How long do you "talk" to a guy before you expect to have the DTR talk?

[LovelyNaps26]

This situation is a little tricky because it is with someone i met online who lives quite a distance from me.

We've been talking for a month and we will be meeting over Labor Day weekend. Assuming that meeting goes well how long would you continue to "talk" before having the Defining the Relationship Talk?

BTW, when I say we've been talking for the past month I don't mean a 2 hour conversation twice a week. I mean 13-14 hours on the weekend (divided between two conversations) and a fairly long conversation during the week (3-5 hours), for a total of 16-19 hours of conversation in a week. We're both marriage minded and have both shared that with one another so neither of us are looking just for a casual situation.

 

[chocolat79]

IMO, it's kind of tricky in a LD relationship. What could be a "normal" amount of time when you're seeing someone on a regular basis, could be extended depending on how often you see each other and/or what each person's schedules/goals are.

To REALLY answer your question though...I don't have a talk with guys. They have a talk with me. If the talk doesn't seem to be happening in accordance with my pre-approved time frame (in my head) for any given circumstance, then I K.I.M. or explore other options in the meantime. I'm one to believe that a man knows what he wants and one will not have to wonder if he wants more, LD or otherwise.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

^^^ IA. Especially considering the person's personality I do expect him to bring up the conversation. I've followed certain rules and steered clear of topics such as marriage and the future early on so as not to intimidate him. However, he has been very direct in discussing and asking my views on marriage, children, dating and other "heavy" topics from the get go. He's 34 and has completed his education, worked for a while and is ready to be married. Given that I would expect him to bring up the issue when he's ready. I've never been in a relationship so I don't know how long to wait before I should KIM if he doesn't bring it up. October 1st is kind of arbitrary but it's probably the date I'll stick to.

 

[ThickHair]

This situation is a little tricky because it is with someone i met online who lives quite a distance from me.

We've been talking for a month and we will be meeting over Labor Day weekend. Assuming that meeting goes well how long would you continue to "talk" before having the Defining the Relationship Talk?

BTW, when I say we've been talking for the past month I don't mean a 2 hour conversation twice a week. I mean 13-14 hours on the weekend (divided between two conversations) and a fairly long conversation during the week (3-5 hours), for a total of 16-19 hours of conversation in a week. We're both marriage minded and have both shared that with one another so neither of us are looking just for a casual situation.

My SO and I met online in Feb and are in a LDR. We both had been hurt before and took it slow. I told him from jump (second conversation) my relationship expectations and that I was just not looking for someone to kick it with. I am 38 BTW. We both had a meeting of the minds. We were officially a couple in May and he told me he loved me a few weeks ago.

While, SO and I talk every night, it is only for about 90 minutes. Dang 13-14 hours on the weekend is a bit much. He has a very busy life as do I. We see each other in person once a month and for me that is enough for now.

I don't know your age, but those taking phone calls like that, I wouldn't get anything done.

Bottom line is that this needs to be put on the table quickly so you both will realize if you are wasting your time or not. Plus actions must follow what has been stated.

 

[chocolat79]

^^^ IA. Especially considering the person's personality I do expect him to bring up the conversation. I've followed certain rules and steered clear of topics such as marriage and the future early on so as not to intimidate him. However, he has been very direct in discussing and asking my views on marriage, children, dating and other "heavy" topics from the get go. He's 34 and has completed his education, worked for a while and is ready to be married. Given that I would expect him to bring up the issue when he's ready. I've never been in a relationship so I don't know how long to wait before I should KIM if he doesn't bring it up. October 1st is kind of arbitrary but it's probably the date I'll stick to.

Well, just wait and see what happens over Labor Day weekend and then you can kind of see how to adjust your mental timeline from there. Good luck!

 

[kittikat24]

I'd "define the relationship" as soon as possible...I wouldn't want to drag something out or dodge the tough questions to keep things civil. If he's marriage minded, there are alot of serious things you'd want to discuss before going furthur.