How long does it take to train him?

[jaiku]

I am frustrated. Married women or those living with their SO. How long does it take to train them. Is it an on going process? I feel like I'm turning into a nag. How many times do I have to tell him not to leave the toilet seat up, pick up his dirty clothes etc. before it actually clicks. I was telling a friend of mind that this maybe a deal breaker for me but she just explained that they are all like that until you train them. So what do you guys think?

 

[drasgrl]

I don't believe in training anybody, either you accept them the way they are or you don't. It really doesn't bother me when my man leaves the seat up I just put it down, no big deal. I tell him things that will help both of us like helping me clean more because if I have to do it all myself I will be pissed. So he can choose for me to be pissed and the consequences that go with it or he can help me and I will be in a better mood which will be to his benefit as well.

 

[PassionFruit]

training your man is a never ending process..... and Im sure he will say the same about you

 

[jaiku]

See I agree with you. I feel like you train puppies and children not grown men. But every married women is swearing me up and down that they had to train their husbands. So I just wanted to see what other people outside my circle are doing.

 

[thaithaismom]

I wouldn't call it "training". It's called obtaining common ground. When you both are on the same page and have the same goals, It just starts working better. It took my husband and I 2 1/2 years to gain common ground. Now, we split chores. We both spend money equally. We have a "date" night. And we have a "take the kids out" night.

Some men are beyond common ground. My last boyfriend was beyond it. We were together for 4 years, never lifted a finger, paid a bill, or anything. I had to kick him out!

Accept your man for who he is, don't try to change him. But enlighten him that it takes two people to run a household properly and him helping you will give him more time to do the things you both enjoy. Or having some "alone" time.

 

[Bublin]

I wouldn't bother trying. An animal can be trained and a child can be taught but you have to accept a grown man for the way he is.

That doesn't mean you can't tell him how you feel about something but never try to change him. If he is a good person he will try and change his behaviour for himself and to make you and the relationship happier, without you nagging on about it all the time.

When you talk about it make it clear that you are not asking him to change but you are wondering how you should deal with his indiosyncrasies

 

[Whimsy]

I think Training is probably not the right word.
He makes choices about certain things and you simply want him to pick the choice you agree w/ more often (if not all the time).

I straight up tell my SO what i need him to do. i see if he does it a few times (the toilet seat was a biggie) then I remind him. when he does do it, i make it a point to say something about it, praise works wonders. when he doesn't do it, i don't say something every time, just every few times.

Now he always puts it down.

i think if u go into the situation thinking - i have to train u - then you'll have problems/resistance.

 

[Mz.Shug]

I don't believe in training anybody, either you accept them the way they are or you don't. It really doesn't bother me when my man leaves the seat up I just put it down, no big deal. I tell him things that will help both of us like helping me clean more because if I have to do it all myself I will be pissed. So he can choose for me to be pissed and the consequences that go with it or he can help me and I will be in a better mood which will be to his benefit as well.

Couldn't agree more.

 

[Moisture2608]

I don't believe in training anybody, either you accept them the way they are or you don't. It really doesn't bother me when my man leaves the seat up I just put it down, no big deal. I tell him things that will help both of us like helping me clean more because if I have to do it all myself I will be pissed. So he can choose for me to be pissed and the consequences that go with it or he can help me and I will be in a better mood which will be to his benefit as well.

I agree! I've had girlfriends talk about how they train their men, and I'm just like . That's just not something I believe in.

 

[andrea]

I have found that if you put those little things in context to bigger things.. They really do not just matter. So, I tell myself that it's really not worth the energy it takes to nag.. I could be using that on something more productive...

 

[AstroQueen77]

Yes, you can train your man, as much as other women look down on it, you have to. Men are just different, they are single focused and can only work on one thing at a time. The trick is to train him in a way that he dosent know hes being trained! .Praise him when he does what you request of him-it will make him want to do it more. Dont nag! It never works. Do create distance when he does something wrong that he isnt aware of-distance is the only real thing that can make a man think "ok, what did I do". This gets him thinking about what it takes to make you happier and ultimately closer again.Men dont understand words, they understand physical distance. Control yourself-try not to become overly emotional when he crosses the line, they just dont understand that language. Lastly, be patient. Things have to bypass their mind and ultimately get to their heart before they can just "understand" where your coming from