Hes not in his childs life....

celiabug

celiabug

New Member
So this guy i know told me his daughter's birthday is coming up. i asked him if he was going to her bday party and he said no because hes not in her life and he doesnt even want to pretend that he is.

I asked him what he meant by that and he said he doesnt see her and hes ok with that. he said his babys mother doesnt want or need anything from him and if she ever did he would be there for the baby and take care of his responsibility but shes never even asked him for money for diapers or anything like that. He says she makes way more money than he does and that she just wanted a baby and he was basically just a sperm donor. he only knew the woman for like 3 months before the baby was made and they were never in a relationship.

He says his babys mother is with a man who is taking care of her and the baby. My other friend told him he was a horrible person for not being in his child's life and hes a deadbeat dad. His response was if things are going fine then he may as well "leave well enough alone".

How do yall feel about this situation?
 
i just thought it was weird because ive heard many woman call men sperm donors but ive never heard a guy call himself a sperm donor lol
 
hes in his 30s
and at first i thought he was being a deadbeat too but he says he would give the baby anything she needed but the babies mother "never needs anything from him". he said he would pay child support but she never put him on it. he says they havent talked in months and when they do talk its always very short.

i honestly think she just doesnt want him to be around the baby and he just doesnt care where most men would try to fight for custody and hes just very nonchalant about it.
 
Last edited:
celiabug said:
hes in his 30s
and at first i thought he was being a deadbeat too but he says he would give the baby anything she needed but the babies mother "never needs anything from him". he said he would pay child support but she never put him on it. he says they havent talked in months and when they do talk its always very short.

i honestly think she just doesnt want him to be around the baby and he just doesnt care where most men would try to fight for custody and hes just very nonchalant about it.
Click to expand...

The babies mother may say she never needs anything, but I am sure his child does. Even if she won't take his money, he could set up an account and put money into each month to give to his child when he/she comes asking around for their daddy.

Why should the mom have to "put him on child support" for him to support his child? I understand that is what the babies mother is saying, but he made the child, so he should be thinking about the child, F the baby momma.

It sounds like a dream situation that a lot of deadbeat dads would like to be in.
 
celiabug said:
hes in his 30s
and at first i thought he was being a deadbeat too but he says he would give the baby anything she needed but the babies mother "never needs anything from him". he said he would pay child support but she never put him on it. he says they havent talked in months and when they do talk its always very short.

i honestly think she just doesnt want him to be around the baby and he just doesnt care where most men would try to fight for custody and hes just very nonchalant about it.
Click to expand...

He gave 3 excuses.

1. She never needs anything.
2. She never put him on child support.
3. They havent talked in months.

Two of the excuses contradict each other.

How does he know that she Never needs anything if they havent talked in months?

If I was you, I would want a clearer understanding of why it was that they split ways in the first place.

But from all the info hes shared it seems he is taking no personal responsibility for the whole situation. Hes given a list of excuses why this child is not his worry but this is his own flesh & blood.

If a person isnt financially & physically present in their childs life then they are a dead beat. Dead beats are always gonna give a list of excuses.
 
A few questions pop into my mind.

Did they make an arrangement whereby before or during her pregnancy she made a declaration that she did not want him around and wanted to raise the baby alone (seeing as how they are not in a relationship) and he agreed?

Was she in another relationship when she was seeing?

Is his name on the birth certificate and has he ever gotten a paternity test to see if the child was his? I've heard of a few cases where men are led to believe the child is theirs just so the woman can hold some type of power of them or for whatever ill-conceived reason and the reason the woman never comes after the man for anything is because the child she is claiming is his is not really his and she knows it.

Did he seem sad or melancholy about the situation or was he fine with it?

Have you asked him why he has never sought visitation or custody on his own?
 
It seems from the 'agreement' that he was indeed a sperm donor. He just participated differently than the normal sperm donor but he is certainly a sperm donor to me.

Nevertheless I'm not interested in dating any type of sperm donor.
 
His story sounds like one of the same cookie cutter stories that most dead beat father tell.

She shouldn't have to ASK him to take care of his daughter. It's just as much his responsibility as it is hers.

He's a dumbarse.
 
He makes me dry up period. If he wanted to he would find a way to see his other half. He desires not so he doesn't. I don't respect males that are foul. That would be the end of our chatting.
 
Real father's just do it without being ask. He sounds like a straight up a$$ and I wouldn't want any parts of him.
 
He's a sperm donor. What do yall expect from him? Isn't this how most sperm donors get down? I'm not seeing the problem cause the child is well taken care of and the adults are in the type of arrangement that they want to be in. Did they draw up a contract?

Would I date him? Hell no. But he seems to be behaving in the way that most sperm donors behave.
 
The OP doesn't state anywhere that she's dating dude.

Anyhow, I feel he needs to be checked and schooled. Does he have a father in his life and if so, did his father skip out on him?

I would arm myself with some literature about bio dad's responsibility and give them to him to read. He's needs some serious education. He still may be off the hook but he should at least check in on his spawn.
 
Layluh said:
He's a sperm donor. What do yall expect from him? Isn't this how most sperm donors get down? I'm not seeing the problem cause the child is well taken care of and the adults are in the type of arrangement that they want to be in. Did they draw up a contract?

Would I date him? Hell no. But he seems to be behaving in the way that most sperm donors behave.
Click to expand...

Just because he said so does not make it true. Unless the mother is a billionaire, I am sure the child and the mother could use his money.

I'd never trust the word of a "man" who has walked away from the responsibility of his own child, regardless of his reasons.
 
If he's just a sperm donor, he shouldn't have even claimed the child. Why mention the kid at all, since he doesn't feel like he should be taking care of it or seeing it.

He's the lowest of the lowest deadbeats. The lazy type that thinks because they hit the babymama jackpot (not nagging & has her own money), they don't have to do anything (including see the kid).

I wouldn't entertain that fool!
 
I hope the dead beat signed the birth certificate. I really hope this so called sperm donor is in California because as far as I know, once his name is on that document even if he's later found not to be the biological father, he's still financially responsible for the child.
 
Im not sure why people are tripping. It sounds like he was just used to help this woman have a baby. When women go to clinics to get sperm donors, no one expects those men to provide support. I don't think this is any different. If anything, if she doesn't want him involved in the child's life, then it's best for all parties for him to back out of the picture early. The child doesn't know him, no sense in disrupting the child's life unnecessarily. It would be different if there were more substantial ties and the woman clearly wanted him to be involved in the child's life. She doesn't and appears to have another man who is there for the child.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
Im not sure why people are tripping. It sounds like he was just used to help this woman have a baby. When women go to clinics to get sperm donors, no one expects those men to provide support. I don't think this is any different. If anything, if she doesn't want him involved in the child's life, then it's best for all parties for him to back out of the picture early. The child doesn't know him, no sense in disrupting the child's life unnecessarily. It would be different if there were more substantial ties and the woman clearly wanted him to be involved in the child's life. She doesn't and appears to have another man who is there for the child.
Click to expand...

How do you know that she doesn't want him in the child's life? Just because she's not being the typical baby's mama (threatening child support and beating down his door to help) that doesn't mean that she doesn't want her kid and it's father to have a relationship. You can't force a man to be a man. Even the courts can't do that. She might understand that and is letting him be the one to step up.

NEVER trust the words of a man that chooses not to take care of his own child. He could go down there and put himself on child support and get visitation, since he's claiming her as his daughter and mentioning her birthday. He obviously feels the need to talk about her to OP.
 
celiabug said:
he said his babys mother doesnt want or need anything from him and if she ever did he would be there for the baby and take care of his responsibility but shes never even asked him for money for diapers or anything like that. He says she makes way more money than he does and that she just wanted a baby and he was basically just a sperm donor. he only knew the woman for like 3 months before the baby was made and they were never in a relationship.
Click to expand...

It sounds to me that the woman wanted a child and not necessarily the man. While he is entitled to fight for visitation etc., ultimately it seems to me like it was an arranged agreement.

I do think that when the child gets older she should be told the truth and be allowed to meet her father if she chooses.

This doesn't seem to be a deadbeat situation to me.
 
AHeadOfCoils said:
How do you know that she doesn't want him in the child's life? Just because she's not being the typical baby's mama (threatening child support and beating down his door to help) that doesn't mean that she doesn't want her kid and it's father to have a relationship. You can't force a man to be a man. Even the courts can't do that. She might understand that and is letting him be the one to step up.

NEVER trust the words of a man that chooses not to take care of his own child. He could go down there and put himself on child support and get visitation, since he's claiming her as his daughter and mentioning her birthday. He obviously feels the need to talk about her to OP.
Click to expand...


This situation is not the first or the last. It has been going on for years. It's not shocking to me how it has been played out and that he has accepted his role.

Who knows, she may have been with the guy who she's with now during the whole thing and he was unable to get her pregnant.
 
He made it seem like a sperm donor type of situation because he said when he found out she was pregnant she said she doesnt want anything from him and all she wants was a "pretty baby". he barely even knew the woman apparently and they just met every once in a while through mutual friends.

he doesnt seem upset about the situation. he kind of feels like its best this way since him and the mother never had any type of relationship. He said every once in a while she will send him pictures but thats about it. and shes definitely is his daughter. his name is on the birth certificate and she has his last name. and she looks just like him. and we arent dating. we work together thats all.
 
moda said:
J

I'd never trust the word of a "man" who has walked away from the responsibility of his own child, regardless of his reasons.
Click to expand...

I dont believe his BS either. if he's just a sperm, donor and isnt required to do ish, why even mention having a kid? might as well act like the child doesnt exist
 
celiabug said:
He made it seem like a sperm donor type of situation because he said when he found out she was pregnant she said she doesnt want anything from him and all she wants was a "pretty baby". he barely even knew the woman apparently and they just met every once in a while through mutual friends.

he doesnt seem upset about the situation. he kind of feels like its best this way since him and the mother never had any type of relationship. He said every once in a while she will send him pictures but thats about it. and shes definitely is his daughter. his name is on the birth certificate and she has his last name. and she looks just like him. and we arent dating. we work together thats all.
Click to expand...

That doesn't sound like a sperm donor to me.
 
He's trash. Even if money isn't an issue for the mother, what about the possible emotional scars the child will have from wondering where was her father while she was growing up?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

kaynewme
Heartache
Replies
19
Views
609
ThickHair
T
Candy_C
HE'S GETTING ME MAD!!! {family problems}
Replies
3
Views
215
erokawa
erokawa
kaynewme
Single and almost 26
2
Replies
46
Views
905
kaynewme
kaynewme
honeycomb719
His mother's a Bigot!!
Replies
6
Views
261
honeycomb719
honeycomb719
Rapunzel*
10 Signs Hes Not The One
Replies
14
Views
621
Rapunzel*
Rapunzel*
Back
Top