How Important is your Parents' Approval of a Future Mate?

[LovelyNaps26]

If you were dating someone who you thought was a great catch but one or both of your parents had reservations would you continue with the relationship?


*when i say reservations I don't mean that the person treats you poorly or is a bum. The guy is financially stable, has a college degree, gainfully employed and is ambitious. The parent's reservation exists b/c he may not be on the your "level" because you have or are pursuing an advanced degree (ex: MD, PhD, JD etc). Also the person is older (35) and according to your parents he should have "accomplished more" in life.

Would you take your parent's concerns to heart or tell mommy or daddy (or person who raised you) that "I respect your opinion but I have to do me" even if it meant that there was a rift created in the relationship b/n you and your parents?

 

[CurlyMoo]

Their approval means absolutely nothing. They didn't ask me for mine when they divorced and married other people. But yeah would love for them to love him though. My father has passed on, but I feel his approval none the less. My step father has passed on I sense his concern is for me to drive carefully. lol My mother who is still living doesn't know what to make of him. My step mother doens't know about him yet.

 

[Britt]

My mother's approval would def be taken into consideration. She's not all up in my business and for the most part trusts my judgment. If she totally did not like my SO at all or felt some kinda way about him, i'd take heed to it. Now if my mother were a know it all, nosey, control freak, etc, then her opinion would be moot.

 

[*CherryPie*]

My mother likes EVERYBODY, unless they do something crazy. Scratch that, they can be crazy as He!! and she will still love them.

So, no. her opinion wouldn't matter....but I love her.

 

[Mortons]

My father- Everything
My mom- Nothing

 

[Makenzie]

There approval is important to me. They would not disapprove for the reasons you listed.

 

[Akemi]

Their approval is somewhat important. I would certainly take into consideration the reasons for their disapproval, since they might see something in him that that I don't.

Some reasons, however, would not matter to me, like their disapproval of his religion or lack thereof, or his ethnicity. They're more likely to have reservations about those things.

But it all depends.

 

[ladysaraii]

Their approval is somewhat important, my father's might be a bit more so b/c I think he is a good man and he can recognize whether another man is good or not. And I think he'd be fair.

My mother dislikes everyone on GP, lol


ETA: I seriously doubt that there would be a rift btwn us unless they seriiously objected to him, in which case, I would really have to think about their reasons why

 

[Maracujá]

My father has passed away now and my mother would never disapprove of someone for the reason you stated.

 

[MrsMe]

I was in the exact same situation when I first dating my FI. My sister and my mom were the ones who objected to everything whereas my dad said that he trusted my judgement.
Although I love my mom and wished she had made it easier in the beginning, I continued with the relationship because I knew him better than anyone and I didn't want her to have control over that. She eventually came around and took the time to know him. She now sees what I see: that he loves me, is working hard for our future as a married couple and that he is actually the opposite of the person she thought he was.
My sister hasn't made any effort but her opinion was worthless to me to begin with, so I never paid her any mind.

Sent from my HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[QueenFee]

Parents? Lol not much, my mom has a little jealous streak in her so I know I can't trust her, as for my father...His whole life spells out horrible judgment so no I wouldn't trust him at all. I leave it to God.

 

[anon123]

Important. I appreciate that my parents have more life experience than me and so can see things that I can't. At the same time, if I'm the one in the relationship, I will see things that they can't. So their opinion would be balanced with me own. But the reasons you gave in your OP, they wouldn't object for those reasons. They are pretty reasonable people.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

Parents? Lol not much, my mom has a big jealous streak in her so I know I can't trust her, as for my father...His whole life spells out horrible judgment so no I wouldn't trust him at all. I leave it to God.

What QueenFee said.

Basically, my parents didn't set an example for me or lay any groundwork for the next generation, so they have no say.

I trust in God/Divine Intelligence to bring me and the right man together. That's it.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

My parents' approval is pretty important. They're opinion matters since they're older than me and have seen more than I have. Not to mention they've been happily married for nearly 30 years I think they've done something right. That having been said it depends why they objected. All that matters to my dad is that whomever I'm with loves me, takes care of me and makes me happy. He's told me numerous times he trusts my judgment. My mom is more complicated since she projects a lot and could object for reasons that have more to do with her than anything else. I know she loves me more than anything so its hard to get mad but I have to remain true to myself. So I'd consider why they were objecting and in my mom's case look at the real reason, but ultimately I'd make my own decision.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

thanks ladies. i want my parents approval buti do believe that this guy is by most standards a solid brother. my father mentions he wants a son in law that he could be proud of , which means he could brag about his son in law's occupation or salary. mind you we've only been dating for 3 months so it is not THAT serious yet. despite the fact that my father and i don't have a great relationship due to alot of things that i am currently praying to forgive him about, he thinks his opinion will affect my decision. i'm a few years shy of 30 so what would i look like going up to a guy i'm dating saying "i can't see you anymore 'cause my daddy says he don't like you". i don't understand some folks.

 

[kismettt]

my mom is very open and accepting and wants what will make me happy. therefore, if she had reservations, i'd know they'd be well founded. but ultimately, i'd make my own decision.

 

[Theo]

Somewhat. But ultimately, I am my parents daughter so my choice in a mate would be influenced by them whether I like it or not.

If my parents told me they didn't like a guy I was dating, I would defintely consider what they're saying b/c I know they have my best interest at heart.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

It wouldn't matter at the least bit for me bc I don't acknowledge nor respect my biological mother and her husband period.They make horrid choices and manage money poorly..they are stupidly needy for each others dysfunction so I don't believe they would know a good catch.

Now there are a few people I have deemed my fantasy parents and their approval would be greatly taking in consideration bc they have good relationships make good choice..

Ultimately a person has to make the choice if that man or woman is the best partner for you..I can't wait for the day to start mingling with men

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

If my mother disapproved, I would have to rethink the person. She is very accepting and welcomes everyone, so it would be cause for pause. My father? I don't care what he thinks. He would probably disapprove because he doesnt like white people...the last umpteen guys I have dated were white...

Now my sister's opinion matters a little bit more. She already met the guy I am seeing before I was seeing him and ave the thumbs up...

 

[MzLady78]

My mother likes EVERYBODY, unless they do something crazy. Scratch that, they can be crazy as He!! and she will still love them.

So, no. her opinion wouldn't matter....but I love her.

My mom is like this too, very laid back and easy to get along with so if she had reservations about someone, I would take them into consideration but ultimately make my own final decision.

However, like another poster said, my mom wouldn't have reservations in the scenario described in the OP.