How Often/Long Does It Take Before You Or Your SO Have A Spat????

[FunkyMunky]

THERE ARE 2 SEPARATE QUESTIONS FOR THE POLL!!!

I am beginning to wonder if my view on compatibility and getting along in a relationship is unrealistic. erplexed

We are all familiar with the phrase, "you pick and choose your battles." :swordfigh

In my past long term relationships that had absolutely no arguing, it was due in large part to a) I didn't really care enough to argue or b) I was so in love with the person that I picked and chose my battles out of wanting to keep the peace or fear. So basically, I was either bored or freakin crazy.

I'm in a fairly new relationship. 3 months out we were going strong, absolutely no arguments . Now, it's happening!! :axehunter:

I feel he is great for me and we compliment each other very well, me but it seems like every 14 days or so we get into a stupid spat about what, you ask??? Absolutely Nothing!!!!

Maybe its frustration/tiredness/misunderstandings, I have no idea . When me and my SO start arguing/debating/spatting, whatever, we start with one thing and then we end up arguing about how we are arguing.


We have never been disrespectful and we usually talk about :luv2: it and squash it later but then 14 days later......... we are at it again.
I mean I don't expect things to be lovey dovey every single day because real life kicks in but how long does the lovey dovey last for you before it runs out.

I don't want to feel like I am the only one experiencing this so help a sister out!!!

Are these growing pains???? We are getting over the spats much faster (usually the next day) and I feel like I am learning how to deal with this better.


Do you get along with your SO every day, and if so, for how long before you have to open up a can of whipazzzz :hardslap:and/or before an argument or spat occurs.

***This includes any kind of disagreement, differences of opinion that cause your blood pressure to rise (you know), something simple taken to the next level. If you gotta ask......yes it applies.

 

[angaliquew]

No we do not get along everyday...I often wonder if there are really couples out there like that.
My SO and I probably argue about petty stuff at least once a week but after about 30 min we're cool again.

As far as arguing to the point where our blood boils and I'm ready to kick his butt to the curb...maybe every 3 to 4 months...but we're working on that.

 

[Radianthealth]

We argue about once per month about stupid stuff I can't even remember we make up the same day or the next day. Twice a year we have big arguments where we stay mad at each other and argue for about a week.

 

[foxxymami]

Well we get into silly spats maybe once every other week. Let's see....for full on arguments maybe every......well the last one we had was almost 3 months ago

ETA: For the spats, it takes a couple of hours to make up.

 

[carcajada]

@ arguing about how you argue.

We argue everyday. Shucks, we even argued on our first date!

I think it's HOW couples argue that makes a difference.

 

[angaliquew]

@ arguing about how you argue.

We argue everyday. Shucks, we even argued on our first date!

I think it's HOW couples argue that makes a difference.

So true...

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think every marriage has that one thing you argue about over and over again and it never seems to get resolved.

But ITA that it's all about HOW you argue. We are great with the "I statements" you know "I feel like you aren't listening when you do that" or "I feel like you don't appreciate my efforts" instead of "You don't listen!!!!!" "You don't appreciate sh*t I do!!!!!!"

We always stay on topic and never bring up old stuff, and we don't ever call names or do character assassination. Sometimes we need a cooling off period, but it's never longer than a day, and then we talk it out.

 

[Sosoothing]

I think I would worry a little if I was in a new relationship and we didnt have any kind of spats. As you said, when people dont argue at all then one doesnt care at all about the relationship or there is a serious communication problem.
IMO Its a sign you are getting to know each other. Hopefully as the relationship grows you will argue better.

The frequency and how you argue as someone already stated make a difference.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

We get into those BIG arguments (speaking of breaking up and such) about a few times a year. We had one about 2 mos ago and it took us about a week to get it together.

But petty arguments are about twice a month. We just argued last night (He gets on my NERVES always being late) and it lasted about 2 minutes. He low-key slid his way back in lol.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

man arguing...that's life 4 real. I agree with ClassyND, it's really about how you argue.

 

[FunkyMunky]

WoW!!! Now I don't feel like we are the only ones.

All I know is I feel exhausted after the whole thing plays out from beginning to end and then I need a break.

Doing this every 14 days or 14 weeks for the rest of my life scares the crapola out of me.

As I said, in the past I was either bored or crazy. I guess this is the middle category - "Exhausted."

 

[dlewis]

We had 2 major disputes since we've been together. He makes up within ten minutes the last argument took me 17 months to get over. I've had many one side arguments and sometimes I'm ok within minutes and sometimes not. Dh a laid back person so nothing really bothers him.

 

[Arcadian]

We don't argue, we just have loud discussions

sometimes they're just silly, sometimes their pretty serious. If I get mad enough I have to wait until I calm down because I will shut off and stop talking. usually by the next day i can be calm enough talk.

We've had 2 blowouts that could have resulted in us breaking up and they took some serious work to get through.

Other than that, we may have the "are you going to write checks/take out the trash/why did you only leave a swallow of juice in the container" discussion once a month


-A

 

[adf23]

I have never been in a flat out argument with DH. We have been in disagreements- both of our personalities are really laid back- alot of stuff roles off both of our backs.

When we were dating we got into mild spats about him being chronically late. But it would drop.

 

[lilchanel]

We argue every single day about something. We usually say what he got to say to one another and then we are through. But at least once a week we have a BIG falling out.

I was also wondering if this was normal among other couples. It's so weird because when we get along, we get along so well but when we argue, it's WWIII..

All's quiet before the storm..LOL

 

[calliope]

We rarely argue. We did plenty up until about the second year of marriage and then just stopped. Neither of us have the energy anymore. I really and truly pick my battles now and he is very laid-back and it takes A LOT to make him mad- I really have to want to try to piss him off. If we do get upset at each other, we're both pretty good about being quick to say "I'm sorry" so an argument never lasts longer than a day.

 

[anherica]

We don't argue much at all. Sometimes I think it's a little weird, because my friends argue with their husbands all the time. When we do have a dispute, it's resolved immediately. My husband says it's because both of us are too lazy. I like to think that we both choose our arguments. Some stuff is really not worth arguing about.

 

[Shimmie]

We have 'our' moments... :swordfigh exchanging views. When I'm in a mood, He tells me ;

I pretend to be an .
He's always the first to say, and he so humble and sincere.
I call him my champion sweetheart; and that he's one so dear.

He in turn feels like :superman: and he comes to my rescue if I start to feel sad .

I then reassure him that I was never mad.

And then it's love all over again. .

We always make up

and fall in love with each other again. .

:reddancer:​

Seriously, yes we have disagreements. That's Life! There's no getting around it. But sometimes they are needed; not in excess, but in balance to the 'truth' upfront about your feelings and not pretend that all is well when it isn't.

But as one of our posters shared in her post above, it's 'how' you argue that makes the difference.

If you become bitter and outraged, something is wrong and needs repair. No couple should ever get to that point, for it may lead to physical altercations which is nothing that any couple should be doing.

I wish all of you peaceful and loving blessings in your relationships.

 

[cheeks87]

I have never been in a flat out argument with DH. We have been in disagreements- both of our personalities are really laid back- alot of stuff roles off both of our backs.

When we were dating we got into mild spats about him being chronically late. But it would drop.

Same here. We don't really argue, we discuss. Our opinions & tastes are very different, so we're always debating about stuff but they're lighthearted, not actualy arguments where we're mad & not speaking.

We're both ridiculously laid-back people so....we don't really get into arguments with ANYBODY.

I think we've avoiding huge arguments because we're pretty straight up with each other. If something he does bothers me, I tell him right then & there and vice versa, instead of bottling things up and it ends in an explosion.

 

[Colliecole]

We argue so much, we decided that's just our way of resolving problems...takes some of the pressure off it, so were not like "Oh my God we're fighting. Its Over!!!!" its just like :::shoulder shrug::: that's just what we do......

But we rarely fight about the same thing twice. 1st- We fight about it 2nd- we resolve it. 3rd- we have great make-up sex.....pretty simple.

 

[esoterica]

Personally I hate arguing but I don't get angry easily so it works out OK. The main things I've argued about would have been deal breakers anyway. I can't handle drama in relationships.

 

[TCatt86]

I like to fuss and so did my former SO. So we fussed alot Maybe twice a month. But we would make up that day, because it really was a form of entertainment for us, kind of like foreplay. Now we only had major fusses maybe once or twice a year. But we would make up within a week. I don't like staying mad and neither did he.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

My fiancee and I just had a spat this evening. I wanted to do nice things for him tonight and just let him kick back and relax, in fact after my interview I came home, made dinner and planned on giving him a massage because today was hectic @ work for him.

While we were dishing our lunch for tomorrow, I simply said that the OJ carton has to go in recycling, he put it in the trash and then got into his "mood": you know, keep to himself, and go "Nothing is wrong!"

Come to find out that before he went to bed he came to kiss me goodnight and asked if I could tuck him in (long story but its tradition with us) and I began to say how it wasn't fair that he suddenly got upset out of nowhere. Why was he mad? Because of the WAY I said to put the garbage away. Whichever way that was...

Whenever we spat, I just want to bang my head against a wall! But on the flipside, we don't really argue too often. I for one haaaaate arguing and I hate going to bed mad - I literally cannot sleep when I'm upset with someone and I always wind up thinking "What if something was to happen and I'd never speak/see this person again? Are those the last words I want exchanged between the two of us?" It just bothers me too much.

But all in all, he's a good man with great qualities, I think that all relationships are inevitable to have a spat, at least once in awhile.

 

[Dymondz7]

Personally I hate arguing but I don't get angry easily so it works out OK. The main things I've argued about would have been deal breakers anyway. I can't handle drama in relationships.

What she said

 

[shynessqueen]

When So and I was at our worst, we argue for three and half years straight. We have been together going on 12 years. I think we know the ins and outs of each other. When you are getting to know someone you have to learn the bad side along with the good side so you know how to handle it all. Does that make sense. My SO and I are back in-love with each other because we just got over seeing each other at our worst and now we are back to basic. The basic is what make us love each other so much that we make it through the hard times. It's been plenty of times we both just wanted it to end but we both knew we can make each other happy, if we can just get pass the hard times. I hope this helps. Being in and maintaining a relationship is no joke. The hard time will determined what the relationship is worth.

 

[lveurslf]

We don't argue much. When we had our "moments", I think it must have been just a phase or something which I think most couples probably go through in when you are getting to know each other (not to say veteran couples don't argue). During our funky period, it'd take us about 1-2 weeks to fully get over it.

 

[filthyfresh]

I notice that he and I get into more spats when I'm PMSing or ovulating. It may sound sexist but it's true. I get really hormonal and mean and I start arguments over the stupidest things. He's not very argumentative, and neither am I. But when I'm raging, it's a wrap. He mostly tries to buffer the situation and calm me down. I usually end up apologizing because I'm usually wrong. LOL. But other than that, we're cool.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

When So and I was at our worst, we argue for three and half years straight. We have been together going on 12 years. I think we know the ins and outs of each other. When you are getting to know someone you have to learn the bad side along with the good side so you know how to handle it all. Does that make sense. My SO and I are back in-love with each other because we just got over seeing each other at our worst and now we are back to basic. The basic is what make us love each other so much that we make it through the hard times. It's been plenty of times we both just wanted it to end but we both knew we can make each other happy, if we can just get pass the hard times. I hope this helps. Being in and maintaining a relationship is no joke. The hard time will determined what the relationship is worth.

i like what you said here. My SO and I argue perhaps every other week about something and i wondered if this was normal. we make up within a day but sometimes it is quite frustrating. we've been together for a year (we talk about marriage & family alot)and i hope we can last longer. he says he is not a quitter. i hope i can stay the course.

hmmmmm...

 

[princessnad]

We argue about every other week. Most of the times we talk it out and it is just a discussion because we try not to raise our voice and we NEVER call each other names. Sometimes it gets out of hand, but it usually gets resolved before the next day. After our cooling off period, usually one person realizes that they are wrong and apologizes. If that doesn't happen, we just start talking again like nothing happened because it's never like we argue about real issues anyway, so sweeping it under the rug wont hurt. Most of the time it is a big miscommunication.

 

[foxxymami]

I hate arguing! Once a week I tell ya
We end up laughing afterwards, but it still takes so much out of me. I gotta learn to deal with arguing better