How Long did it Truly take you to Recover

[Reminiscing]

Sounds weird, but you're like my break up twin. I just haven't reached that point where I let go completely yet.

Latomian, don't worry you'll get there. You'll wake up one morning and realize that you had enough and it's time to take back your life. The only one benefiting from our friendship with my ex was him. When I told him never to contact me again, he was so shocked and sounded pitiful. I thought I would have my regrets and end up calling him again because we had been friends for years before we started dating but, I wasn't sad at all. It was actually very liberating. I wish him all the best but I know my best is not with him so I put him in the past and I'm looking forward now.

Keep your head up. You'll find the strength to do what you need to do.

 

[Ms Red]

It wasn't a happy situation... so I'd say it took about a year for me to stop re-living mistakes. Never missed him. Never. That says a lot about our "relationship."

 

[Arian]

The best thing to do when things like this happen is to keep yourself busy...most of the time when we get in relationships, we can lose focus of certain goals and even turn our backs on our girlfriends for a while to "focus on the relationship."

The key is to get busy with that new career and hang out with your friends and laugh, laugh, laugh!

Clean the house, listen to your favorite music, but most importantly, when you find yourself thinking about him, never think about the movie you used to watch or places you used to go....always think about all the reasons you SHOULDN'T be with him and that will be a sobering thought...

 

[LovelyRo]

It wasn't a happy situation... so I'd say it took about a year for me to stop re-living mistakes. Never missed him. Never. That says a lot about our "relationship."

That's where I am right now! We were so wrong! He was so lost! I should have NEVER settled!

 

[LovelyRo]

But how do you get over the resentment and the feeling of hatred for the guy and how he treated you? How do you ladies get OVER that?? That's what I can't seem to shake. We used to be "friends" too, so that's making it even harder. I still have to see him at church and sometimes it kills me. I've accepted the new girlfriend thing, I've accepted that he just wasn't that "into me" , but how do you get over the visuals of the past pain, the hurt, the current feelings of resentment and wanting him to SUFFER like you did??

I've learned that it's ok to let go of someone that wasn't/isn't right for me. In my situation, it helps that I let go of him before we actually broke up. Now don't get it twisted, I'm pissed that he was cheating. But, that's mostly because of how trifling it was. But, I hope him and her work out though. Matter of fact, the next time I see her (because there WILL be a NEXT time), I want to thank her for making it easier for me to walk away and NEVER, EVER turn back around!!!

My faith in God is what has truly helped me. GOD wanted me to walk away from this situation... I know because I prayed to him. I fasted a week prior to ending things... I asked God what direction he wanted me to take with my relationship... I was unhappy and I wanted to know if I should continue to fight for "us" or just let it go. So, once everything was revealed to me it was so profound that I couldn't question it because I knew it was God's Will!!! I'll allow God to handle him! Vengence is not mine, it's the Lords!!!

 

[sylver2]

yes i've been there and still somewhat there. someone ive been dealing with off and on for 15 years. the pain hurts physically. can't eat, can't sleep, crying wishing hoping....thn being angry with yourself for losing your emotions like that. hey..we r human.
i soo agree with the ladies below. u got to cut them out of your life completely. no friends etc. that is exactly what stopped me from gettinng over him. it does get better with time. its almost like the 5 stages of grief. u gotta have time to mourn.

I agree with Daydream. I was in a serious relationship for 4 years. We looked at engagement rings and then I found out he was cheating. It took a year for the breakup to be really final. A month of that was crying daily, 2 months crying 1 to 2 times a week and then the rest of the year randomly crying over things that reminded me of him. All in that time frame, I tried to stay his friend. I believed that if I stayed in contact with him it would hurt less but all it did was prolong my process of getting over him. Once I finally cut him off completely which was a year after the actual breakup, I finally began to heal. I thought about him less and most importantly I stopped having what I call "nightmares." Nightmares are when you dream that you're still together, still happy and in love and then you wake up and realize it's just a dream. Those dreams were painful and always started my day off with tears . By the time I was ready to date again, two years had passed. But be careful because dating again doesn't always mean its over. I met a very nice guy (or so I thought) and dated him for 4 months before the real him came out and I quickly kicked him to the curb. During the 4 months, I barely thought about my ex but the recent breakup made me start thinking of all the things I missed about him. So back came the tears and back came the nightmares but thankfully they didn't last long. After a month I was fine again.

So to answer your question, if you truly loved the person you will never really get over him because there will always be things that you miss and appreciate about him. BUT you will learn to accept the breakup and you will MOVE ON. Remember what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I learned a lot in my 4 year relationship and I will apply all my lessons to my next relationship making me a much stronger and wiser girlfriend. Hold on to your positive memories with him. Don't use them to compare to another guy because that's unfair to the new guy. But use them to stay hopeful and to keep the bitterness away. No man wants a bitter woman and if you can remember what it feels like to love and be loved then a new man will see that in you and love you for it.

You didn't really say if you're going through a breakup or not but if you are I suggest listening to Boys II Men "I will Get There." I was just listening to it as encouragement for something else I'm going through but I believe it applies to dealing with a breakup as well.

I pray that you'll find comfort soon!

Oooh chile.... out of darkness does come light. I feel like testifying. I remember a time when the pain was unbearable; it seem as if nuthin could make it better. But time does mend a broken heart. I thought he was the ONE. We had so much in common. Looking back on it, I feel like I wasted too much time and too much emotion over a man. It took me aout 2.5 yrs to truly heal. It was a mistake to try and remain friends...it only prolonged the hurt. But on a brighter note, I'm so glad I went through the breakup. I became a better woman because of it. I feel like I have been blessed with the gift of 'good-bye' and I don't have to hold on to someone (i.e. man) or something (i.e.memories) that does not want to be held.

 

[spelmanlocks]

It took me years to get over my ex. We were best friends first (met the first day of college) and he was my first love so it was like I lost my lover and best friend. The worse thing was he kept trying to get back with me, which made it harder because we'd get back together and he'd flip the script again. I lost a lot when we broke up too, because many of the friends I thought I had only talked to him after we broke up, so it was like I was lost for a minute. If I had to write out all the drama I went through to get over him, it would probably be a short novel. But on a side note, years later a mutal friend of ours contacted me and told me none of my ex's relationships have lasted because he constantly compares them to me.

I agree with the poster who said if it was real love you may never really get over that person completely. From my experience I learned the best thing to do is not back track, delete him from your facebook myspace, anything other social connection means. Don't try to be friends. Don't worry about whose fault the break up was, or spend anytime wishing any ill will against him. Don't worry about the what ifs. All of that is a waste of energy and just makes you bitter. I also kept some of the mean messages he sent me and when I would feel myself begin to pulled back in by him, I would just read those messages, not to make myself bitter but to remember why I left him. And yes, start dating again.

 

[sheedahp]

Oooh chile.... out of darkness does come light. I feel like testifying. I remember a time when the pain was unbearable; it seem as if nuthin could make it better. But time does mend a broken heart. I thought he was the ONE. We had so much in common. Looking back on it, I feel like I wasted too much time and too much emotion over a man. It took me aout 2.5 yrs to truly heal. It was a mistake to try and remain friends...it only prolonged the hurt. But on a brighter note, I'm so glad I went through the breakup. I became a better woman because of it. I feel like I have been blessed with the gift of 'good-bye' and I don't have to hold on to someone (i.e. man) or something (i.e.memories) that does not want to be held.

I feel you on this one, we have a child together so we are always going to have to be in touch

 

[sheedahp]

Going through it now. Fasting and praying has helped me tremendously this week, last week I sent him an email asking if he was honestly in his heart done with me so that I could know which way my heart should go. I was the one that broke it off with him. Stupid me I hated myself even more for that but that part of me that wants to reach and fight always takes over. I just want to get to the stage where I no longer hope he is the one for me and that this is just a growing stage of our relationship because some couples do break up and get back together and work. I just want to be able to picture my life with out him. But at the same time Im proud of myself for walking away and not letting him string me along any longer. We have a child together so that doesnt help. I look back at my previous relationships and see how Ive healed from those and I know I can heal from this one. I remind myself that Im the prize not him and he should be the one feeling stupid for letting me leave his life. Oh well some things are not for you to know and just need to be left in Gods hands, but I am definitely taking time for myself before I move on to someone else and take all this baggage with me. Tried that before and it doesnt work

 

[longnstrong]

It was about 2 years for me too.
There was a point when I thought I was over it after 6 months, then I saw pictures of him with his new girl and... I was not OK.

I had to get to the stage where I didnt look at him as mine anymore.

I agree. I think that 2 years is about right. After 2 years whatever he said no longer mattered...