How long is too long to date a man without him putting a ring on it?

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

for me i'm shooting for 3 years. if by the end of 2013 there is no proposal/ring for me I will be single again.

 

[deltagyrl]

At my age, those conversations happen pretty quickly. I don't have time to be pitter pattering around just because.
I am dating to marry (again) and have been upfront about that. The person I'm seeing feels the same way and we're seeing if we can work.

At the 6 month mark, we'll have a pow-wow, I'm sure.

 

[mscurly]

I agree that each relationship is different and the situation comes into play especially finances. Getting married broke at any age is just not a good idea in my opinion.

Anyways I just turned 30 this year and for me after 2 years if he aint proposed or at least giving me a marriage time frame I'm done with him. I won't ever pressure a dude cause thats asking for trouble. I don't think it takes men that long to figure out if they want to marry you. I just ended a 4.5 year relationship and walked away feeling like I wasted my time. I vowed not to do that crap ever again.

If your goal is to have children and you are 30+ you dont have time to wait and count the days. You have to be realistic. What could fly in your teens and 20's changes once you are over 30.

Thats how I see it

 

[drappedup]

imo it definitely has to do with age. for example, i'm 23 and have no intention of getting married any time soon, even if i had a boyfriend who i was seeing for like 2 or 3 years. but i think once you're over 30 things are different, and anything over 2 years is wasting your time.

 

[sylver2]

At my age.. we having the 'serious discussion' 6 months in
if i was still in my 20's or early to mid 30's-two yrs is the max.

 

[sylver2]

i feel for some of my friends. when we were in our early 20's they were in committed relationships. one was w/ her man for 18 yrs. they broke up shes back out here dating in her 40's making mistakes a 20yr old should make her ex got married and has a child.
one w/ her man for 8 yrs..then got engaged. going on 3 years engagement :-/

 

[Oneprettypa]

I was with my DH for 5 years when we got married (I was 24 and he was 25), but if we could do it all over I would have waited even LONGER before we got married. Age is a factor but maturity is much more imperative. I'm not saying he was immature but I am saying we both had more life lessons to learn that made our marriage rocky at times. We made it through and are very happy now, but I don't think the length of time dating is the most important factor in deciding when to get married.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'm in the age of "getting married" and he's about ten years my senior. Ideally I'd like to be engaged by the end of next year. However, I'm not sure if I'm dead set on a deadline anymore. A deadline on such things seems ...un-natural and knowing me, leaving me feeling like I pressured him. When I'm emotional I say "by the end of this year this **** better blah blah blah" and then when I'm calm, enjoying life, planning my goals etc, I'm like whatever...so...yyyyyeah, I'm not much help Womp Womp Womp...

How so? Even schools have a deadline for how long you can take up space in their classrooms without getting a degree. Banks give you a deadline for paying back a loan. Why is dating with a deadline different or unnatural?

Up until 50 or 60 years ago, marriage was always on the table. You didn't date for fun or to soot the breeze. You dated (actually courted) to get married. I know, I know, times have changed. But having all this unrestricted access to women is what got us into trouble in the first place. And men know that if Suzy isn't giving it up, he can just get what he needs from Jane. That's why to weed out the undesirables who won't waste your time, it's wise to have a timeline. That's how it was for our ancestors and I bet they were happier (of course, not all of them LOL) and they were settled younger.

If marriage is not the goal, then it doesn't matter--by all means, date to have a good time.

Just my 0.02 of course.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I can only speak for myself. I date for marriage and I make that clear pretty early. So going in, any potential will know my expectations. I never want to be in a situation where I'm waiting for a man to make up his mind if he wants to marry me. That said, if I'm exclusively dating someone I'd expect the topic of marriage to come up seriously after 1-2 years, and an actual proposal within 2-3 years.

 

[antisocial]

i feel for some of my friends. when we were in our early 20's they were in committed relationships. one was w/ her man for 18 yrs. they broke up shes back out here dating in her 40's making mistakes a 20yr old should make her ex got married and has a child.
one w/ her man for 8 yrs..then got engaged. going on 3 years engagement :-/

I know different people have different time frames but this is just absurd

 

[topnotch1010]

I got married young, 22 after 9 months and we're celebrating 10 years in 2013. My rule was, 18-25: 3 years max 25-30: 2 years max and anything beyond 30: 1 year.

One should know fairly quickly if they are compatible. Either sh*t or get off the pot.

At my age, those conversations happen pretty quickly. I don't have time to be pitter pattering around just because.
I am dating to marry (again) and have been upfront about that. The person I'm seeing feels the same way and we're seeing if we can work.

At the 6 month mark, we'll have a pow-wow, I'm sure.

 

[mech]

I got married young, 22 after 9 months and we're celebrating 10 years in 2013. My rule was, 18-25: 3 years max 25-30: 2 years max and anything beyond 30: 1 year.

One should know fairly quickly if they are compatible. Either sh*t or get off the pot.

lol i like this.

 

[Middle]

I can't see myself being ready to say yes after 6 months. Maybe a yr, but no less than that. He might know, but I won't.

Anyway, I can see why you really can't just take everybody's advice because most of the stuff here is N/A to my situation. It really depends.

 

[OceanEyes]

Ladies, I have a question that I think may play a huge factor in this:

Was the guy known prior to dating him. For example, you've actually known him for a couple of years and then you both started having "feelings" for each other or whatever.

Or

Have you known the guy for roughly the same period of time you've been with him?

If it's the first, I'd say, depending on other factors, 1 - 2 years give or take several months. If it's the second, 2 - 3 years give or take a few months.

I'm 20 now and won't graduate from university until two months before I turn 23 and I plan on going to grad school afterwards. I can't see myself getting married in the next several years. And I don't want to get married before the age of 25 and I definitely don't want kids before 28, if ever. And I'm kind of A-relationship, so I'm fine with remaining single-single or just having a simple partner throughout my life but, personally, 3 years is what I'd aim for.

 

[MsDee14]

For me, being in my late 20's...2 years tops.

 

[Highly Favored8]

It truly depends on what YOU want.

For me in my 20's - early 30's if I was serious about marriage then two years tops.

Mid to late 30's 6 months to a year. When you share what you are looking for in a relationship with a man let him know stright up " I want to be married" However, do not do it in an aggressive way. Just be nice about it. If he feels the same then he will follow. If not he and you can move on.

HTH..

 

[DrC]

Though I agree it all depends, it is really not up to the woman to put a time frame on a ring. A man is going to marry when he wants to whether it be 6 months or 6 years.

 

[ladysaraii]

Though I agree it all depends, it is really not up to the woman to put a time frame on a ring. A man is going to marry when he wants to whether it be 6 months or 6 years.

And this is why I see the value in dating non-exclusively until he is serious about marriage. You can date, get to know each other, but if you meet someone who is more compatible and/or serious about marrying you, you can move in that direction.

 

[MizAvalon]

Depends on their ages and what stage they are at in life.

 

[PinkPeony]

I got married young, 22 after 9 months and we're celebrating 10 years in 2013. My rule was, 18-25: 3 years max 25-30: 2 years max and anything beyond 30: 1 year.

One should know fairly quickly if they are compatible. Either sh*t or get off the pot.

Glad to see other married-young-after-less-then-two-years couples make it work

I almost feel conservative with our married after 17 months now , next month it will be 7 years.
I met couples in the military that married after 3-5 months still going strong after decades, in every instance the man was the aggressor