How would you tell him you're no longer in love w/him?

[ocean74]

Hello Ladies,

I'm going to try to make this as simple as possible...

Was w/my man for 8 years -engaged 2 of them...No marriage after two...I left him...(was gone for 1 year)
He kept trying to get me back so I said ok maybe he's ready, so I moved back in with him...He have changed for the better and just told me, we will be married in March. Guess what??? I'm not feeling him anymore!erplexed

I want to tell him that I am no longer in love w/ him, but I don't know how...

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!

 

[ThickHair]

Just tell him and move out. What is the problem? Please don't marry this dude thinking that it is going to change. If he wasn't feeling you I am sure he would have no problem expressing it. Some men are like that, so don't be wishy washy open your darn mouth. WTH is wrong with you, the marriage is allegedly 2 months away.

 

[JustKiya]

Urm, find an apartment. Pack your stuff. Tell him you are calling off the wedding (he told you ya'll were getting married in March? ) because you don't love him, give him the ring, and move out.

Good luck.

 

[Son26]

I was faced with a similar situation last year (we weren't engaged but he said he wanted to marry me soon). I couldn't do it. I wasn't feeling him anymore either. I just couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life. The breakup was hard, but I had to think about myself. Just tell him your feelings for him have changed and you can't marry him.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

GTFOTheerreee.

Seriously. Don't make that mistake. That's huge- what are you afraid of if you leave him?

 

[itismehmmkay]

Don't tell him you're no longer in love w/ him; I don't think that's necessary
If you don't want to be w/ him...and you're sure (I'm thinking you're not sure ) then break up with him.

 

[Angelicus]

Move out and go live with your mom immediately.

 

[hopeful]

Don't tell him you're no longer in love w/ him; I don't think that's necessary
If you don't want to be w/ him...and you're sure (I'm thinking you're not sure ) then break up with him.

Good point, he might lose it if you tell him that, after 8 long years and he's all proud that he is finally "ready" to marry you. It sounds like that year away from him really ruined your relationship. He really blew it, a two-year engagement, and no move to actually get married? I think you are just ready to move on with your life.

Move out and go live with your mom immediately.

Safety first, get yourself a plan to get out of that house/apartment.

 

[mrsmercery]

I agree "safety first." Before I was married, my previous relationship turned real bad. I stayed with him through times where I should have had the courage to leave. What happened is I built a resistance to him to where I couldn't stand his touch, the way he ate-nothing. When I asked him to end the engagement, for some space, etc... He got wicked. He was a fatal attraction, imagine walking into your apartment and all your furniture is gone. He did that! How about being holed up in your place while he interrogates you for possibly seeing someone else for two days (after all, that could be the only reason you don't want him). He did that! Threats to harm me or any man he saw me with! Done... Proceed with caution. what happens is the man becomes more comfortable and gets more attached, while the woman begins to detach emotionally. A man in love is worse than a woman when he doesn't feel it's being reciprocated. Plan your exit, start a few small arguments if you can, nag him or something. Let him think he decided it's over. I don't know-i wish I had the magic formula. but just be careful. Please

 

[MixedBerry]

...............

 

[Irresistible]

I agree "safety first." Before I was married, my previous relationship turned real bad. I stayed with him through times where I should have had the courage to leave. What happened is I built a resistance to him to where I couldn't stand his touch, the way he ate-nothing. When I asked him to end the engagement, for some space, etc... He got wicked. He was a fatal attraction, imagine walking into your apartment and all your furniture is gone. He did that! How about being holed up in your place while he interrogates you for possibly seeing someone else for two days (after all, that could be the only reason you don't want him). He did that! Threats to harm me or any man he saw me with! Done... Proceed with caution. what happens is the man becomes more comfortable and gets more attached, while the woman begins to detach emotionally. A man in love is worse than a woman when he doesn't feel it's being reciprocated. Plan your exit, start a few small arguments if you can, nag him or something. Let him think he decided it's over. I don't know-i wish I had the magic formula. but just be careful. Please

I am going through this right now, just dodged an engagement because when I really was true to myself I am too unsure of my feelings or that I even wanted to proceed. I also feel like I am walking on shaky ground , and am trying to handle this with the best wisdom possible

and lots of prayer

right now I am too unsure of too many things and I KNOW I love him, or I at least know I love the him he once was and the us we once were and what I BELIEVED we would be

but I'm unsure of so many things now-that I just had to take some steps back , we are talking and all is well, no jumping, and no rash decisions yet and I AM PRAYING! geesh this one has been hard with the back and forth

but I am trusting in my God that will direct my path

I have peace

one day at a time and when situations present themselves I am straight out and forward with him on my feelings.

 

[Extremus]

I feel you OP

kind of feeling this way now

 

[JFemme]

I am going through this right now, just dodged an engagement because when I really was true to myself I am too unsure of my feelings or that I even wanted to proceed. I also feel like I am walking on shaky ground , and am trying to handle this with the best wisdom possible

and lots of prayer

right now I am too unsure of too many things and I KNOW I love him, or I at least know I love the him he once was and the us we once were and what I BELIEVED we would be

but I'm unsure of so many things now-that I just had to take some steps back , we are talking and all is well, no jumping, and no rash decisions yet and I AM PRAYING! geesh this one has been hard with the back and forth

but I am trusting in my God that will direct my path

I have peace

one day at a time and when situations present themselves I am straight out and forward with him on my feelings.

Please continue to trust your gut.

 

[Irresistible]

I feel you OP

kind of feeling this way now

This really sucks huh?

sometimes I start trippin and hoping I am not making a mistake I will regret,then I remember I have to stand for all the reasons that are important and valid to me

its hard when you lose what you once had in your soul for someone, I havent lost it totally , as in no hope, but it could get there at this point very easily

 

[Extremus]

This really sucks huh?

sometimes I start trippin and hoping I am not making a mistake I will regret,then I remember I have to stand for all the reasons that are important and valid to me

its hard when you lose what you once had in your soul for someone, I havent lost it totally , as in no hope, but it could get there at this point very easily

This is probably the main reason why I keep thinking about my ex

 

[Irresistible]

This is probably the main reason why I keep thinking about my ex

more info please

explain girl-if you dont mind- that is

if so , I will feel you on that too

sometimes some of this is so confusing

 

[Irresistible]

Please continue to trust your gut.

yeah its kinda scary right now, because when he really thinks I am leaving or walking away, he goes coo coo and goes verbal abuse on me


which is partly why we are here now anyway

cant unring a bell, can forget the things he said

just because he didnt mean it

I dont think I really need to go down that path..........

I am going to trust my gut girl, beyond all other thoughts and feelings and trust God is more than able, I just have to do my part

I will not be with this man if it aint in God's plan and really realizing that is what made me take steps back , when it got more serious, i got more serious and asked more serious questions, I am standing on solid ground on this one now-Ive had my wake up calls and am fully awake

he's gotta put in some work for this , or he would be best to move on to the next , and me , I will stand with God until the end , whether man comes or goes

I made my mind up

 

[Lenee925]

Hey OP: It's ok if you don't feel like you're in love anymore. Love is oft mistaken and confused for a feeling we think we're supposed to have when it's really a fact. I'm not going to tell you to leave but my first response would be to ask yourself why you reconciled with him in the first place. No one feels like they're in love all the time, but it takes emotional maturity to understand that feelings blow over and you can feel 1001 ways about the same thing from moment to moment. I think your guy 'saw the light' and saw how he wanted to keep you but now that you're back with him you just don't have it for him anymore. If you don't love him at all then let him move on but don't divulge that information for his sake please.

 

[JFemme]

I liken verbal abuse to little insidious murders to the soul...that nibble away your precious and hard earned self-esteem, confidence...

I pray you stay strong and that he seeks help...

 

[Extremus]

more info please

explain girl-if you dont mind- that is

if so , I will feel you on that too

sometimes some of this is so confusing

I'll PM you

 

[Irresistible]

I liken verbal abuse to little insidious murders to the soul...that nibble away your precious and hard earned self-esteem, confidence...

I pray you stay strong and that he seeks help...

Thats exactly what it is and I just cant have any part of that spirit of destruction

I am healing and his little attacks have no power, nor his words over me

Thank God I rose above that

but now that leaves us.....here......which is kinda nowhere
it would really take time for me to see and know and I dont even know for sure if I really want to take the time

so for now its just one day at a time

 

[Irresistible]

I'll PM you

ok girl

 

[ocean74]

Wow thx alot ladies...But it's like this man is soooo head over hills for me til' its scaryerplexed.

I want to leave, yet its like i'm kinda scarederplexed. (I can't believe I just said that).

For some reason I think he'll have an fatal attraction on me, but I can't keep living in misery...

Oh well, Thx ladies.

 

[Son26]

Wow thx alot ladies...But it's like this man is soooo head over hills for me til' its scaryerplexed.

I want to leave, yet its like i'm kinda scarederplexed. (I can't believe I just said that).

For some reason I think he'll have an fatal attraction on me, but I can't keep living in misery...

Oh well, Thx ladies.

Scared? Please be careful then. You shouldn't be afraid of the man you're going to marry.

 

[GodivaChocolate]

If you feel threatened then leave immediately but just be honest and tell him the truth, that you're just not that into him

Be careful and be very aware of your surroundings if there's a possibility that he may harm you. Get a can of mace, just in case you have to defend yourself and get away quickly and most IMPORTANTLY, tell somone that you are afraid and let them know you feel unsure about his possible actions

 

[ocean74]

If you feel threatened then leave immediately but just be honest and tell him the truth, that you're just not that into him

Be careful and be very aware of your surroundings if there's a possibility that he may harm you. Get a can of mace, just in case you have to defend yourself and get away quickly and most IMPORTANTLY, tell somone that you are afraid and let them know you feel unsure about his possible actions

Thank you sooo very much..

 

[mrsmercery]

^^ absolutely tell someone you trust who will help you. I moved to another coast to escape my crazy, and to get my mind right. We were together for 7 years, and when I came home a year and a half later-there he was with an even better engagement ring waiting on me. I didn't tell my family the seriousness of everything, I moved to Cali to get my acting career jumping in their minds. So when he came around, yes he had the nerve to come around, call my parents (such an Eddie Haskell), etc... They were thinking girl he loves you. It wasn't until we were having an argument in front of my parents home (yes he found me there) about me not having sex with him or trying to work it out with him that my father realized this man's level of crazy and sent him away. Out of embarrassment I don't think I shared all details with family and friends-most women are dying to get married, and I was running away from it. Both of your stories sounds like mine, I totally understand. It will take awhile for him to ease up on his persistence, you will have to proceed with caution for sure. again be safe, and keep us updated, you are not alone...

 

[heyfranz]

Don't tell him you're no longer in love w/ him; I don't think that's necessary
If you don't want to be w/ him...and you're sure (I'm thinking you're not sure ) then break up with him.

I agree. If you feel you owe him an explanation, don't make it one where he'll feel bad about himself unless he deserves it