How to be more 'approachable' when it comes to guys??

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Nelli04

Well-Known Member
I've had this problem for yearrrs and I think it has gotten worse :(
I will start off by saying I am a little shy and whatnot, but I have never been told I look mean, but....

I've been told multiple times that I am not approachable...that the way I carry myself would make a guy nervous to 'get at me.' :look:

I do not know what it is that I am doing that is causing this...

Like last night I went to a school meeting and there was a guy there who I think is a cutie and I ALWAYS see him around campus, but we never speak. Now he went out of his way to look at me and try to get my attention (i.e. talking loud and walking past multiple times)...but he never actually stopped to say anything even though it seemed as though he wanted to...

So those of you who may have advice, I would greatly appreciate it. :)
Or if there is a post discussing this, a link would be great too.
 
My cousin told me to do that too...but it just so awkward for me esp when he is with like 5 of his boys.

But I guess thats the way to do it.
 
Here's the question I would ask: how is he supposed to know that you have any interest in him beyond the interest you have in everyone else on campus, besides repeatedly being in the same space and occasionally making eye contact?

Girl, smile at the boy.

Men are ego driven creatures - they don't "not approach" women due to intimidation, but out of fear of misread signals resulting in rejection. Send him a few subtle hints that you do notice him (smiles, prolonged eye contact, a wave or a wink)...he'll do the rest.
 
I have a problem with this too. If I were you, I probably wouldn't have even noticed him trying to get my attention. I get really rigid when I'm around cute guys and I pay attention to anything but them. I'm also deathly scared that if I smile at a guy, he'll just stare and won't smile back...bleh...
 
lovely008 said:
I have a problem with this too. If I were you, I probably wouldn't have even noticed him trying to get my attention. I get really rigid when I'm around cute guys and I pay attention to anything but them. I'm also deathly scared that if I smile at a guy, he'll just stare and won't smile back...bleh...
Click to expand...

That's exactly how I act. And the only reason I noticed him was because I had looked up and he was right across from me lol. And I already thought he was cute (from previous encounters), so it was hard to avoid him, even though I did.
It is also real annoying because I think he mentioned something to his friends and so one by one they would walk past me to see what I looked like, :rolleyes:

But next wednesday, if he is there, I will try to smile at him or something..give him some non-verbal cues (key word: TRY). lol
 
Nelli04 said:
But next wednesday, if he is there, I will try to smile at him or something..give him some non-verbal cues (key word: TRY). lol
Click to expand...

DO IT! What's the worst thing that could happen? And when you do it... keep us updated! :grin:
 
lmaoo after tonight ima just say 'he's just not that into you' lmaoo

dudes and their mixed signals...he's probably already boo'd up for valentines.
 
Nelli04 said:
lmaoo after tonight ima just say 'he's just not that into you' lmaoo

dudes and their mixed signals...he's probably already boo'd up for valentines.
Click to expand...

Don't know what happened, but remember this... it's not that dudes are sending mixed signals. They generally can't help flirting with attractive women no matter their status. Just because they flirt or show some attention doesn't mean they're interested... they're just being men.

We think they're sending a signal (or a mixed signal) and they aren't sending anything at all.

Don't worry and just keep it moving. :)
 
nothing happened, my bad.
I was expecting to see him tonight at the meeting, but he wasnt there...no one was because of the rain, so they postponed it til tuesday :(

But I did see him earlier today, he was in a suit, so im assuming he was going somewhere, but I couldn't smile and he didnt approach me...::sigh:: I feel like I'm in a soap opera because its taking forever for something to happen...
 
mwedzi said:
Did you try smiling at him? Or when he looked at you smiling and mouthing a "hi"?
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OMG i literally blushed when i read this. That just seems so... forward!! :blush3:

ETA: it kind of reminds me of the scene in Grease where sandy first saw that football player guy. that scene makes me blush too. along w. the scene in the "grease lightening" song where john travolta says P*ssy wagon :blush:
 
Ya'll need to work on your self confidence. You are going to always seem unapproachable if your self confidence is low. Whatever you don't like about yourself try to change it. If it's something you can't change then start naming the things that are great about it.

Ex: If you are really tall then appreciate your nice long legs, that men love.
If you are really skinny, love the fact that there are tons of guys who love skinny women and you can buy anything.

If you can change it then change it but you gotta be confident or you're going to miss all sorts of opportunities with men.

Definitely smile at guys, if your hair is long you can flip and smile, you can wink. If you guys have some sort of class or something together where you all will be interacting you can involve him in a conversation or debate. Then you are opening the door for you to approach him after and say something like "Wow, that was really cool what you said in "whatever" you want to hang out with me and some friends?"
 
Maybe this is dumb, but couldn't you just ask this guy an open-ended question like - "where did you get that shirt? i'd love to get one like that for my brother." Guys love to talk about themselves. If you give him a chance to holla at you and he keeps going - move on. It's all about synching and clicking. Asking a question won't kill you. All of this smiling and waiting stuff is semi-mediaeval.
 
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Nelli04 said:
nothing happened, my bad.
I was expecting to see him tonight at the meeting, but he wasnt there...no one was because of the rain, so they postponed it til tuesday :(

But I did see him earlier today, he was in a suit, so im assuming he was going somewhere, but I couldn't smile and he didnt approach me...::sigh:: I feel like I'm in a soap opera because its taking forever for something to happen...
Click to expand...

Why couldn't you smile? Did he look your way?
 
LeadingLady said:
Maybe this is dumb, but couldn't you just ask this guy an open-ended question like - "where did you get that shirt? i'd love to get one like that for my brother." Guys love to talk about themselves. If you give him a chance to holla at you and he keeps going - move on. It's all about synching and clicking. Asking a question won't kill you. All of this smiling and waiting stuff is semi-mediaeval.
Click to expand...

If it were only that easy...esp when you are shy.

I rarely see people do that stuff...:(


BUT I don't think I am THAT unapproachable...the guy who is an admin for the meeting came up to me to see if I was coming...and then ALL the guys introduced themselves to me and held a convo...so I know the problem is definitely my shyness because when a cute guy is there I def try to avoid looking at him at all costs lol...I guess so I don't make a fool of myself.
 
Kawaii1 said:
Ya'll need to work on your self confidence. You are going to always seem unapproachable if your self confidence is low. Whatever you don't like about yourself try to change it. If it's something you can't change then start naming the things that are great about it.

Ex: If you are really tall then appreciate your nice long legs, that men love.
If you are really skinny, love the fact that there are tons of guys who love skinny women and you can buy anything.

If you can change it then change it but you gotta be confident or you're going to miss all sorts of opportunities with men.

Definitely smile at guys, if your hair is long you can flip and smile, you can wink. If you guys have some sort of class or something together where you all will be interacting you can involve him in a conversation or debate. Then you are opening the door for you to approach him after and say something like "Wow, that was really cool what you said in "whatever" you want to hang out with me and some friends?"
Click to expand...


Yea my confidence is crap...its up and down ALL the time, but I've been working on it for a year or so now and it's gotten a little better...there's so much about me (physically) I hate and this makes me feel like I am not good enough for a cute guy...it seems like even if I am interested in them, I do something to ruin it.

I still don't see why people like long legs...I always wanted short legs lol.
 
well I guess I understand why he is just starring and not approaching.
I mean ever since I started going to this school, I've seen him and we always caught eyes...but it all makes sense now
he has a g/f lol
I stumbled onto her facebook and was like 'the guy in the picture looks familiar' and bamm I realized it was himm...
damn shame...I swear this is the story of my life.
Any guy I think is cute or would even consider talking to--there's always something wrong. I guess I can just admire his blue eyes from a distance lol
 
Nelli04 said:
My cousin told me to do that too...but it just so awkward for me esp when he is with like 5 of his boys.

But I guess thats the way to do it.
Click to expand...

I would've naturally smiled at the boys (I like kids) and then brought my smile up to him.
 
jrae said:
:lachen::rolleyes: you said "boys" and I thought "boys" :lachen: I'm so stoopid.
Click to expand...
bringing his boys to class with him:lachen:



but op now you know why he hasnt done anything. nothings wrong with you its not you its him. men love to stare. this guy that gos to my church always looks at me and says hi to me andi feel he flirts back with me. he is or was engaged 1 month ago:perplexed i found out in jan he was engaged. oh well.........:ohwell:
 
Man when I was single all I got from guys were I didn't approach you b/c you look like you already have a man.... :wallbash:... What the hell kind of look or persona was I given off b/c that was so not the case? I would ask them and they would just say they didn't know but that I looked like I had a man... Sheesh.... I am very shy and introverted so maybe that's it.. I don't randomly strike up a conversation with anyone but if you say something to me I'll talk and converse with you... :yep:... Even my guy that I am dating now he said the way I carry myself is like if you talk to me, you talk to me, if you don't, you don't.. He said and that's not how women who want a man usually carry themselves, they usually try to get the guys attention some way or another... I truly did feel that way but darn... I am still learning how to be more approachable though..
 
TLC1020 said:
Man when I was single all I got from guys were I didn't approach you b/c you look like you already have a man.... :wallbash:... What the hell kind of look or persona was I given off b/c that was so not the case? I would ask them and they would just say they didn't know but that I looked like I had a man... Sheesh.... I am very shy and introverted so maybe that's it.. I don't randomly strike up a conversation with anyone but if you say something to me I'll talk and converse with you... :yep:... Even my guy that I am dating now he said the way I carry myself is like if you talk to me, you talk to me, if you don't, you don't.. He said and that's not how women who want a man usually carry themselves, they usually try to get the guys attention some way or another... I truly did feel that way but darn... I am still learning how to be more approachable though..
Click to expand...

It's funny when you're single, no one wants to talk to you until you're boo'd up, then men come out the woodwork to holla at you. :rolleyes:
 
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