"How to get/keep a man"

[cuteazz1]

O.k so my friends and I have a Women's group.We have weekly meetings about life,goals,kids,relationships..whatever,but once a month we have what we call "CHATS".We usually invite every woman and man that we know and choose a topic.These meetings get bigger and bigger everytime because people love them.Anyways,last week our Chat was called"How to get/keep a man.These are tips that Most of the men said(group of 32 men).

1.Don't give it up on a first date,they will only think that you are a whore.

2.Keep yourself up.don't show up on date 1 looking fabulous,but 3 months later go out in sweats.Keep your hair and nails nice.Workout.The size of the woman did not really matter,but the hip to waist ratio is important....Basically men like small waists and nice hips.The #1 body part that they wanted was a flat belly.

3.Intelligence is sexy.don't act all loud and ghetto if you want a good quality man,they like women who act like ladies.

4.Act like a lady in the streets,but a freak in the bed(we already know)

5.COOK,CLEAN..We heard this one the most.

6.Let him be the man.Don't act like you wear the pants(even if you do)Let him Believe that he is in charge.


Does anyone else have any tips?

Of course I got mad at some of these remarks,but i hear them often at our chat's and most of it is true.I can honestly say that I do all of these things EXcept the cooking and cleaning.My house is clean,but not spotless.And I make my Darling help.

I expect the man to cook with me and I WILL NOT have sex with ANYONE until 1..We go and get tested together and 2 we have been dating for 1 year.These are my personal rules and they work for me.

What do you all think?

 

[Nola Darling]

BOOOO @ Cook and Clean. These days women are working full time jobs also. So they expect us to work, cook and clean with no help. GTFOOH.

Also, I don't understand the flat waist thing. Men rarely keep themselves up but they expect us to.

They all need to sit down.

 

[locabouthair]

BOOOO @ Cook and Clean. These days women are working full time jobs also. So they expect us to work, cook and clean with no help. GTFOOH.

Also, I don't understand the flat waist thing. Men rarely keep themselves up but they expect us to.

They all need to sit down.

I agree. that one had me like, not everyone has the same body shape.

 

[cuteazz1]

BOOOO @ Cook and Clean. These days women are working full time jobs also. So they expect us to work, cook and clean with no help. GTFOOH.

Also, I don't understand the flat waist thing. Men rarely keep themselves up but they expect us to.

They all need to sit down.

Girl that's the same thing that I said."you expect us to cook,clean,workout,take care of kids..AND F*** you with stilettos on."On top of that go to work.This is a lot,but believe me it works.

 

[cuteazz1]

I agree. that one had me like, not everyone has the same body shape.

From my understanding they were saying that a woman can be "thick" but her waist should be smaller than her hips.She should not "look like a tree log"..(not my words.)

Men aside...Walmart has 10 girdles that will take odd at least 2 inches in your waist.I wear them all the time and I swear that my waist has gone down slightly from wearing those things.

 

[locabouthair]

From my understanding they were saying that a woman can be "thick" but her waist should be smaller than her hips.She should not "look like a tree log"..(not my words.)

Men aside...Walmart has 10 girdles that will take odd at least 2 inches in your waist.I wear them all the time and I swear that my waist has gone down slightly from wearing those things.

hmm might have to give that a try. I feel bad for wearing a girlde at 23, but hey a girls gotta do what he has to do these love handles aren't cute. and i'm not doing that to get a man, i just really want a smaller waist.

anyway my point was that some women are just shaped like a ruler and they cant really change it.

and i dont believe in cooking on a regular basis especially if there is no ring on my finger, unless the woman is not interested in marriage.

if New York can get a man we all can

 

[caribeandiva]

BOOOO @ Cook and Clean. These days women are working full time jobs also. So they expect us to work, cook and clean with no help. GTFOOH.

Also, I don't understand the flat waist thing. Men rarely keep themselves up but they expect us to.

They all need to sit down.

ITA! I hate cooking. If a man wants a hot woman he better be looking at least decent himself,

 

[Afrikaisi]

hmm might have to give that a try. I feel bad for wearing a girlde at 23, but hey a girls gotta do what he has to do these love handles aren't cute. and i'm not doing that to get a man, i just really want a smaller waist.

anyway my point was that some women are just shaped like a ruler and they cant really change it.

and i dont believe in cooking on a regular basis especially if there is no ring on my finger, unless the woman is not interested in marriage.

if New York can get a man we all can

last statement, funny!
I agree with this. and I really don't like most of the advice, I mean where are these people from? Who are they trying to keep, because I don't need a man that thinks like this. I do believe in looking your best for your man, but I am sorry both of us are working and we have two kids under 2 so he is going to be helping and no the house is NOT going to be clean all the time. (not directed at OP)

 

[cuteazz1]

hmm might have to give that a try. I feel bad for wearing a girlde at 23, but hey a girls gotta do what he has to do these love handles aren't cute. and i'm not doing that to get a man, i just really want a smaller waist.

anyway my point was that some women are just shaped like a ruler and they cant really change it.

and i dont believe in cooking on a regular basis especially if there is no ring on my finger, unless the woman is not interested in marriage.

if New York can get a man we all can

Yeah New York is a hot mess

I have an apple shape so my upperbody is naturally bigger.I have huge boobs not enough arsk and naturally slim hips.I started doing leg weights and my lower half is catching up.I don't have much of a "natural waist" I think that it's only 3 inches smaller than my hips so the girdle is a lifesaver.

I like cooking.When I am in a relationship I will cook for him on ocassion.My hunny ALWAYS tells me that I don't cook enough for him,oh well I always say"if you can read you can cook" and I hand him a cookbook.I actually cook about 3-4 dinners a week,but he wants 3 course meals 3 times a day...It ain't happenin.

And the girdle is the one that has panties all the way to below the breasts.It REALLY works and its cheap.

 

[cuteazz1]

last statement, funny!
I agree with this. and I really don't like most of the advice, I mean where are these people from? Who are they trying to keep, because I don't need a man that thinks like this. I do believe in looking your best for your man, but I am sorry both of us are working and we have two kids under 2 so he is going to be helping and no the house is NOT going to be clean all the time. (not directed at OP)

I don't like most of the advice either(even if true) and believe me those meetings get heated.But,these things are consistent with most men that I speak with.
Most of these guys were the "professional" type.Teachers,lawyers,some of my poetry buddies,and relatives of some of our members.We have been having meetings for about 2 years With different topics,but while discussing relationships and why they sometimes break up I hear all of these reasons the most.

Girl..My kitchen and bathroom remain clean, everything else gets clean when I get to it,or when he does it.We disagree on housework a lot.

 

[ThickHair]

That list is bogus. That is what they are saying they want, but what they have or will have in reality, is a little bit different.

 

[Bunny77]

What is the relationship status of the men who stated this things? Are they married and do their wives do these things for them?

 

[dlewis]

I agree with Numbers 3, 4 and 6. The other's not so much.

 

[Finesse]

That's what they say.....but it aint what's really happening. A women can cook like Rachel Ray, clean and decorate her house like Martha Stewart, Sex him like a porn star, work like a hebrew slave while balancing his/her checkbook with one kid on her hip and two hanging on to her legs, all the while looking and being built like Beyonce' and that man will still cheat and blame her for it.....


Men love bishes.....you treat him like a dog and he will love your last year's dirty panties

 

[dlewis]

That's what they say.....but it aint what's really happening. A women can cook like Rachel Ray, clean and decorate her house like Martha Stewart, Sex him like a porn star, work like a hebrew slave while balancing his/her checkbook with one kid on her hip and two hanging on to her legs, all the while looking and being built like Beyonce' and that man will still cheat and blame her for it.....


Men love bishes.....you treat him like a dog and he will love your last year's dirty panties

o-kay......

 

[reallynow]

That's what they say.....but it aint what's really happening. A women can cook like Rachel Ray, clean and decorate her house like Martha Stewart, Sex him like a porn star, work like a hebrew slave while balancing his/her checkbook with one kid on her hip and two hanging on to her legs, all the while looking and being built like Beyonce' and that man will still cheat and blame her for it.....


Men love bishes.....you treat him like a dog and he will love your last year's dirty panties

Tell us how you really feel!!!

The bolded has me rolling, cause I say it all the time!!!

 

[cuteazz1]

What is the relationship status of the men who stated this things? Are they married and do their wives do these things for them?

I can say that about half of them are married.Of those that are married some of them are married to white/latina women.I have nothing against that ,but last year we had a "chat" about interacial dating and most of them said that they date outside of their race because black women don't keep themselves up,and they don't let the man "be the man".Some of these guys have "submissive" wives.I have seen some of their wives attempt to talk at our meetings and they kind of give them the shut up look.

These are the so-called "good guys".I have a large group of friends from work,and different things that I do in the community.Many of the men are from the organization 100 black men,business owners and professionals,but most are friends of friends.

The one's with girlfriends/wife's are encouraged to bring them along,but most of them don't.

This gives me a new topic to discuss-thanks.I will arrange the next meeting as a couples ONLY thing..

Anyone in Chicago let me know if ya wanna attend.

 

[cuteazz1]

That list is bogus. That is what they are saying they want, but what they have or will have in reality, is a little bit different.

Yes.And that is why (they say) We (black women) can't get/keep a man.......

 

[cuteazz1]

That's what they say.....but it aint what's really happening. A women can cook like Rachel Ray, clean and decorate her house like Martha Stewart, Sex him like a porn star, work like a hebrew slave while balancing his/her checkbook with one kid on her hip and two hanging on to her legs, all the while looking and being built like Beyonce' and that man will still cheat and blame her for it.....


Men love bishes.....you treat him like a dog and he will love your last year's dirty panties

You are TOO funny girl...

 

[Nola Darling]

I can say that about half of them are married.Of those that are married some of them are married to white/latina women.I have nothing against that ,but last year we had a "chat" about interacial dating and most of them said that they date outside of their race because black women don't keep themselves up,and they don't let the man "be the man".Some of these guys have "submissive" wives.I have seen some of their wives attempt to talk at our meetings and they kind of give them the shut up look.

These are the so-called "good guys".I have a large group of friends from work,and different things that I do in the community.Many of the men are from the organization 100 black men,business owners and professionals,but most are friends of friends.

The one's with girlfriends/wife's are encouraged to bring them along,but most of them don't.

This gives me a new topic to discuss-thanks.I will arrange the next meeting as a couples ONLY thing..

Anyone in Chicago let me know if ya wanna attend.

@ bolded....here we go again..... How old are these men? Seems like men from my parent's generation with that type of thinking.

On another note, my boyfriend complains about the whole "let me be the man" thing. But um...I see no ring. I hate how men want to be this and that but don't want to commit.

 

[PaperDoll]

Anyone in Chicago let me know if ya wanna attend.

let me know, i'll come out...

 

[Caramela]

It's easy. To get a good man, you have to be a good woman. You are what you attract, believe it or not. If you keep attracting losers, it says something about you.

 

[cuteazz1]

@ bolded....here we go again..... How old are these men? Seems like men from my parent's generation with that type of thinking.

On another note, my boyfriend complains about the whole "let me be the man" thing. But um...I see no ring. I hate how men want to be this and that but don't want to commit.

Our "normal bunch" range from 22-40 ish...My girl friends are in that age range and they invite people that they know so this is me guessing.

I think that men really want to feel like the man.I try so hard to let my baby be in charge of a few things.My personality is strong,but I have learned over the years to "let the man be the man".At first I felt phony,but in the end it has made my relationship 100% better.

I can only suggest to try it for a little while and see if it makes him want to commit.,give a little but remain yourself(does that make sense?)

 

[cuteazz1]

let me know, i'll come out...

Sent ya a link to our myspace.Let me know if you are not on there.I post all of our stuff on our page there.

 

[dlewis]

I wonder when they say keep a man. How long do you have to be married to say you have keep a man?

IDK about this because, I know a lot of old married people and though they are married they a been miserably married for years.

 

[tocktick]

O.k so my friends and I have a Women's group.We have weekly meetings about life,goals,kids,relationships..whatever,but once a month we have what we call "CHATS".We usually invite every woman and man that we know and choose a topic.These meetings get bigger and bigger everytime because people love them.Anyways,last week our Chat was called"How to get/keep a man.These are tips that Most of the men said(group of 32 men).

1.Don't give it up on a first date,they will only think that you are a whore.

2.Keep yourself up.don't show up on date 1 looking fabulous,but 3 months later go out in sweats.Keep your hair and nails nice.Workout.The size of the woman did not really matter,but the hip to waist ratio is important....Basically men like small waists and nice hips.The #1 body part that they wanted was a flat belly.

3.Intelligence is sexy.don't act all loud and ghetto if you want a good quality man,they like women who act like ladies.

4.Act like a lady in the streets,but a freak in the bed(we already know)

5.COOK,CLEAN..We heard this one the most.

6.Let him be the man.Don't act like you wear the pants(even if you do)Let him Believe that he is in charge.


Does anyone else have any tips?

Of course I got mad at some of these remarks,but i hear them often at our chat's and most of it is true.I can honestly say that I do all of these things EXcept the cooking and cleaning.My house is clean,but not spotless.And I make my Darling help.

I expect the man to cook with me and I WILL NOT have sex with ANYONE until 1..We go and get tested together and 2 we have been dating for 1 year.These are my personal rules and they work for me.

What do you all think?

concering no. 1, the men should hold themselves at the same standard. so a man will willing sleep with the woman putting sex on the table but will turn around and call her a whore? in order to "give it up", someone had to "take it", right? but i guess that's the kind of double standard a lot of men are stilling stupidly holding on to. tbh, if a man i knew voiced such a bigoted opinion i'm not quite sure i'd still be persuing a relationship with him. that kind of comment speaks volumes about a person.

as for "COOK" & "CLEAN" - when are we expected to do this? for myself, i would do this more frequently if we got married. if not, cooking would only be a treat. cleaning? that's funny, for real. i wonder what kind of things the guys who say this are willing to offer in return?

i agree with maintaining your appearance. on the flipside, i see a lot of men slacking yet expecting their SO's to look pristine. again, they should be held to the same standards. however, i need to be comfortable with dude at some point. i don't want to be afraid to take off my make-up or wear some casual clothes because homeboy has some illusions in his head that i look "perfect" 24/7. at the end of the day, damn near no one can live up to that all the time. that is not an excuse to be more sloppy than looking nice though.

i agree with "letting a man be a man" in the sense that i would not try to treat him as my minion or disrespect him. i'd also let him feel like he was playing an important role in my life somehow. but i would never pretend to be docile or subservient. that shytes for the birds, sorry.

my own:

1) establish what your standards and expectations are from your man and stick by them. i've seen and heard of too many people get burned because their standards were low or they began letting their SO get away with little things and those eventually turned into big betrayals.

2) treat each other with respect.

 

[tocktick]

Alledgedly from another man's perspective all you need to do is give him peace a mind, the big piece a chicken and a piece of poontang

LMAOOOOOOO. i saw that thread.

I can say that about half of them are married.Of those that are married some of them are married to white/latina women.I have nothing against that ,but last year we had a "chat" about interacial dating and most of them said that they date outside of their race because black women don't keep themselves up,and they don't let the man "be the man".Some of these guys have "submissive" wives.I have seen some of their wives attempt to talk at our meetings and they kind of give them the shut up look.

aaaaaaaaaaaand, on that note i think i'll pretty much disregard this list. the first "rule" alluded to what kind of men were speaking but the bolded just really confirms everything i thought. i don't need advise on how to get & keep a bigoted man who thinks i take zero pride in my appearance purely on the basis of me being black (can we say ignorant? ) and wants me to be his inferior. wth should i be scared to voice my own damn opinion in front of my husband? truly pathetic. fcuk that mess.

 

[cuteazz1]

I wonder when they say keep a man. How long do you have to be married to say you have keep a man?

IDK about this because, I know a lot of old married people and though they are married they a been miserably married for years.

I know right.I think that if we are in relationships that we choose,not out desperation,fear,or financial reasons. then we are "keeping our man." ..now that I type that it's weird ya know they should be happy to have us.So I will just use the term "keeping your man" in relation to a "happy" long term relationship.

I think that if you are married then you have your man.,but marriage,like all relationships take work.

I know PLENTY of miserable marrieds also...

 

[star]

O.k so my friends and I have a Women's group.We have weekly meetings about life,goals,kids,relationships..whatever,but once a month we have what we call "CHATS".We usually invite every woman and man that we know and choose a topic.These meetings get bigger and bigger everytime because people love them.Anyways,last week our Chat was called"How to get/keep a man.These are tips that Most of the men said(group of 32 men).

1.Don't give it up on a first date,they will only think that you are a whore.

2.Keep yourself up.don't show up on date 1 looking fabulous,but 3 months later go out in sweats.Keep your hair and nails nice.Workout.The size of the woman did not really matter,but the hip to waist ratio is important....Basically men like small waists and nice hips.The #1 body part that they wanted was a flat belly.

3.Intelligence is sexy.don't act all loud and ghetto if you want a good quality man,they like women who act like ladies.

4.Act like a lady in the streets,but a freak in the bed(we already know)

5.COOK,CLEAN..We heard this one the most.

6.Let him be the man.Don't act like you wear the pants(even if you do)Let him Believe that he is in charge.


Does anyone else have any tips?

Of course I got mad at some of these remarks,but i hear them often at our chat's and most of it is true.I can honestly say that I do all of these things EXcept the cooking and cleaning.My house is clean,but not spotless.And I make my Darling help.

I expect the man to cook with me and I WILL NOT have sex with ANYONE until 1..We go and get tested together and 2 we have been dating for 1 year.These are my personal rules and they work for me.
What do you all think?

These were good tips straight from the men.

 

[Bunny77]

aaaaaaaaaaaand, on that note i think i'll pretty much disregard this list. the first "rule" alluded to what kind of men were speaking but the bolded just really confirms everything i thought. i don't need advise on how to get & keep a bigoted man who thinks i take zero pride in my appearance purely on the basis of me being black (can we say ignorant? ) and wants me to be his inferior. wth should i be scared to voice my own damn opinion in front of my husband? truly pathetic. fcuk that mess.

I feel that...

I'm not saying that some of the tips don't have some merit, but it sounds like it's all coming from a place of prejudging black women no matter what they bring to the table... they didn't even really need to bring the racial thing into it... of course, I always wonder WHY these BM who are "happily" married to white/Latina/Asian then have to say, "And see, this is why I'm not married to a black woman..."

Now let me stop before I turn this into an IR thread.

Cuteazz, thanks for answering my question. I do appreciate it.