He's insecure? Delusional? Kinda long...

C@ssandr@

C@ssandr@

formerly known as "keyawarren"
Any thoughts on this?
My bf of 2 years is the jealous type.
When we first got together he thought someone was putting me up to it or that i was playing games. Then he thought i was seeing others. Then he thought I had a secret bank account (???) now he thinks I'm straight up sleeping with guys in our apartment and going out on dates.
The last straw was when he came home and said "it smells like some fat dude has been sitting on my couch" and proceeded to clean the living room.
He knows about one of my previous relationships, the "fat guy", and is ABSOLUTELY SURE we've been dating and having sex. We've argued about his delusions but once im packed and ready to go to Moms house he begs me to stay. It's pretty sad.

I'm ready to leave. No ifs ands or buts.
We live together
I lost my job 2 months ago and I'm behind on everything.
(we have no cable or phone because of me).

I want to stay and try to get the amenities straight just to be fair. Plus i can use a little bit more time to get it together.
What do you ladies think?
 
If you have another place to go, I would get out of there ASAP. If your bf weren't so jealous it would be o.k. to take a month or so to get your ducks in a row, but with him you really don't know how he is going to react. He is going to see you making preparations and it might get pretty dangerous for you.
 
caltron said:
If you have another place to go, I would get out of there ASAP. If your bf weren't so jealous it would be o.k. to take a month or so to get your ducks in a row, but with him you really don't know how he is going to react. He is going to see you making preparations and it might get pretty dangerous for you.
Click to expand...


I thought about that but I don't think he'd harm me. When it's time to go I'm definitely sneaking out while he's at work.
Other than the jealousy things are fine. There's no tension, and that's why I don't want to stiff him.
 
Bunny77 said:
Sounds like he's the one cheating.
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking, normally when people accuse others of doing something it's probably because they are doing it. Now he could just be insecure but either way his a$$ is crazy and he will bring you down if you let him. Leave while you can.
 
keyawarren said:
Any thoughts on this?
My bf of 2 years is the jealous type.
When we first got together he thought someone was putting me up to it or that i was playing games. Then he thought i was seeing others. Then he thought I had a secret bank account (???) now he thinks I'm straight up sleeping with guys in our apartment and going out on dates.
The last straw was when he came home and said "it smells like some fat dude has been sitting on my couch" and proceeded to clean the living room.
He knows about one of my previous relationships, the "fat guy", and is ABSOLUTELY SURE we've been dating and having sex. We've argued about his delusions but once im packed and ready to go to Moms house he begs me to stay. It's pretty sad.

I'm ready to leave. No ifs ands or buts.
We live together
I lost my job 2 months ago and I'm behind on everything.
(we have no cable or phone because of me).

I want to stay and try to get the amenities straight just to be fair. Plus i can use a little bit more time to get it together.
What do you ladies think?
Click to expand...

Last I checked you two both had a job right? So if you guys are "behind" on your cable or phone bills, it's not just soely YOUR fault. :nono: Don't beat yourself up.

Personally...the way you have described him scares me a little. Overly jealous guys give me a red flag.

It's one thing for him to see some guy chatting you up or flirting with you at a party and feel kind of jealous or left out. That's just guys being territorial and he may feel a little threatened because he likes you. But it's a COMPLETELY different thing altogether for a guy to accuse you of "cheating" on him simply because he walks into the house and "smells" certain strange smells, or accusing you of a secret bank account. :nono: That's making something out of basically NOTHING!

Also, the fact that he thought that someone put you up to being with him, or that you were playing games with him when you two first got together just solidifies the fact that he is very insecure. I almost feel sorry for him because his self-esteem is so low. :nono:

But I agree with others that are telling you to leave and take a break from him. Something doesn't seem right about this situation. If a man is already accusing you of cheating, or you two are already having arguments or tense disagreements based on his false accusations of you due to his jealousy, then be VERY cautious. Usually these type of insecure men become more and more verbally abusive and even violent as time goes by if they feel that you are being "unfaithful". :rolleyes:

Just keep your guard up.

I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time due to his jealousy. :nono: Yeah, it may feel flattering at first...like: "oh he likes me sooo much!" But insecure jealousy usually has NOTHING to do with how the man feels about the woman. It's usually about the man, his insecurity ,and his need to control. So...just be careful!
 
Whatever IT is that's a very unhealthy situation to be in and it sounds like you have to devise a plan for your escape. If I were you I'd be waiting for him to go to work, taking all my things, leaving a note, and changing my number.
 
I'm halfway out the door. The problem is the bills and quite frankly, convenience. I want to give him what I owe before I go plus, I'm still devising a plan. My mom has no room for me but I'm willing to sleep on her floor).
Are you guys telling me to just bounce?
Maybe I should and just give him phone bill money later....
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time due to his jealousy. :nono: Yeah, it may feel flattering at first...like: "oh he likes me sooo much!" But insecure jealousy usually has NOTHING to do with how the man feels about the woman. It's usually about the man, his insecurity ,and his need to control. So...just be careful!
Click to expand...

Just emphasizing the bolded.
 
keyawarren said:
I'm halfway out the door. The problem is the bills and quite frankly, convenience. I want to give him what I owe before I go plus, I'm still devising a plan. My mom has no room for me but I'm willing to sleep on her floor).
Are you guys telling me to just bounce?
Maybe I should and just give him phone bill money later....
Click to expand...


:yep: Yes and yes. You said you tried to leave before and got the "wait a min babe.." before. I've been in a situation similar. Trust me, the sooner you leave the better. He isn't going to change. And you've gotta do it while he's unaware, that's the only way you're going to get away with it without any "if's, and's or buts"
 
I agree with each and every one of you. Thanks.
It's like watching a car crash in slow motion. i'm pretty lucid, but now i need to do something about it. I know he's crazy. I know he's insecure and i don't plan on trying to help or save him. I was just tryna be nice, but i guess that might backfire.

Thank you guys.
 
Secret bank account? WTF? Yall aint married so ALL of your bank accounts are none of his damn business. I would say *** him and those aminities and just leave.
 
If you have to SNEAK out of the house in order to leave......It is time to go like yesterday or the day before.

This is not healthy and even if you spoke with him before you left out I don't think this would end well.

If you need to create a letter stating all that you owe and will pay for and leave it, then do so.

In the words of Madea you need to be gone with a quickness.

I don't want to beat you up or offend you, but please consider those red flags you saw ahead of time, if you every decide to move in with another BF in the future.

I truly hope all of this works out for you. I pray you find employment very soon. :yep:
 
Don't try to be nice. Leave...now. Pay him back after you go, that's nice enough. Sleep on your mom's floor until you get a job. Once your out of there, I bet you'll find a job faster, because his seriously negative and paranoid vibes aren't dragging you down. This guy is definitely not being nice to you. In fact he sounds emotionally and verbally abusive.
 
Last edited:
keyawarren said:
I'm halfway out the door. The problem is the bills and quite frankly, convenience. I want to give him what I owe before I go plus, I'm still devising a plan. My mom has no room for me but I'm willing to sleep on her floor).
Are you guys telling me to just bounce?
Maybe I should and just give him phone bill money later....
Click to expand...

I hope you come back and read this post months from now and see how insecure and delusional YOU seem to be.

I wish you luck, because you are going to need it. GET OUT NOW.
 
Being nice and being fair will only get you stuck in this situation. Is he being nice? Is he being fair? Stand up for youself and do what you know is best for you.
 
Runnnnnn LIKE HELL head for the hills this guy is nuts and he may be cheating on you because that is what men do when the want to deflect the shine of what they are doing.
 
Wow!! That's sounds exactly like my ex and I mean exactly. Abd the truth is he probably is cheating.. I learned the hard way and like someone else said leave while you can. Before a baby or before more serious things start to happen. My ex changed into a monster after being together for about 7 yrs and I thought he would never hurt me and
He did emotionally and physically and we have a daughter so before all that happens LEAVE him!!
 
Leave now and pay the bills later. If not for the relationship (which, in itself merits that you leave) then because longer you stay, the more your bills run on.

Stay another month and your share of the cable bill will be behind 3 months instead of 2.
 
keyawarren said:
I thought about that but I don't think he'd harm me. When it's time to go I'm definitely sneaking out while he's at work.
Other than the jealousy things are fine. There's no tension, and that's why I don't want to stiff him.
Click to expand...

Girl you are being stiffed emotionally. Keep it moving before this fool does something to you. Anybody who accuses you of something usually has their own skeletons in the closet. Leave and make sure you got a big brother, uncle, cousin...somebody who can strike fear into ole boy.
 
keyawarren said:
I'm halfway out the door. The problem is the bills and quite frankly, convenience. I want to give him what I owe before I go plus, I'm still devising a plan. My mom has no room for me but I'm willing to sleep on her floor).
Are you guys telling me to just bounce?
Maybe I should and just give him phone bill money later....
Click to expand...
I think you should pay before you bounce boo boo.
 
anti-babymama said:
Secret bank account? WTF? Yall aint married so ALL of your bank accounts are none of his damn business. I would say *** him and those aminities and just leave.
Click to expand...
I would agree with you but if she ran the phone bill up she needs to pay up cuz that fool really gon be a stalker when she moves if she doesn't. :lachen:
 
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