How do you handle your disagreements with SO?

[Innocent_Kiss]

It's difficult admitting your own wrongs and short comings, but I've come to realize what my parents have been telling me the past two years. My BF and I were simply immature when it came to handling disagreements, and everything else for that matter. We've been through it ALL! Verbal abuse, fighting, hanging up the phone, ignoring calls for entire days ...the whole nine I know there has to be a better way. I know that mature couples handle things much differently. How do you handle disagreements with your SO?

 

[Caramela]

Talking and if talking doesn't work, writing... being patient, really listening to the other person. Walking away if things get heated and agreeing to talk about it when we're both calm. Realizing that the issue at hand is not about who's right and who's wrong, it's about how to address it and move forward.
HTH

 

[lexi84]

My hun and I rarely disagree and its even more rare that our disagreements escalate to a fight. Why? Because both of us respect the other's opinion. We both understand that we may not see eye to eye on some issues. It also helps that neither one of us does anything that would purposely push the other's buttons. We both know our boundaries and we're both careful not to overstep them. He knows I dont like the TV being loud while I'm trying to sleep and I know he doesnt like when I nag. Simple preventatives keeps us from disagreeing. Also our compatability helps tremendously.

If we do happen to disagree, we are careful not to make it a scream fest. I dont like yelling at him because thats when he shuts down and stops talking. I've learned that its not about who yells the loudest, its about listening to one another and coming to an agreement.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My hun and I rarely disagree and its even more rare that our disagreements escalate to a fight. Why? Because both of us respect the other's opinion. We both understand that we may not see eye to eye on some issues. It also helps that neither one of us does anything that would purposely push the other's buttons. We both know our boundaries and we're both careful not to overstep them. He knows I dont like the TV being loud while I'm trying to sleep and I know he doesnt like when I nag. Simple preventatives keeps us from disagreeing. Also our compatability helps tremendously.

If we do happen to disagree, we are careful not to make it a scream fest. I dont like yelling at him because thats when he shuts down and stops talking. I've learned that its not about who yells the loudest, its about listening to one another and coming to an agreement.

 

[imani97]

My hun and I rarely disagree and its even more rare that our disagreements escalate to a fight. Why? Because both of us respect the other's opinion. We both understand that we may not see eye to eye on some issues. It also helps that neither one of us does anything that would purposely push the other's buttons. We both know our boundaries and we're both careful not to overstep them. He knows I dont like the TV being loud while I'm trying to sleep and I know he doesnt like when I nag. Simple preventatives keeps us from disagreeing. Also our compatability helps tremendously.

If we do happen to disagree, we are careful not to make it a scream fest. I dont like yelling at him because thats when he shuts down and stops talking. I've learned that its not about who yells the loudest, its about listening to one another and coming to an agreement.

I agree completely with the bolded. I think that learning to communicate clearly and rationally has also been important. Last week I was upset and wanted to lash out, but realized that my SO was not the problem. I explained how I was feeling and he was very empathetic. It's definitely a lot of work to handle disagreements responsibly (at least for me) but it's worth it. I also always make sure to admit when I'm wrong and he doesn't make it a big deal.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Talking....even if it takes all night and neither of us sleep....we don't yell or have screaming matches.......We listen to each other...explain whatever it is.....sometimes it's not resolved right away but we work it out. We NEVER invloves others in our affairs and on the outside we NEVER show that things might not be all good.

 

[lilmsjanet]

i say first off dont even argue with him just take your clothes off and sit back and in that same second watch him realize everything that you were saying is right and that theres only 1 side to this dissagrement and guess what....... i winnnnnnnnnnnn

 

[mrsmercery]

Lexie84, I completely agree. Respect is key. The men I argued with, I didn't respect at all, nor did they respect me-the subjects we argued over proved that (why you got his number in your phone, why didn't you stop by like you promised, I'm taking my car back, who is she...). My husband and I were like minded from the beginning. There are never arguments, the rare times when my "girlfriend" behavior comes out he will say my name sternly and I stop. I was in some immature relationships before, so it is a welcome change to have a no bs man around. So:
1. Respect your mate
2. Trust they have your best interest in mind
3. Know when to agree that you disagree (nothing worse than trying to shove your opinion down another INDIVIDUAL's throat, it'll always escalate to petty)

I emphasize individual because no two people think alike-and we can't expect our mate to always share our views...

 

[Tylers-mom]

We talk about it...and we agree that it's okay to disagree. We hardly get into arguements...we also know how to drop it if it's not that big of a deal. You have to choose your battles.

 

[Northern_Belle]

I'm learning now when to just let things go. Neither of us likes to argue but neither of us is willing to easily back down, either, when we think we're right. So I'm learning to pick my battles and asking myself if I'd rather be right or happy when we disagree about something minor or petty.

I'm a talker but when he's mad he doesn't want to talk right away so I'm adjusting to let him have his time to cool down and if there's something that I feel just has to be said I text him so he can read it when he's up to "listening."

 

[mnemosyne]

If I mention something he bugs me till we talk it out so if I don't think it's a big deal I let it go. Either way the make up part is fun afterward. NB I think my SO and I are the exact opposite.. if I'm upset he won't let me alone till we talk it out.

Granted, it doesn't happen often.

 

[DarkHair]

We talk, text and email. Whatever it takes to get the issue out.

 

[locabouthair]

Talking....even if it takes all night and neither of us sleep....we don't yell or have screaming matches.......We listen to each other...explain whatever it is.....sometimes it's not resolved right away but we work it out. We NEVER invloves others in our affairs and on the outside we NEVER show that things might not be all good.

this is very important.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

We have yet to have a disagreement that was not solved by simply talking about each others concerns. It's all about trust & respect. DH would never do anything to hurt me or to jeopardize our marriage and I feel the same; therefore, verbal abuse, fighting, hang up calls or ignoring calls is out of the question.

 

[MissYocairis]

we do several things:

1) we take time to think it through before bringing it to the other. Sometimes jumping the gun leads to a bunch of unnecessary mess.

2) we never assume. don't assume that the problem is what you think it is. ask questions first because you'd be surprised how often a perceived problem is really a result of your own personal issues.

3) we start and finish with love. Let each other know through language and body language that "regardless to why I'm mad, you are my baby".

4) we focus on sharing how we are feeling versus accusing the other of a certain behavior. yes, you may have to point out what he's doing, but point it out by explaining how you feel when it happens.

5) I find that my man is more open to discussing difficult subjects when I'm not all emotional. Men leave and go find a parallel universe when they have a basketcase of a woman standing in front of them hollering and crying. Keep him with you by discussing the issue calmly and in a laid-back manner.

6) we don't fight dirty. there's no name-calling, no verbal abuse, no emotional abuse, no threatening. none of that. We also don't throw up things we've shared with each other as weapons against the other. that's dirty. There's also no yelling.

7) we move on. when we have an issue that's been discussed and resolved to some degree or at least agreed upon, then we move on. we don't stay pissed for days and weeks about it. that serves no purpose. make peace with whatever decision the two of you come to at the end of the dispute and move on.