How To Evaluate A Potential Husband

[EverythingOldIsNew]

Can someone please talk more about the "dating men with kids" scenario?? I was told by friends and family that I'm shrinking my dating pool by saying that I will not date a man with kids. Is this an something that can be positive at all??

Next time they tell you that tell them not dating women shrinks your dating pool too. Don't let anyone down your standards.

I can't think of a single positive about dating a man with kids. He is either spending time and money on them which is good for them and bad for you. Or he's a deadbeat and that's bad for everyone. Unless he's older and they kids are grown

 

[fula97]

Can someone please talk more about the "dating men with kids" scenario?? I was told by friends and family that I'm shrinking my dating pool by saying that I will not date a man with kids. Is this an something that can be positive at all??

How old are you? If you are in your 20's early 30's stick with the no dating kids. Mid 30's and up it gets more challenging because of divorce etc in older ages. It's harder not impossible. And even that has limits if you have two ex wives and a kid by each the odds of me dating you are slim unless you make a lot of money that can cover support and me.

Dating men with kids is a PIA. There are financial considerations. Time considerations. You have to be ok with the fact it's not all about you.if you are jealous not for you he will have to have some interactions with e child's mother. Do you offer advice or stay silent on child rearing issues? If you do get married how much say do you have I on upbringing? Because like it or not you are co- parenting. If I marry you how much disposable income is for our family.

 

[Southernbella.]

I have a question... what are the women bringing to the table to make the men feel like they are winning this prize worth fighting for? Their looks? Education? Goals? If a man shouldn't want his wife to work why do education or goals matter? I am not being facetious I am truly curious. Also if a woman is divorced and has kids already how does that come into play? A co worker and I are both divorced and have kids... we discuss how this effects or prospects for dating and re marriage. Personally I think I am just going to wait until my kids are grown but I know my co worker really wants to remarry and I see her making a lot of mistakes that are warned against in this thread.

I can only tell you what dh says attracted him to me. He was initially physically attracted to me. He also said I carried myself well and was a lady. When he got to know me better, he loved that I was intelligent and opinionated. He also loved that I had high standards (I have found that good men crave that in a woman). He loved my character and appreciated that I loved the Lord and my family and friends.

I think each individual man will want different things, and if they see it in you, it makes you a prize.

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[Zaynab]

I can only tell you what dh says attracted him to me. He was initially physically attracted to me. He also said I carried myself well and was a lady. When he got to know me better, he loved that I was intelligent and opinionated. He also loved that I had high standards (I have found that good men crave that in a woman). He loved my character and appreciated that I loved the Lord and my family and friends.

I think each individual man will want different things, and if they see it in you, it makes you a prize.

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This and yes.

And everything else ya'll have said in this thread. I have nothing to add.

 

[Southernbella.]

This and yes.

And everything else ya'll have said in this thread. I have nothing to add.

Zaynab still waiting on your thread

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[FemmeFatale]

This is an awesome thread. Nothing to add just taking more notes.

 

[Zaynab]

Zaynab still waiting on your thread

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Oh yea. You and EverythingOldIsNew can go first

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

Oh yea. You and @EverythingOldIsNew can go first

Im at a bit of a loss for words on my topic. In short I wanted to start a thread about being UE in a city full of UE people. I dont think many here would appreciate it based on responses to other threads on the subject.

 

[Southernbella.]

Im at a bit of a loss for words on my topic. In short I wanted to start a thread about being UE in a city full of UE people. I dont think many here would appreciate it based on responses to other threads on the subject.

Ooh do it!

Mine is more of a question. Alright I'll start mine but Z I really want you to start yours soon because I might not be on here tonight

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[Zaynab]

Im at a bit of a loss for words on my topic. In short I wanted to start a thread about being UE in a city full of UE people. I dont think many here would appreciate it based on responses to other threads on the subject.

You mean NON-UE or?

Ooh do it!

Mine is more of a question. Alright I'll start mine but Z I really want you to start yours soon because I might not be on here tonight

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I want to be but I won't be able to babysit said thread, I think I will tommorrow. I can't get my wording together w/o being offensive

 

[Southernbella.]

You mean NON-UE or?

I want to be but I won't be able to babysit said thread, I think I will tommorrow. I can't get my wording together w/o being offensive

You suck. Just thought you should know that.

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[EverythingOldIsNew]

You mean NON-UE or?



I want to be but I won't be able to babysit said thread, I think I will tommorrow. I can't get my wording together w/o being offensive

I mean UE. I'll go ahead and start the thread.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

sonyablade

My thoughts on a man who does not want his wife to work outside the home is that he still expects her to raise his kids which means the wife needs an education and goals. I personally would not want my kids being raised by someone who didn't value education.

An example that comes to mind is President Obama and Michelle since she is now a homemaker, although she did work outside the home for much of their marriage.

A friends mom, a doctor, said lots of women in her medical school class only went for their MRS degree. They had no intention of being doctors but they placed themselves in the position to date and marry doctors. I know a few women in my grad school class that did the same, they were engaged by our third year of law school.

I have a question... what are the women bringing to the table to make the men feel like they are winning this prize worth fighting for? Their looks? Education? Goals? If a man shouldn't want his wife to work why do education or goals matter? I am not being facetious I am truly curious. Also if a woman is divorced and has kids already how does that come into play? A co worker and I are both divorced and have kids... we discuss how this effects or prospects for dating and re marriage. Personally I think I am just going to wait until my kids are grown but I know my co worker really wants to remarry and I see her making a lot of mistakes that are warned against in this thread.

 

[Zaynab]

You suck. Just thought you should know that.

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I like my current SN, while I do have 6.50, I just want to put my thoughts together a bit better.

Mine is about makeup and the use of/dislike of and if it's more of a class thing-not necessarily UE

 

[Zaynab]

I mean UE. I'll go ahead and start the thread.

YAY UE week!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

ElegantPearl17

You are not shrinking your dating pool of eligible men if to you "eligible" means no kids.

Dating a man with kids can be positive depending on the custody arrangement and the relationship with the ex. A divorced coworker just married a guy with 2 kids, girls 6 & 9. His ex-wife lives close by and they share custody such that they have the kids Sunday - Wednesday morning and the ex-wife has the kids Wednesday after school through Sunday morning. They have planned events with the kids and lots of alone time and date nights. The ex-wife seems normal, the divorce was amicable and given the shared custody there is probably no child support order. However, I would guess they are both 40 or so years old.

If you are young, 20 - 30, stick with dating men with no kids.

Kids are a huge time and financial commitment which means less time for you and your husband as well as disposable income going to support his kid(s), not your would be kids/lifestyle. Not to mention, many divorces are not amicable such that you might have to deal with a bitter ex who will try to poison the child against the other parent.

Can someone please talk more about the "dating men with kids" scenario?? I was told by friends and family that I'm shrinking my dating pool by saying that I will not date a man with kids. Is this an something that can be positive at all??

 

[UmSumayyah]

I like my current SN, while I do have 6.50, I just want to put my thoughts together a bit better.

Mine is about makeup and the use of/dislike of and if it's more of a class thing-not necessarily UE

Zaynab I'll help you edit it if you want. I've done good keeping my screenname all these years.

I can look at it after 9 probably.

Oh and where's my pm?

 

[Zaynab]

Zaynab I'll help you edit it if you want. I've done good keeping my screenname all these years.

I can look at it after 9 probably.

Oh and where's my pm?

OH I started it and stopped, it's same thing we been talking about, I will PM you today.

OK I will just let someone else type it up for me-I just want to know if dressing well (not trendy, not Kim K) being feminine and wearing makeup is a class thing? Because the people that I know that shun improving their looks, wearing makeup, etc have jobs that are not professional and/or aren't socially aware? I've never been to any luncheons, teas, events, civic and/or social orgs and the women didn't have on dresses and makeup. Now word that better for me

 

[RegaLady]

OH I started it and stopped, it's same thing we been talking about, I will PM you today.

OK I will just let someone else type it up for me-I just want to know if dressing well (not trendy, not Kim K) being feminine and wearing makeup is a class thing? Because the people that I know that shun improving their looks, wearing makeup, etc have jobs that are not professional and/or aren't socially aware? I've never been to any luncheons, teas, events, civic and/or social orgs and the women didn't have on dresses and makeup. Now word that better for me

Please not another makeup spinoff. I thought this was covered weeks ago

 

[Zaynab]

Please not another makeup spinoff. I thought this was covered weeks ago

My thoughts were that it was a class thing. And maybe that's why I couldn't understand b/c IRL that's where I see the pushback. I'm probably not gonna fool with it

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I have a question... what are the women bringing to the table to make the men feel like they are winning this prize worth fighting for? Their looks? Education? Goals?.

I'm from the South, in my experience men are looking for educated attractive women. In my parts you can't really meet the kind of men described here unless you are educated. You meet them while you are in college, or out with your other professional minded friends. I guess if you live in a larger city people tend to intermingle more, but around here the uneducated/unmotivated stick out like a sore thumb among the educated/motivated- this is not a class thing, you just can't tell.

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[UmSumayyah]

My thoughts were that it was a class thing. And maybe that's why I couldn't understand b/c IRL that's where I see the pushback. I'm probably not gonna fool with it

Zaynab. So you don't want me to do the thread then? Cause I got a few minutes.

 

[Zaynab]

Zaynab. So you don't want me to do the thread then? Cause I got a few minutes.

Yes but do you know what I'm trying to say? I don't know if I'm explaining it well

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Syrah]

OH I started it and stopped, it's same thing we been talking about, I will PM you today.

OK I will just let someone else type it up for me-I just want to know if dressing well (not trendy, not Kim K) being feminine and wearing makeup is a class thing? Because the people that I know that shun improving their looks, wearing makeup, etc have jobs that are not professional and/or aren't socially aware? I've never been to any luncheons, teas, events, civic and/or social orgs and the women didn't have on dresses and makeup. Now word that better for me

But you realize people are gonna come all in that thread with examples of the UE folks they know that give 2shids about their personal appearance, right (a la Whoopi Goldberg)?

And whaddabout

But my man says I look fine...

 

[swite]

It's Sunday and it's the only day I don't revise, I need some excitement, humour me.

I would like advice SPECIFICALLY from the ladies that have been engaged to and or married to men that are relatively attractive, able to afford for you to stay at home as well as improving your lifestyle and generally treat you well.

If you being one of these shrewd women were giving advice to your younger single sister, what would you have to say?

Please could we have a troll-less thread. If you don't desire a man that will improve your financial situation that is your prerogative, but please try not to derail the thread for the people that do. Life is not a Tyler Perry movie.

1. Marry your best friend. Not someone you tolerate, but someone whose opinion and company you truly value.

2. Marry after the infatuation stage has passed. Good dyck can have you dazed and confused.

3. Live with your partner before marriage for ~6 mos. Christians and anti-shackers are going to come for my neck but its the truth. Don't cohabitate with someone whose living habits you aren't familiar with and you cannot tolerate.

4. Discuss finances and money plans prior to marriage. Monitor his spending habits and check his credit too. You're not being nosy, you're being safe.

5. Marry a man that values marriage, and most of all, values you.

6. Marry a man with concrete, tangible goals. Don't marry his dreams, marry his reality.

 

[Zaynab]

But you realize people are gonna come all in that thread with examples of the UE folks they know that give 2shids about their personal appearance, right (a la Whoopi Goldberg)?

And whaddabout

But my man says I look fine...

True But its OK I have another topic too

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[ava2]

Bump! This is good.

Searching the word 'make-up', find wisdom.

 

[PeaceLover]

*takes notes*