His and Her...now WE

[syze6]

There are a lot of threads about cheating and taken men and the whole KARMA thing.

Do you STILL believe in the how you get him lose em thing, in regards to people engaging in affairs OR committed relationships knowingly! I used to buy into the concept of such doomsday tails with relationships but again, life has certainly shown me otherwise. I know of three couples who got together, while someone was in a marriage or relationship. They are still going strong, after many, many years and kids added to it as well. It's hard for me to not be happy for them as time continues on. I can only hope that they are happy in their decisions.

So as much as some would like to believe in this theory, could it be that maybe those two people connected better. They just paved the way for the partner left behind to truly find happiness. My gf's husband just recently married the woman he cheated with. My friend has married what she says is the best man for her...she IS VERY happy. Oddly enough, the ex seems REALLY happy with his new wife as well. I have been in their company and I wish no ill will toward them, because I see their happiness and bond together. I love that my gf is very happy as well. I think sometimes things tend to be hard for others to accept, when it comes to relationships and cheating. Now....I in no way feel people should cheat on each other. I think one should leave the marriage or relationship. I just think as I've gotten older, I just understand that in this lifetime all you want to do is find happiness and love.

Does anyone else know people in situations as such who really seem to be happy?

 

[MzLady78]

I honestly no longer believe that everyone who deserves some kind of karma gets it, no matter what the situation is.

 

[barbiesocialite]

No I don't believe that.

Never did, never will.

If the karma thing is true that would mean that someone deserves to be cheated on. Including someone who has never cheated themselves.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Well, I do believe you reap what you sow, but so much else goes into play. No one really knows the life of another person so I am learning to not judge or make assumptions about other people's journey to say what they don't deserve or not.

Now, complicate that with a few other truths:

- hurt people hurt people
- change is the only constant
- every relationship you are in is a mirror of where you are at in relationship to yourself
- YOLO
- LOA = I think people who fear infidelity at times can bring that into their life because they are in a constant vibrational match with that outcome. The universe doesn't understand "no."

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm not a fan of "karma" for many reasons. But I do believe that vengeance is not yours but it is the Lord's. Your punishment may not necessarily come in the sense of your relationship, but in other ways. I do believe though that it will come.

Also, I don't believe "how you get them is how you lose them" has to do with karma. I believe that it has to do with the person's trait and lack of loyalty. If he wasn't faithful to Mary, the possibility of him being unfaithful to Sue as well is high, given his past history.

 

[syze6]

Well, I do believe you reap what you sow, but so much else goes into play. No one really knows the life of another person so I am learning to not judge or make assumptions about other people's journey to say what they don't deserve or not.

Now, complicate that with a few other truths:

- hurt people hurt people
- change is the only constant
- every relationship you are in is a mirror of where you are at in relationship to yourself
- YOLO
- LOA = I think people who fear infidelity at times can bring that into their life because they are in a constant vibrational match with that outcome. The universe doesn't understand "no."

Yeah...My sis-n-law is CONSTANTLY checking my brother's EVERYTHING. The man has never cheated on her, nor is he the cheating type. That goes for my other brother in the service who goes away on numerous tour duties and his wife is silly as well. They weren't raised to be whorish men, nor do they desire to be. I'm like, there are women who really have men that CHEAT. They are really driving a wedge between their relationships! They have past relationships where cheating was involved.

I swear there are women who will cheat with a taken man without a care in the world. Those are the ones who will end up with the most faithful men. I know two women in that same situation! Taken men...no cares and they have landed men who worship the ground they walk on. Cheating is the furthest from their minds. That is why life has taught me a WHOLE other perspective on certain things! LOL!

 

[brownb83]

No Karma doesn't exist. Especially for men.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I swear there are women who will cheat with a taken man without a care in the world. Those are the ones who will end up with the most faithful men. I know two women in that same situation! Taken men...no cares and they have landed men who worship the ground they walk on. Cheating is the furthest from their minds. That is why life has taught me a WHOLE other perspective on certain things! LOL!

No one belongs to anyone.

People do what they want. It's free will. You can't take something that doesnt belong to you.

 

[syze6]

I honestly no longer believe that everyone who deserves some kind of karma gets it, no matter what the situation is.

I don't go around wishing karma on anyone. I know that people end up in situations they genuinely never set out to end up in. Then there are those who run to those situations. I just would hope they learn and grow from their actions. I look at one of my friends and she and her mate REALLY are committed to each there and love each other. They really enjoy each other's company and such. I have an inside track to their relationship. Even though he was married, I can see the love between these two. I just hope she never has to experience him doing it to her. He believes she is the love of his life, despite hurting his ex-wife. I just wish them well and go on sending positive energy their way. I'm married myself and would never want that for me, BUT I think as I get older I just want to see the best for others. I have been cheated on in the past several times, so I know what that feels like.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't go around wishing karma on anyone. I know that people end up in situations they genuinely never set out to end up in. Then there are those who run to those situations. I just would hope they learn and grow from their actions. I look at one of my friends and she and her mate REALLY are committed to each there and love each other. They really enjoy each other's company and such. I have an inside track to their relationship. Even though he was married, I can see the love between these two. I just hope she never has to experience him doing it to her. He believes she is the love of his life, despite hurting his ex-wife. I just wish them well and go on sending positive energy their way. I'm married myself and would never want that for me, BUT I think as I get older I just want to see the best for others. I have been cheated on in the past several times, so I know what that feels like.

This is a matter of perception.

There are different ways of looking at things.

Someone else could view this as a life lesson in courage to take a risk to go after what you want and having the strength to handle the `negative consequences in order to reach the goal--which includes hurting someone close to you (ex-wife) but in the grand scheme of things it's collateral damage. From where I stand if he'd confined himself to that marriage they wouldn't be happy with the love of his/her life today.

 

[LaFaraona]

People like to go around throwing the word Karma around like they know what it means.
Most people do not even know the language the word originates from or its meaning just what Westerners have taken the word to mean according to them.

Yes, I do believe in karma, and I mean karma per the word and concept in sanskrit and Tibetan Buddhism.
Which has nothing to do with "you lose them how you got them".

I concur with above poster that NO ONE belongs to NO ONE. Freewill is a Right we all have as human beings. Whoever thinks any human being belongs to them either through marriage, enslavement, birth or other construct has spiritual, esteem and self worth complex issues

 

[tinkat]

Yes I do believe in karma.

No I haven't seen these kind of scenarios play out successfully. I am a firm believer of starting a relationship on a solid foundation.

If it starts out with infidelity, it would not be a surprise if it pops up In the relationship.

 

[julzinha]

People like to go around throwing the word Karma around like they know what it means.
Most people do not even know the language the word originates from or its meaning just what Westerners have taken the word to mean according to them.

Yes, I do believe in karma, and I mean karma per the word and concept in sanskrit and Tibetan Buddhism.
Which has nothing to do with "you lose them how you got them".

I concur with above poster that NO ONE belongs to NO ONE. Freewill is a Right we all have as human beings. Whoever thinks any human being belongs to them either through marriage, enslavement, birth or other construct has spiritual, esteem and self worth complex issues

ITA, Karma, in its truest sense, is basically you reap what you sow in this life or the next. Karma is not just about how you treat others, its about how you treat yourself.

Life is about balance, and things have a way of coming full circle.

The karma we incur based on our treatment of others comes back to us as lessons that we have to learn at some point.

 

[summertimewine]

Karma isn't usually presented in such a straight forward manner (eg. You cheat and so you get cheated on ) most times karma can be devious and discreet teaching you a lesson whether or not you accept it.

I knew a man who cheated on his wife, married the side chick who was unfortunately unable to have children and he wanted many.

Getting STD's etc are forms of karma as well, IMO

 

[Mortons]

I dont believe in karma, but I KNOW all situations are not as they appear.

People are often deceived by why they see as "perfect" or "working out well" when they have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.

 

[Fine 4s]

ITA with the idea that most people don't understand what karma means and throw it around to protect themself, judge others or shame them for doing something that didn't fit in THEIR personal value system. One should account for "intent" when talking about karma. What did the little baby who was brutally murdered do to deserve that? I don't know where I stand on this but it doesn't always hold true. Maybe karma can't be seen...

I don't believe that how you start a relationship is always how it will end (if at all). Again, one of those feel good things people say to self-regulate or to control and want to predict the outcome of other people's lives. Of course there are ideals to how we start relationships BUT life doesn't present itself in a pretty little box all the time. And if you believe so, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly missing out on something great. You could be cheated on by anyone at anytime. I'd pay more attention to someone's pattern rather than circumstance that led to the "bad" behavior.

No one can be taken from anyone. I don't know anyone who thinks that way unless they want to cry victim.

Anyone who stays in an unhappy marriage IS living that bad karma by choice! How 'bout tying them two ideas together lol

 

[Mortons]

They are really driving a wedge between their relationships! They have past relationships where cheating was involved.

This is the reason I think negative effects, negative things dont only rear their heads once. They tend to play out in most of the relationships we have.

He believes she is the love of his life, despite hurting his ex-wife.

Their situation can be perfect one. However I personally think think that you can find love and lasting happiness with more than one person. He is the type of person who will leave for what he considers a better deal in love/life. Since he is that type, its always a possibility that he feels a better love and life match will come along.

I think people can go on to have good relationships despite mistakes in past relationships. I do not think that leopards are change their spots.

 

[Fine 4s]

Yeah...My sis-n-law is CONSTANTLY checking my brother's EVERYTHING. The man has never cheated on her, nor is he the cheating type. That goes for my other brother in the service who goes away on numerous tour duties and his wife is silly as well. They weren't raised to be whorish men, nor do they desire to be. I'm like, there are women who really have men that CHEAT. They are really driving a wedge between their relationships! They have past relationships where cheating was involved. I swear there are women who will cheat with a taken man without a care in the world. Those are the ones who will end up with the most faithful men. I know two women in that same situation! Taken men...no cares and they have landed men who worship the ground they walk on. Cheating is the furthest from their minds. That is why life has taught me a WHOLE other perspective on certain things! LOL!

I know what you mean. I swear the fastest, wildest women I know are married and settle down way sooner than the good girls. But it's not the good girl or bad girl that led them to marital "bliss" (ya never know) it's something in their mentality. That's the secret, and they need to share it with me STAT!

Instead of looking at it like the women are with taken men, you could look at it like the men weren't happy and these women offered what they were missing. The right to the pursuit of happiness whether perceived or real. These women knew what they wanted and went for it. I can't be mad at that. I can't hate on the woman who plotted her strategy and eventually landed my guy. She was brilliant, hate her for that! Lol But he wouldn't have gone if he didn't want to go. Simple, painful truth. Now, perhaps the men or women should have had the courage to leave first, but come one, life ain't always that simple or easy. Just like people stay too long in poor relationships because it's so haaaard to leave, the same way someone may have a haaaard time telling the person they are committed to that they are no longer happy and moving on. It ain't pretty but man up!

 

[Fine 4s]

Well, I do believe you reap what you sow, but so much else goes into play. No one really knows the life of another person so I am learning to not judge or make assumptions about other people's journey to say what they don't deserve or not. Now, complicate that with a few other truths: - hurt people hurt people - change is the only constant - every relationship you are in is a mirror of where you are at in relationship to yourself - YOLO - LOA = I think people who fear infidelity at times can bring that into their life because they are in a constant vibrational match with that outcome. The universe doesn't understand "no."

I'm soooo trying not to sweat infidelity precisely because of your last point. I blame paranoia for part of my breakup. *shrug* but I also learned to trust my good. You can always find the hidden good....

 

[tinkat]

Karma isn't usually presented in such a straight forward manner (eg. You cheat and so you get cheated on ) most times karma can be devious and discreet teaching you a lesson whether or not you accept it. I knew a man who cheated on his wife, married the side chick who was unfortunately unable to have children and he wanted many. Getting STD's etc are forms of karma as well, IMO

I agree with this. It's makes me think of a boomerang. For every action there will be a reaction. It can come in different form.

Karma is not some horrible thing. I do think of it has a teaching tool for life.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I'm not sure most people understand karma. Karma is a buddhist principle for reincarnation. Things that come back to you come in another life.

 

[Naveah2050]

I'm not sure most people understand karma. Karma is a buddhist principle for reincarnation. Things that come back to you come in another life.

. Right....

 

[ladysaraii]

I do think that the things you put into the universe comes back to you one way or another. That applies to the good and the bad.

Although I wonder if it matters how you think about your actions. In the cheating examples from above, if I feel that I am doing wrong by ending my marriage for another person, am I going to suffer more than someone who looks at like I ended my marriage so that I/We could experience true happiness?

Hmm, maybe there's something to be said about not giving an *** about most things.

 

[brownb83]

I really think women only think karma exist. Because women tend to be people pleasers. So women do the right thing and think that men should follow suit.

Men only care about themselves. What makes them happy.

 

[Mortons]

I really think women only think karma exist. Because women tend to be people pleasers. So women do the right thing and think that men should follow suit.

Men only care about themselves. What makes them happy.

That is an extreme generalization of men. I know my father would rather work to make everyone happy and my mother would rather everyone be pissed at her and she have what she wants.

Some men and women are people pleasers, and some men and women are extremely independent and only attached to their own indulgences. These are characteristics that are developed in childhood in both genders depending on environment, parents, and personality traits.

 

[brownb83]

That is an extreme generalization of men. I know my father would rather work to make everyone happy and my mother would rather everyone be pissed at her and she have what she wants.

Some men and women are people pleasers, and some men and women are extremely independent and only attached to their own indulgences. These are characteristics that are developed in childhood in both genders depending on environment, parents, and personality traits.

I can understand that. and I agree but for me I only grew up around selfish men. and people pleasing women.

 

[tinkat]

I'm not sure most people understand karma. Karma is a buddhist principle for reincarnation. Things that come back to you come in another life.

I wanted to bring this up but I know many don't believe in past lives and I don't want offend. Some are appalled if you say that you may have agreed for this to happen in this lifetime from your past life.

 

[syze6]

When I say taken I mean anyone currently in a marriage or relationship. No one has ownership of anyone.

 

[syze6]

I do think that the things you put into the universe comes back to you one way or another. That applies to the good and the bad.

Although I wonder if it matters how you think about your actions. In the cheating examples from above, if I feel that I am doing wrong by ending my marriage for another person, am I going to suffer more than someone who looks at like I ended my marriage so that I/We could experience true happiness?

Hmm, maybe there's something to be said about not giving an *** about most things.

I get what you are saying because I have asked my friends if they felt bad for cheating with the married man they are presently. Without any hesitation they both have replied, "No!" There are folks who do things and sleep like a baby at night. There are others who really truly think about their actions and are remorseful. I guess it depends on what one considers they need to be happy.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I do think that the things you put into the universe comes back to you one way or another. That applies to the good and the bad.

Although I wonder if it matters how you think about your actions. In the cheating examples from above, if I feel that I am doing wrong by ending my marriage for another person, am I going to suffer more than someone who looks at like I ended my marriage so that I/We could experience true happiness?

Hmm, maybe there's something to be said about not giving an *** about most things.

*boom*



That's why I posted upthread that it's a matter of perception.

I believe in being happy. I do what makes me happiest. I'm not being miserable because of or for someone else. I'm not letting another person hold me back. Anyone that wants to or wants me to sabotage my happiness is a problem. I do what I want. I don't mean harm to anyone else so when I'm doing what I want I'm only thinking about myself. Other people are mere coincidence or collateral damage in my pursuit of doing what makes me happy. Sounds like a personal problem. oops. my bad. Didn't hurt you on purpose but life goes on. At least mine will.....