How do you make/ keep your man happy?

[*~Mocha~*]

How do you?

I was in a horrible relationship from 17-27! The relationship ended way before, but I clung onto this loser. We had many downtime , but somehow always got back together. I tried(big mistake)to make it work only because we have a child. This guy was THE KANG of all kangs. He didn't appreciate me and made me feel like shhh. On top of his horrible attitude towards me and abuse, this ninja was unemployed. I don't even consider what we had to be a 'relationship'.

Now that I'm 27, I feel like I don't know how to build a relationship with someone. I've been single for awhile and feel like the men I will date are..men and not boys. I'm scared because I feel I haven't matured in the field of relationships. I've dated a few guys and it all ended rather soon.

Now.. I'm seeing this guy that I really like. We've been talking for awhile but just recently got closer. I feel like I don't know what to do with this man. He seems like a great guy and I don't want my immaturity and lack of experience to run him off.


What are things I can do to keep his interest? What are ways I can keep him happy?

What may be things I need to know about starting a relationship or dating?

I know 'coloring' will keep him happy, but I want to be able to offer more. He thinks I'm too high maintenance, too guarded and thinks i will try to wear the pants in the relationship. How do I change that? Should I change it?

Sorry for the long post..

 

[Starian]

1. It's not your job to make him happy. If you have attributes you feel are a problem, work on them because you want to change those qualities about yourself and not because you are trying to keep a man happy.

2. People repeat bad relationships ad infinitum because they do not deal with the issues that caused problems in the first place. The last guy may have been a kang, but you kissed the ring and dusted the crown for 10 years. Why? Until you figure that out and change those behaviors, your new relationship/s will always be problematic.

3. I already don't have a good feeling about the new guy. He thinks you're this and that. So? Do you think what he's saying is true? Who is he to tell you what you are? He sounds controlling, telling you what he doesn't like about you so you can jump through hoops to change it. What does he offer? Be careful with men who "seem" to be good guys. He may genuinely be a good guy, but since you were in a relationship from 17-27, you may lack the insight to effectively notice red flags and accept unacceptable behavior.

Be yourself. Find ways to make YOURSELF happy. It is trite and simple, but true. Only individually whole people have good relationships. Find what makes you whole. I'm also 27 and have been in a relationship since I was a teenager. It has taken me many years to figure out that the guy is irrelevant. You can't make a person happy or do anything specifically to keep them. That's all choice and free will on their part. Be the best person you can be and if he is with it, cool. If not...*kanye shrug*

 

[*~Mocha~*]

1. It's not your job to make him happy. If you have attributes you feel are a problem, work on them because you want to change those qualities about yourself and not because you are trying to keep a man happy.

2. People repeat bad relationships ad infinitum because they do not deal with the issues that caused problems in the first place. The last guy may have been a kang, but you kissed the ring and dusted the crown for 10 years. Why? Until you figure that out and change those behaviors, your new relationship/s will always be problematic.

3. I already don't have a good feeling about the new guy. He thinks you're this and that. So? Do you think what he's saying is true? Who is he to tell you what you are? He sounds controlling, telling you what he doesn't like about you so you can jump through hoops to change it. What does he offer? Be careful with men who "seem" to be good guys. He may genuinely be a good guy, but since you were in a relationship from 17-27, you may lack the insight to effectively notice red flags and accept unacceptable behavior.

Be yourself. Find ways to make YOURSELF happy. It is trite and simple, but true. Only individually whole people have good relationships. Find what makes you whole. I'm also 27 and have been in a relationship since I was a teenager. It has taken me many years to figure out that the guy is irrelevant. You can't make a person happy or do anything specifically to keep them. That's all choice and free will on their part. Be the best person you can be and if he is with it, cool. If not...*kanye shrug*

It's not only about thus but, but any guy that I may end up with.

I do struggle with some of the things he described.
I don't want to change for anyone but no knowing what to do or offer may be bad (IMO).
I really don't know how to maintain a relationship or even date .. This isn't specific to that one guy, because I don't even think it will last longer than another month.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Keep being yourself. Don't try to change to be anything you think he would prefer

Keep your self confidence up, don't doubt yourself

Trust him.. Don't hold other men's mistakes against him. Always confront every situation good or bad with just him in mind. You wouldn't want to be compared to other women.

Listen to him.. really listen, don't react to what he says off the cuff. Listen and see if it's information you should take into consideration or if it is something that warrants a reaction.

Again, listen to him. Don't be the girlfriend that is waiting for him to pause so you can start talking. Men are stingy with words and often use the wrong ones.

Respect him and respect yourself. Don't share your business with everyone, with anyone really.

I've learned that all these things keep you in a good emotional balance so you can pick up on the individual nuances of your man. Good men love it when they feel like we are happy. The saying "happy wife, happy life" came to be for a reason. . Also read the book the five love languages (it's short) or an article to see if it helps you figure out how to communicate affection to your guy.

I learned all this through experience and by the grace of God. My guy has been patient with me in learning. Just have fun and enjoy.

I hope this works out for you. Learn from your past relationships and I really hope this one is the kind of relationship where you don't have to post on an internet message board to figure out.

 

[Lucie]

I don't like how he perceives you hon. If he feels you are too high-maintenance? Too guarded? And appear to want to wear the pants, why is he still spending time with you? What you should do is be yourself. Read books. Take your time. Being with a man for 1/3 of your life is draining. Trust me, I know. Get to know yourself. I understand you really feel a connection with him but keep these issues in your mind. Observe others in relationships that you admire.

As for keeping him happy, keep an open mind. Men like that. I know my dude loves to jetski and I love the water. Yet, I don't know how to swim. I still went on. I freaked out at first but I started to see how careful he was being and started to enjoy it more. He could not stop telling me how impressed he was that I got on even though I was afraid. It meant the world to him. Sex is an awesome way to keep a man happy (LOL) but it's what you do on the day-to-day that counts. I wish you all the best and don't be so hard on yourself. You are stronger than you know.

 

[faithVA]

It's not only about thus but, but any guy that I may end up with.

I do struggle with some of the things he described.
I don't want to change for anyone but no knowing what to do or offer may be bad (IMO).
I really don't know how to maintain a relationship or even date .. This isn't specific to that one guy, because I don't even think it will last longer than another month.

I agree with Starian on this one. The only thing you need to to work on at this point is feeling good about yourself. If this guy happens to hang around while your doing that fine. If not fine.

You don't need to know at this point how to have a relationship or date. You need to know how to make yourself happy and how to feel good. Then when you meet a guy, you spend your time being happy and feeling good and enjoying each other.

 

[TayMac]

Be yourself, have a positive attitude and open mind. There really is no secret formula.

I find in most relationships, when the woman is happy so is the man.

 

[Mai Tai]

Darlin, you cannot MAKE a man happy, you can only contribute. Once you realize that, everything else just falls into place and the biggest way to contribute to a man's happiness is to be a happy, lively, outgoing and confident person yourself. Work on you...

I already see red flags with the new guy because he's already pointing out what he sees as flaws and he barely knows you. Please do not fall into the trap of working hard to change yourself for a man just for the sake of making him more comfortable.

 

[firecracker]

You got some good advice upthread.

 

[Maracujá]

1. It's not your job to make him happy. If you have attributes you feel are a problem, work on them because you want to change those qualities about yourself and not because you are trying to keep a man happy.

2. People repeat bad relationships ad infinitum because they do not deal with the issues that caused problems in the first place. The last guy may have been a kang, but you kissed the ring and dusted the crown for 10 years. Why? Until you figure that out and change those behaviors, your new relationship/s will always be problematic.

3. I already don't have a good feeling about the new guy. He thinks you're this and that. So? Do you think what he's saying is true? Who is he to tell you what you are? He sounds controlling, telling you what he doesn't like about you so you can jump through hoops to change it. What does he offer? Be careful with men who "seem" to be good guys. He may genuinely be a good guy, but since you were in a relationship from 17-27, you may lack the insight to effectively notice red flags and accept unacceptable behavior.

Be yourself. Find ways to make YOURSELF happy. It is trite and simple, but true. Only individually whole people have good relationships. Find what makes you whole. I'm also 27 and have been in a relationship since I was a teenager. It has taken me many years to figure out that the guy is irrelevant. You can't make a person happy or do anything specifically to keep them. That's all choice and free will on their part. Be the best person you can be and if he is with it, cool. If not...*kanye shrug*

The bolded needs to be emphasized.

 

[MissMasala5]

If you ended a ten year rltshp with the loser at 27, and you are currently 27, then maybe the person you should be focusing on how to make happy is you. Be in a rltshp with YOU for a little while so that then, he will be wondering what to do to make you happy

 

[daydreem2876]

I have been where you are and I could go through what all I went through to figure this out but let me save myself some typing and you a couple of years of grief trying to figure out what is wrong with you...

The right man for you will love and care for you, flaws and all. No matter how bossy, how flaky, how chubby, how non-cooking, how silly, how frumpy, how noisy, how quiet you think you are... the right man for you will love and care for you, flaws and all.