How would you feel about this..

Sarahh.

Sarahh.

New Member
My boyfriend of two years has always been the jealous type, but lately he has been going too far. He has been getting mad at me whenever I want to catch up with my girl friends, and saying things like 'Oh so you'd prefer them over me..'

When I went to a party last weekend he txted me and said 'You didn't tell me there was going to be guys there..' and then later said 'You didn't tell me you were going to be drinking'. He seems to expect me to tell him everything! And then afterwards he asked me how many guys I hugged and who I talked to.

Just then, I told him that I would be going to the mall tomorrow with my best friend. He replied with 'So you're ditching me for a fat c**t'. He seems to absolutely hate my friends, won't come near me when I'm with them and is always calling them names like that. I hate it!

How would you feel about it if it was your SO? I guess I know what the responces to this thread are going to be like..but what do I do? I don't want to break up with him really-I do love him. Help! :wallbash:
 
Firstly, he is very disrespectful. Tell him keep his behaviour in check.

Secondly, (yeah I know this is often the response here) but usually when partners become more jealous/possessive/controlling it is because they are up to no good themselves.

Have a frank discussion with him...see where it leads.
 
I can't be with a guy who's insecure. He has the potential to be abusive. I didn't like it when my mom or grandparents were constantly asking me "where are you going? who's going to be there? what are you going to do? Why didn't you tell me blah blah blah?" I'm an adult and I"m certainly not going to put up that from a guy who has low self-esteem! If it was the other way around, he'd run away from you and say you were crazy. I'm not putting up with that.
 
He sounds insecure and then also some what controlling. I personally would be worrieed that he may become physically violent toward me if he blows up over simple trivial things like the examples.


We are different people. I love my space and independece even if I am with someone.I need time to get away reflect and soemtimes be alone. I don't have to answer to a SO about things that don't directly concern him. I'm not a secretive but at the same time you don't need to know what is going on every second of my day. If it was me I would make an effort to get that point across to him. If he doesn't get the point I would leave.
 
BEWARE!!!!!! It does not stop here if you don't stop this now! Trust me. I've been there. I thought it was just "oh he's jealous" when its really "oh he's crazy!"
 
I sense in you post that something's not sitting right with you about him even though you love him. He say that he's always been jealous, but lately he's going to far.

You're noticing he's becoming more jealous over you going out and just hanging out with friends.

Most women in abusive relationships have always commented on how their SO/DH wanted them distanced from family & friends--this sends up a Big Red Flag.

Don't ignore the warning signs, they are there, and they are obvious. You mentioned that you love him, but if he loves you, he won't mind giving you your space.

Is he sitting at home all the time just waiting for you and not going out? Does he not have friends that he likes to hang out with, without you being with him. It's not fair for him to tell you want to do if he's doing differently.
 
Sarahh. said:
...
How would you feel about it if it was your SO? I guess I know what the responces to this thread are going to be like..but what do I do? I don't want to break up with him really-I do love him. Help! :wallbash:
Click to expand...

I would feel angry, stressed, frustrated. I've never been in this situation before. I would perhaps suggest that the two of you seek counseling. If he was not interested, I would leave him, because he would just drive me crazy. I wouldn't love him more than my peace of mind and sanity.
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
I sense in you post that something's not sitting right with you about him even though you love him. He say that he's always been jealous, but lately he's going to far.

You're noticing he's becoming more jealous over you going out and just hanging out with friends.

Most women in abusive relationships have always commented on how their SO/DH wanted them distanced from family & friends--this sends up a Big Red Flag.

Don't ignore the warning signs, they are there, and they are obvious. You mentioned that you love him, but if he loves you, he won't mind giving you your space.

Is he sitting at home all the time just waiting for you and not going out? Does he not have friends that he likes to hang out with, without you being with him. It's not fair for him to tell you want to do if he's doing differently.
Click to expand...

My first thought when I read the OP?
"Right now it's texting. Later it'll be choking."

Love alone is not a good enough reason to be with someone. :nono:
 
You sound miserable! :( Why be miserable? See, when you're single, you don't have anyone calling you names, telling you what to do, telling you that your friends are stupid...

There are actually men out there that respect your boundaries, friends, family and your life. The man you're with is obviously not one of them. You don't have to tell him anything if you don't want to. You can just stop calling and change your locks. It's the cheapest solution. I say just leave. Love isn't enough. You can hang out with me and everyone else at the hair forum section if you get bored after you leave him.

My last boyfriend was commented negatively about my weight about 4 times in our relationship. I lost the weight and left him. He was my extra weight. Lose your dead weight.
 
he is trying to get you to cut off your friends so that you wont have a support system in place. people who like to control/abuse dont want any type of hinderance. you would become his victim with no way out.
 
I'm assuming that this is the same man that wears women stockings.

I would just let this go. There's too much going on here. Marry him and it'll only get worse.
 
I'm seeing some serious Red Flags OP. And you might want to do some delving into his relationship history. SOmething aint right.
 
bimbabe said:
Firstly, he is very disrespectful. Tell him keep his behaviour in check.

Secondly, (yeah I know this is often the response here) but usually when partners become more jealous/possessive/controlling it is because they are up to no good themselves.

Have a frank discussion with him...see where it leads.
Click to expand...

That is so true.
 
Sarahh. said:
How would you feel about it if it was your SO?
Click to expand...
I'd end the relationship. This sort of behavior always escalates and, judging from your post, it already has.

Sarahh. said:
I don't want to break up with him really-I do love him. Help! :wallbash:
Click to expand...
But when (not if) you reach your breaking point, all the love in the world isn't going to keep you from resenting him (for disrespecting you) and yourself (for tolerating the behavior and not ending the relationship sooner). Sorry to be so black and white, but behavior like this rarely improves and there's no excuse for it. :nono:
 
OK, please be careful. It seems like he only wants you to be under his thumb all the time.:rolleyes: Not a healthy relationship.:nono: You grown, girl. You don't need to tell him what you're eating, drinking, wearing... Is he trying to be your daddy or something?:sad:
 
Everyone has already said everything that makes sense so I won't expound on it but I would be so dumbfounded, hurt, appalled, scared, sad, outraged , offended and ready to bust a *****'s head that would fix his mouth to call 1 of my good girlfriends a "fat C**t " . :nono: :nono:

Did he really use the real nasty c word in reference to your friend? or am I misreading that?

How would you feel if another person other than your man said that about your friend?

Based on that alone and all that that says about him. I would have to give brother man some distance for a while. That is totally disrespectful and low class.

It speaks volumes about how he feels about women in general that he can even utter that word.
 
If my SO were to act like that he'd be gone so fast! 1. I'm with you for a reason. I may have male friends but I chose to be in a relationship with you. 2. You shouldn't be disrespecting any female like that ESPECIALLY the ones that I am closest to and love the most. I think that may say alot about how he feels toward women and will ultimately treat you as time goes on. If he's getting progressively worse with his jealousy then I think it is a matter of time until he just begins acting completely irrational, insecure and disrespectful towards you. But on the other hand if you knew he was jealous when you first got together that kind of equals that you were at least a little ok and accepting of his jealousy and knew what you were getting into starting a relationship with this man in the first place.
 
CandiceC said:
I'm assuming that this is the same man that wears women stockings.

I would just let this go. There's too much going on here. Marry him and it'll only get worse.
Click to expand...

:lachen::lachen::lachen:

OP, please tell me you're not talking about the same guy....please.
 
girl, he may be jealous that it's ok for YOU to wear pantyhose and nobody will bat an eyelash.

:: puts hands in pockets and whistles out of thread::
 
RUN! RUN! RUN!

Classic abuser.

1. Woos you.
2. Cuts you off of friends and family by making you think they are terrible, or that you think they are more important. Basically makes you think something normal is bad, and anything that upsets him is something YOU did.
3. Tries to control everything.
4. Will break your self esteem to a pulp.
5. Will hit you.

Looks like he is at number 2-3. And it will only get worse.
It will escalate.
 
Sarahh. said:
My boyfriend of two years has always been the jealous type, but lately he has been going too far. He has been getting mad at me whenever I want to catch up with my girl friends, and saying things like 'Oh so you'd prefer them over me..'

When I went to a party last weekend he txted me and said 'You didn't tell me there was going to be guys there..' and then later said 'You didn't tell me you were going to be drinking'. He seems to expect me to tell him everything! And then afterwards he asked me how many guys I hugged and who I talked to.

Just then, I told him that I would be going to the mall tomorrow with my best friend. He replied with 'So you're ditching me for a fat c**t'. He seems to absolutely hate my friends, won't come near me when I'm with them and is always calling them names like that. I hate it!

How would you feel about it if it was your SO? I guess I know what the responces to this thread are going to be like..but what do I do? I don't want to break up with him really-I do love him. Help! :wallbash:
Click to expand...

I don't love any dude more than me and this one looks like he's trying to run your life. And using that horrible word for your best friend is just beyond. Sorry but he is showing all the signs of someone that is going to punch you in the eye one day soon.
 
:lachen: is this the same person. wow, then i really don't know what else to tell you. if his other personalities haven't scared you away.
 
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