woman over her household. It's not that she doesn't trust her husband, but you don't know the intent of those other women... esp where large alcohol consumption is concerned.

 

[bellezanegra826]

the biggest red flag for this situation is that the workers are masquerading as being so close that they need to celebrate together after work, yet they all don't have each others phone numbers. the people who are actually close are the ones that have the phone numbers the husband and the woman trying to get your sister in law's husband aka his coworker. Co-workers don't need to get together to celebrate a working anniversary, especially if they have moved to different working locations

The one co-worker which she knows of and met once suggested the celebration. She herself hasn't maintained contact with the other two women. then why is she suggesting meeting up with women that she couldn't bother herself to keep up with? The husband is the only one who has the numbers of the others.He barely communicates with them as well but still has their contact info. do the phone records indicate that he barely contacts the other workers? if he himself didn't keep in contact with them, why does he want to meet up with 3 women that he supposedly doesn't talk to?This co-worker and her husband used to do lunch often ding, ding, ding, ding! they used to spend time together all the time, not all four of them but just this woman and your brother in law. now they miss each other and want to get together., but once they went to different locations their paths would cross every blue moon. so they would have random rendezvous during the day, but now they need a reason to be with each other for an extended period of time at night Now...the one who suggested it used to be married and is divorced sine early this year. so she is still healing from the break up of her marriage and is trying to fill her void with your BILHer husband took issue with the frequency, my sister's husband and her communicated when they started he took issue with it b/c they were having an affair. a man doesn't divorce his wife b/c he doesn't like the fact that she sent a couple of innocent text messages to her coworkers. a husband does divorce his wife b/c she starts having a fling with coworkers. women are so good at ignoring the signs that their man is cheating or trying to explain away bad behavior, but men on the other hand do not sit around and let themselves get cheated on. he knew his wife was getting around so he showed her the door. They would do lunch and call and text each other and such. My sister wonders when she was married, why she never suggested an outing in the last yearsb/c her husband wouldn't let her b/c he knew that it was wrong. he knew his wife's intentions. she wasn't spending time with your BIL b/c she was trying to respect her marriage a little bit, but now that SHE is not the one that is married, she doesn't have to respect your sister's marriage.


I have never in my life heard of coworkers celebrating a working anniversary unless something dramatic happened while they were working together, like someone got killed at work and they get together to commemorate that day. I have heard of people getting together at christmas time and having office parties, but celebrating an anniversary of a first day? nope! men don't even want to celebrate their wedding anniversaries, why in the hell would they want to celebrate a work anniversary?

 

[LongiLox]

Something fishy is going on. Your sister should not just tell him that he can't go. She also needs to confront him about why he wants to spend time with this woman so badly. Something gishy is going on here.

 

[darlingdiva]

My best friend is beautiful, everybody says so... she had no issue with her husband going out bowling or lunches or dinners with 3 female co-workers. One night we all went (him, his 3 girl co-workers, my friend and I) hanging out at a club and bowling and such... when we got back to her house to change my shirt, he took each of them around the block on his motorcycle.


I asked her THEN did it not look right to her, she said he was fine... they are now divorced. He was sleeping with ONE of the three women who he stayed in touch with most frequently. WHO WAS ALSO MARRIED. It hadn't started just yet, but it happened within those next 2 months.

She needs to trust her instincts and forget what other people say about HER and HER MARRIAGE... God gave us women's intuition for a reason... and it tunes in specifically to the man God has given us. If she feels something ain't right, it may not be that her husband is cheating on her... BUT! The woman may have other plans for him...

Nobody gets married with the intentions of breaking up and divorcing... but she's been thru it... she may be building her self confidence by wrecking another women's family...

If she has a problem with it, her husband should leave it alone, if it makes the other spouse uncomfortable, it is NOT worth it to do whatever it is that your spouse takes issue with. Why cause a problem in a happy home if you don't want to lose it all?

There it is right there!!! She should trust the inner voice because it rarely leads us astray.

 

[gabulldawg]

i would tell my husband..."oh yeah, what time do u want me to meet yall there" and call it a day. and be nice bout da shyt. no need in gettin all bent outta shape....it's not dat serious. she's makin it a federal case.

sure, he can go. and i'd be right there havin a good time right along with them.

das it n das all.

all dis goin back n forth is crazy.

ITA with this post. That's exactly what I would do. Now if he says that I can't go, then we would have to have a "discussion." I don't think that's appropriate. I also don't think that most men would be okay with thier wives going out with three men, especially if they don't know them.

 

[panamoni]

Sounds like she should go and they can bring their significant others. If they don't have bf's, then she'll be the only "guest". But since it's mostly women, she should be able to relate just fine.

 

[krikit96]

Hey OP, did you hear anything back from your sister?