He's a Minister but won't get a job

[trenise]

and take care of his family. I try so hard not to think about this, but sometimes something will happen and upset me all over again. I know I will also get some helpful input concerning this. The lady is my very best friend. She and her husband have been married over a year and he has refused employment on at least one occasion that could have brought good income to the family. She works to support them and gets burdened with all of the bills and the housekeeping and he stays at home all day or does errands for the church or his fraternity. There are no children at this point and they are not financially situated for them anyway. I just don't understand his Christianity or the fact that he is now recognized as a minister by the church. I just thought that a man who didn't take care of his family was worse than a non-believer. Plus there is the fact that he will even say now that she was not his "type" and will describe for you the type of woman he used to date. He even said this at the wedding reception, how he didn't want her when he first saw her. I really don't think that was appropriate. I kinda think that he's taking her for granted and feels as though she should be grateful just to have a man, but I struggle with that thought because he's a minister.

PS. I never criticize him or their marriage

 

[Shimmie]

My first reaction is to 'jack him up'..... :hardslap:


Ummmmm, I'll be back a little later. I want to give him a little time to catch this 'in the spirit....'

 

[Coffee]

Humm, maybe he wasn't called by God...he just answered on his own. Just like everyone who says they are Christian aren't, the same can go for "Ministers".

 

[Shimmie]

Humm, maybe he wasn't called by God...he just answered on his own. Just like everyone who says they are Christian aren't, the same can go for "Ministers".

What kind of man, ESPECIALLY a man of God, let's his wife do all the work? He's just lazy and I'm ashamed of him for being such a bad example to Black men and to men in Ministry.

Don't we have enough problems with 'free loaders'? What kind of example is he presenting / teaching to those who are 'watching' him and his 'title'.

And to which, no such title should be appointed to him until he proves himself to be deserving of such as the word of God commands a Minister to be.

Uggggggggg!

for him and his foolishness.

 

[Ms.Honey]

and take care of his family. I try so hard not to think about this, but sometimes something will happen and upset me all over again. I know I will also get some helpful input concerning this. The lady is my very best friend. She and her husband have been married over a year and he has refused employment on at least one occasion that could have brought good income to the family. She works to support them and gets burdened with all of the bills and the housekeeping and he stays at home all day or does errands for the church or his fraternity. There are no children at this point and they are not financially situated for them anyway. I just don't understand his Christianity or the fact that he is now recognized as a minister by the church. I just thought that a man who didn't take care of his family was worse than a non-believer. Plus there is the fact that he will even say now that she was not his "type" and will describe for you the type of woman he used to date. He even said this at the wedding reception, how he didn't want her when he first saw her. I really don't think that was appropriate. I kinda think that he's taking her for granted and feels as though she should be grateful just to have a man, but I struggle with that thought because he's a minister.

PS. I never criticize him or their marriage

The Lord warned her before she married Him and she decided to marry him anyway. If she hasn't told already, she'll tell you eventually. He said, "I will not leave you ignorant". She rejected knowledge. Her DH is an idiot and God will deal with him. It could take days or decades but she's made her choice. The Lord will grant her peace in this situation if she repents and seeks His face.

 

[Ramya]

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

He knows that he is wrong but doesn't care. I can't stand lazy people.

 

[Chrissy811]

--Deleted--

 

[MizzBrown]

^^^That touched a nerve in my soul..

 

[Chrissy811]

^^^That touched a nerve in my soul..

I know right, deep in my heart I know he played on her being hurt....she was really really hurt. And he took her to church and of course being in God's presence made her feel better, not his. But if you don't know that it is easy to become prey.

 

[PaperClip]

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Timothy 5:8)

If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]. (same scripture, Amplified)

Yet per these scriptures, I am FULLY PERSUADED THAT PEOPLE. DO. WHAT. THEY. WANT. TO. DO. including this lady who married this man/so-called minister.

I wouldn't put any more energy into being concerned with this lady's marriage and it would even be better to avoid her vents, esp. if you're single.

And as far as her husband being a minister and the weight that people want to put on people who CLAIM to be in ministry versus coming to such conclusions BY THEIR ACTIONS, I kindly refer to the scripture posted at the top of this post.

 

[trenise]

Don't we have enough problems with 'free loaders'? What kind of example is he presenting / teaching to those who are 'watching' him and his 'title'.


for him and his foolishness.

free loader, yeah that's the word I was looking forerplexed

 

[trenise]

The Lord warned her before she married Him and she decided to marry him anyway. If she hasn't told already, she'll tell you eventually. He said, "I will not leave you ignorant". She rejected knowledge. Her DH is an idiot and God will deal with him. It could take days or decades but she's made her choice. The Lord will grant her peace in this situation if she repents and seeks His face.

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married

 

[trenise]

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Timothy 5:8)

If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]. (same scripture, Amplified)

Thank you both. These were the very scriptures I was thinking of.

And to answer FoxyScholar, no I'm not single and it actually makes my dh very mad to see the way she is treated. He actually vents about it to me more than she does. But he also stays out of it by not saying anything about the situation to either of them or anybody else.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married

Not really. The Word of the Lord is true and He is faithful to all. If He said it He meant it and did it. He told her personally and through others and He showed her things and she still rejected it. Now she's suffering and that's sad but she caused this sorrow not her DH. She was free not to marry but seemed to out of fear and desparation. Hopefully she will seek Him before making her next move and wait on the Lord. Otherwise a worse thing will come upon her. Tell her to fast and pray until she is 100% positive that she's heard from Jesus and after that pray some more and wait for the confirmation. It'll be sad if she divorces and this was a fixable situation.

 

[AnnDriena_]

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married

She didn't wait long enough. I'm 32 and STILL in now hurry. 32 year old MEN aren't and neither am I. But you best believe I will lay down a few REQUIREMENTS before we get married and employment is one of them.

 

[firecracker]

Men do what women allow and same goes for men with women. If she likes it I love it. She isn't the only woman taking care of a man. Minister or not. LOL

 

[kayte]

She'd waited such a long time to get married

and sadly that was her motivation.....instead of waiting on the Lord
I hurt for her... but also a little angry....she "bought and paid" for " this marriage..

He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment

He should have then..been reluctant to get married under those circumstances
and that remark at his wedding...

Really...he "told" her and told and told her
who he was..
why do we expect men to step up if that is not who they are
why would the marriage be any different...

I hope God turns it around for her..and for him
because HE can

As a minister....does he not have an honorarium or stipend or even a salary?

 

[trenise]

As a minister....does he not have an honorarium or stipend or even a salary?

No, I believe he does not at this church, seeing that he is not pastoring the church, but is a minister at the church under the pastor. I know it is different at some other churches and with some other denominations. Besides, some of her concern was how he is so talented and is always doing things for people and church for free.

 

[somethingdifferent]

He sounds emotionally abusive. If she is not careful, any confidence or self-esteem she had prior to him will dissolve (I saw this happen to my very own sister).

Keep her lifted in prayer and continue to be her good friend. I know this must be hard for you to watch.

 

[Shimmie]

No, I believe he does not at this church, seeing that he is not pastoring the church, but is a minister at the church under the pastor. I know it is different at some other churches and with some other denominations. Besides, some of her concern was how he is so talented and is always doing things for people and church for free.

This is what 'ticks' me off. Men and Women who put all of their enrgies 'as a front' in the Church, but at home, everyone suffers.

At Church they are known as Brotha and Sista 'Good So and So', who always show how helpful and supportive they are IN CHURCH, but don't you dare let their wives. husbands or children need them at home. The wife or husband and children get their heads snapped off just for needing a crust of bread.

I'm truly not trying to 'judge' this man. However if he is not working to take care of HIS WIFE first then he is wrong and it is not right. God would rather this man put his wife and home first and the Church last.

As for what he does in Church, God speaks it as clear as day, "...that it' is not of works which men should boast...."

This man's wife and home comes first, this God honors and commands.

 

[trenise]

He sounds emotionally abusive. If she is not careful, any confidence or self-esteem she had prior to him will dissolve (I saw this happen to my very own sister).

Keep her lifted in prayer and continue to be her good friend. I know this must be hard for you to watch.

Very difficult, especially since she has been so strong for our circle of friends in the past. I just thought she deserved better.

 

[kayte]

Very difficult, especially since she has been so strong for our circle of friends in the past.

She's blessed to have such a loving devoted friends like you. with gody counsel.
The prayer of fervent Christians availeth much..says James

I woke up thinking about her and if I, a stranger to her, had concern as the other devoted women on this forum... surely God is working on her behalf

I just thought she deserved better.

She sure does and God has a way of turning straw to gold
even if God has to turn a burning light in some one's stubborn eye

Romans 8:28 Praying it will all work together for the good....

 

[Shimmie]

She's blessed to have such a loving devoted friends like you. with gody counsel.
The prayer of fervent Christians availeth much..says James

I woke up thinking about her and if I, a stranger to her, had concern as the other devoted women on this forum... surely God is working on her behalf


She sure does and God has a way of turning straw to gold
even if God has to turn a burning light in some one's stubborn eye

Romans 8:28 Praying it will all work together for the good....

Both comments beautifully shared. God still gives us 'Beauty for Ashes.'

I have an idea. We can 'confess' the positive about him and surely God will bring it to pass. Our 'words' and prayers have too much power to go to waste. One of my 'babie's' said this with me when we couldn't locate the keys to the van....

"Evil Shall Not Triumph Over Good'.

So this 'evil' that has been occurring, shall not triumph over all of the good that this precious sister has been giving in her heart and love for her husband and her marriage.

I refuse to lose another Black Man to the stereotype that has so easily beset itsself upon our men. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being angry at the things that men do. And because we 'wrestle' not with flesh and blood, I am not giving satan any further place in this, our lives; for this affects us all.

The men in my life may be 'behaving' as Godly men, but I still have to pray for those who are not behaving likewise, because it is indeed messing with each of us.

So from this point on, I am renouncing my anger against this man, and I am taking a stand against satan and his hindering spirits which have kept this man bound and out of the perfect will of God.

This man SHALL succomb to the Holy Spirit of God and the Perfect Will of God and not that of his flesh and foolishness of thought.

This man SHALL walk in the paths of Righteousness and in Wisdom which God gives unto each of us and him so freely.

This man SHALL hunger and thirst after Righteousness and will not shink in terror from taking a stand against satan.

This man SHALL honor and love and treat with tenderness and care and financially support and build his marriage and his home and his wife unto the Glory of All Mighty God.

This man SHALL love his wife as God loves us and as Jesus loves the Church.

This man SHALL come into the fullness thereof and the fullness of the revelation of what his Purpose and Role is as a husband and as a True Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

This man SHALL come into the full knowledge of and understanding of who God is and who his wife is.

This man SHALL love his wife and his life with her and only her in all pureness and tenderness of Spirit and of Life. Life given to him by God.

This man SHALL find no fault in his wife, but Shall love her and make her his Queen and treat her like the world has never seen. As the King favored and loved Esther, so shall this man love his wife, eternally.

There shall be no hesitation of the visitation of the Holy Spirit to this man. And this man, shall not be able to resist nor ignore the word of God and the Love of God, nor the Spirit of God, neither the love of his wife any longer.

The love and the word of God lives in this man's heart from this moment on, and he can neither gainsay nor resist the word which is pouring forth within him and bringing him to full repentence and full submission to God and to his loving role as husband to his wife.

He will refuse neither one....

In Jesus's Name, Amen and Amen.

____________________

Ladies, this is for every single marriage represented in this forum. We uphold each one; be it Marriage 'Present' or Marriage Pending (which includes engaged and pre-engaged (single) women in this forum.

The devil and this society and the Black stereotype curse is no longer rule over our men (Black or White). It's Done! We renounce every curse that has been spoken against, or over them. We renounce every negative thought, every negative plan, every negative ideal, every negative spirit / mindset, every negative implant, In Jesus's name.

We take back our men in every facet, and we give them unto the Lord.

In Jesus's name, Amen.

 

[trenise]

In Jesus' name, amen. I am encouraged, not only for the sake of my friend, but for all of these marriages you mentioned.