STORYTIME:
**Lately I've been having issues with my own people and my hair. I'll go into detail but mind you this is longggg. I'll be using initials to indicate who everyone is so the story is easy to follow. If you have any feedback or questions, I'd appreciate the correspondence. Lastly, please do not be offended by anything I have to say, I'm just being honest I truly do not mean to be hateful/hurtful. (This story has originally been posted here https://www.longhaircareforum.com/threads/hiptailbone-length-hltbl-2015-2016-challenge.746227/ but will be posted in other threads.)**
Met a girl, let's call her N. N and I became pretty good acquaintances due to convenience. When I first met her, we talked about ourselves – ethnic background and hair did come up in the conversation; she said she could see people saying I look Ethiopian because of my hair. I told her I was due for a touch-up, she felt my hair and responded with "Yeah." At another meeting with N, she happened to see my baby picture on a piece of ID and said to me "Why do you relax your hair if you have curly hair?" and proceeded to describe her hair in a derogatory way but meaning to say she has very tight kinks. Possibly around the 3rd meeting with N, we talked about hair again with another girl (not black) and I said that I've never had braids since both girls had their hair in the style, she then says "Oh, really? How come? You should get some." After that, she happened to notice my hair was brown and I told her that it changes colour in the sun, she tells me that she thinks that's cool and we then move on to another topic. Later that same day, hair comes up again and she asks me how long my hair is, I then try to see where my hair is reaching and she is flabbergasted that the hair on my head is actually mine. This WHOLE time, she thinks my hair is a weave. (Yes, even with all the talk of hair colour, touch-ups, and everything else.
) Even when I told her my hair is in fact real, she thought I had tracks hidden somewhere. When she finally realizes my hair is my own, she asks about my regimen – basically the basic questions like what I did to get it long, how long it took to get to my length, and then randomly asks "Is this just a Trinidadian thing or can other black girls do this too?" After all the questions, she then finishes with "Well, if I had your hair, I'd let EVERYONE know my hair was real."
A couple days later, I had to talk to another girl – we're calling her Y – about something I was having trouble with, N was around too asking Y for help and a woman, T, joined us just to chat a little before saying goodbye. (There were other people around buut they were leaving.) While talking to Y, there was a break in our conversation and N makes sure to blurt out, "Did you know her hair is real?"
To be honest, this left me a little embarrassed because it's not really something everyone needs to know, in my opinion. Y replies and says she knows (she asked me about hair previously in a really lovely and polite way and I complimented her back on her twa) but T proceeds to reach into my hair and feel around at my scalp.
I didn't speak up against that action unfortunately. After molesting my scalp, T then asks me if I'm natural, when I tell her no she lectures me on how I should be natural (T has a low fade) and that Y's hair is so beautiful because it's natural. I agree and admit that I love natural hair but I like the ease and quick regimen I have now that I am relaxed.
We talk a little more about hair, N tells Y (N always has a fake hair in) how she should try to put products in her hair to make it curlier instead of kinky like it is currently.
Y stays quiet mostly, and I defend her by saying she does not need anything to make her hair curlier, Y's hair is lovely as is, T also backs me up.
Fast forward to the Tuesday that has just passed, I had to sit near a girl named P – N, Y, and T all know her – and randomly while in the middle of doing something, P questions if I relax my hair. I respond by telling her yes and P whines, "Whyyyyy? You should be natural, it would help it so much! Really, it would help it so so much! You should definitely go natural." My reply is basically that I love natural hair and would definitely go natural someday. P's face seems to change slightly, as if she didn't expect that answer from me and whines again a bit more about me going natural then suddenly says, "I cut my hair sooo much, I don't know why I just cut it all the time. I really have an addiction to cutting my hair, like, I can't help it, I just do it. I take the scissors and just start cutting." I tell her that I'm the same (while thinking that I really do not care if she cuts her hair or not to be honest) and I always cut my hair too, about every 2-3 weeks. P's face changes again slightly and continues, "Yeah I just have an addiction, I know I should probably leave it but I just do it every time." I let her know again that I'm the same and it doesn't really phase me because my hair grows fast, she states afterwards that her hair grows really fast too and she figures that it'll grow back anyway, I agree and fortunately the conversation gets interrupted. From the gist of this whole conversation with P, I have a feeling she's wanted to talk to me about this hair thing for a while. Note that I never ONCE asked about her hair, she's volunteered all the information that I talked about in this paragraph. I do not care about most people's hair in real life, most black women I see around have a weave in anyway, P included and she doesn't even hair a weave that mimics kinks or curls, it's straight. I probably would only care if I saw people in real life with hair like those on this website. (I have nothing against weaves, extensions, wigs – I just do not care about them most of the time.)
Now, to be honest, I love that there's this a movement to go natural, I think it's great we now feel empowered to take charge of the way we look. However, I'm NOT for people telling me what I should do to MY hair.
I'm so tired of everyone always having an opinion on me, I already suffer from low self-esteem periodically, I'm FED UP of everyone, especially my own people having an opinion on one of the things that I feel good about – my hair. I'm TIRED of defending myself, as if having relaxed hair automatically means I hate natural hair. I am SICK of hearing this crap from people who either hair short hair, weaves/wigs, or damaged hair.
It's like these people see that my hair looks a certain way and they feel that they just naturally have to bring me down with them. At this point, I'm starting to think I should just put my hair in a bun to avoid people's questions and comments.
I'm feeling very attacked for no reason. I do not go up to anyone questioning their beauty routine. I love natural hair, I often look at natural hair on Youtube just for fun and to expand on my knowledge but I literally CANNOT deal with select naturals in real life bothering me about what is growing out of my own head, I do a very good job at maintaining it, if you can't say anything good then just leave me alone.
I'm all for taking charge of your own self-expression, changing the perceived beauty standards, empowering people to try something "different" THROUGH EXAMPLE, and everything else that being natural as a woman of African descent means. I am NOT for belittling others through their personal choices – regarding something so trivial as vanity – just because I do not agree. When it comes to beauty and how people keep themselves beautiful, I'm pretty much a person that will have a "do not care" or "do whatever makes you happy" approach. I just WISH people would realize that and take the hint. Sadly, even in my story, Y's natural but N still found fault, it never ends and you can't win with people ever.
SIDE STORY:
Went to a party, most people complimented how good my hair looked that day, I'll admit, it was nice~
Acquaintance, R – who is Hispanic and no relation to anyone in the previous story above – had to ruin it by asking if my hair is naturally that way (I had it in curls via bantu knots) and when I said no, she tried to fumble her way through a response that was basically letting me know she prefers people to have their hair naturally over altered. (Not to grasp at straws but this girl has her hair partially dyed blonde, I know people will disagree but hair dye alters your hair by changing the colour.) I did let R know that she is coming off as offensive but honestly, I feel like people worrying about my hair NEVER FREAKING ENDS.
My hair isn't even that long but honestly sometimes long hair isn't a good thing, it really commands too much attention even when you do not want it to be that way.
It's slowly getting back to normal. I think my hair just prefers the colder months instead of the intense heat + humidity. Even my edges are damaged and shorter now, they'll recover but they're just shorter and fragile. 
I'm kind of scared for you about going to a stylist though.
- BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!!
* I kept seeing all the great results and swanging hair video clips on Instagram and decided to give them a try, i ordered a 2 months supply. I hope they give me a boost in my hair AND nails.
