How far would you go for love?

[JinaRicci]

A cousin of mine who I love dearly met a man 10+ years her senior on the phone like a month ago. He called her randomly to discuss a business opportunity (which he never disclosed) and by the end of the conversation started asking her very personal questions to the point that she felt he was interested in her. Yeah...

Since he's white, she thought she could discourage him by telling him that she is black and has short hair (LMBO) but it didn't and he kept calling. Of course I was very vocal with my opinions on this- maybe too much so b/c she felt it necessary to lie when she went out with him for the first time. Afterwards, she found that she really liked him, he blew her away and was more than she expected. But she was very conflicted-not sure what to do.

Meanwhile, I kept asking her if he ever said where he got her phone number from- exactly which agency... still don't have the answer. Last weekend she went to his house and fell in love with it (which made my eyebrows go ^^) since all his decoration choices fit her tastes. While she was there she also met a good lady friend of his who hangs out a lot with him.. it made her more comfortable to meet someone who actually knows him.

Anyway, she keeps calling me with all the see-saw emotions that she's going through. This week she started off saying that he mentioned how little action he's had since his divorce to which I went "Whaaa.." and the conversation ended. These days, I really just try to listen since I don't want to continue giving my opinion.

I know that I'm a very analytical person and this would raise all sorts of flags for me but I also know that you can find true love in the strangest ways. I don't want to see my cuz hurt- she's gone through a lot but I really think this is crazy. I can't tell the future- no but this seems very obvious to me where it's headed. Need to hear some other views please.

Kinda long... but I would love to know what you ladies think.

 

[CarLiTa]

Wait, is this man even making efforts to move forward in getting to know her the proper way and trying to date her/be in a relationship?

 

[Bunny77]

So this guy was a random caller that she didn't know, and he asked her out after that?

Then she went to his house after a second date?


My issue is not whether this is true love or whatever... but how well does she really know this man? She's moving awfully fast and I don't like that he talked about the lack of "action" he's had since his divorce.

While I wouldn't say, "Don't see him anymore," I'd say that she might need to keep it real casual until she learns a LOT more about him and his intentions!

 

[JinaRicci]

Wait, is this man even making efforts to move forward in getting to know her the proper way and trying to date her/be in a relationship?

That I don't even know-it's not like he's saying "I want to date you" but he does seem to want to get to know her better and make her more at ease. But as far as a relationship, I have no idea.

 

[JinaRicci]

So this guy was a random caller that she didn't know, and he asked her out after that?

Then she went to his house after a second date?


My issue is not whether this is true love or whatever... but how well does she really know this man? She's moving awfully fast and I don't like that he talked about the lack of "action" he's had since his divorce.

While I wouldn't say, "Don't see him anymore," I'd say that she might need to keep it real casual until she learns a LOT more about him and his intentions!

ITA with you- definitely didn't like that he mentioned his lack of action. It's kinda weird b/c he got her to come to his house by asking her to cook for him- she's a chef so it seems like part business- part pleasure- which just seems really confusing. She really needs to know his intentions. I've suggested a bkgrd check since she knows no one (from before) that knows him, she's moving fast and I feel that she will do whatever she wants anyway...

 

[CarLiTa]

I agree with Bunny.

She needs to slow it down. They are moving way too quickly. He does not seem to really be doing anything, from what you have said. Yet she is "falling" already.

They need to date like regular people. As Bunny (I think) said in another thread, where you meet the man does not indicate whether this the right man for you... She probably feels that the fact this guy came into her life in that way makes him the "right one" for her... That's a bad view to have on it, IMO. She should still be cautious and take things slowly.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with Bunny.

She needs to slow it down. They are moving way too quickly. He does not seem to really be doing anything, from what you have said. Yet she is "falling" already.

They need to date like regular people. As Bunny (I think) said in another thread, where you meet the man does not indicate whether this the right man for you... She probably feels that the fact this guy came into her life in that way makes him the "right one" for her... That's a bad view to have on it, IMO. She should still be cautious and take things slowly.

That was me. You remembered!

Yeah, I think sometimes people get too excited about "fate," thinking, "Well, I 'met' this man so randomly and when I least expected it, so maybe..."

And I've heard a very cute story of a man who met his wife because she dialed his home and it was the wrong number. He kept talking to her and asked her out by the end of the phone call.

Meanwhile, I did that accidentally back in high school, and it ended with the dude asking me if I was light-skinned or dark-skinned and if he could get some #$@#!.

I would have been turned off by this man asking me so many personal questions on the phone, and like Carlita said, I don't like how he doesn't seem to be doing much... saying he'd like her to cook for him, chef or not, is really not a sign of HIM making much effort.

 

[JinaRicci]

Thanks ladies!! ITA- she needs to be cautious. For me- I would have been like "Who are you, & how did you get my number..." Actually, I don't want to hear about any 'business opportunity' over the phone from a stranger.

OK- so does anyone think this could be a crazy stalker type person? cause that's where my mind went to right away.

 

[JinaRicci]

bumping... how do I get through to her? any suggestions...

 

[hopeful]

bumping... how do I get through to her? any suggestions...

I think you should quit trying to convince her to be careful etc. and instead get as much info about him as possible, ie. full name, where he lives, employer, etc., in case something goes down. I know it's scary to watch your cousin behaving so carelessly but there is really nothing you can do about how she chooses to behave.

Perhaps if you can get more info about him you can do a little detective work, it may turn out he is married or worse some type of criminal. If you pretend that you support her decision she might go ahead and give you a little more information about him. Maybe you can even convince her to e-mail a pic of him, idk but the more info you have the better imo. I have found that once a woman is determined to be with a man there is very little anyone can do but keep their eyes open, pray, and be waiting to pick up the pieces.

 

[Poohbear]

It sounds like the guy is using her as a rebound chick after a divorce... or maybe even adding her to his roster of other women he has lined up.

 

[ThickHair]

Who in the heck gives out personal information on the phone when someone CALLS them? That is asking to be on one of them flyers that come in the Pennysaver. SMH

 

[awhyley]

OK- so does anyone think this could be a crazy stalker type person? cause that's where my mind went to right away.

THANK YOU!!! Cause that's what I was thinking too. When I didn't see anyone mention it or bring this up, I thought it was just me. As usual, hopeful has some excellent advice. Someone needs to do a background check on this man, ASAP. While he might be genuine, the circumstance is too strange imho and your couz seems to be getting involved and pardon the pun, eating this up. Business or no business; stranger or non, going to any man's house on the second date is heavy. She needs to watch out.

- If you can, keep us updated on this please -

 

[JinaRicci]

Thanks everyone!- this has been very helpful. I will keep you updated- hopefully she either comes to her senses or wisens up after getting some background info. It's good to know that it's not just me being suspicious about the whole thing. In any event, I pray that it works out positively.

 

[hopeful]

Keep us updated. I hope everything works out okay.

 

[JinaRicci]

OK- here is an update. Thanks to all of you ladies for writing & giving advice. She did send me a pic (thanks hopeful!) and I got his name etc. It's been a couple months and she has kept talking to this man. But she still felt unsure- like he likes her but won't come out straight and just say it. A grown man eh?

So I have tried to play this cool and kept asking about the business opportunity. He had never brought it up- nor did she. I asked her if she didn't find it strange that in this economy where people are getting laid off someone would be calling to offer these opps? erplexed So she lost her job since then & I said well if this is your friend & you don't have a job, now would be the time for him to share this plan.

Finally, 2 weeks ago he came to her place to make the presentation. Now this is a man who has his own business or businesses. He had a DVD and I guess it took all of 12 mins. She called me all excited about his visit, what he had said, what she had fed him wallbash and I just cut to the chase and asked her what was the business. It was one of those things where you pay $600 to get in & the more people you bring in the more money you make. And of course he only needs 1 more person to get into the first or leadership circle- don't they always. The tag line is that you can keep getting a check w/o doing anything. Oh- and you have to sell these vitamins.

I googled while on the phone- first thing came up was SCAM. When I told her, she sobered up and said she was suspicious & asked him a lot of questions & warned him that these ppl who started the business could be using him. Whoa!!! I kinda lost it then. I asked her if she really thought that this grown businessman didn't have a clue. I mean I haven't lived that long and I'm not a business person but still... it might be a different product but it's still the same 'business plan.' And what kind of person comes to your house when you don't have a job and asks you for $600.00?

That got her thinking. Some days she's like 'I don't want anything to do with him' and some days like this weekend, she says 'I hope he doesn't think he's going to get a check from these people.' SMH... Last night my mom said excitedly 'Oh did she tell you about her new friend? She said he got her name from a survey.' That's when I told her some of the story & NO she thinks he got her name from a survey- still doesn't know. Now my mom is concerned that she doesn't mess herself up.

At this pt, I'm tired- I don't have any more energy. The writing is there on the wall. I can't help an adult woman determined to do whateva she wants see the light of day. Maybe I'll have a better ending next time.