How to break up with a SO...advice please ladies

[br0wney3z]

Okay so I've been with my SO for the better half of 4 years, but happy in the relationship for about 3. We have been through so much together, but at the end of the day, I felt as though the things that we tried to work out just ended up tearing us apart. The amount of trust in the relationship deteriorated, and I everytime we would have a disagreement, no matter how long ago it was that something happened, he would always through it in my face. A fact that let me know that our future would always be about what he did and what i did, and never just about the disagreement at the time. Couldn't handle that. I finally decided to end things last year back in June and it didn't go so well. He obviously got upset, said a lot of mean and hurtful things. So I was through...or so I thought. Towards the end of the summer we tried to reconcile (for about the 10th time during the course of this relationship), but as soon as we 'got back together' I knew I had made a mistake and wanted out again. Things just kept getting worse (from my point of view) and then my dad got sick late last year and so he decided it would be best to give me my space to be with my family, so we separated....AGAIN.

For me that was it, I know I no longer want to get back with him, but he certainly doesn't feel that way. I don't know how to tell him that now again though w/o having to suffer thru the same break-up argument that we had last time. As much as I love him and want the best for him, I know that I am not in love with him. I know everyone will say just be honest with him and level with him, but it hurts me to hurt him. But I also know that b/c of my unclearness when we did break up he's always held the hope of a reconciliation.

I need advice ladies. He always tries to pull a guilt trip on me saying that everyone in his life always abandons him, he thought I would be different but I'm not, and that hurts when he says that. Give me some tips on how to break it to him, that after 4 years together, we need to make a clean break from each other!!! The longer I stay with him, the more I start to resent him, the worse I treat him...well you get the point

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

You are unhappy, and he is immature when you guys don't do things his way... LET IT GO!!!

The fact you wanted out once you got back in was the kicker.

 

[drasgrl]

I know you don't want to hurt him but there really is no getting around it. Be straight and don't let him guilt you into anything. The longer you put it off the more miserable you will be. Get it over with once and for all. You'll feel much better when you do,

 

[Glitter]

I made my SO cry when I broke up. He knew it was coming so he avoided me or would guilt me before I could bring it up.

One day, we were on AIM and I saw he put up some sappy ass lyrics in his profile. I just couldn't take it so I blurted out. "I'm done, I'm sorry. I'm done with this relationship." I then started the process of cutting the ties: changing the facebook status, returning his stuff, asking for my items back, etc.


He WILL try to come back at you and get back with you...I think these are the best times to rely on your girlfriends who will remind you WHY you had a change of heart and that you can do better.

Also, one thing I did which helped me: make a list of reasons why it's not working out with him. I had about 4 or 5 reasons...whenever ex-SO tried to engage me in discussion of the relationship OR whenever I would miss him, I would go back to those points and remind myself why I wanted it to be over.

Break-ups suck on both ends. Be strong.