He's too buddy-buddy with the chick who tried to come between us...

*ElleB

*ElleB

New Member
...and when I raise my eyebrows and tell him I'm not feeling it. I'm crazy!!

He's telling me I need to not let "her" get to me. He doesn't see the problem but I know I'm not crazy! This chick tried to sleep with you behind my back, and to see them all friendly (when I cut the b*^$! off) is like a slap in the face!

(we all work together by the way)
Am I wrong here?
 
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*ElleB said:
...and when I raise my eyebrows and tell him I'm not feeling it. I'm crazy!!

He's telling me I need to not let "her" get to me. He doesn't see the problem but I know I'm not crazy! This chick tried to sleep with you behind my back, and to see them all friendly (when I cut the b*^$! off) is like a slap in the face! (we all work together by the way) Am I wrong here?
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Uh, are you sure they didn't sleep together? Cause if she tried to hit on him when he knew that she knew you guys were together, but he's still cool with her . . . you get what I'm sayin' right?

It's difficult since yall all work together, because there's no avoiding her, but this buddy-buddy thing isn't sitting well with me either.
 
I don't have friends DH feels threatened by. And he don't either. If I have a problem with it then its a no go.
 
BKVincy said:
NO you're not wrong
leave them both alone

I find that to be very disrespectful
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awhyley said:
Uh, are you sure they didn't sleep together? Cause if she tried to hit on him when he knew that she knew you guys were together, but he's still cool with her . . . you get what I'm sayin' right?

It's difficult since yall all work together, because there's no avoiding her, but this buddy-buddy thing isn't sitting well with me either.
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dlewis said:
I don't have friends DH feels threatened by. And he don't either. If I have a problem with it then its a no go.
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He claims they just be "talking about regular stuff"...I'm seeing this chick giggling to the high heavens like u are the funniest negro in the world, and inviting you to her party and ish...that ain't no "regular" ish!
 
Definitely watch out...I had a situation come up like that and neutralized it quick. Some females are just scammers and use the whole "we're just friends" as the excuse to stick around. ehhhhhh..no..somebody's gotta go. Hubby2B didn't realize what a scammer his "friend" was until she started talking bout our daughter....WTF???

Yeah..I got her butt tossed quickly...LOL

She's apologized and all but bullish ain't something I'd buy! She sounds shady so watch out.

Edited to add: Oh yeah, about him...put him on front line. If he has a problem with stopping the disrespect, it may be time to bag ya clothes up and move on. Remember, you DON'T have to put up with it...you only put up with stuff if you allow yourself to. Don't let that stress you, times are hard enough as is.
 
What making you crazy is his behavior, let him go...

(dealing with prolonged craziness will wreak havoc on your self esteem, if you let it)

((hugs))
 
what he's doing is just disrespectful. he can't feign ignorance if she actually tried to sleep with him and you both know it! how long have you two been seeing each other? i'm not sure of the nature of your previous conversation(s) concerning this chick but, if you deem him to be worth the energy, you may want to sit him down, have a serious talk and let him know exactly how you see it and that if the shoe was on the other foot he certainly would not approve. make it short, serious and to the point. no long talking. if he still keeps ol' girl around, you need to keep it moving
 
seems to me he doesn't care that much about your feelings on the issue and he has some sort of vibe with the other chick whether he's sleeping with her or not, or even wants to or not and he wants to engage with her on some level....if you feel he doesn't respect your stance on the issue and you feel slighted then you have the choice to either put up with his actions or either keep it movin.....either way it is on you and how you allow other's actions to affect you, you are accountable at this point for your choices you make and if you choose to stay with him even with him acting in ways that upset you, its not his fault, her fault or anybody elses why you are upset...of course if it makes you feel better to point the finger outwards thats cool...but you can only control your actions and your emotions and if being with him and being upset is more important than your own well being and emotional state don't try to make him the responsible party for keeping you "happy' and then blame him for not acting accordingly to how you tell or expect him to act....plenty people find themselve literally destroyed putting others in this position...

you can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do ,and if he does anything without wanting to do it, but more so to appease you its the start of simmering resentment towards you that will come out in off the wall behaviors....depending on the nature of your relationship his actions now may be of some sort of rebellion to the constant need to try and appease you at the cost of being himself or doing what he wants to do.....because if he wanted to behave in the way you would like him to, he just would....

do you guys have a mutually defined relationship?? Are you completely sure you guys are on the same page of where your relationship is and it has been well communicated exactly what is going on with you two..l because if you think its more serious than he does him saying don't trip off this issue may fall into line with you are not in the position to be upset over this, vs if he feels its more serious he would think you were in the position to be upset therefore your feelings are more valid to him and has a direct effect on his behaviors....and that would be more so the issue rather than he just doesn't completely care...
 
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Sounds to me you need to let this guy go. It doesn't seem like he respects you if he's going to continue a "friendship" with someone who clearly disrespected you by trying to sleep with him.

Your situation sounds very similar to a good friend of mine. Her SO would always hang out with this girl that he said was "just a good friend" she was also his co-worker. My friend didn't like how close they were so she would confront him about it, and everytime she would, he would tell her that's she's "over-reacting, bc she had nothing to worry about."

Come to find out he had been sleeping with his "good friend" the whole time they were dating! He had to nerve to say, "I only slept with her a few times." Smh
 
Yes. i had one of these. I dropped him and his chyt off at her house at 2:30 in the morning. They was looking crazy.
 
The decision is up too you.. I am not really the one for talks, since he has already told you how he feels... What is talking going to do? Make you look even more insecure.... I say keep it moving also...

I mean i just feel like talking will make you look needy... Where as keeping it moving will show that you will not sit around and play soopid...
 
Mmmh are you hearing all of this from your man or from her? I guess I would be the "other girl" now because I have a "friend" that has a girlfriend or a fiance that doesn't want him speaking to me. He had stopped speaking to me when they first got together and now that he's reaping what he sowed we have started communicating again. I keep my distance because I know he has someone but I know if given the chance he would sleep with me like that. We can sit on the phone and talk for hours about everything and nothing at all. He has tried to go there with me and I reeled him back in because Im not trying to go there with him. He's expressed his feelings for me and though its mutual I can't see myself being that type of female. So who knows it maybe could be just him. I've known him longer than this his current gf and was there first. The way I see it I'm not doing anything wrong because I owe no allegiance to her and its his choice to still communicate with me (because of other stuff that he did that I can't help). I can't control how someone else feels. Mayn Im glad you posted this. I've been waiting to get that out. :look: I do wish you luck I just know personally I wouldn't stand for it if she trying to sleep with him and who knows the feeling may be mutual. :ohwell:
 
i agree w/ some of posters. 1st -if he knows how you feel and also she had tried to sleep w/him and he's still entertaining then either 1-their hooking up or 2- he likes the attention. sometimes men dont think w/ the right head. :nono:

my thing , men dont realize that women can be very manipuative, for some reason they think they can figure it out --right!, we are master of the mess w/ ur mind thing.

and she's intentionally being seen w/ him- i mean this in a way , she knows how u fell but still talks to him openly, drop em both.
 
ackee walk said:
what he's doing is just disrespectful. he can't feign ignorance if she actually tried to sleep with him and you both know it! how long have you two been seeing each other? i'm not sure of the nature of your previous conversation(s) concerning this chick but, if you deem him to be worth the energy, you may want to sit him down, have a serious talk and let him know exactly how you see it and that if the shoe was on the other foot he certainly would not approve. make it short, serious and to the point. no long talking. if he still keeps ol' girl around, you need to keep it moving
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ebonybelle said:
either he is banging her or he wants too
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EXACTLY ON POINT!!!!
 
your guy likes being wanted by you and the other girl. the other girl thinks she's in control but she's not. he's playing you both. if he really cared about either you or the other girl, he would drop one of you.

but, maybe he's just a boy.

if he were a man, with some experience under his belt, he would see the coworker/floosie coming from a mile away and would be offended that she would disrespect his woman...and indirectly him...like that.

let her have him.
 
*ElleB said:
He claims they just be "talking about regular stuff"...I'm seeing this chick giggling to the high heavens like u are the funniest negro in the world, and inviting you to her party and ish...that ain't no "regular" ish!
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:lol:

But you know that's the game she's playing right? Cackling like a hyena to make you insecure about yours.

On the flipside- the underlying questions that must be answered are the following:

Do you trust him?
Is he trustworthy?

No those aren't the same questions, and yes they can have two different responses! That tells you right there what you need to do.

Do keep us updated :yep:
 
I would dump him in the worst way. Knowing me, the next time they were laughing it up together, I'd go up to both of them very cool calm and collected and with a smile
"Hey KIDS!! You know what? It's nice that you two get along so well, so nice in fact that I'm gonna let you have each other. You should be soooo happy together too, you have so much in common, neither of you respects relationships or boundaries and you love to play games, it's a match made in heaven. I wish you the best."
Walk away and never speak to that fool again, don't even have a conversation about it, it's not even worth explaining to him how he's made you feel by his actions he is not to be trusted, and trust this, he hit it or is still hittin it right under your nose. Save your dignity and dump him. Even if the above scenario is a little too much, I'd still do it right in front of her. Say "Excuse me, I need to talk to you for a sec..no, she can stay, this won't take long. This isn't working, I'm just not feeling you anymore. I know how a man is suppose to treat a woman, and knowing what you have to offer, your clueless. So good bye" Look at her and say. "Enjoy the leftovers" It's an all around disrespectful situation so if somebody is going to be hurting why not make sure it's not you.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
I would dump him in the worst way. Knowing me, the next time they were laughing it up together, I'd go up to both of them very cool calm and collected and with a smile
"Hey KIDS!! You know what? It's nice that you two get along so well, so nice in fact that I'm gonna let you have each other. You should be soooo happy together too, you have so much in common, neither of you respects relationships or boundaries and you love to play games, it's a match made in heaven. I wish you the best."
Walk away and never speak to that fool again, don't even have a conversation about it, it's not even worth explaining to him how he's made you feel by his actions he is not to be trusted, and trust this, he hit it or is still hittin it right under your nose. Save your dignity and dump him. Even if the above scenario is a little too much, I'd still do it right in front of her. Say "Excuse me, I need to talk to you for a sec..no, she can stay, this won't take long. This isn't working, I'm just not feeling you anymore. I know how a man is suppose to treat a woman, and knowing what you have to offer, your clueless. So good bye" Look at her and say. "Enjoy the leftovers" It's an all around disrespectful situation so if somebody is going to be hurting why not make sure it's not you.
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But by doing all of the bolded- you kinda imply that you are hurt.


I'd never give that negro the time of day. Nor cackle chick the satisfaction :nono:

That's not me at all-- I'm much more of a keep it nice, automatically demote status from boyfriend to acquaintence and keep it moving. If I feel justified enough in my decision (which I must be, if I went forward with it) there'd be no need for me to discuss the matter any further with dude. I will still be completely cordial, no rudeness, snarkiness, or sarcastic insincere pleasantries. All that does is show him how mad and bitter you are and how much power you've given him over your emotions.

Naw homie. Chuck a deuce, chalk it up as an 'L' and cut our losses.
 
Well Ladies,

IT'S OVER!
I told him on Friday night--his friendliness to this homewrecker wasn't the entire reason, but it just illuminated the other issues getting in the way of us. So i told him, "we are not going to work and I'd rather be your friend." He was hurt, but said, "I have no choice but to respect that."

He and ole girl can yuck it up all they want now.

The fact of the matter is, I've just realized that he is not mature enough to have the kind of relationship that I want so therefore, why would I keep torturing myself.
 
*ElleB said:
Well Ladies,

IT'S OVER!
I told him on Friday night--his friendliness to this homewrecker wasn't the entire reason, but it just illuminated the other issues getting in the way of us. So i told him, "we are not going to work and I'd rather be your friend." He was hurt, but said, "I have no choice but to respect that."

He and ole girl can yuck it up all they want now.

The fact of the matter is, I've just realized that he is not mature enough to have the kind of relationship that I want so therefore, why would I keep torturing myself.
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Good job. :yep:
 
JFemme said:
What making you crazy is his behavior, let him go...

(dealing with prolonged craziness will wreak havoc on your self esteem, if you let it)

((hugs))
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:yep:

This is SO true.

OP, good call letting dude go. Situations like this rarely get better. A friend of mine has been to counseling 3, count em, THREE times over this kind of thing with her BOYFRIEND (not husband) and they have been together for close to 5 years. :down: When a man is intent on keeping another woman in his life, he will no matter how you reason with him or write award winning dissertations on how you feel. :wallbash: And I've seen women get married and STILL be fighting battles from the relationship with these other random chicks that the man won't be done with.

It's just not worth it.
 
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