how early in a relationship....

[Ms Red]

Do you ever want to be happy or are you finding reasons to be miserable?

I don't mean to offend you... but your post just makes me sad

Assuming the person seemed flawless and had passed all the tests, overt and insidious, that I run, I would still wait at least 6 months to a year to accept any proposal, and our engagement would be at least a year while I hired a PI to rummage through his life and tried my best to dig up anything hidden on him. I simply do not trust easily and especially not when it comes to men.

 

[drasgrl]

1 year is the minimum for me. I think it takes that long for me to get to know someone well enough before I would consider marrying them.

 

[MzRhonda]

interesting responses so far... i see we run the gamut here (although i don't see any super early birds voting for less than a month)....

my thought is that if the two people have been out living their lives, have seen and/or accomplished a lot, are not "young" in the ways of the world and are marriage-minded, i think that you can know within that 3 - 6 month timeline... especially for those 30-somethings who have been patiently meeting a discarding for a while.. lol (or is that just me?)

I think you have a point I had been meeting and discarding men and then hit my 30's and met my now husband - things clicked, felt right and we were engaged less than 6 months later and married just shy of our 1 year anniversary.

 

[sonce]

Do you ever want to be happy or are you finding reasons to be miserable?

I don't mean to offend you... but your post just makes me sad

Being realistic and finding out as much info as possible before making a life commitment is "finding reasons to be miserable"? Hmmm. Ok. My post doesn't have to make you sad--you can go into your relationships as unaware and starry eyed as you want.

 

[Ms Red]

No, I should have expounded I guess... erplexed I don't go into rlshps 'starry eyed,' but you had mentioned 'running tests' on potential mates/SOs and also 'trapping them'.... ahhh nevermind.

ETA: Oh and to answer your question, Scorpioqt, I voted 1-2 years... Although I chose the lengthier time frame for myself and my SO personally, I agree that when you know, you know.

Being realistic and finding out as much info as possible before making a life commitment is "finding reasons to be miserable"? Hmmm. Ok. My post doesn't have to make you sad--you can go into your relationships as unaware and starry eyed as you want.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

DH and I dated exclusively from February until August before there was serious discussion about marriage and ring shopping. He asked my parents for permission in October and he proposed in November. but we did not get married for another 16 months.

edited to add - DH took 3.5 years to ask me out so he knew me (or knew of me and saw me a few times a month for all those years). I did not notice him for 3.5 years though. lol lol lol

 

[Opalsunset]

I voted 1 to 2 years. I think it takes time to really know someone especially someone you want to spend your entire life with. 1 year being the least amount of time..but preferably two years.

 

[Covergirl5906]

Voted 1-2 years..
First 6 months is the honeymoon stage where both are on their best behavior. I prayed for that special one so I'm not opposed to the minimum of 6 months. If we're both at a point in our lives where we are ready for that next level then it is what it is...

yep...like chris rock said...in the beginning it's your representive meeting my representative....

I say about 1.5 to 2 years....I'd like a decent amount of time to make sure I really know who I plan on spending the rest of my life with

 

[erokawa]

For me... 3-4 years.

I don't plan on having to divorce.

 

[Starr1]

I really think it depends on the couple. . . DH and I got engaged 14 months after we started dating. Some friends of ours got married 3 months after meeting and having been going strong ever since, but another friend of mine dated her ex-husband for 4 years before getting married and then got divorced in under a year. And still there are others who have arranged marriages that never met before their wedding day, but are together decades later.

I think it has more to do with the willingness to make a relationship work than a specific time frame of when to do certain things. Certain things need to be addressed early like religion, children, finances, value systems, etc., because those are things that a lot of people just can't get past. Once that stuff is dicussed, then if it feels right, go for it.

 

[Allandra]

I can't put a time limit on it. I mean, if it feels right, it feels right.

 

[TLC1020]

I defitnitley feel what you are saying, I am 32 and the guy I'm dating is 35 and we haven't been dating 6 months yet but we are at a place in our lives where that's what we want. Neither one of us have any children but we want them and we want to be married as well, we're not rushing it but we have discussed it on numerous occassions. So I'm sticking with I would accept a proposal within 6 months to a 1 year.

interesting responses so far... i see we run the gamut here (although i don't see any super early birds voting for less than a month)....

my thought is that if the two people have been out living their lives, have seen and/or accomplished a lot, are not "young" in the ways of the world and are marriage-minded, i think that you can know within that 3 - 6 month timeline... especially for those 30-somethings who have been patiently meeting a discarding for a while.. lol (or is that just me?)

 

[TLC1020]

Just got word from one of my girl friends that one of her guy friends just bought an engagement ring for a young lady that he has been seeing. They have been seeing each other for 6 months, I'll let you guys know how things go. He seems to be really excited.. That goes to show that when a man feel that you are the one, he will not hesitate to take the next step.