How Do I Acknowledge This Day?

[MamaBear2012]

I've mentioned on this board that my FIL died last year. Next month will mark one year. I'm not sure how to "honor" this day for DH.

In the year that his dad has been gone, his mom has done some sketchy Internet dating, met a man, and is now engaged. She has always been super selfish, but I think that DH is realizing it now and their relationship is drifting apart. I'm sure that she won't acknowledge the year mark, but I want to do "something" for DH. He used to talk to his dad 2-3 times a week, so I know he really misses him.

Any ideas?

 

[FlowerHair]

Can you go to his grave together and put some flowers there?

Look through some photos and put together a photo album.

Or just enlarge a nice photo of your DH and FIL and place some flowers next to it at your house.

 

[Evolving78]

Can you go to his grave together and put some flowers there?

Look through some photos and put together a photo album.

Or just enlarge a nice photo of your DH and FIL and place some flowers next to it at your house.

The photo and flowers are a nice idea. Does he like cookies? I would bake him some nice Chocolate chip cookies and give him a quick note of xoxo’s with the pic of him and his dad.
Everybody handles death differently. I don’t believe in doing those types of things, but I respect how others handle grief.

 

[biznesswmn]

Listen to music his dad liked, cook foods FIL liked... Recreate some good memories

My dad liked to bowl so we might go bowling. My siblings and I, we play my dads fav music from the 70s and dance like he used to, say funny things he used to say. Same w momIts sad a lil bit but we have a good time

 

[GreenEyedJen]

Ask some people that lost their Dads. You might realize that "honoring" the day is more for you than for him (DH).

I was very close to my Dad (spoke 2-3 times A DAY) and his death was unexpected. I normally like to be alone and not talk to anyone on: the day he died, his birthday, and Father's Day. It really depends. He might not want such a stark reminder that he's gone.

 

[LiftedUp]

I'd ask I'm if he'd like us to do something in his memory and throw out some ideas if he agrees.

 

[DarkJoy]

Id ask. He might not want to acknowledge his father's last day.

As an example, I acknowledge my father's life by doing something small on his birthday rather than re-hash his painful last weeks on earth. He passed 3 years ago this month.

However, everyone grieves different which is why it's important to know what your husband may want.

 

[NappyNelle]

Very thoughtful thread @cam2717!

 

[MamaBear2012]

Can you go to his grave together and put some flowers there?

Look through some photos and put together a photo album.

Or just enlarge a nice photo of your DH and FIL and place some flowers next to it at your house.

My FIL was cremated so no gravesite to visit unfortunately. Plus, they lived literally across the country. The flower and picture idea is great though!

 

[MamaBear2012]

The photo and flowers are a nice idea. Does he like cookies? I would bake him some nice Chocolate chip cookies and give him a quick note of xoxo’s with the pic of him and his dad.
Everybody handles death differently. I don’t believe in doing those types of things, but I respect how others handle grief.

He does like cookies. DH mentioned the other day that he had a dream that we were having a "memorial" for his dad and his dad showed up and said that he was just hiding from everyone because he was mad at us. I said that he must be thinking about the fact that it has almost been a year since his dad died, and he said that he probably subconsciously is thinking about it. That's why I wanted to do "something".

Listen to music his dad liked, cook foods FIL liked... Recreate some good memories

My dad liked to bowl so we might go bowling. My siblings and I, we play my dads fav music from the 70s and dance like he used to, say funny things he used to say. Same w momIts sad a lil bit but we have a good time

My FIL had a favorite band and I can definitely grab the CD and maybe play it at dinner.

Ask some people that lost their Dads. You might realize that "honoring" the day is more for you than for him (DH).

I was very close to my Dad (spoke 2-3 times A DAY) and his death was unexpected. I normally like to be alone and not talk to anyone on: the day he died, his birthday, and Father's Day. It really depends. He might not want such a stark reminder that he's gone.

This is true. DH may not really want to honor that day. I made an ornament of him, his brother, and his dad at a football game for Christmas and DH told me that it was one of the best gifts he could have ever received. But this could be different. You're right.

 

[hopeful]

I have a little section in my home dedicated to my mom. Just a few pictures and an angel. When I miss her I pause there and think about her. Maybe ask him if he’d like your help in putting together a little memorial for his dad? It sounds like he’s trying to figure out something to do for his dad. I think not having a gravesite to visit makes this even more important for your husband to both grieve and heal, and to honor his dad.

 

[MamaBear2012]

Ok, I asked him instead of just surprising him with something since I took to heart what all of you said. I asked, "Do you want to do something next month on the day that your dad died?" At first he said, "I'm just going to sleep." So, I said, "ok." I didn't know how to respond to that. Then he said, "We can listen to his favorite band and eat mushroom burgers (those were his favorite)." That was it. He didn't say anything else.

So...I'll hook up a playlist and figure out who makes a good mushroom burger around here. DD is 5 and is ALWAYS saying, "I'm sorry your dad died" or "I'll watch football with you and we can talk about it since your dad died." I think that if I play the music, set the table, get us/or make us some mushroom burgers, and allow DH to talk about his dad on this day (if he wants), then he'll appreciate it. Thanks again ladies.

 

[FlowerHair]

You’re such a loving wife! And your daughter inherited that kindness from you.

 

[Transformer]

Question: Why not acknowledge his birthdate instead of his death?