He said I'm not his "type"

[Penspringz]

Now, I really don't want to blow this out of proportion and I will try and keep it as short as possible without sparing the relevant details but I really need advise. I feel so hurt right now all because of one little comment my bf made as what he thought was a joke. I can barely remember how it all started but he said that I am not his type and I didn't hide the fact that his comment hurt me. He tried to play it off as a joke and a "compliment". Apparantly I should feel good about myself if he says I'm not his type but he really likes me and wants to be with me. He compared it to me cooking him a meal with mushrooms and garlic which he hates but eating it and tellling me that he actually really liked it. It must be really good in that case.

We've been together as a proper couple for about 4 months now but have been friends for years and have always liked eachother. Anyway his comment opened up a whole can of worms and got me thinking abd saying stuff like that made me sound really insecure. I said that I just don't want to waste my time in a relationship where the man I'm with doesn't like me all that much. I didn't end it but I think I made it seem as if I am unsure about our relationship. I really like him and want to be with him so much. In my eyes he is almost perfect but I know my worth and I can't waste myself on someone who doesn't feel the same.

Oh ladies, I really don't know what to do. I feel stupid for exposing my insecurities but I feel that it was good that I did it. I really just don't know where to go from here. Please advise me

 

[**SaSSy**]

{{{Hugs}}}

First off, you should say to yourself that it's best that he told you this early in the relationship, then get deep with him and have kids, and be marry and tell you that. I think it's up to you how you should handle this information. If you want to be with him just be cautious because he already told you his feeling (even if it was a "joke") and remember you can never change a man, he has to want to change.

Good luck!

 

[Spongie Bloom]

i dont know how to advise but the fact that he said it probably points to the truth, sometimes men try to 'its a joke' route after they realise your reaction to it but it doesnt mean that it was really a joke, like i said before it is really up to you what you will do with the info

 

[Penspringz]

Thanks. I was just really suprised that he said it now. Things have been going really well between the two of us and we were both really happy. I just have serious doubts now.

 

[FlowerHair]

Are you sure he didn't mean it as "you are not my type, but I love you anyway?".

Lots of people are surprised by who they end up with, sometimes it's someone very far from their "type" but something about that person is just right anyway

Like a woman who loves tall men but ends up with a short man... like me

 

[Farida]

Depends on what he meant.

I know a man who has been married 10 years to his wife and they have several kids. His type of woman has always been very blonde, blue eyes and big boobs, very curvaceous. His wife is very tall, very skinny, very dark black hair, has very small breasts and not very curvy. She is the opposite of his "type" and he has never hidden it. They have a neighbor who fits the bill of his type and he'll tell you right off the bat. Heck, her sister is closer to his type, she's blonde and blue-eyed The thing is, there is something about his wife that is so alluring to him, that even though she doesn't fit his usual pattern, he is still very attracted to her and very in love with her. He could've left her for another woman, he didn't have to marry her and he didn't have to stay married to her.

So talk to him, this may not be as bad as it may seem to you. You may not be his "type" and really "type" is a stereotype but he may be very attracted and in love with you anyway. A man may have a "type" but that isn't the only woman he could ever be attracted to or happy with.

 

[blaqueskimo]

I need more details! What was the conversation where he said you weren't his "type" did he mean looks wise or personality?
Also I agree with Viv unless there is more to this lots of people are in good relationships with people they never thought they'd be with so it's not a dealbreaker him having said that. (((((hugs)))))

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree with FH and Viv.

I have more to say but in short, it is possible for a person to not be your type yet you still have deep love for them. I was this way with my ex - he was almost a complete opposite of my "type" except for his height but I loved him to pieces. Loving someone has far more to do with who the person is than what they look like. I used to think to myself that my ex had one heck of a personality because physically, he didn't do it for me until long after we were in love.

I wouldn't make an issue out of it unless there were other things that supported the "joke".

 

[NYAmicas]

Are you sure he didn't mean it as "you are not my type, but I love you anyway?".

Lots of people are surprised by who they end up with, sometimes it's someone very far from their "type" but something about that person is just right anyway

Like a woman who loves tall men but ends up with a short man... like me

You know how many guys I dated that I wasn't their type? Shoot, I'd turn away from the ones who told me I was their "type".
I've either been shorter, skinnier, darker, etc than what they're used to dating, it actually made me stand out! To be honest, DH isnt my type or wasnt when I first met him but I developed feelings for him and things took off. Does he treat you like he doesnt care for you? Like you're just taking up his time while he looks for his type? I'm not saying his remarks shouldnt bother you but I'd ask him for further clarification if his comment has you doubting yourself.

 

[MissYocairis]

I'm so sorry you are going through this Pens. If he has liked you for a long time, before you got together, then you HAD to have been his "type". Right?

This reminds me sooooo much of the Bridget Jones' Diary The Edge of Reason (the sequel) when Daniel Cleaver was trying to get back with her by telling her that if he couldn't make it with her, he couldn't make it with anyone and she decided that being in love with a man who only thought she was "aiight" was not going to cut it and she let him keep it moving and she ended up getting with Mark Darcy, a man who absolutely adored her "just as she is", quirks and everything. Does anyone remember that?

Now, I really don't want to blow this out of proportion and I will try and keep it as short as possible without sparing the relevant details but I really need advise. I feel so hurt right now all because of one little comment my bf made as what he thought was a joke. I can barely remember how it all started but he said that I am not his type and I didn't hide the fact that his comment hurt me. He tried to play it off as a joke and a "compliment". Apparantly I should feel good about myself if he says I'm not his type but he really likes me and wants to be with me. He compared it to me cooking him a meal with mushrooms and garlic which he hates but eating it and tellling me that he actually really liked it. It must be really good in that case.

We've been together as a proper couple for about 4 months now but have been friends for years and have always liked eachother. Anyway his comment opened up a whole can of worms and got me thinking abd saying stuff like that made me sound really insecure. I said that I just don't want to waste my time in a relationship where the man I'm with doesn't like me all that much. I didn't end it but I think I made it seem as if I am unsure about our relationship. I really like him and want to be with him so much. In my eyes he is almost perfect but I know my worth and I can't waste myself on someone who doesn't feel the same.

Oh ladies, I really don't know what to do. I feel stupid for exposing my insecurities but I feel that it was good that I did it. I really just don't know where to go from here. Please advise me

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

Are you sure things have been good for the both of you? Can you really speak for how things were for him or just how you think things were for him? Was he really happy or were you happy?

Things have been going really well between the two of us and we were both really happy. I just have serious doubts now.

 

[onyxdreams]

I think you should speak to him.If his type was working for him then he wouldn't be with you.men will say the dumbest things and then try to play it off as a joke.I think before you lose what you have you might discuss your feeling with him.

 

[tiara76]

one of the reasons me and my ex broke up was because in his words he never failed to mention "I know Im not your type"......no he wasn't my type Physically , but I loved him to pieces.....he wasn't that tall, was slim, a lil too "pretty" for me but yet as soon as I was in his presence all I wanted to do was be connected to him....I wasn't his usual type either....he likes smaller, petiter women.....however that didn't bother me because I already know that physical appearances mean nothing when that inner stronger deeper connection is there......his insecurities over it boiled underneath the surface for a long time until he convinced himself that eventually i was gonna leave him for somebody my type.....its not that hard to find a "my type" of man.....its not like he was a in the "meanwhile" type of dude until a football player physique dude came my way.....they were at me all day every day and I didn't want to see nobody but him.....people's unchecked insecurities lead to alot of unnecessary drama and break down of relationships that could of become engulfed by love, but instead get engulfed by fear...

if you feel in your heart this guy is treating you good and you feel it then you know he is sincere....the physical beauty can keep somebody's attention for a moment, inner beauty captures people's heart.....is a true saying, and it isn't until people experience something deeper than the physical that they truly understand what that means...because when the heart is open and it likes where its at.....nothing outside of that matters.....

 

[TCatt86]

one of the reasons me and my ex broke up was because in his words he never failed to mention "I know Im not your type"......no he wasn't my type Physically , but I loved him to pieces.....he wasn't that tall, was slim, a lil too "pretty" for me but yet as soon as I was in his presence all I wanted to do was be connected to him....I wasn't his usual type either....he likes smaller, petiter women.....however that didn't bother me because I already know that physical appearances mean nothing when that inner stronger deeper connection is there......his insecurities over it boiled underneath the surface for a long time until he convinced himself that eventually i was gonna leave him for somebody my type.....its not that hard to find a "my type" of man.....its not like he was a in the "meanwhile" type of dude until a football player physique dude came my way.....they were at me all day every day and I didn't want to see nobody but him.....people's unchecked insecurities lead to alot of unnecessary drama and break down of relationships that could of become engulfed by love, but instead get engulfed by fear...

if you feel in your heart this guy is treating you good and you feel it then you know he is sincere....the physical beauty can keep somebody's attention for a moment, inner beauty captures people's heart.....is a true saying, and it isn't until people experience something deeper than the physical that they truly understand what that means...because when the heart is open and it likes where its at.....nothing outside of that matters.....

Well said!!!

 

[chestnutblonde]

Maybe he meant that you aren't the stereotypical girl he usually goes for or has gone for in the past, however, that does not mean that he doesn't love you and admire you for the person that you are.

 

[Sasha Fierce]

I hope he meant that you were an unexpected surprise in that he always figured he would be with another type of girl. Guys are stupid sometimes. They don't always say things the right way.

But keep your eyes open. Guard your heart. See what he really is all about.

 

[SimpleBrooklyn]

I guess, me personally, would want to find out what exactly his "type" was. I know sometimes people can't explain why they like what they like, but I would try to find out why he likes his "type".

The reason I would do this is because if he puts down what "type" I am to praise the "type" he likes then..I'm out.

BAsically I am trying to say that i would want to figure out if his justification for having his "type" is ignorant and degrades other "types"

Does this make sense?
Hope so....

 

[kayte]

I feel stupid for exposing my insecurities

on the contrary..this was brave and honest

I relate I'm so sensitve! Does he mean #$%...or....*@.... or
..and then my mind goes off in its own lil world
the three or four month mark is where ..people in couplehood get itchy anyways....
as in = a tiny bit scared

you were smart..you asked him and
he told you! ...so take it at face value..
that's where you learn trust and real intimacy,btw,
unless he's given you...good reason not to take him at his word

Does he live by deed and not just creed..that kind of thing..
OP ..you would know this....

I once knew a man who said.....
When I looked at her..I tore up the list....
she didn't have to be anyone.... but who.. she... was


HTH..

 

[tiara76]

on the contrary..this was brave and honest

I relate I'm so sensitve! Does he mean #$%...or....*@.... or
..and then my mind goes off in its own lil world
the three or four month mark is where ..people in couplehood get itchy anyways....
as in = a tiny bit scared

you were smart..you asked him and
he told you! ...so take it at face value..
that's where you learn trust and real intimacy,btw,
unless he's given you...good reason not to take him at his word

Does he live by deed and not just creed..that kind of thing..
OP ..you would know this....

I once knew a man who said.....
When I looked at her..I tore up the list....
she didn't have to be anyone.... but who.. she... was


HTH..

thats the feeling u get when u understand that its not the physical its something deeper that pulls you in and everything u used to think mattered or makes a difference

really just doesn't

OP....I agree with Kayte, no reason to not express ur feelings or insecurities...but don't pull away because of them, step into them and face them, don't let them conquer you...you conquer them....and even if he's not the one....what we need to fix within is what others pull out one way or the other....don't shrink away from this, grow from this

 

[Aviah]

Are you sure he didn't mean it as "you are not my type, but I love you anyway?".

Lots of people are surprised by who they end up with, sometimes it's someone very far from their "type" but something about that person is just right anyway

Like a woman who loves tall men but ends up with a short man... like me

And me!

 

[NYAmicas]

I'm so sorry you are going through this Pens. If he has liked you for a long time, before you got together, then you HAD to have been his "type". Right?

This reminds me sooooo much of the Bridget Jones' Diary The Edge of Reason (the sequel) when Daniel Cleaver was trying to get back with her by telling her that if he couldn't make it with her, he couldn't make it with anyone and she decided that being in love with a man who only thought she was "aiight" was not going to cut it and she let him keep it moving and she ended up getting with Mark Darcy, a man who absolutely adored her "just as she is", quirks and everything. Does anyone remember that?

That's my movie! I'd watch it whenever I was feeling down. I didnt like the second one though, they exaggerated her foolishness, and the plot sucked. Heck, the fight with Cleaver and Darcy was weak.

 

[DragonPearl]

I know quite a few men who have been in successful happy relationships with women who were not their types. Love is not always about falling for your type. What's important is that you don't let this issue lower your self-esteem, because it would be like the poisoned dart to your relationship. Get back to feeling good about yourself and you will be able to evaluate if this is an important issue or not.

 

[DragonPearl]

That's my movie! I'd watch it whenever I was feeling down. I didnt like the second one though, they exaggerated her foolishness, and the plot sucked. Heck, the fight with Cleaver and Darcy was weak.

The second one truly sucked. They made her look and act a real fool, and I stopped watching halfway through.That was ridiculous. There are plenty of plump women who get with and keep attractive guys without making complete fools of themselves.

 

[MissYocairis]

That's my movie! I'd watch it whenever I was feeling down. I didnt like the second one though, they exaggerated her foolishness, and the plot sucked. Heck, the fight with Cleaver and Darcy was weak.

that fight was pathetic. I loved it. I think it was supposed to be pathetic right?

 

[Country gal]

one of the reasons me and my ex broke up was because in his words he never failed to mention "I know Im not your type"......no he wasn't my type Physically , but I loved him to pieces.....he wasn't that tall, was slim, a lil too "pretty" for me but yet as soon as I was in his presence all I wanted to do was be connected to him....I wasn't his usual type either....he likes smaller, petiter women.....however that didn't bother me because I already know that physical appearances mean nothing when that inner stronger deeper connection is there......his insecurities over it boiled underneath the surface for a long time until he convinced himself that eventually i was gonna leave him for somebody my type.....its not that hard to find a "my type" of man.....its not like he was a in the "meanwhile" type of dude until a football player physique dude came my way.....they were at me all day every day and I didn't want to see nobody but him.....people's unchecked insecurities lead to alot of unnecessary drama and break down of relationships that could of become engulfed by love, but instead get engulfed by fear...if you feel in your heart this guy is treating you good and you feel it then you know he is sincere....the physical beauty can keep somebody's attention for a moment, inner beauty captures people's heart.....is a true saying, and it isn't until people experience something deeper than the physical that they truly understand what that means...because when the heart is open and it likes where its at.....nothing outside of that matters.....

Very true

 

[Penspringz]

aww thank you for your support ladies. I really wasn't expecting so many responses. I really want to talk to him but now he's not contactable which is really unlike him.

I guess this whole mess was blown out of proportion. Me an my silly insecurities. I could have taken it another way. I should have joked and said something like "I must be better than what you thought was your type" or "am I too good for you" jokingly.

 

[JustKiya]

I'm not DH's type, and he told me that early in the relationship - but it was no biggie, as he was more making a comment on how all of his previous g/f's fit a type (short, light skinned, big boobs, big hair) and I didn't fit the same type - yet I was the only one he wanted to marry.
I told him he wasn't my type either (short, light skinned, no hair, broke), but he was the only man I could ever imagine marrying.

Stepping outside of your 'type' can be a really, really, really, good thing - and actually, it would make me more confident in the relationship, because he's with me not because I fit into his 'list', but because he digs me.

 

[NYAmicas]

that fight was pathetic. I loved it. I think it was supposed to be pathetic right?

See it lacked the comedy and action they had in part one! When they enter that Italian restaurant and are singing Happy Birthday, then they go flying through that window!

 

[NYAmicas]

The second one truly sucked. They made her look and act a real fool, and I stopped watching halfway through.That was ridiculous. There are plenty of plump women who get with and keep attractive guys without making complete fools of themselves.

Hmmm....Jessy55, we may have the same taste in movies!

 

[NYAmicas]

aww thank you for your support ladies. I really wasn't expecting so many responses. I really want to talk to him but now he's not contactable which is really unlike him.

I guess this whole mess was blown out of proportion. Me an my silly insecurities. I could have taken it another way. I should have joked and said something like "I must be better than what you thought was your type" or "am I too good for you" jokingly.

Hope he contacts you soon OP.