How Often/Long Does It Take Before You Or Your SO Have A Spat????

[drasgrl]

We don't argue a lot sometimes we'll go for months without having a few minor words over something but it's not major usually. We make up that day or the next. Certainly the next day we are fine.

 

[aja1121]

Just had an argument with SO...he picks fights everytime he goes out, so he won't feel guilty about what he may get into.

 

[Mynappturalme]

Funny I saw this thread, I just got home from being at his house! I am pissed right now!!! I don't know how this is going end though.

My heart hurts! It was over something petty, it usually is. He thinks that he is always right. Just venting. Normally, he will make me mad, I let it go, try to ignore, talk it over with one of my friends, keep it moving and we will be cool.

This time, I'm not sure. It left me with a lot of questions. erplexed

With one of my ex's, we would disagree and make up right away. I could not stay mad with him. We talked and listened to one another. Too bad he could not grow up and man up.

I miss my baby already erplexed

 

[honeycomb719]

We have a big disagreement about once a month. Little spats, very sporatic so I cant give a time frame. We are learning to argue better. We make-up after the big arguments in about 2 0r 3 days depends. The last one was about 2weeks ago. That argument set us back in many ways, but hey I guess thats how relationships are...

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

We haven't had big 'arguments', I've taken way too many family life and sociology classes to argue and get defensive. Instead we try to remain neutral and hear the other person's POV, we'll still get upset but it's a lot easier to make up this way because it doesn't feel like someone has to put their pride/ego aside just to make up.

Arguments over stupid stuff? I don't know, maybe once every 2 weeks. It's like I told my DF one time he was arguing with me about something petty, I said "Man, thanks for reassuring me that we can't be happy for too long, gotta throw that dumbass argument in there somewhere to let me know this happiness thing don't last forever."

 

[Cichelle]

My DH and I rarely have spats. We rarely argue. When we do, we make up in the same day, usually within an hour. My husband highly values peace in the home and sees it as his religious obligation to maintain it. I suspect he lets a lot of stuff go, but he denies that. I'm not the easiest person to live with.

 

[Trinity1]

My boyfriend and I are very new..going on 5 months and we dont argue. We have had maybe two disagreements where we have discussed things that bothered us. We are both very laid back and avoid conflict like the plague..lol! Besides,just living in this world and seeing all the things that go on,really makes me look at things in a different perspective. Life could be alot worse than dealing with a few of my mans idiosyncrasies. I refuse to get mad at him about every little thing when there is an amazing number of wonderful qualities in him that I appreciate


TeeTee2

 

[Syrah]

What's a spat?

I mean yea, me getting irritated and making my irritation known, or vice versa? Maybe one every week or 2. How long does it take to make up? About 2 hours.

I can't stay mad very long - takes up too much energy.

People who hold grudges?

 

[Everything Zen]

What's a spat?

I mean yea, me getting irritated and making my irritation known, or vice versa? Maybe one every week or 2. How long does it take to make up? About 2 hours.

I can't stay mad very long - takes up too much energy.

People who hold grudges?

That's what I want to know. We often bicker and fuss (and a lot of it has to do with communication style) but only 2 or 3 real fights in the past year where I flat out yelled at him and called him a $%#@%&%! @$$#&!&^.

We kinda had one last night that came up again today over the way I apparently said something.

We usually make up within 24 hours and often within the hour. We're both quick to apologize but he's super quick to accept blame and I don't let him because I know some things go two ways.

He's the most intense man I've ever met and one of the most sensitive. This is the first relationship I have ever had where I was the one that is less invested and apparently doesn't communicate well emotionally.

I definitely think a lot of it has to do with distance as well. We rarely have any problems when we're together.

 

[saved06]

We argue like everyday over little stuff. It's very annoying because it's like if you are arguing all the time, where is the fun in the relationship? I hate arguing so much to the point, if this relationship don't work out to marriage lol I'm gonna be single for a while meaning years. I haven't had sex so I can't miss it. We've been together 3 years

 

[lana]

Well we're newlyweds and we argue every few days and get over it the same day usually or within minutes. We have had two big blow ups spaced out over three months. We made up the next day after giving each other some space. I can't even remember what the arguments were about unless I try really hard. (so that's a plus)

I think because you have two imperfect people (that make mistakes) trying to live closely with one another you're going to get some irritation, arguments and even big memorable ones (no yelling or foul language of course).

It's my goal to let these things pass by and try not to add fire to the flame. Also when it's something petty and I'm starting to get irritated I read in a book that you should just CHANGE THE SUBJECT - which I've started to do and later on in the day you can't even remember what was bothering you.

So if you're arguing too much, change the subject and be happy.

But one thing I've found out about myself - I dislike when my DH tells me what I think or feel as if he knows better than ME. He'll say "you feel this way" "you think that way about such and such". One thing I know for sure, is that only God knows me better than I know myself. But hey we all have things to work on...he'll learn.

 

[LBoogie]

DH and I have yet to have a real spat. We have minor debates on occassion...about silly things, and those always end with 5 minutes of the start.

Neither of us are argumentative people, we don't raise our voices (I actually had a therapist a few years ago try to make me yell)...lol...somtething in my just doesn't allow me to yell, I think it's pointless.

We're both the "okay...lets agree to disagree on this" type, but we're also both quick to let something go...too much effort is wasted in trying to argue, be right, or prove the other person wrong....that effort and time can be better used having fun and just sharing time with one another.

ETA: He knows when he annoys me and will quickly make this crazy sound that makes all right in my world...That weird "kooooooooo" always makes me smile.

I know when I annoy him, and I just give him the remote or a hug...it works. LOL

 

[DMJ's Mom]

i've been with my SO give or take a couple weeks for 15months. Honestly I don't think we've ever had an arguement but we've had a couple disagreements nothing serious or anything we stayed mad about for more than a couple hours

 

[Cincysweetie]

One of the things that I like best about my relationship with my current SO is the way that we argue (sounds silly). We have spats (which I don't consider to be full-blown arguments, but moreso disagreements) maybe 1-few times a week (had one earlier today, lol). But we always end up laughing and making up at the end of it all...which can be anything from a few minutes to a few ours to the next day later. Neither one of us is too big to apologize and we both have no problem expressing our feelings/what's on our minds/what upsets us. We have yet to have a HUGE arguement, but I don't worry about it too much at this time based on the way we come back from spats and disagreements. Also, we are pretty aware of each other enough to know when it's time to back off/cool off/let it slide.

Now in typing all of this...I think I'm over our spat from earlier. I'm over here smiling just thinking about him. He's a good guy.

 

[Candy_C]

we have minor agrument

i used to switch off my phone and he would come looking for me

arghh those were the days

i've noticed when its things that really make no sense i get touchy

when its SERIOUS we dont argue, and work together

weird

when the goin gets tough we stick like glue

 

[GeorginaSparks]

who bumped this? lol

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

A few times a month and we make up that day b/c we can't go a long period of time without talking to each other.

 

[Poohbear]

We may get into a "spat" a couple of times a month. We make up within 1 to 2 days. We manage to get over stuff pretty quickly and move on.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Who randomly bumped this?? Strange.

I began to say how it wasn't fair that he suddenly got upset out of nowhere. Why was he mad? Because of the WAY I said to put the garbage away. Whichever way that was...

Oooooh girl. That is 99.99999% of fights in this house. That and him *deciding* that I am mad at him (when I am NOT) and refusing to believe me when I say I'm not mad. And he gets huffy in response to every thing I say, the way my head is tilted, whatever. It's so draining.

Men in general want us to be very clear about "asking" them to do stuff and not "telling" them to do stuff. Sometimes I feel like I need a pocket translator, because something that sounds normal to me will get him all peeved for days.

 

[JustKiya]

Someone must have voted in the poll - that's usually how 'invisible' bumps happen.

We 'argue' about twice a month - usually centered around when I'm PMS'ing or when he is - and usually about really petty stuff, so often there is no need to make up - either we come to a point where we realize we were actually agreeing with each other, just from different directions, we convince the other that we are right, or we agree to disagree. There are very, very, very few things that we have agreed to disagree on, because usually one of us comes to the others POV.

 

[YankeeCandle]

Depends.

Arguments that's he's either initiated and/or fueled? I'd say he iniaties one about every two YEARS. It is when I have done something that hurts or disturbs him more than usual and he must air his hurt.


Uh, arguments I've started? About two per DAY.

I usually ignore a few of his calls for the next day or so, and by Day Two I have relented.

 

[metro_qt]

Depends.

Arguments that's he's either initiated and/or fueled? I'd say he iniaties one about every two YEARS. It is when I have done something that hurts or disturbs him more than usual and he must air his hurt.


Uh, arguments I've started? About two per DAY.

I usually ignore a few of his calls for the next day or so, and by Day Two I have relented.

Thought it was just me... lol

 

[YankeeCandle]

^^^ Nope, my temper gets real hot real quick.

But it's very frustrating to get mad at him because 9 times out of 10 he has acted reasonably and I'm being a brat about it, and because he never responds to my tantrums. He sits calmly, humbly says "I'm sorry I did ___," makes me a delicious meal, and inevitably my wrath simmers down. I long for a real fight and he won't give it to me!

 

[Ganjababy]

Once per month just before my period. When we just got married I used to ask for a divorce every month.

 

[filthyfresh]

Once a week it seems. Like clockwork now that we've made it to 3 months. We've only had 3-4 spats. They all get resolved right after whatever "it" is happens. We don't like going to bed mad. We don't hold grudges. It's taking me a lot to get used to this because I've never been with someone who wants to talk things out. I'm just used to holding onto grudges. But I'm seeing that life is too short to stay mad. So we talk it out right then and there. We know that at the end of the day we still love each other & we want to make this work.

 

[Marley4920]

I notice that he and I get into more spats when I'm PMSing or ovulating. It may sound sexist but it's true. I get really hormonal and mean and I start arguments over the stupidest things. He's not very argumentative, and neither am I. But when I'm raging, it's a wrap. He mostly tries to buffer the situation and calm me down. I usually end up apologizing because I'm usually wrong. LOL. But other than that, we're cool.

I feel that way too. It seems like every 14 days we have little spats but they end that day. I feel bad sometimes becuase I know I start a lot of the arguments. I have to stop blaming PMS but when I'm in the moment the feeling is so real but when I have time to reflect, I think "Why did I do that again?"
He balances me and I'm glad we're together.

When So and I was at our worst, we argue for three and half years straight. We have been together going on 12 years. I think we know the ins and outs of each other. When you are getting to know someone you have to learn the bad side along with the good side so you know how to handle it all. Does that make sense. My SO and I are back in-love with each other because we just got over seeing each other at our worst and now we are back to basic. The basic is what make us love each other so much that we make it through the hard times. It's been plenty of times we both just wanted it to end but we both knew we can make each other happy, if we can just get pass the hard times. I hope this helps. Being in and maintaining a relationship is no joke. The hard time will determined what the relationship is worth.

Love this post.