Did you ever 'lose yourself' in a relationship?

[GeorginaSparks]

Answers in BOLD

So for those that have experienced this, what did you do to get through it/make sure it never happened again?
Now I take a step back and not see them for a few days. I go out with friends or alone. I go to the movies, lunch, dinner, dog park and just

WHY do you think it even ever happened in the first place?
I was eager to please and liked the guy. like a puppy. lol

Yes, but I was already lost. We're still together and it's been almost 4 years... I don't leave him because I realize I did this to myself. I'm just praying the relationship survives while I figure out what I need to do to get my head right. He's on board with that and is trying to be understanding in a "I told you so" kinda way, lol.

Any suggestions?

Reconnect with old friends, make new friends, enjoy things by YOURSELF so you keep busy.

 

[DrC]

Yes. And it took 10 years to recover.

 

[Arian]

Everytime....unfortunately..

Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using DROID2 GLOBAL

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Honestly, no.

I did feel apprehension from continuing to live my life the way I did before I met certain men due to their assumed and many times ACTUAL reactions.

Ladies, don't fall for it when a man starts acting like you are neglecting the relationship because you consider you first!

 

[Godyssey]

Yes, my senior year of high school. He was 21 and worked at night. I stopped going to school in the daytime and instead went at night and in the summer, so I could adjust my sleep/awake time to his. I don't know if I regret it. I was young and in love.

ETA: I also alienated all but one of my friends during that time, so my world was basically him and me... and my mother who was angry at the entire situation.

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Please forgive me if I'm highjacking the thread but ladies, how are you finding yourself? I agree with the above, I don't think I knew myself as well as I thought I did...sad but true. I'm happy and I have nothing to complain about...I just need to get a life, figure out what makes me happy outside of work, school, and my boyfriend.

Just being at peace with YOU!!

I have learned to accept my quirkiness, my childlike spirit, my inquisitive mind, my daring outlook on life, etc without WANTING someone else to find my qualities wonderful.

I have also been conversing with God, not with mechanical prayers, but like He's sitting next to me on my couch as a good friend.

I now know my qualities are wonderful and I no longer make apologies or offer explainations for them

 

[gabulldawg]

Sure did with my sorry ex. I regret it to this day, because some friendships were permanently lost due to my stupidity and there's nothing I can really do to change it. And it was all a waste. I even lost sight of who I was. Doing and saying all kinds of crazy things I NEVER thought I would. That was a seriously low point in my life.

 

[yora88]

So for those that have experienced this, what did you do to get through it/make sure it never happened again?

WHY do you think it even ever happened in the first place?

And for those that haven't experienced this, what do you think has prevented you from going through such a thing?

To get through it, I started living. Started seeing other people. I knew he wasn't at home crying over me.

I was completely, head over heels in love with my first, I just knew that I was going to marry him and that we were gonna be forever together. Apparently I was wrong. While with him, I ended up isolating myself from friends and family and neglecting my hobbies/interests. He was very controlling and also abusive. <---that was all i had ever known.

Now, I'm in a HEALTHY relationship with someone who respects me. But in the beginning of us, I used to think that he didn't care/didn't love me because he wasn't controlling. That was the only love that I had ever known, or what I thought was love anyway. He encourages me to have my own life, my own friends, my own hobbies/interests, he's not overly jealous, he respects my privacy, and most important of all he respects me. I still have to check myself, because I have caught myself being controlling towards him, but he's very patient and understanding, so it's all good.

 

[Renewed1]

YES!!! It took me 5 YEARS TO GET MYSELF RIGHT AGAIN!!!

I had to stop hating him for starters. I had to remind myself I CHOOSE to stay with him.

Plus I have a journal and I went back and read my thoughts during those times and before. I had to make peace with myself and remind myself who I was. Plus having loving friends and family to constantly remind you help put things in perspective.

Then I have to come to terms with my thoughts about men and relationships in general.

 

[melissa-bee]

My friend is losing herself in her relationship right now I'm kind of worried for her. It's already gone way to far in a short amount of time.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

I can honestly say I haven't. I figured I was young and could do what I wanted . I was having fun and enjoyed being single (without a ring) and hanging with my girlfriends. I wasn't really invested in a relationship unless they showed they wanted more. I'm very stubborn. So if someone ever tried to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing I did the total opposite . Before my Dh, none of my relationships went over a year and a half. I didn't care about someone leaving me because I knew I had plenty options and I was doing most of the leaving lol. I say be you and be selfish with it unless he is willing to put forth effort of true commitment. Even then you shouldn't lose yourself but learn when and how to compromise.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using LHCF app

 

[MaraWithLove]

I've never had that happen, but it sounds terrible. :/ I try to include my SO in on some of my hobbies, rather than make them my priority and hobby. Works out since we have similar interests and each make sure to do things we like while apart as well. Only thing I've ever lost myself in was a book. I hope to keep it that way!

 

[Flawless_JYM]

I don't know if anybody asked but if not would everybody feel the same if you were still in a relationship with said person? Just wanted to know because the few responses I read most didn't change until after they were burned not while in the relationship.

 

[yora88]

Probably wouldn't feel the same. Because for me it was like he = my life. so without him in it, i didn't have a life. If we were still together my life would probably still be consumed by him. Would I feel resentment towards him? Yes, because it's only so much sacrificing one person can do.

 

[zzirvingj]

Please forgive me if I'm highjacking the thread but ladies, how are you finding yourself? I agree with the above, I don't think I knew myself as well as I thought I did...sad but true. I'm happy and I have nothing to complain about...I just need to get a life, figure out what makes me happy outside of work, school, and my boyfriend.

You're not hijacking...I was going to post the same quesion

 

[zzirvingj]

My friend is losing herself in her relationship right now I'm kind of worried for her. It's already gone way to far in a short amount of time.

What is she doing/how is she behaving differently?

 

[Roxoamme]

Yes. It was bad. But I had to lose myself so I could learn how to love me better.

 

[Incredible1ne]

I've dealt with this before but I wasn't even really happy when I was in that relationship. I felt like I had to alter everything about me to be with him while he stayed the same and didn't change a thing. For me, ending the relationship was a great relief and I had to discover who I was, what I was about, and what I wanted.
During the relationship I didn't cut off any friends or family completely but the time I spent with them dwindled down a lot.

 

[Imani]

Yes, I did. I was in a long relationship and he slowly but surely alienated me from my family and friends. He would accuse me of cheating just because I would spend the whole day with my girlfriend at the mall. Eventually I just didn't go to the mall with my girlfriends anymore because I didn't want to hear it. I didn't talk to my girlfriends on the phone when he was around because I didn't want him questioning what we were talking about. Sure enough, after my relationship ended I was blessed to have forgiving girlfriends to accept me back. I sure enough wasn't a good friend to stop hanging with them just because I was in a relationship.

I also stopped dressing the way I wanted to with him. He was so controlling and insecure. Never again!!

Oh yeah, the accusing of cheating was because HE was cheating. That's always the first clue when they accuse you of it.

Now u got me wondering if my ex was cheating. I got accused of cheating many times. He even went in my laptop and read my private journal where I type all my deepest thoughts And didn't even really apologize bc he felt he was justified in doing it.

 

[*5+5]

I can honestly say no. I never saw the relationship or love as the entire picture. I've always had to have my fun, friends and of course my family. I think a few of my relationships failed b/c I wasn't at a place to make the relationship the end all be all of my existence and I think I was dating the type of guys that wanted that.

However my BFF, although she's gotten a lot better is the type that quits her friends and life when she's in a relationship but I always take her back b/c I've accepted what it is.

So how are yall losing friends?

 

[Hairsnob]

Now u got me wondering if my ex was cheating. I got accused of cheating many times. He even went in my laptop and read my private journal where I type all my deepest thoughts And didn't even really apologize bc he felt he was justified in doing it.

It's quite possible he was cheating. Sometimes men cheat with other women who are also in a relationship. So they figure if that other woman they're cheating with is lying to her husband/SO and sneaking around with him then how does he know his own woman is not lying to him the same way.

Or maybe he got burned in a previous relationship and became insecure and controlling because of it. But in my case, he was DEFINITELY cheating!!