His child?

[LovinLocks]

I see the majority's point. Thank you.

 

[Ladybelle]

she's 12? he shoulda whupped her butt about 5 years ago. It's harder to break up bad behavior the older kids get.

Other than that, I have no advice from a legal standpoint. I don't think what my Dad would have done to me if I had the nerve to hit him would have been legal either. ** shrugs**

good luck to you & ((hugs)). I know this pisses you off.

 

[sonyablade]

I would call "the people" on her...have the cops come scare her behind. Because he is in a very bad position being a man with custody and her being a girl..he should have whipped her butt a long time ago but now she's to old and she could get taken away if he hits her. Sorry you are going through this.. It sounds terrible

 

[fluffylocks]

Why is the 12 year old hitting her dad? When she cant get her way? Them, kids....theres more than one and they act like that also?

Stereotypes....so they are probally white...

Hes begged and screamed for her to quit too?

I just dont understand.
I would tell you not to say dont kick my bff or husband....tell her not to kick her dad

You've explained that they are lucky to have a parent that takes care of them.....

Somebody needs a whooping and all of their things took away.

Legal? Who would take the legal actions? The dad?

Im just going to read other answers.

 

[qchelle]

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........he's asked his child to stop hitting him? OMG! Crazyness! No comment other than that.

 

[Mortons]

Are you all married? If not, let him handle it. Its not your place, and if you end up marrying him, you will become the evil stepmother and they may try to make your life hell.
He needs to to handle his child. That makes no sense

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[DrC]

Where did she get hitting her dad from??
If she is old enough to make the decision she has the right to hit someone and get away with it, then she has no idea whats coming to her.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

No child will be staying in my house who exhibits this kind of behavior. Lord please don't give me those kind of kids. If she was raised right from the start, she would know better than to do that. I see that from my clear friends a lot because they spoil their kids and don't enforce rules.

 

[Thiends]

First two thoughts:

1. So much as looking in your elder's direction with defiance in your eyes (looking the elder in the eyes wasn't even necessary) was cause for a terrible, terrible whooping when I was growing up, so I cannot comprehend actually hitting a parent.

2. One day she's going to jump bad at the wrong person and get stomped.

I wish you luck in handling this. Jesus is probably the only one on your side because this man doesn't seem to have the strength to parent.

 

[jerseygirl1977]

I agree that he needs to handle his own child. The biological parents needs to be the one disciplining their child, at least initially. I do think you need to get this situation worked out before marriage because it will only get worse and if he doesnt have control of his child now it will be worse if you get married.

 

[hopeful]

If I were you (the girlfriend), I would stay out of it. I just wish you good luck. My daughter is 11. I am not one to like beating kids and hate how so many black people talk so proudly about whoopin' a child's butt, BUT girl if my 11 year old kicked me or my husband anywhere, we woulda been whooped her tail. Can't even wrap my head around that mess. It is not your place to be disciplining his child. I know you want to help and you care about him, but this is his job. 12 is pretty old for that type of behavior so IDK what to say but I think he needs to get some professional help/counseling for her and the whole family asap. I don't know anyone personally (black/white/Indian/or Asian) that would put up with this type of behavior.

 

[Jazala]

He could try other methods of discipline rather than hitting. Does she have electronic equipment that Dad paid for (tv, ipod, phone, xbox, etc.)? Any other privileges that he can remove from her as a form of punishment.

He definitely should not hit her back if she's bratty enough to call the cops on him, but he is well within his rights to RESTRAIN her from harming HIM.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

No offense. But what kind of leadership can this man have to lead a family and marriage if he's getting drop kicked by a 12 year old girl? Are you sure you want to marry into that???

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Girl, why would you put yourself in the middle of that man and his children's dysfunctional relationship? Him practicing karate dont have a thing to do with him disciplining his child. What does he think? his hands going to unbeknownst to him, karate chop the kid in the throat?

YOU stay out of it. Your not even a sure thing in their life, your just a phase at this point, let him handle HIS kids. You could be here today gon tomorrow. Telling a kid that hits her FATHER not to hit your BOYFRIEND is out of place. You being a girlfriend is not more important than that being her father. Everybody has a lane, stay in yours.

Maybe the kid needs counseling AFTER she gets a good swift beat down. Listen here, tell him that if he doesnt want to touch his kids do military cycles. Take her little butt to a track and make her run do push ups, jumping jacks, squats, holding up the wall, holding books with her arms out, dead cockroach or a whole number of moves that are sure to break a kid down and reinsert the authority he has lost....I can go on and on because I do this in my own house, although i dont have a problem with socking a kid in the eye and gut just for giggles and laughs.

 

[caltron]

I totally agree with the majority of the posters here. I can tell you as stepmom to (future?) stepmom that you are playing with fire when you start taking on the role as disciplinarian. That is your hubby's job exclusively unless you have been able to develop a bond with the child over time. That kind of bonding usually takes years and many stepparents never achieve it.

That being said, you shouldn't have to just sit back and take certain behavior. The girl is striking out at her father, but it's probably just a matter of time before she starts acting the same way toward you. You need to read the riot act to your hubby and tell him he needs to handle his child. If he's not willing or able to do it, then the relationship will never work and you need to leave.

If the child has experienced death or divorce, your hubby may be feeling a little guilty--and no one can put on a guilt trip like a child. That's still no excuse for him to let his child misbehave like that and it will just hurt her in the long run.

 

[ThickHair]

No offense. But what kind of leadership can this man have to lead a family and marriage if he's getting drop kicked by a 12 year old girl? Are you sure you want to marry into that???

Let the church say AAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEENNNNNNNN. Such wussiness is not attractive. Someone is going to hurt that childs feelings one day.

 

[Mortons]

Also, he should put her in counseling. If its aggression issues, there are ways to help her work those out non violently.

 

[C(squared)]

That's crazy...at my 24 years of age, my father would not hesitate to pull me or smack me across my mouth if I got out line.

 

[LovinLocks]

Where did she get hitting her dad from??
If she is old enough to make the decision she has the right to hit someone and get away with it, then she has no idea whats coming to her.

THIS is exactly what he has been explaining to her. Said another way by him, "She'll do this to someone who won't take it; i.e., will hurt her badly."

As tempting as it may be, (other's comments above), this is not funny and I certainly did not come here to be laughed at about it. Casting aside many people's opinions of some of the women here, I brought what I thought could/would be a serious discussion. Often others see things that folk embroiled in a situation do not.

Thank you, to those that took precious time to offer serious possible solution(s).

Namaste,

LL

 

[LovinLocks]

In reading the comments, I apparently did not make myself clear. I am NOT disciplining that child . . . ohhh nooooo (unless you call my plan on halting her mid-air next time I see her attempting to kick him). Perhaps after reading these comments i won't even do that.

Make no mistake I overstand discipline is HIS job; his baby, etc. I sat there quietly last night when he whallopped her good - she was sassing off at him. Honestly I was surprised. I mean I've heard him holler at her, but had never witnessed him whopping her. She shut up the rest of the night.

We were just on the tele and I was sharing with him a strategy that was discussed at my worship meeting tonight. He agreed that it was a good idea. He loves his children and do not want them taken away by the gov't (as was mentioned in an earlier post); her being a girl, it is a precarious position and one he wants to avoid.

 

[LovinLocks]

HOT DANT . . .ND

Maybe the kid needs counseling AFTER she gets a good swift beat down. Listen here, tell him that if he doesn't want to touch his kids do military cycles. Take her little butt to a track and make her run do push ups, jumping jacks, squats, holding up the wall, holding books with her arms out, dead cockroach or a whole number of moves that are sure to break a kid down and reinsert the authority he has lost....I can go on and on because I do this in my own house, although i don't have a problem with socking a kid in the eye and gut just for giggles and laughs.

Now THIS makes sense (whether I'm in the pic or not). I think this is practical advice. Umm, what's "dead cockroach"? Oh, I am surely going to present your idea to him in the a.m.

The other day he commented to her that he should enroll her in martial arts class (she was bullying her little brother, a sweet, learning disabled child). She constantly dogs this little boy out (I've seen it with my own eyes). She even admits not particular caring for him. Get this she gets pissed because he'll smile at her. He loves the ground his brother and sister walk on (he's the middle child). BFF says she gets mad when child no. 2 doesn't get all upset or up in arms about a thing and respond like she does. She gets pissed when he simply sits next to her. Oh, yeah, her attitude/comment about him enrolling her in class to see what it's like to get beat down . . . defiance . . . she don't care; i.e., don't believe fat meat is greasy.

I reallly like your suggestion; thanks, N.D.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

dead cockroach= laying on the back with arms and legs at 90 degree angles or even harder, legs and arms 4 inches off the ground. Another good one is the invisible chair. the back is straight against the wall and the knees are bended making sure that the thighs are directly parrallel to the floor and they can have their arms straight out in front of them or down by their sides. Holding up the wall can be done with one or both hand, facing the wall put their hands against the wall, push their legs back so that their body forms a angle like this " body ----> /- <----arms with hands flat on the wall".

While doing it, he needs to remain calm NEVER raising his voice to let her know that he runs the show. When she crys about one position, switch it up to something else (this helps rotate the muscles and strain) but he should do it for a particular amount of time ie 15-25 mins. trust it will feel like hours for her. Depends on the severity of her actions will depend on the length. I also make my kids hold the push up position while I am lecturing them and when they are at a breaking point i will put them in another position that doesnt strain the arms directly ie dead cock roach, squats, jumping jacks, high steps. My kids have been getting cycled since they were about 2/3.

We also have things we say while they are being cycle, in a cadence style. ie "I am somebody, I am a child of God, I am not being raised to behave any kind of way, i will respect my mother, myself, my sister and anyone I interact with. I have a purpose for my life.I love myself and will act like I got some sense" LOl girl I just make stuff up but it usually revolves around this theme, because my motto is that when they love themselves, when they know that they matter, that they have a purpose and a God given destiny , when they knowthat they are REQUIRED to respect themselves FIRST and others around them, it makes them think differently and behave differently as well.

I'm not perfect by any means but i am a darn good mom. I'm raising productive black women with purpose and they have to understand that as well. Same with that little girl, disciplining is done from the inside out. A foundation is built on structure. I do ALOT of stuff with my kids, going places, playing in makeup, making stuff, pillow fights, movie nights, board games....simple stuff and elaborate some things (family vacations) and I do it because I want to do it and there is a BIG difference in how they are developing as opposed to many other children from better or worst SES. My girlfriend was just raising her kids without real interaction because after all to her they were just kids and then she began mimicking me doing projects with them and paying more attention to them and her children began changing and calming down. He will have to bond with his daughter.

Even as he disciplines her, believe it or not it is still a bonding process because its firm but done in love. My kids cry like little wimpy burgers but they will come give me hugs and kisses (even after a spanking) and express themselves and their actions, how and why they were wrong and better solutions. (Actually that last part is required, but I dont give them the solutions they have to come up with that themselves) I still kiss and hug on my kids and alot of times as kids get older many parents stop the simple touching and that creates a gap.

Observe how he interacts with the kids. is he a hands off kind of parent? Do his kids easily come and sit on his lap and snuggle (even the older ones) or give hugs and kisses? Are kind words being spoken into their life and spirits everyday? are they exposed to angry music, television shows or people? A simple television show can plant seeds of rebellion and anger in children, just sit back and objectively observe Disney or Nickolodeon one day, you will be surprised.

Routine and and structured bonding and love will make a whirl of difference. For example when my daughter used to take lunches to school I would put little notes in her lunch and she expected and looked forward to reading them, just random silly stuff, whatever I felt like writing. Everyday day we talk about what happened at school and they get mad if I take to long to ask because its our routine. Anywho, this message is extremely long so I'll end ity here. feel free to pm me whenever.

 

[Thiends]

Girl, why would you put yourself in the middle of that man and his children's dysfunctional relationship? Him practicing karate dont have a thing to do with him disciplining his child. What does he think? his hands going to unbeknownst to him, karate chop the kid in the throat?

YOU stay out of it. Your not even a sure thing in their life, your just a phase at this point, let him handle HIS kids. You could be here today gon tomorrow. Telling a kid that hits her FATHER not to hit your BOYFRIEND is out of place. You being a girlfriend is not more important than that being her father. Everybody has a lane, stay in yours.

Maybe the kid needs counseling AFTER she gets a good swift beat down. Listen here, tell him that if he doesnt want to touch his kids do military cycles. Take her little butt to a track and make her run do push ups, jumping jacks, squats, holding up the wall, holding books with her arms out, dead cockroach or a whole number of moves that are sure to break a kid down and reinsert the authority he has lost....I can go on and on because I do this in my own house,

I agree 100% with everything you wrote. A girlfriend is not a wife and needs to stay in her lane. If what you are witnessing from your lane is out of order, then you should question if that is the situation you want to marry into. A 12 year old who physically attacks her own father is not too far from an older teen who resorts to greater and more serious violence. Think long and hard before you literally become wedded to that sort of future.

although i dont have a problem with socking a kid in the eye and gut just for giggles and laughs.

Well, this I don't agree with. I am sure you were just joking though.

 

[Thiends]

dead cockroach= laying on the back with arms and legs at 90 degree angles or even harder, legs and arms 4 inches off the ground. Another good one is the invisible chair. the back is straight against the wall and the knees are bended making sure that the thighs are directly parrallel to the floor and they can have their arms straight out in front of them or down by their sides. Holding up the wall can be done with one or both hand, facing the wall put their hands against the wall, push their legs back so that their body forms a angle like this " body ----> /- <----arms with hands flat on the wall".

While doing it, he needs to remain calm NEVER raising his voice to let her know that he runs the show. When she crys about one position, switch it up to something else (this helps rotate the muscles and strain) but he should do it for a particular amount of time ie 15-25 mins. trust it will feel like hours for her. Depends on the severity of her actions will depend on the length. I also make my kids hold the push up position while I am lecturing them and when they are at a breaking point i will put them in another position that doesnt strain the arms directly ie dead cock roach, squats, jumping jacks, high steps. My kids have been getting cycled since they were about 2/3.

We also have things we say while they are being cycle, in a cadence style. ie "I am somebody, I am a child of God, I am not being raised to behave any kind of way, i will respect my mother, myself, my sister and anyone I interact with. I have a purpose for my life.I love myself and will act like I got some sense" LOl girl I just make stuff up but it usually revolves around this theme, because my motto is that when they love themselves, when they know that they matter, that they have a purpose and a God given destiny , when they knowthat they are REQUIRED to respect themselves FIRST and others around them, it makes them think differently and behave differently as well.

I'm not perfect by any means but i am a darn good mom. I'm raising productive black women with purpose and they have to understand that as well. Same with that little girl, disciplining is done from the inside out. A foundation is built on structure. I do ALOT of stuff with my kids, going places, playing in makeup, making stuff, pillow fights, movie nights, board games....simple stuff and elaborate some things (family vacations) and I do it because I want to do it and there is a BIG difference in how they are developing as opposed to many other children from better or worst SES. My girlfriend was just raising her kids without real interaction because after all to her they were just kids and then she began mimicking me doing projects with them and paying more attention to them and her children began changing and calming down. He will have to bond with his daughter.

Even as he disciplines her, believe it or not it is still a bonding process because its firm but done in love. My kids cry like little wimpy burgers but they will come give me hugs and kisses (even after a spanking) and express themselves and their actions, how and why they were wrong and better solutions. (Actually that last part is required, but I dont give them the solutions they have to come up with that themselves) I still kiss and hug on my kids and alot of times as kids get older many parents stop the simple touching and that creates a gap.

Observe how he interacts with the kids. is he a hands off kind of parent? Do his kids easily come and sit on his lap and snuggle (even the older ones) or give hugs and kisses? Are kind words being spoken into their life and spirits everyday? are they exposed to angry music, television shows or people? A simple television show can plant seeds of rebellion and anger in children, just sit back and objectively observe Disney or Nickolodeon one day, you will be surprised.

Routine and and structured bonding and love will make a whirl of difference. For example when my daughter used to take lunches to school I would put little notes in her lunch and she expected and looked forward to reading them, just random silly stuff, whatever I felt like writing. Everyday day we talk about what happened at school and they get mad if I take to long to ask because its our routine. Anywho, this message is extremely long so I'll end ity here. feel free to pm me whenever.

Military mama is on the job and I am taking notes! This is great advice!

 

[LovinLocks]

"A simple television show can plant seeds of rebellion and anger in children, just sit back and objectively observe Disney or Nickolodeon one day, you will be surprised. "


Hi ND,

I want to make sure I'm getting the point . . . what I came away with the sentence above is that D and N shows may promote seeds of rebellion and anger in children. if I am correct in my understanding then it's good that he at his house (and me at my house) we have gotten rid of television and opt for downloading educational movies and shows for us all to watch (in addition to the video productions from our place of worship).

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Well, this I don't agree with. I am sure you were just joking though.

Military mama is on the job and I am taking notes! This is great advice!

Good, we all can learn from each other.

"A simple television show can plant seeds of rebellion and anger in children, just sit back and objectively observe Disney or Nickolodeon one day, you will be surprised. "


Hi ND,

I want to make sure I'm getting the point . . . what I came away with the sentence above is that D and N shows may promote seeds of rebellion and anger in children. if I am correct in my understanding then it's good that he at his house (and me at my house) we have gotten rid of television and opt for downloading educational movies and shows for us all to watch (in addition to the video productions from our place of worship).

yeah I dont have cable in my home either and the television doesnt pick up even regular channels. we watch movies, my kids love musicals (carmen jones, temptation movie, five heartbeats blah blah blah), westerns and old fashion stuff. My mom said they old ladies lol. But we go days without turning the television on. I used to let them watch television all the time but I didnt like how they were mesmorized and would imitate or repeat what they saw, my spirit was troubled by alot of things concerning television and my girls. I wanted to be the biggest impact on them so I took my daughters back. They have books, toys, crafts, piano, workbooks, me and each other to entertain themselves they will bbe all right. We havent had cable in years and go days without that television on and I dont regret it not one bit. So good for you guys.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

The day I raise my hand to my father is the day I will see the Lord