How soon is too soon to start dating...

[Britt]

Right after you come out of a relationship?
How soon is too soon to go out casually with someone after you and your ex SO part ways... ? Particularly a relationship that really did need to end..
I've heard several opinions on this... I've seen people literally jump from one relationship to the next w/o so much as a breather in between. I've done that b4 years ago, but my relationships were not as serious at all as the one I'm getting out of.. also, not as long..
I've also heard that sometimes it's good to go out with another guy just to kinda take your mind off things and be around someone who treats you well, or your just click with... i'm not wording this exactly how I'd like to..
but any opinions?

 

[bimbabe]

This issue is multifactoral and therefore...NOT an EASY one to answer.
I think it depends on you.
How your relationship ended. How lon you were in a relationship for.
What you are expecting from this dating? Just having fun? Looking for your huband?
I would say take a breather of at least a month (if the last relationship was serious) and just spend time healing...go out with your girls...spend time at home...get to know yourself as a single person again and determine what you are looking for in an SO. BUT if God were to send someone your way before then ....do not close your eyes to the situation..JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

 

[Britt]

This issue is multifactoral and therefore...NOT an EASY one to answer.
I think it depends on you.
How your relationship ended. How lon you were in a relationship for.
What you are expecting from this dating? Just having fun? Looking for your huband?
I would say take a breather of at least a month (if the last relationship was serious) and just spend time healing...go out with your girls...spend time at home...get to know yourself as a single person again and determine what you are looking for in an SO. BUT if God were to send someone your way before then ....do not close your eyes to the situation..JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

Thanks for the advice and I do agree! The date would be just to have fun... just hypothetically speaking..I do plan to go out with my girlfriends though !!!! It's just that she is really pushing me to at least go on a date with this guy that seems like a really good catch . I told her pretty much what you said above, I need some time. I don't have intentions on dating people in general right now. I'm actually a little apprehensive about doing so. It's just this one particular guy I'd like to go out with.. casually.

 

[bimbabe]

Casually is ok...now would be a time to pick up new friends. BUT tell him up front you are now getting out of a relationship. You can drop it in anywhere in he conversation.

 

[Britt]

Casually is ok...now would be a time to pick up new friends. BUT tell him up front you are now getting out of a relationship. You can drop it in anywhere in he conversation.

For real, he actually knows . I met him briefly back in Sept, and he knew I had some 'house cleaning' to do b4 I could even give him a phone call.

 

[locabouthair]

I dont like to date soon after a relationship ends because even though it's just casual, you may end up really liking him and then wants things to go further and then it becomes a rebound thing.

I always felt like I needed time to heal after a relationship ended. But I'm pretty emotional so

But everyone's different. Only you know how far you are willing for things to go. Good Luck!

 

[Britt]

I dont like to date soon after a relationship ends because even though it's just casual, you may end up really liking him and then wants things to go further and then it becomes a rebound thing.

I always felt like I needed time to heal after a relationship ended. But I'm pretty emotional so

But everyone's different. Only you know how far you are willing for things to go. Good Luck!

Thanks for the advice!
I especially agree about the rebound part.
I saw this end *tragically* with my close girlfriend last Spring.
She was hurt by her SO, and literally got with someone else within a week, and a few months later, the guy shot himself in the head b/c he felt as if he was being led on and then abandoned by her. In any event, this is a tragic extreme example...
in the end, she's now back with the ex SO.... I guess it's safe to just go through the emotions of a break up . I really would not want a messy situation .

 

[miracle]

I would have to say that it depends on the person because there are so many factors related to relationships & break-ups. There are so many emotions and feelings intertwined that it's just hard to say if there is a definitive "waiting period".

I can say that for myself, it took me about a year to feel comfortable even talking to someone on a casual level. I just felt that I needed the time to examine my own emotions and rebuild myself. I also didn't want to get "caught up" too soon and end up using someone as a "rebound guy". That just never seemed fair to me. I had to get myself in order and stop feeling the negativity that I had to towards my ex. I didn't want to bring those bad feelings into a new friendship or possible relationship.

All-in-all, I think it's never a bad thing to allow oneself a little bit of time for renewal and that can't really be accomplished by jumping in & out of relationships.
(Didn't mean to ramble, but I hope I came at least halfway close to answering the OP's question.)

 

[Britt]

I would have to say that it depends on the person because there are so many factors related to relationships & break-ups. There are so many emotions and feelings intertwined that it's just hard to say if there is a definitive "waiting period".

I can say that for myself, it took me about a year to feel comfortable even talking to someone on a casual level. I just felt that I needed the time to examine my own emotions and rebuild myself. I also didn't want to get "caught up" too soon and end up using someone as a "rebound guy". That just never seemed fair to me. I had to get myself in order and stop feeling the negativity that I had to towards my ex. I didn't want to bring those bad feelings into a new friendship or possible relationship.

All-in-all, I think it's never a bad thing to allow oneself a little bit of time for renewal and that can't really be accomplished by jumping in & out of relationships.
(Didn't mean to ramble, but I hope I came at least halfway close to answering the OP's question.)

No rambling... I agree with the advice given. I don't have a date set up per se.. but I sometimes think it's a bit too soon, though it would be completely casual. I was thinking more along the lines of at least 3 months. I guess I feel a wee bit eager b/c my ex SO is now in another state.

 

[MizAvalon]

I dont like to date soon after a relationship ends because even though it's just casual, you may end up really liking him and then wants things to go further and then it becomes a rebound thing.

I always felt like I needed time to heal after a relationship ended. But I'm pretty emotional so

But everyone's different. Only you know how far you are willing for things to go. Good Luck!

I agree with this. I need time to heal after a relationship ends. I just take time to myself for a while.

 

[locabouthair]

Thanks for the advice!
I especially agree about the rebound part.
I saw this end *tragically* with my close girlfriend last Spring.
She was hurt by her SO, and literally got with someone else within a week, and a few months later, the guy shot himself in the head b/c he felt as if he was being led on and then abandoned by her. In any event, this is a tragic extreme example...
in the end, she's now back with the ex SO.... I guess it's safe to just go through the emotions of a break up . I really would not want a messy situation .

OMG. That's so sad. That's something your friend will always remember. How did she deal with it? Maybe he had depression issues before he met your friend.

 

[Britt]

OMG. That's so sad. That's something your friend will always remember. How did she deal with it? Maybe he had depression issues before he met your friend.

Girl, it was TRAGIC indeed.
She said he text her saying something to the effect of "call the police"... and she rushed to his apt, to find his head slumped over with 2 bullets in it. The image alone, I'd need therapy.
For about 5 months after, she never slept alone always had someone at her apt, we'd take turns spending nights with her or she'd go to a friends house, her mom's house.
The VERY STRANGE thing is.... this guy seemed almost perfect... I mean, he made her ex look like such a loser. This guy was affectionate, caring, giving, patient, very very clean and neat looking, spoke well, virtually looked harmless. We all thought she had a good catch and everyone who came across him thought the samething also. Then I think when he realized that she still kept in contact with her ex and that she was becoming a little more 'distant' from him, it seemed that put him over the edge and he felt abandoned. He was only 30 and left behind a 7 year old daughter.

 

[locabouthair]

Girl, it was TRAGIC indeed.
She said he text her saying something to the effect of "call the police"... and she rushed to his apt, to find his head slumped over with 2 bullets in it. The image alone, I'd need therapy.
For about 5 months after, she never slept alone always had someone at her apt, we'd take turns spending nights with her or she'd go to a friends house, her mom's house.
The VERY STRANGE thing is.... this guy seemed almost perfect... I mean, he made her ex look like such a loser. This guy was affectionate, caring, giving, patient, very very clean and neat looking, spoke well, virtually looked harmless. We all thought she had a good catch and everyone who came across him thought the samething also. Then I think when he realized that she still kept in contact with her ex and that she was becoming a little more 'distant' from him, it seemed that put him over the edge and he felt abandoned. He was only 30 and left behind a 7 year old daughter.

I hate hearing about children losing their dads. It sound slike he had depression issues before he met your friends because why would he do that knowing he had a 7 year old to live for? So sad

 

[Britt]

I hate hearing about children losing their dads. It sound slike he had depression issues before he met your friends because why would he do that knowing he had a 7 year old to live for? So sad

Yeah, I wonder if the thought of his daughter b4 he took his life.
He had to really have abandonment issues b4 he met my friend. It's just soo errie that he came across as almost perfect. She doesn't understand how it all happened... I think something in her attracted him into her life. But she's not into LOA and self examination so she doesn't see it that way.