How can she move on when they work together?

[Bmack]

My girlfriend is trying to distance and move on with her life after dealing with a man that she works with. He is a very influential in NY senator (cannot name names), and has served as her mentor and co-worker/boss. She loves what she does, but she does not want to be all-awkward at work because she is trying to extinguish their relationship.


Okay let me give you some background. She and him started the relationship after working closely for about a year, but she is finding out that he may have lied about his relationship with his ex wife. Where he started out all charming and behaved as if she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, he is now acting like a very different person. Where he use to woo her, he now appears to care less-unless it has to do with them having sex, my friend is hurt, but is a big girl who is professional. Therefore, she wants to move on, without causing ripples.

First, she does not want everyone all in her business, and has decided to let it fizzle out without telling him to go to hell because according to her, he does not deserve an explanation-she just wants to go cold turkey…, which she has, and now the **** is calling off the hook! This is the funny part because he was just acting as if he did not care.

Anyway, do you have any advice on how she can end this and still save face; remain professional with out falling apart? She is crushed on the inside but she is wearing her game face to work everyday.

 

[mscocoface]

She needs to remove herself from this situation POST HASTE!!!

The media is a very funny thing, stuff like this has a way of coming to light and right now you don't even know who is reading this thread you just posted.

Just the little bit you posted someone could do some digging and possibly figure this out.

I would suggest you remove his position from your post. Call him a politician and remove the state.

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

My girlfriend is trying to distance and move on with her life after dealing with a man that she works with. He is a very influential in NY senator (cannot name names), and has served as her mentor and co-worker/boss. She loves what she does, but she does not want to be all-awkward at work because she is trying to extinguish their relationship. QUOTE]


Get a new job...never siht where you eat.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

Wow, hindsight is 20/20! I bet she never though about adverse circumstances of dealing with a man you work with.

She may have to "pay" for her learning and take an "L"

For her own piece of mind, she should find another job!

 

[Bmack]

My girlfriend is trying to distance and move on with her life after dealing with a man that she works with. He is a very influential in NY senator (cannot name names), and has served as her mentor and co-worker/boss. She loves what she does, but she does not want to be all-awkward at work because she is trying to extinguish their relationship. QUOTE]


Get a new job...never siht where you eat.

She refuses.

 

[mscocoface]

Then I guess she is ready for the consequences of her choice deciding to stay then.

The best I can suggest is she transfer or stop all together and deal with the fall out of no longer being intimate with him and trying to get it back to professional only.

As my mother would say it is darn near impossible to but the Jeanie back in the bottle.

Hoping the best for her. She is going to need nerves of steel and a seriously calm demeanor as she deals with trying to go back to being JUST professionals.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Hmmm...well he's calling her like he cares so that may flip the script w/ her in the relationship. Not saying that she should stay in, but it may buy her time and leverage to transfer somewhere else idk.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Is it Eric Adams?

 

[itismehmmkay]

^^lol let me look him up

 

[Mai Tai]

She needs to remove herself from this situation POST HASTE!!!

The media is a very funny thing, stuff like this has a way of coming to light and right now you don't even know who is reading this thread you just posted.

Just the little bit you posted someone could do some digging and possibly figure this out.

I would suggest you remove his position from your post. Call him a politician and remove the state.

MsCoCoFace...You are so "on-point" with this post. OP, I know you want to help your friend, however some of the info like the state and position of the man involved should be edited out your post.

 

[MissYocairis]

Yeah...we've already looked him up and his name has been posted here. You should edit your OP to protect her. On another note, I think she still loves him and that love is clouding her judgment. That's too bad. She says she wants to move on but really she wants him back eating out of her hand. So, what did he lie about? He told her that his divorce was final? He told her it was really filed when it actually wasnt? He told her he was "in the process of a divorce" but she found out he's actually "separated yet 'working on the marriage'"? She needs to beware. That's all I'm sayin. We always give men rewards for coming with next to NOTHING. I know her career is important to her but she'll make other mentors and connections that will help her. Maybe she can just transfer to a different department.

 

[Allandra]

My girlfriend is trying to distance and move on with her life after dealing with a man that she works with. He is a very influential in NY senator (cannot name names), and has served as her mentor and co-worker/boss. She loves what she does, but she does not want to be all-awkward at work because she is trying to extinguish their relationship.


Okay let me give you some background. She and him started the relationship after working closely for about a year, but she is finding out that he may have lied about his relationship with his ex wife. Where he started out all charming and behaved as if she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, he is now acting like a very different person. Where he use to woo her, he now appears to care less-unless it has to do with them having sex, my friend is hurt, but is a big girl who is professional. Therefore, she wants to move on, without causing ripples.

First, she does not want everyone all in her business, and has decided to let it fizzle out without telling him to go to hell because according to her, he does not deserve an explanation-she just wants to go cold turkey…, which she has, and now the **** is calling off the hook! This is the funny part because he was just acting as if he did not care.

Anyway, do you have any advice on how she can end this and still save face; remain professional with out falling apart? She is crushed on the inside but she is wearing her game face to work everyday.

Girl, you don't need to, that's enough right there.

If she seriously 'wants to move on without causing ripples', she'll have to get another job or deal with it.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

UM, just saying "influential person might have sufficed" cuz the human mind and curiosity...otherwise, which one of these can give her a glowing recommendation for another job?

http://www.nysenate.gov/senators

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?State=NY


There are literally thousands of people who now know the sordid details of a U.S. or State of NY senator. She should move on lest she end up in the media...I hear it's very ugly.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Is it Eric Adams?

Ooo!!! Good guess!

 

[MissYocairis]

Ooo!!! Good guess!

Dang, OP....where are you? You gotta get this thread pulled.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

^^^Yeah...that was wrong of me. Too bad we can't delete posts. *sigh*


As for the friend... I guess if she can't/doesn't want to leave her job the best she can do is try to keep it cordial with him if she sees him in the office. I think maybe she needs to just tell him that the relationship isn't working for her anymore. Is she afraid that he will fire her if the relationship ends? Is that why she's not trying to "rustle any feathers"?

If he doesn't have the power to fire her, then maybe she can just continue to take the high road with him. If he asks her "what's up", then she can just say that she has thought about it, and think it's better if they don't see each other anymore. I don't know...this is a tough situation to be in.

It's going to be VERY hard to move on from him if she has to see him all the time, every week, everyday. I have to see someone I was "in love" with every week, and sometimes it's hard.

Plus, it's always somewhat easier when you end the relationship. But what about when they have ended the relationship and he gets a serious new gf?? (That's what happened in my case) How will she feel THEN?? THAT can be very hard.

Now, if she just outright doesn't have feelings for him anymore, then maybe it could be easier for her to move on. But if there are feelings still there, then it's going to be hard.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't think it's your fault CIQ, the information was already put out there. Your quote doesn't matter...it's very easy to go and figure out or narrow down the list of who she is referring to just by the OP description.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

DAMMMMNNNNN!

 

[loved]

Rough one, OP. I recently went to an event & a politician whom I had spoken with sent his wingman to get my number. I came home & googled him & saw that he was married. Even before that, I pictured my face all over the local newspapers & thought hellsnaw.

 

[Bmack]

Yeah...we've already looked him up and his name has been posted here. You should edit your OP to protect her. On another note, I think she still loves him and that love is clouding her judgment. That's too bad. She says she wants to move on but really she wants him back eating out of her hand. So, what did he lie about? He told her that his divorce was final? He told her it was really filed when it actually wasnt? He told her he was "in the process of a divorce" but she found out he's actually "separated yet 'working on the marriage'"? She needs to beware. That's all I'm sayin. We always give men rewards for coming with next to NOTHING. I know her career is important to her but she'll make other mentors and connections that will help her. Maybe she can just transfer to a different department.

Thanks, I should not have put all that info, but it’s not Eric Adams so I am not worried. The man she is dealing with is not married. He just lied about his entire situation (little stupid ish too) and so she wants to move on. She does still care a great deal for him, but I guess nothing messes with her money.

She appears to be okay with staying there. I just do not understand that because they will have close contact. She say’s that its her career and she is not crawling away no matter what, and she does not plan to be in that position forever so she is going to stay and hustle because she has a lot going, which she does, she is not peon she is up there too.

Thanks ladies-I am not sure how this will unfold for her, but she is pretty strong-or at least she appears to have a tough shell.

 

[Avaya]

I would suggest you remove his position from your post. Call him a politician and remove the state.

For real 'cause I was show all up on Dogpile getting my "research" on...

 

[firecracker]

The person named bet not be the one because there are a couple of better looking kneegrows on that senators list.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

This is why you don't start up stuff where you work. *smh*

Good luck to your friend. Since she's determined to stay there, she needs to suck it up and keep it together.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

The person named bet not be the one because there are a couple of better looking kneegrows on that senators list.

Hmm...part of me wonders if the Senator she's referring to is even black. It could be anybody!

This is why you don't start up stuff where you work. *smh*

Good luck to your friend. Since she's determined to stay there, she needs to suck it up and keep it together.

Yeeeah......that is too tricky. Been there done that. I wouldn't want to be in a situation again where I have a "thing" with a co-worker or someone that I work closely with and have to see every week. Because if things go down, or things don't work out between the two of you, it's almost like torture having to see them all the time.

 

[meechy]

My girlfriend is trying to distance and move on with her life after dealing with a man that she works with. He is a very influential in NY senator (cannot name names), and has served as her mentor and co-worker/boss. She loves what she does, but she does not want to be all-awkward at work because she is trying to extinguish their relationship.


Okay let me give you some background. She and him started the relationship after working closely for about a year, but she is finding out that he may have lied about his relationship with his ex wife. Where he started out all charming and behaved as if she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, he is now acting like a very different person. Where he use to woo her, he now appears to care less-unless it has to do with them having sex, my friend is hurt, but is a big girl who is professional. Therefore, she wants to move on, without causing ripples.

First, she does not want everyone all in her business, and has decided to let it fizzle out without telling him to go to hell because according to her, he does not deserve an explanation-she just wants to go cold turkey…, which she has, and now the **** is calling off the hook! This is the funny part because he was just acting as if he did not care.

Anyway, do you have any advice on how she can end this and still save face; remain professional with out falling apart? She is crushed on the inside but she is wearing her game face to work everyday.

She may need to find another job in order to distance herself from the situation. In my opinion their is no way to move on if you still see the person everyday. I wish your friend good luck on her situation.