How To Tell A Man You Need Space

[WonderGirl2U]

I have a quick question.

I feel like I've overstated my intentions to a man, and I don't know how to back out of things smoothly. I think my desire to go ahead and settle down led me to go along with a man's plans without really evaluating if things are right for me (which I'm feeling they may not be).

I don't know a good way to let him know I want to slow all the way down and rewind things. He's getting older too and wants to settle down, but I realized I keep letting him set the agenda, and it doesn't look like it's in my best interest. I want to communicate this to him honestly and politely, but I don't know how to do it.

Any suggestions? I want to take some time out and try to get clearer on my goals and expectations because even though I thought I was stronger than in the past, I realized I just let someone back in who I probably should have kept out. This makes me think I have more work to do on myself.

 

[Browndilocks]

Would love to hear the responses on this. Every time I wanted to back out of a relationship and straight up said I needed space I'd only get it for a little while, as in a few days. I would either be subliminally guilted, charmed, or pressured into going back along and staying in a situation that I knew deep down inside that I didn't want. It led to my misery.

I'm convinced now that you have to cut cold turkey as ruthless as it may seem.

 

[C@ssandr@]

My suggestion is to get busy and set boundaries. Tell him you want to slow things down (I wouldn't literally say that "I need space") and just start seeing him less. When he asks you can come with him to do xyz, just say you're busy (hopefully you are busy, no need to lie), but set a date for when you can see him. Sorta like this:

Him: Hey, want to see a movie Saturday and come spend a night
You: Saturday is no good, I'm helping my mom with xyz, How about Tuesday?

Hth.

 

[WonderGirl2U]

Would love to hear the responses on this. Every time I wanted to back out of a relationship and straight up said I needed space I'd only get it for a little while, as in a few days. I would either be subliminally guilted, charmed, or pressured into going back along and staying in a situation that I knew deep down inside that I didn't want. It led to my misery.

I'm convinced now that you have to cut cold turkey as ruthless as it may seem.

Yes, I was just thinking the same thing. I can't afford to keep letting my desire to be a nice girl keep me in situations that are not right for me.

On top of that, I get the annoying feeling this man is trying to mold me into what he wants me to be- and also trying to get me to invest more than he is. I want to be married with children just like the next woman, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness to get there. I want a man to come into my life and enhance it, not change it around completely to suit his needs.

I'm feeling I might have to disappear to get away from him because he doesn't take a polite no. It feels rude and not my style, but it may be the only way. In the future, I'd like to avoid these types of men from jump- they're hard to get away from and all they do is waste your time in the end.

 

[WonderGirl2U]

My suggestion is to get busy and set boundaries. Tell him you want to slow things down (I wouldn't literally say that "I need space") and just start seeing him less. When he asks you can come with him to do xyz, just say you're busy (hopefully you are busy, no need to lie), but set a date for when you can see him. Sorta like this:

Him: Hey, want to see a movie Saturday and come spend a night
You: Saturday is no good, I'm helping my mom with xyz, How about Tuesday?

Hth.

Great suggestion! I will be using this.

 

[hopeful]

Too nice girl = future abused or unhappy girl. Back out, say you want to slow things down and see if he respects your wishes. But I'm inclined to agree with @Browndilocks that it's a sign to move on. Things have likely progressed so quickly because HE is moving things along quickly and INTENTIALLY, so you can't get your bearings and think straight.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

First step is identify what you want. Don't mold it based on what he has said. In your heart what do you want?

When you have that answer then you can evaluate whether you're having cold feet or if it's your gut warning you to stop. But you can't defend boundaries when you yourself don't know what they are.

And him knowing what he wants isn't necessarily a negative thing. Do this because you need to know who you are but be prepared for him to walk away if you're too open ended with your proposed timeline. Check out the Men don't like women like You thread and read the book. I think it will help you think this through for yourself.

 

[lux10023]

If you are not happy with the relationship/ dating
Then stop everything lol literally!

In life once you realize you are not happy with something change it to make sure you are happy
You don't technically have to let him down nicely
Honesty is key here
When you state your true feelings it's good for you because you are strong and clear on them and it's good for him
As its not bullshet it's the truth.

Simple Your a great person not sure if we are a great fit.
I want to explore other options
Wishing you all the best
Verbally or just hit send

No further comment response or etc needed.
It's having a my happiness is key mentality
Versus I'm concerned with how I will appear or if I will hurt his feelings

I get it, you guys dated, he did some nice things and is a decent person
But if your not happy you don't owe him anything let alone a lifetime
ite okay to move on

It's actually very freeing when you own and put yourself first
You do that and it becomes easier to do in life in general

 

[Browndilocks]

Too nice girl = future abused or unhappy girl. Back out, say you want to slow things down and see if he respects your wishes. But I'm inclined to agree with @Browndilocks that it's a sign to move on. Things have likely progressed so quickly because HE is moving things along quickly and INTENTIALLY, so you can't get your bearings and think straight.

This has happened to me. More than once. More than twice . One of my biggest relationship flaws.