HELP! The art of rejection

[Britt]

Ok, so I have a hard time hurting people's feelings. How do you tell a guy that you aren't interested? I just met someone and I went out once w/ him and we have plans to go out tomorrow but I don't want to be bothered at all. We've been talking on the phone a lot and texting, but I'm just not interested in him romantically. He's not my type and I don't see this going anywhere ... though he thinks differently. He is really feeling me. I just called my gf and asked her for advice and she said to just tell him flat out "I'm not interested, we can be friends".... She said I have too much of a hard time hurting ppl's feelings and I need to use him as practice. She said she knew he was whack and not my type from she saw his picture LOL.. I knew so too, but figured I'd give him a chance anyway.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

well, she's telling you right. he'll get over it. he won't have a problem telling you if the situation were reversed.

or

you can just tell him that you're chillin right now and not trying to be tied down and the only thing you see right now is friendship.

 

[lesedi]

OP, I struggle with this also. I need to man up though, this isn't cute as a grown woman.

 

[mischka]

I would probably ignore him til he got the point. But if you must say something there is really no way to reject someone without it feeling like rejection... lol... so you'll have to suck it up and just tell him "I don't think we have the right chemistry for a relationship and I don't see it working long term."

 

[Aveena]

I say don't even offer (being friends). Just cut it off short and sweet. If you've only gone out once then it will be ackward but you will move one without having to worry about him anymore.

If it were me I would simply stop answering his texts or calls if I know I'll never see him again otherwise.

 

[GraceV]

I think I would just stop responding to his messages, and if he asked for a date I would tell him I already have plans.

The way I see it, when guys are dating multiple girls and they decide to cut one girl out, they don't typically have to say it for the girl to get the message. Dude just makes himself fall out of the picture. Less calls, won't return calls and a nonchalant attitude permeates everything he does with regards to the girl. After a while she gets it, and doesn't have to deal with the trauma of an outright verbal rejection.

 

[mischka]

I think I would just stop responding to his messages, and if he asked for a date I would tell him I already have plans.

The way I see it, when guys are dating multiple girls and they decide to cut one girl out, they don't typically have to say it for the girl to get the message. Dude just makes himself fall out of the picture. Less calls, won't return calls and a nonchalant attitude permeates everything he does with regards to the girl. After a while she gets it, and doesn't have to deal with the trauma of an outright verbal rejection.

Can I just say that I hate this? I'm tired of getting rejected and wondering why... I wanna know why you don't like me

 

[Etherealsmile]

*lurking, as i've struggled with this as well*

 

[cinnespice]

I have struggled with this too. Even though i might drag my feet for awhile.....not to long though eventually i have to tell them i'm not interested in carrying on anything with them at this point.

 

[intergalacticartist]

I say just tell him but don't make a big deal out of it

 

[complexsimplicity]

I'm the same way. I just slowly faded to black. I didn't answer his calls as often and I didn't respond to his messages on facebook. He even knew I wasn't feeling him but he was persistent and I guess he thought he could wear me down. He finally moved on to a girl who reciprocated his feelings.
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[halocj]

I just had to do this to someone and it went like this.... "Its funny that im texting you this since i feel that there is way too much texting going on anyway. I really dont think this is going to work. We can be friends if you want if not i understand. "

eta I had no problem with telling him face to face or over the phone. I figured since he liked to text so much i'd let him know in a text.

 

[NYAmicas]

I suck at it too. I have friends be downright brutal and diss guys & the guys keep on coming back like they like the abuse but I've had guys freak out like psychos when I reject them.

 

[sky_blu]

I would tell him straight out. I hate to beat around the bush because like someone else said if it was reversed, he'd have no problem telling you. Hayle! I've done it and those same men still tried to pursue me SMDH.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ugh...I just had to do this recently, and it felt AWFUL!

It was sooo awkward telling him I didn't view him as a romantic prospect over the phone. I was trying to be nice and CORDIAL with my "rejection", but homeboy just wouldn't take "no" for an answer! He kept trying to convince me that he was just "trying to get to know me" and nothing more.

I just couldn't continue to let him think that I had an interest in him like that though. I had to woman up and tell him. He just didn't even get the "friends" part. He thought when I said "let's be friends" that this meant that he would still be able to call me, text me, and invite me places with the hopes of us being MORE some day. After a 20 minute awkward conversation of me trying to let him down GENTLY, he finally got the hint.

I felt awful doing it, but afterwards I was soooo relieved. I'm sorry, but when it's "right", you don't have to force yourself or convince yourself to like a man. You won't cringe when he calls or wants to invite you some place.

It's best to get it out of the way OP. Honestly. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell him, and the more HURT and attached he will be when you break it off.

 

[Hairsnob]

I'm the same way and it was worse when I was younger. When I was younger I just would stop answering their calls and they would get the hint. But it was a pain having my phone go off and they'd call from different numbers to trick you.

Then as I got older I felt bad thinking that the guy will always be wondering why they were rejected. So I would tell a little white lie as they say. I would say: "I'm just coming out of a relationship and it's not fair to waste your time because I realize I'm not over my ex."

I said this to one guy and I thought he got it because he said I appreciate you telling me that and I totally understand. But he still called to ask me out AGAIN after that. I told him I had plans already. He called AGAIN and I didn't feel sorry for him anymore and just dodged his calls till he got the hint. I tried to be nice but oh well!!

 

[zzirvingj]

Mannnn...OP I'm feeling you on this topic. I recently put on my "grown woman pants" and tried to politely reject a man and let me tell you THIS:

I see why people prefer to "fade out of the picture" instead of verbally addressing the issue. I say that because my convo went something like this:

(via text)

Me: Hey. Hope all is well with you. I'm sorry you haven't heard from me recently but unfortunately I've come to the conclusion that there isn't enough chemistry for us to continue dating. I wish you the best...take care.

Him: Can you talk right now?

Me: No

Him: Okay, when will you be free to talk later today?

Me: Perhaps I am not making myself clear. I am not and will not be available to text, talk or date from this point forward.

Him: I would really appreciate the opportunity to discuss this with you.


-------

Ugh. So I gave in since I was driving and texting. He called me and it ended up being a 30 minute convo of him trying to convince me to give him another chance. It was reallllly whack, especially since I started the phone convo saying that my mind was made up. *sigh*

I need a backbone when it comes to this kind of thing...but I just don't like to let people down in a way I wouldn't like to be let down, ya know?

Silly me though...I expected that text would be the end of it...it only led to more talk about stuff I didn't wanna talk about. That phone convo did end things permanently, I could tell he was kinda mad at me but what can you do? Oh well.....

 

[ThickHair]

If you can't flat out reject him, just tell him you got back with an old boyfriend. I do think you should be able to reject a person without being rude.

 

[LovelyRo]

I would cancel the date and if he asked why I would tell him that although I enjoy his company and I think he's a really nice person (if that's truly how you feel), I don't see us having a connection. Now, he may still press the issue, but, it's best to be honest.

In the past I would just stop answering calls but, I adopted the policy of telling them the truth... especially if they asked or were too persistant. I've told guys that our phone convos were nice but, I don't have that same connection in person. I also met a very touchy feely guy and I told him that I don't like people to invade my personal space so it would never work... This way they aren't trying to figure out what went wrong. I'm always nice about it... I wouldn't want that karma coming back on me!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Guys think they are so slick with the "Oh well lets continue to be friends until I can wear you down at a later date." BS.

 

[chocolat79]

I've said in another thread to tell someone you're not interested and that's true mostly if I've just met them. But if I've actually gone out with a guy, then I say that I just didn't feel any chemistry. You can't even argue with that. This one guy thanked me for telling him and went on about his business. It didn't pain me at all, mostly because he took it so well, I guess.

I don't look at it like trying to hurt their feelings. I look at it like releasing them to find someone who feels the same way. I wouldn't want someone stringing me along when they knew good and well they're not interested. I'd rather it sting now than have a gaping wound later.