How can you give up?

MrsBKJ

MrsBKJ

New Member
Firstly I don't want to upset anyone and this is not aimed at anyone at all. Im hoping that before more people give up we can get some support here to let them know it aint all doom n gloom.

Ive seen a few posts where people have become so disheartened by their hairs lack of progress that they give up.
Why? Why would you give up on something that is going to be there on the top of your head everyday for the rest of your life? If you give up what are the alternatives? have damaged frazzled hair forever?
I know it is difficult and I know I have cried because my hair was so bad many many moons ago after a silly relaxer experience. But I wouldnt have dreamt of giving up.

Please share your story.

Uzz
 
ITA, giving up is NOT an option. I still don't have the length I want (after 2 years here), but it has never dawned on me to quit trying. :nono:

I think folks get disheartened because they compare their hair progress to that of others. I've found it useful to compare my hair to only my hair. There's always progress. :yep:
 
sareca said:
ITA, giving up is NOT an option. I still don't have the length I want (after 2 years here), but it has never dawned on me to quit trying. :nono:

I think folks get disheartened because they compare their hair progress to that of others. I've found it useful to compare my hair to only my hair. There's always progress. :yep:
Click to expand...

Great point sareca! :up:
 
I agree RachiQue. I've had 2 major 5" (total 10") cuts from other people doing my hair and one major 3" cut since I've been doing it. I love my hair and want it healthy weather it's long or short.
 
sareca said:
ITA, giving up is NOT an option. I still don't have the length I want (after 2 years here), but it has never dawned on me to quit trying. :nono:

I think folks get disheartened because they compare their hair progress to that of others. I've found it useful to compare my hair to only my hair. There's always progress. :yep:
Click to expand...

When I see someone like Isis, Chicelle, Mocha, Flowerhair I use to think I wish my hair could look like that, be that long. Now I don't compare my head to theirs, yes they have beautiful hair but so do I.
 
Great point sareca.
d I agree with you...I dont compare my hair because we have had totally different starting points some learn faster some grow faster etc, I certainly aspire to the ladies you mentioned (and many more) and to have hair like theirs, but I cant see myself not looking after my hair, yes i take a hiatus and think i wont be as crazy about it but I would never not do right by my hair ...if you know what I mean.

Thanks

Anymore?
Uzz
 
When I see "giving up" type posts I feel sad. Usually the poster is "giving up" after what I consider, such a short time.

Real change takes time, give things a chance.
 
I can't.I've come too far and spent too much money.


I've had long hair and I've had healthy hair but NEVER at the same time so that's my goal.I'll get there when I get there!
 
Also we need to note that haircare and growing long hair is not a 1, 2, 3 years experience, it's really a lifestyle change. Once you grow it ,then you want to keep it.
 
dlewis said:
When I see someone like Isis, Chicelle, Mocha, Flowerhair I use to think I wish my hair could look like that, be that long. Now I don't compare my head to theirs, yes they have beautiful hair but so do I.
Click to expand...

Excellent philosophy Dlewis!! I admit to wishing my hair looked like this or had the thickness like that, instead of looking at the progress I've made since starting my hair journey. I am blessed to have hair that still grows out my head after all of the things I've done to my scalp in the past, so just as long as it continues to grow, I won't give in!

In the meantime, I'll be stalking inspirational Fotki's --> (Dlewis and Choico, I'm looking in your direction! :lick: LOL)
 
dlewis said:
Also we need to note that haircare and growing long hair is not a 1, 2, 3 years experience, it's really a lifestyle change. Once you grow it ,then you want to keep it.
Click to expand...

Completely agree, it's a lifestyle change. You have to change your entire way of thinking and doing things. For some, that can take years.
 
You can't give up.

I have been here for two years and I have just now made shoulder length. The knowledge that I have gained has been tremendous though and the hair I have is completly transformed. It doesn't even grow the same color any more.
I stopped putting time contraints on my progress because its my hair. My hair can't be Dlewis, Kini's, Queeny or Letitia, it can only be Gym's. I look to the ladies with long hair for inspriation because whether we know it or not, everyone goes through it in their own way with their hair. If you quit, you have wasted your time. I would like to make apl by the end of the year but if I don't I am not going to cry about it. This is a process. My hair has been totally messed up for nearly 19 of my years on this earth so why cry if after two years of work, its still not where I want to be. Yes I get fustrated, yes I will have set backs but that is with everything in life.
 
I don't think they are actually giving up. They may just become frustrated and are tired of trying this and that. They should just keep it simple.

Also, it is very important to take pics. I don't feel like I have made any progress myself, but the proof is in the pics!:grin:
 
amwcah said:
I don't think they are actually giving up. They may just become frustrated and are tired of trying this and that. They should just keep it simple.

Also, it is very important to take pics. I don't feel like I have made any progress myself, but the proof is in the pics!:grin:
Click to expand...

I agree. I take ALOT of pictures, mainly to see how my hair reacts to different things. But when I go back a compare the pictures you can see what works better.
 
Quitting is not an option:nono:, like DLewis said, taking care of your hair is a lifestyle thing, not something you do today and forget tomorrow. I've been taking care of my hair, since Dec of 2003 and my hair still hasn't gotten to APL.. Imagine:ohwell:. I don't know where it's at at this point because I've been wearing braids for the last 9 months but I'm not discouraged. Since my hair is healthy I'm very glad for that.. Now length will come in time but for now, I'm at shoulder length and I guess I'll enjoy what I have until it gets to where it's going.
 
:yep:"Show you right" ladies!... I'm a Newbie to this forum and I finally broke down and joined for support so I would NOT GIVE UP! I remember in the past being frustrated about my hair's lack of progress and just "letting it go" which was not the right thing to do to honor oneself. THERE IS SO MUCH INCORRECT INFORMATION OUT THERE ABOUT OUR HAIR. It's up to us to find the truth one person at a time because knowledge is power. I find LHCF to be a great oasis in a sea of negativity about our hair in general. I like to use the other ladies hair successes as a motivator to keep going in this hair journey! :yep:
 
LaPaciencia said:
:yep:"Show you right" ladies!... I'm a Newbie to this forum and I finally broke down and joined for support so I would NOT GIVE UP! I remember in the past being frustrated about my hair's lack of progress and just "letting it go" which was not the right thing to do to honor oneself. THERE IS SO MUCH INCORRECT INFORMATION OUT THERE ABOUT OUR HAIR. It's up to us to find the truth one person at a time because knowledge is power. I find LHCF to be a great oasis in a sea of negativity about our hair in general. I like to use the other ladies hair successes as a motivator to keep going in this hair journey! :yep:
Click to expand...

Welcome! :wave:
 
Giving up is not an option. I look at hair care the same as personal hygiene. You wouldn't stop brushing your teeth, would you? There may be times you get fustrated but give up...NEVER! I think the key is to not compare your hair to anyone else and don't put timeframes on your hair goals.
 
LaPaciencia said:
:yep:"Show you right" ladies!... I'm a Newbie to this forum and I finally broke down and joined for support so I would NOT GIVE UP! I remember in the past being frustrated about my hair's lack of progress and just "letting it go" which was not the right thing to do to honor oneself. THERE IS SO MUCH INCORRECT INFORMATION OUT THERE ABOUT OUR HAIR. It's up to us to find the truth one person at a time because knowledge is power. I find LHCF to be a great oasis in a sea of negativity about our hair in general. I like to use the other ladies hair successes as a motivator to keep going in this hair journey! :yep:
Click to expand...

Welcome!!!!!!!!!
 
I totally agree with all of the above comments. This hair journey is a marathon, not a race; even though things get discouraging (as I'm feeling right now about my hair), it's important to remember the long-term goal of healthy, beautiful hair.
 
Hey ladies!
this thread makes a good point about not giving up. but i have to play devils advocate....sorry. Just want u guys to see another point of view. My hair has been between SL and APL most of my life (some think thats long but i dont). I feel like i've been plagued by 'the trim' forever. My mom and sister's hair is much longer. I get frustrated all the time b/c they dont do ANYTHING special to their hair. My mom actually dyes her hair BLONDE from root to tip once a month! and she rakes through it with a brush from ROOT to tip everyday and uses 99 cent gel and it just grows and grows and grows. Both my sister and my mom's hair is naturally soft - maybe 3as, my sister might even be in the 2 family (different fathers). So for me, giving up or the urge to give up doesnt really mean live with frazzled hair as much as it just means not WORKING so hard on my hair. Not letting it control my life. Sleeping without tying my hair up, going to the salon to look 'pretty' more often rather than wearing protective styles. i think about that type of 'giving up' often. I've struggled with my hair for so many years. I think this year and the next 3 (till i'm 30) will be my last shot to give my hair a chance. I'm transitioning to natural to see if that will help. I cant keep being let down anymore, spending $$, researching, living in the bun. So by 'give up' to me it just means giving up on length, not neccessarily health. Hopefully - i can have both...we'll see!
 
crazydaze911 said:
Hey ladies!
this thread makes a good point about not giving up. but i have to play devils advocate....sorry. Just want u guys to see another point of view. My hair has been between SL and APL most of my life (some think thats long but i dont). I feel like i've been plagued by 'the trim' forever. My mom and sister's hair is much longer. I get frustrated all the time b/c they dont do ANYTHING special to their hair. My mom actually dyes her hair BLONDE from root to tip once a month! and she rakes through it with a brush from ROOT to tip everyday and uses 99 cent gel and it just grows and grows and grows. Both my sister and my mom's hair is naturally soft - maybe 3as, my sister might even be in the 2 family (different fathers). So for me, giving up or the urge to give up doesnt really mean live with frazzled hair as much as it just means not WORKING so hard on my hair. Not letting it control my life. Sleeping without tying my hair up, going to the salon to look 'pretty' more often rather than wearing protective styles. i think about that type of 'giving up' often. I've struggled with my hair for so many years. I think this year and the next 3 (till i'm 30) will be my last shot to give my hair a chance. I'm transitioning to natural to see if that will help. I cant keep being let down anymore, spending $$, researching, living in the bun. So by 'give up' to me it just means giving up on length, not neccessarily health. Hopefully - i can have both...we'll see!
Click to expand...

I think that's where K.I.S.S. comes in. If you are fustrated by all the special things you do to your hair then just stick to the basics and see what happens.
 
gymfreak336 said:
You can't give up.

I have been here for two years and I have just now made shoulder length. The knowledge that I have gained has been tremendous though and the hair I have is completly transformed. It doesn't even grow the same color any more.
I stopped putting time contraints on my progress because its my hair. My hair can't be Dlewis, Kini's, Queeny or Letitia, it can only be Gym's. I look to the ladies with long hair for inspriation because whether we know it or not, everyone goes through it in their own way with their hair. If you quit, you have wasted your time. I would like to make apl by the end of the year but if I don't I am not going to cry about it. This is a process. My hair has been totally messed up for nearly 19 of my years on this earth so why cry if after two years of work, its still not where I want to be. Yes I get fustrated, yes I will have set backs but that is with everything in life.
Click to expand...

The more we learn, the wiser we can become. When I first became active on the forum, I unwisely thought everyone who has been a member of the forum for years had years of progress to show for it, so I was looking for my hair to reflect the care I put into it within a certain amount of time. I didn't understand that a setback could occur, killing YEARS of progress in a matter of minutes. I was ignorant. Now I know better.

I also understand that time is a great healer. If I don't have the progress I wanted in 6 months, maybe I'll have it in a year. Like Paul said, the race is not to the swift, but to those who endure to the end.....
 
Giving up is not an option for me. If I get bored and want a change I may do something drastic (like a cut) and start over though:drunk:.
 
I've struggled with my hair nearly all my life. I've wanted to give up so many times. But then if I give up, all I'll have is damaged breaking hair anyway. I agree you can't compare your hair to others. I'm guilty of doing that and all it does is leave you frustrated. I think the key is keep on going just dont stress over it. Remember a watched pot never boils.
 
Thanks for starting this thread, Rachique. I hope it will motivate some of the ladies who get frustrated to keep going.
 
dlewis said:
When I see someone like Isis, Chicelle, Mocha, Flowerhair I use to think I wish my hair could look like that, be that long. Now I don't compare my head to theirs, yes they have beautiful hair but so do I.
Click to expand...

You certainly do.

I would be lying if I said I never thought of giving up. I've gone through two or three phases where I was so frustrated or upset over my hair that I had fantasies of just cutting it OFF.

I might have looked in the mirror and said, "I give up!". But it's not real. I mean, like RachiQue said, your hair is going to be there on top of your head, so unless you intend on shaving it all off and staying bald, you may as well do the best you can for it.

I know some people may give up on a certain goal. But I say, just keep trying for it. Sometimes it takes years to figure out what works best...there are so many products and techniques out there. Like I've said recently when posting about hair length goals, what else does my hair have to do anyway but grow? And time is going to pass anyway.

I'll admit, I still compare my hair to other people's. I want shine like DLewis, length like FlowerHair, thickness like Dsylla...etc...but I try to make these comparisons into goals for my hair instead of it making me feel inferior. I mean, I know my hair is never going to be exactly like anyone else's. But I'd like to make it the best it can be and a lot of ladies here serve as great inspiration for that.

And I have to agree about taking pictures. This is one thing I'm very glad that I've done since my big chop. You can really see your progress over time that way.

HHG!
 
Moroni said:
The more we learn, the wiser we can become. When I first became active on the forum, I unwisely thought everyone who has been a member of the forum for years had years of progress to show for it, so I was looking for my hair to reflect the care I put into it within a certain amount of time. I didn't understand that a setback could occur, killing YEARS of progress in a matter of minutes. I was ignorant. Now I know better.

I also understand that time is a great healer. If I don't have the progress I wanted in 6 months, maybe I'll have it in a year. Like Paul said, the race is not to the swift, but to those who endure to the end.....
Click to expand...

Absolutly!!! ITA with your whole post!
 
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