Hey yall I really really need some hair help :(

S

sze

New Member
My hair used to be so thick and full that my mom didn't like to style it. Honestly when I became a teenager I got thinning haircuts.

Well in 07 I started relaxing my hair bc I hated having crazy full curly hair all of the time and I liked the smooth sleek look. Everything went fine and I always went for a touch up like every 4-6 months because I would have a lot of visible curly hair growth. I didn't do the relaxers to make my hair straight because it never became straight, even with the strongest relaxer, but because it just made it so much more manageable and less product/time was required for me to feel good about myself.

Well this summer, I'm not sure what happened to me, but I did my relaxer, and my hair was great and so long and everyone liked it. But later in the summer I was "bored" with it and totally ruined my hair by buying a bleach from the drug store and making it bright orange. I fixed it at a salon and they did the black color again but it wasn't a very strong color. And although not orange, my hair faded to light brown shortly after, and I didn't like it. But instead of being grateful, I took matters into my own hands again and bought a very black hair dye and used it.

Well, although my hair was falling out, it wasn't so bad at that point. But I further stressed it by getting my touch up relaxer again. And the person who did it, although she's really good at getting it straight, she was a bit too rough and put some relaxer on the hair that was straight already. She also cut it to my shoulders because she said it was damaged.

Not to mention, I straighten my bangs and sometimes the body with a hair straightener.

So, as you can imagine, after all of this, my hair could be literally pulled out in clumps of strands when it was wet and I did just that a few days ago :(

My hair is now choppy at the top, almost broken off to the nape of my neck at the back in the middle, extremeeely thin, lots of spots where I have no hair at all/baby hairs (not noticeable by the regular person since other hair covers it, but I know it's there). My hair is straight but at what a cost :(

And I'm pretty sure at this point no salon will touch my hair.

So I come, almost begging, for any tips to just preserve the little hair I have left and make it healthy again? I condition my hair with this restoration stuff from Pantene and I currently use Mizani hair sheen spray to make it smooth and soft after the shower. But it's still really depressing :( I don't know what to buy, I don't really know what to do. Hot oil treatments, which deep conditioners, kill myself? (joking, but it's that bad)

Also I just wanted to add, I guess the best way to describe it is like a sort of slight mullet, where it's normal at the top (although choppy in areas) because that is where the new growth is but thin and wispy and not that full at the bottom. So yeah it looks pretty bad. :nono:
 
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I'm sorry to hear about all of this. But you're in the right place! There are so many WISE ladies here, with so much amazing knowledge, experiences and tips to share.

I'm no expert, but I would definitely do some research to find a good moisturizing deep conditioner, a protein deep conditioner, a daily moisturizer, oils (coconut, extra virgin olive oil, etc.) and protective styles that'll work for you. I can't tell you what to use, since everyone's hair is different.

Perhaps for the time being you could stop relaxing until your hair is back on track? At least you're used to long stretches, so it should be fairly easy for you.

Do you have any pictures of your hair? That would probably help us be able to make some more recommendations!
 
Welcome and WOW! I'm sorry that this is happening to you! I'm glad that you've joined this forum so you can learn from your mistakes and get your hair back into tip top shape :yep: in all honesty, after all of the things you've stated that you've done to your hair, it looks like it will eventually fall out because of overprocessing. If you can handle it, I would consider doing the big chop (BC for short) and start off fresh. If you don't want to cut your hair off, then I would suggest hiding your hair with braids or extentions until it grows out. In any case in order to salvage as much hair as possible I suggest you DEEP CONDITION your hair and try to regain your protein / moisture balance!

You can do a search of the forums concerning protein / moisture balance, deep conditioning and protective styling. Hope that helps.
 
Thank you girls for taking the time to respond. I'll take everything into consideration and I'll make a trip to Sally's really soon or wherever sells good products. And I will take a picture, just bear with me a little bit! Thank you all so so much!
 
wow, sorry to hear this, but welcome to the boards, i'm sure you'll get lots of good advice from the experts. you may have to start all over with a good cut or lots of mini trims while babying your hair back to strenght. you may also be better of staying away from the relaxers for a while until your hair is stronger.

your hair will be back to its old health and even better before you know it:yep:
 
WOW! Your story sounds like mine about 5 years ago (even having exta thick hair)! My best advice for you is to STOP ALL CHEMICALS (relaxers, color, etc.)! Then I would say don't further stress the hair you have left with braids, bonding weaves, etc. because this will probably break your hair. It sounds like your hair is in a very fragile state, it may be easier to BC and start fresh at this point. If your not ready for a BC deep condition, protein treatments, mositurize daily, etc. Aphogee has good protein treatments and reconstruters. Aubrey Organics GPB is a good protein balance conditioner. But I'm sure the other ladies will have more product recommendations and tips for you as well.

Your hair needs alot of TLC, and it will be back to its healthy state again!
 
Welcome and I agree that you may have to cut all the damaged hair off. You did a lot of chemical processes on your strands and it sounds like your hair may need a break. It's not going to be a quick and easy approach for the upcoming months getting your hair back healthy but when you do you'll be much happier. At this point I dont think there is any product that's going to reverse the damage and I dont think you want to keep it on your head. I'd nurture my scalp and NG until it's long enough for a short cut or maybe even braids. Not tight ones! Stretching is definetly a must!!
 
:welcome3:
Why not just cut all the damage hair off?
That's what I would do.
It makes no sense to save damage hair......(This is my opinion)
 
Yeah thats what everyone is saying. It's just that if I did it I'd have no hair past the nape of my neck, and I'm really insecure, and in college, so it kinda makes it worse. but if it's the only solution then I guess I will. I just thought maybe I could let it grow out slowly and then cut the damaged part off when it's a little longer (if it will get longer)..I don't know if that will work. But I will use all of these conditioners and oils if you guys think it will help.
 
I don't have much advice, because I'm natural now and was too scared to do my own hair when I did have a relaxer,lol, but I just wanted to encourage you. I know it must be hard to consider cutting your hair, but there are so many cute short cuts out there that you can rock as your hair grows back healthy.

I'd get a cute short cut, then work that as you grow it back out. There is a lot of great advice on here, really surf the threads and get informed about getting your hair back on track!!!
HHG!!!!
 
sze said:
Yeah thats what everyone is saying. It's just that if I did it I'd have no hair past the nape of my neck, and I'm really insecure, and in college, so it kinda makes it worse. but if it's the only solution then I guess I will. I just thought maybe I could let it grow out slowly and then cut the damaged part off when it's a little longer (if it will get longer)..I don't know if that will work. But I will use all of these conditioners and oils if you guys think it will help.
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FYI, you don't need to cut off all your hair at once if you're insecure about it! :nono: What you plan on doing (growing out your hair and trimming off the damaged ends as you go) seems like it would work best for you. Not everyone is comfortable with short hair (especially if you're not used to having it) and there is no reason for you to loose esteem over it.
 
Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear about what happened :sad:

Please remember that when you cut off the damaged hair, deep condition your hair atleast every other week with a balance of protein and moisture. Deep conditioning will help nourish your hair back to life and help you through the growth process. Keep in mind that your hair will grow back..and even though it will be shorter than usual...most importantly, it will be healthy! :grin:
 
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I'm sorry that you're going through this. ((HUGS)) IMHO I think it would be best to go to the best salon you can afford and get the flyest short cut that would work with your natural curls so that you don't have any need to use heat styling as it grows out. Baby your hair and it will bounce back in no time! Good luck!
 
Welcome to the boards. First, you are super cute and have wonderful, delicate features. You can rock the heck out of a pixie cut (if you wanted to.) I'm all for starting over.

OR cut the nape even and get a blunt cut for the rest of the hair so that it doesn't look matronly and old fashioned.

Second, sorry about the damage, it will get better, we live and we learn.

I agree with everyone about deep conditioning every week if not more and making sure you add protein to some of your conditioning treatments. Meaning, one week do a regular deep conditioning with your favorite moisturizing conditioner and the next do a deep conditioner that is specifically a protein treatment like ORS Replenishing Pack, or K-Pak reconstructor or ApHogee reconstructer. Etc.
 
Have you considered going back natural? If I were you I would let my hair grow out slowly and when it's a nice legth I would cutt off all of the damage.
 
Thanks to everyone for your advice, *hugs*! it is so wonderful and so appreciated. Everyone here is so nice and helpful!! Such a great forum :) :)

I'm signing up as we speak for a virtual haircut website where you can see how you'd look lol. I still think I'd look so bad and disturbing in a super short cut that kids will run and cry to their moms but I guess I'll get an idea off the website in a little bit :p

I've been researching hair care products for messed up broken hair as everyones been posting, and also I love everyones opinions, please post :) The only thing is that there are a lot of products mentioned in the old threads. So while I'm making a list of all of them to see if Sallys has any of them in stock, does anyone know which certain chemicals I should definitely not include in the conditioners? I used to use Biosilk up until this happened, because it was drying my weakened hair out really badly with the alcohols. So I know I should stay away from alcohols, and is there anything else you all can recommend to stay away from, in case I don't find these exact products listed? This is short term until I can buy the better ones online and ship it :p

Thank you all so much again :)
 
I did do henna before btw. It was the first "major" thing I did when I was in high school, before relaxing and everything. It didn't hurt it by any means but the color came out reddish you know, even my dad laughed at me lol. So I'm kinda cautious. I'm also wary about all these products, although good, they could thin it even more. Since it seems like it will hold nothing at this point. But i'll look into it and see if the sallys has any. We don't really have any high tech product stores here :ohwell:
 
Btw guys just so everyone knows, I don't even go out in public with my hair in this state unless I'm wearing a hoodie. I mean it's great the weather is cold now so no one really thinks much of it, but now ppl at my college think I am suicidal and unsocial cause I wear one to every class, hoodie up. I am that self concious. So a crazy cut could emotionally kill me lol.
 
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sze said:
Btw guys just so everyone knows, I don't even go out in public with my hair in this state unless I'm wearing a hoodie. I mean it's great the weather is cold now so no one really thinks much of it, but now ppl at my college think I am suicidal and unsocial cause I wear one to every class, hoodie up. I am that self concious. So a crazy cut could emotionally kill me lol.
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Please don't cut your hair if you think it could even lead you to such thoughts...even if it's just what you think other people think of you. Remember that this hair journey is for you to feel better about yourself and improve the health of your hair. You've stated more than once in this thread that you are really insecure about your hair and have said you are self conscious. Do what's best for you. Some here may be stronger than yourself about cutting all their hair off, but in your state of mind right now, I wouldn't advise it. Protective styling (i.e. placing your hair in a bun, rollersetting etc.) can hide the unevenness of your ends while you grow it out. This is coming from a place of love. Eventually you're the one who's going to have to live with it if you end up feeling worse about yourself and your hair.
 
^Thanks for the advice! I get what you're saying. I'll try for a while to restore it but if it eventually comes to cutting I'll do a little at a time. I think that will be okay. I bought a lot of stuff from Sallys, cholesterol, restructuring protein, creams, leave ins, etc so I'll let you all know how it goes! Again to everyone thanks to all of your advice, I learned a lot from everyone's posts.
 
Okay I just wanted to add, I know I'm going to sound like a completely different person from yesterday lol, but I did it! The "BC". The tick factor was while I was trying to restructure/deep condition my hair today in the shower, it just kept falling out and I told myself this is stupid and just cut it :p I cut it myself bc I cut it better than the stylist who relaxes my hair (a lot more even, even my sister who lets no one touch her hair lets me cut hers) and although it's different, it's a lot healthier, very little hair in my comb today :) Unfortunately the color damage is pretty deep into the strand, like half an inch from the roots. I can tell this is probably all from the color because all the hair that falls out is brown and not black. So I didn't cut it that far, but it is pretty short, but feels a lot healthier. And oddly more liberating as all I do is put in a leave in and comb and I'm done :p Again thx everyone for the advice.
 
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Congratulations on your BC! I had to do the exact same thing, my hair was too damaged to save and I chopped it all off but now my hair has grow back healthy and yours will too.

Just stick around the forum and pick up everything you can about natural hair and it will grow back in no time!

There is a member here named Silvergirl who damaged her long hair with color, chopped it off and grew it right back. Here's a link to her photo album:

http://public.fotki.com/louisvuittongurl/june-2008-and-onwar/1-year-4-months-pos/sheri-2-jpg.html

Happy hair growing!
 
sze, I agree with most of the ladies who said that you will have to cut off the remaining damaged hair and if you are not uncomfortable with them, you might want to try wearing a wig for now until you have enough hair to do braids etc.

It is best that you stay clear of relaxers and dyes for a while so that your scalp and hair can properly recover. Massage your scalp for a few minutes at least 3 days a week, this helps to stimulate hair growth.

ETA: I see where you did the BC, Congrats!
 
Thanks Aggie and Desirae, both of you have beautiful hair! And I can't believe silvergirl's hair grew that fast! Thanks for the link!! You're right Aggie, I am definitely keeping away from relaxers for at least a year until it grows back, my poor head needs a break. But we live and learn right :p Thanks everyone, you all rock!!
 
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i am 5 1/2 mos post relaxer. and i've never stretched this long, and I didnt intentionallly plan to stretch this long, i just never felt like making my appt. I find that the healthier my hair is, the easier it is for me to tame my post relaxed hair. because healthy hair retains moisture/protein, so it doesn't tangle as much as damaged hair. it was a tangly nightmare when i first started this journey. my hair has recently been cut into layers and i notice that when my hair is post 12 weeks or more... my longest layer in the back, looks super thin and wimpy...so this is the only drawback to stretching this long. But it looks 'almost thick' when my hair is fresh relaxed. but what has been my saving grace is pre-pooing overnite or 3+ hrs with Vatika oil OR virgin coconut oil. and then also using Aveda DR as my conditioner.... these two makes a SIGNIFICANT difference in how much comes out of the comb when i'm washing. even when i'm rushing to detangle. Also, i'm a friend of heat.... so after every wash, i blowdry my roots & length, and flat-iron, then wrap. My hair looks like it's straight, until like day 4. then i do sponge rollers or braidouts, or headbands, or ponytails. plus I did a BKT like 4mos ago, so i think maybe this is also helping me keep my hair tangle free, with minimal effort....
 
sze said:
Thanks Aggie and Desirae, both of you have beautiful hair! And I can't believe silvergirl's hair grew that fast! Thanks for the link!! You're right Aggie, I am definitely keeping away from relaxers for at least a year until it grows back, my poor head needs a break. But we live and learn right :p Thanks everyone, you all rock!!
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:yep: we sure do live and learn and you're welcomed by the way. That's what we are here for.
 
try prepooing, deep condition weekly, and get rid of those ends ASAP. Maybe you could do braids,weaves or wigs till it grows out to a decent length. sorry this happened but with patience and care it will get back healthy again and you'll retain length. Personally I like products by aubrey organics, kbb and afroveda for my reggie and even though I'm natural they could be used on relaxed hair. instead of traditonal deep condtioning I prepoo with heat usually a mixture of mayo, evco, sesame or evoo and molasses...then I shampoo and condition. kbb hair nectar is my leave-in but is a water based moisturiser if you wear your hair mostly straight try the super silky. Afroveda shea alma hair butter is great and like the other products mentioned a little goes a long way.
 
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