He introduced us and now he's trying to break us up!

[Kinkyhairlady]

I'm so pissed right now and I'm trying not to call this so called friend to cuss him out. This person is so shady and I'm glad I have discovered his true colors. I've known him for a few years and he has tried to set me up before and I always declined. I finally gave in and now it's biting my in the butt.

To make a long story short ever since he introduced me to my current bf he would call both of us for updates. I was alway mum about things and would not tell him everything. My mistake was when I was upset with my bf twice I called him to complain. He claimed its ok to open up to him and he's a friend here to listen but both times he ran back to tell bf what I said and bf gets upsets with me. Now he's telling my bf that I'm a woman who likes to talk a lot and will probably put him in some drama in the future. Oh that he should get out now while things are still fresh. Bf tells me all of this and this so called friend has stopped calling for like 2 weeks now. When I ask bf what the ex friend said, he says the guy said I'm immature and talk and complain to much, lol. Really?! You've been my friend for over 4 years and now all of the sudden I'm immature and talk too much. He's so shady! I'm torn if I should call him and cuss him out or just leave it be. My bf is still friends with him and that annoys me but I can't do anything about that.

The only reason my bf told me is cause I kept complaining so and so has not called me not return my calls. Finally he told me why. The whole thing is stupid and I have a feeling if bf continues to be his friend he'll be whispering in his ear. What I'm afraid if is him saying anything about my past relationships which were drama filled I have not told my bf any of that although I feel he knows some things. If this does not work out I vow to never let anyone hook me up again!

 

[LiftedUp]

He probably likes you more than a platonic friend and doesn't know how to voice it or he's committed and shouldn't be feeling the way that he is.

Immature yes, but somewhat human nature I suppose.

 

[HanaKuroi]

Is this friend gay？

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[nlamr2013]

Hmm. thats rough. I agree bf staying friends with ole dude could cause drama if bf lets dude in his ear.
Did bf take up for you while ole dude was going on?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

He probably likes you more than a platonic friend and doesn't know how to voice it or he's committed and shouldn't be feeling the way that he is.

Immature yes, but somewhat human nature I suppose.

He's married but he did like me years ago before he met his wife. I doubt those feelings are still around. I think he's just a hater and probably thought because bf is not ideally what I go for he was not expecting us to hit off. Can't get over how shady some people can be. Can't stand him and its taking everything in me not to send him a nasty text.

 

[frizzy]

Yea, he does sound like a bichy gay dude.

You and SO need to keep you business to yourself. For real.


ETA: oh, he used to like you.....he's still bitter you put him in the friend zone. Dump him as a friend.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Hmm. thats rough. I agree bf staying friends with ole dude could cause drama if bf lets dude in his ear.
Did bf take up for you while ole dude was going on?

Yes he said he did but who knows. He told him that were together and happy. Bf is starting to get annoyed cause he says dude is calling everyday asking how things are going but he keeps it simple and does not go into detail. Bf has only know dude for like 9 months they attend the same church. Funny the other guys loyalty should have been to me but its not. Smh

 

[HanaKuroi]

How new is this relationship?

A few things are bothering me. The biggest is your BF not defending you and he continues to give his ear to that jerk.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[HanaKuroi]

Yes he said he did but who knows. He told him that were together and happy. Bf is starting to get annoyed cause he says dude is calling everyday asking how things are going but he keeps it simple and does not go into detail. Bf has only know dude for like 9 months they attend the same church. Funny the other guys loyalty should have been to me but its not. Smh

He should shut it down. He should stop talking to ol' boy period.

Starting to get annoyed????? Hmph!

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

How new is this relationship?

A few things are bothering me. The biggest is your BF not defending you and he continues to give his ear to that jerk.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

No he is defending me and he says that he's distanced himself but dude continues to talk about me. Bf said he don't want any drama and everything will be ok and not to worry cause he does not listen to gossip.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

He should shut it down. He should stop talking to ol' boy period.

Starting to get annoyed????? Hmph!

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

The issue is that they work on a lot of church projects together so it's not that easy to stop talking to him. Bf is very passive and does not like confrontation but given that guys history he probably won't last at that church. He's a church hopper so I'm just waiting for him to bounce.

 

[topnotch1010]

I had this problem with DH. A girlfriend of mine set us up on a blind date. We hit it off and then she tried to break us up. She tried to get in good with his family and everything. She told me lies about him talking to his ex-gf so that I would get mad.


We finally confronted her and we are no longer friends. She is still friendly and tries to keep in touch with DH every now and then but never with me. It hurt because I considered her a good friend but whatevs…

This guy is jealous and wants you. He might even want your bf because he sounds gay. lol

 

[C@ssandr@]

I had this problem with DH. A girlfriend of mine set us up on a blind date. We hit it off and then she tried to break us up. She tried to get in good with his family and everything. She told me lies about him talking to his ex-gf so that I would get mad.


We finally confronted her and we are no longer friends. She is still friendly and tries to keep in touch with DH every now and then but never with me. It hurt because I considered her a good friend but whatevs…

This guy is jealous and wants you. He might even want your bf because he sounds gay. lol

Agreed. He didn't expect you guys to "hit it off". He was being a friend by hooking you up, but he probably caught feelings again now that he sees that someone else has you.

He may thought that he lost interest in you, but it's quite possible his jealousy reignited the interest. Being married doesn't always douse that flame.

 

[hopeful]

Consider it a blessing that he stopped calling. No sense cursing him out. Just move on. And if he tries to call you at some point, and he likely will, just ignore him because he is not your friend. You can't help it if he shares info about your past. I assume (hope) if he gets too out of pocket, your bf will drop him. Also, I understand you being upset, I would be too, but please don't let this knucklehead bring chaos and drama into your relationship. Things like this usually eventually blow over.

ETA: regarding this statement: "If this does not work out I vow to never let anyone hook me up again!" That does not make sense to me. It makes better sense to not tell your business to the person who set you up. But don't shut out future opportunities if things don't work out just because of one nosey, busy-body jerk.

Come to think about it, early on in my relationship, several people tried to meddle in me and dh's budding romance. I had forgotten. Try to focus on being happy.

 

[ChasingBliss]

This is one of the reasons why made the decision to cut an old friendship. Our mutual friend introduced us too. And with other relstionships i had in the past, i told her things here and there...but she had no ties to these people. This relstionship however would be different.

The moment dh and I decided to take our relationship further, I stopped discussing him and anything about him to her. She was very good friends with him first. And i suspected she may have had feelings for him but at the time i couldnt prove it. She didnt like that at all and eventually showed her arse. Needless to say our relationship ended as many many other things flew out her closet. I will ask this though. Why would someone introduce you to someone if they either want you or the person?
I'm thinking dude wanted you too. I just don't get people and I stopped trying.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

This is one of the reasons why made the decision to cut an old friendship. Our mutual friend introduced us too. And with other relstionships i had in the past, i told her things here and there...but she had no ties to these people. This relstionship however would be different.

The moment dh and I decided to take our relationship further, I stopped discussing him and anything about him to her. She was very good friends with him first. And i suspected she may have had feelings for him but at the time i couldnt prove it. She didnt like that at all and eventually showed her arse. Needless to say our relationship ended as many many other things flew out her closet. I will ask this though. Why would someone introduce you to someone if they either want you or the person?
I'm thinking dude wanted you too. I just don't get people and I stopped trying.

I honestly think that he did not think it would work. I'm really not sure how and why he would need to turn on me. Funny I would tell him things and he gave his word he would not repeat even saying he would not want to put tension between me and bf. serious backstabber.

 

[*CherryPie*]

What's done is done. Let the ex friend stay gone and 'let the chips fall where they may'...because they will anyway. I'm pretty sure, since you're not friends with him anymore, and your man is, your man will know ALL of your past...at least, much as your ex friend knows.

Now, it's up to how much your man loves and trusts you. If the relationship goes south, learn from it and move on. Do you really want a man who's feelings for you is influenced by what other people tell him? I've been there and it's not fun.


By the way, Is this the foreign guy?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

What's done is done. Let the ex friend stay gone and 'let the chips fall where they may'...because they will anyway. I'm pretty sure, since you're not friends with him anymore, and your man is, your man will know ALL of your past...at least, much as your ex friend knows.

Now, it's up to how much your man loves and trusts you. If the relationship goes south, learn from it and move on. Do you really want a man who's feelings for you is influenced by what other people tell him? I've been there and it's not fun.

By the way, Is this the foreign guy?

Yes this is the foreign guy which I why I think initially he did not think we would work out. I did complain in the beginning but I've gotten to know him and have developed strong feelings. We cinque so well with one another. First I was pissed that guy even introduced me to bf cause I'm like I can do better, lol but this mans a keeper and ill be darn if he ruins it for me. Bf does not seem so naive but I hope he don't start rethinking things do to my past. He has asked a few times if I'm honest about everything and have I told him everything about who I am. I pretty much have but I just don't go into details.

 

[starfish79]

Ugh, I've been in that situation where you and bf have a mutual friend. I remember I'd tell bf something in the morning and he'd tell his friend who'd tell his girlfriend who was my my bff and she'd repeat it to me later that evening. It sucks, there is NO privacy in your relationship. I was 18 at the time and I vowed, never again.

 

[MD_Lady]

I can only speak from my experience, Kinkyhairlady... I had a friend who was always starting some petty nonsense. While I eventually reached my breaking point and said something, there is a BIG part of me that wished I'd called him out the FIRST time he said/did something out of pocket. Turning the other cheek and being the bigger person are overrated (both in my opinion AND my experience); I'd confront him.

 

[RocStar]

When I ask bf what the ex friend said, he says the guy said I'm immature and talk and complain to much, lol. Really?! You've been my friend for over 4 years and now all of the sudden I'm immature and talk too much. He's so shady! I'm torn if I should call him and cuss him out or just leave it be. My bf is still friends with him and that annoys me but I can't do anything about that.

You could tell your bf to not allow your friend to talk about you or the relationship while they are hanging out. He can put a stop to that.

My mistake was when I was upset with my bf twice I called him to complain.

The only reason my bf told me is cause I kept complaining so and so has not called me not return my calls.

Ok, you seem to be complaining a lot to other people. I have no idea, but maybe you need to stop complaining so much.

You should not be discussing your relationship problems or issues with your friend...especially since he and your bf are friends. Not a good idea at all. Do you have any girl friends? Also, why did it take two times...the first time he ran back and said something to your bf should have been the last time.

Now he's telling my bf that I'm a woman who likes to talk a lot and will probably put him in some drama in the future.

What I'm afraid if is him saying anything about my past relationships which were drama filled I have not told my bf any of that although I feel he knows some things.

Ok, just based off of your posts, it sounds like some of what your friend is saying is true. Don't make this into one of those drama episodes. Just stop dealing with your friend and keep him out of your relationship. If your boyfriend wants to believe anything that your friend said is true, then you will have to decide if you want to continue your relationship with your bf.

If this does not work out I vow to never let anyone hook me up again!

I do not think the problem is having others introduce you to other people, the problem is the people, their actions and your reactions. Also, the problem is bringing other people into your relationship.

 

[Leona28]

Change what you can...
Don't care about the outside talkers/commentators.What are you doing that's similar to previous relationships? Why would you fear that this new bf will hear about your past. How serious do you want to be with this bf of yours? I know don't spill the beans all at once, but once you're starting to clean up your own act, relationships will change too.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Tell your man, the 'friend' wouldn't have hooked you guys up if he didn't think you were a great person...since he's his good friend. Now he's just mad because he feels out of the 'loop' because you wouldn't give details...and apparently, your man wasn't giving him details either. He's just jealous.

All in all, you'll see what kind of man you have because of this. So at least you'll get a learning experience out of this.

I hope everything works out for you.

Yes this is the foreign guy which I why I think initially he did not think we would work out. I did complain in the beginning but I've gotten to know him and have developed strong feelings. We cinque so well with one another. First I was pissed that guy even introduced me to bf cause I'm like I can do better, lol but this mans a keeper and ill be darn if he ruins it for me. Bf does not seem so naive but I hope he don't start rethinking things do to my past. He has asked a few times if I'm honest about everything and have I told him everything about who I am. I pretty much have but I just don't go into details.

 

[pearcey]

no one can BREAK YOU UP.

Perhaps he thought you would see through the faults of this person, and once you became blinded with fascination, it threw him for a loop.

Don't be offended by the overprotectiveness/cock-blocking. People only make an assessment of you based on what you tell them, not what you intrinsically know about yourself or another.

Caution with *****ing, especially when those you ***** to already have an overly simplified opinion of you.

Good luck...