He gave me his number first. Should I call him, or give him my number to call me?

[Serenity_Peace]

Ladies,

I've been talking to this guy via email on Match.com. We have a really good vibe going on after two weeks. Well, tonight he send me an email with his number and said that I could call if I wanted.

Should I respond by calling him or giving him *MY* number and putting the ball in his court to call?

HELP!!

This online dating thing is still fairly new to me...

SP :blowkiss:

 

[JustKiya]

I think you should call him once to thank him for giving you his number, keep it short and sweet, and then get off the phone - no hour-long conversations. Then, wait for him to call you back, and let him take the lead from there?

I think emailing him back with your number is a bit....... I dunno - off-putting? I know there is the whole 'man should pursue' thing - but, I think by making you this offer, he is pursuing you - he's chosen to 'escalate' the level of the relationship...... and by you keeping it short and sweet, you maintain that 'chase'.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

^^^ That is a great, great point!!!! Thank you so very much! :blowkiss:

 

[Ms_Delikate]

^^^ That is a great, great point!!!! Thank you so very much! :blowkiss:

Good luck girl...I'm rooting for you!

 

[simplertimes]

Email him back with your phone # and say "When is a good time to call you? Here is my number so that you recognize the call."

After that don't call him. If he likes you he will call you to see why you haven't called JMO

 

[Serenity_Peace]

^^^^ That's so good....

 

[Ms_Delikate]

^^^^ That's so good....

JUST CALL HIM...Do like what JustKiya said upthread...It wouldn't make you seem desperate, stalkerlike or anything...If you don't like his response or if he doesn't pursue after that then fall back...It's just a phone call and a brief one at that...JMO

 

[Bunny77]

I'd say, "Thanks! And here's mine, so you can call me as well. Hope to hear from you soon!"

Then I'd wait to see what he did.

That way, ball's back in his court. I personally like it better that way.

 

[Sasha299]

I prefer calling, keeping it short and sweet - thanks for giving me your number then get off the phone. Let him call you back to talk.

 

[HoneyA]

I've been talking to this guy via email on Match.com. We have a really good vibe going on after two weeks. Well, tonight he send me an email with his number and said that I could call if I wanted.

What Justkiya said is good. I'm just wondering why he just didn't ask you for your number though but I mean people are different.

 

[ambergirl]

I think you should call him once to thank him for giving you his number, keep it short and sweet, and then get off the phone - no hour-long conversations. Then, wait for him to call you back, and let him take the lead from there?

Email him back with your phone # and say "When is a good time to call you? Here is my number so that you recognize the call."

After that don't call him. If he likes you he will call you to see why you haven't called JMO

Maybe fold in both of these. Email him back a message like

"Looking forward to talking, here's my number, too. Want to connect tomorrow evening?"

That way you put the ball back in his court as to who's calling who. I'm thinking if he's interested he'll just offer up that he's calling you.

Good luck girl! You deserve all the good in the world!

 

[Bunny77]

Okay, I got another story! (You know I always have stories!!!)

Three years ago, I met a dude online. We did a lot of IM chatting and things seemed good. A few times, he gave me his number through IM but he never asked for mine. I would just say thanks, and never use it.

I honestly wasn't really stressed about it, seeing that I was dating other dudes too in real life and I figured he would either step up to plate or fade to black. I kept the IMs short, but noticed he wasn't asking me out. Again, I didn't push it and didn't call him.

One week, I had a Vegas trip planned. I didn't tell him about it and I went off to Vegas. I got these frantic e-mails saying, "Hey Bunny, where are you? Text me at 313-555-1212 and tell me when you'll be online so we can chat."

I did nothing.

I get back from Vegas and sign on. He was like, "I thought I'd never hear from you again! What happened?" I said I went to Vegas and just got back. He asked if I saw his e-mails and I said I did, but since I was vacationing, I didn't plan to be sitting by my computer and IMing all night.

Finally, he said, "Could I call you? Maybe we can go out!"

Me: "Sure! Call me at (248) 555-1212."

He called and we had a date by the end of the week.

Take what you want from that story.

 

[ambergirl]

Okay, I got another story! (You know I always have stories!!!)

Three years ago, I met a dude online. We did a lot of IM chatting and things seemed good. A few times, he gave me his number through IM but he never asked for mine. I would just say thanks, and never use it.

I honestly wasn't really stressed about it, seeing that I was dating other dudes too in real life and I figured he would either step up to plate or fade to black. I kept the IMs short, but noticed he wasn't asking me out. Again, I didn't push it and didn't call him.

One week, I had a Vegas trip planned. I didn't tell him about it and I went off to Vegas. I got these frantic e-mails saying, "Hey Bunny, where are you? Text me at 313-555-1212 and tell me when you'll be online so we can chat."

I did nothing.

I get back from Vegas and sign on. He was like, "I thought I'd never hear from you again! What happened?" I said I went to Vegas and just got back. He asked if I saw his e-mails and I said I did, but since I was vacationing, I didn't plan to be sitting by my computer and IMing all night.

Finally, he said, "Could I call you? Maybe we can go out!"

Me: "Sure! Call me at (248) 555-1212."

He called and we had a date by the end of the week.

Take what you want from that story.

Great story!!!!

 

[ambergirl]

I'd say, "Thanks! And here's mine, so you can call me as well. Hope to hear from you soon!"

Then I'd wait to see what he did.

That way, ball's back in his court. I personally like it better that way.

I like this too

 

[Bunny77]

Great story!!!!

I like this too

Thanks!

Obviously Serenity_Peace should do what feels most comfortable to her... if she wants to call, she can call. There's no crime in that.


At the same time, for me, I wasn't about to do that. If two people are on Match.com, BPM, E-Harmony or whatever, it's obvious that y'all are trying to date. This ain't pen pals here... so I'm not going to be e-mailing back and forth, IMing, texting, calling you because you gave me your number, etc., when it seems that you are not making a bit of effort to go out on an actual date and that's what we're both on the site for in the first place.

Me not caring what happened with that guy made him step up, call me and ask me out. I firmly believe that men know what they're doing and don't need us to make the first move... because when they want to step up, they do it.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I personally think you couldnt go wrong either way. I called my SO first (kinda) and we're all good.

 

[*5+5]

I say don't respond to the message, wait about 2-3 day while his mind wonders and then call him up and do exactly what JustKiya said.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Okay, I got another story! (You know I always have stories!!!)

Three years ago, I met a dude online. We did a lot of IM chatting and things seemed good. A few times, he gave me his number through IM but he never asked for mine. I would just say thanks, and never use it.

I honestly wasn't really stressed about it, seeing that I was dating other dudes too in real life and I figured he would either step up to plate or fade to black. I kept the IMs short, but noticed he wasn't asking me out. Again, I didn't push it and didn't call him.

One week, I had a Vegas trip planned. I didn't tell him about it and I went off to Vegas. I got these frantic e-mails saying, "Hey Bunny, where are you? Text me at 313-555-1212 and tell me when you'll be online so we can chat."

I did nothing.

I get back from Vegas and sign on. He was like, "I thought I'd never hear from you again! What happened?" I said I went to Vegas and just got back. He asked if I saw his e-mails and I said I did, but since I was vacationing, I didn't plan to be sitting by my computer and IMing all night.

Finally, he said, "Could I call you? Maybe we can go out!"

Me: "Sure! Call me at (248) 555-1212."

He called and we had a date by the end of the week.

Take what you want from that story.

The morale of the story: If he's that into you, he'll continue to push for the call. He'll continue to pursue and chase. I'm off to an after-work party, but I have a different story to share later...

Thanks for all the wonderful advice! :blowkiss:

 

[**SaSSy**]

Okay, I got another story! (You know I always have stories!!!)

Three years ago, I met a dude online. We did a lot of IM chatting and things seemed good. A few times, he gave me his number through IM but he never asked for mine. I would just say thanks, and never use it.

I honestly wasn't really stressed about it, seeing that I was dating other dudes too in real life and I figured he would either step up to plate or fade to black. I kept the IMs short, but noticed he wasn't asking me out. Again, I didn't push it and didn't call him.

One week, I had a Vegas trip planned. I didn't tell him about it and I went off to Vegas. I got these frantic e-mails saying, "Hey Bunny, where are you? Text me at 313-555-1212 and tell me when you'll be online so we can chat."

I did nothing.

I get back from Vegas and sign on. He was like, "I thought I'd never hear from you again! What happened?" I said I went to Vegas and just got back. He asked if I saw his e-mails and I said I did, but since I was vacationing, I didn't plan to be sitting by my computer and IMing all night.

Finally, he said, "Could I call you? Maybe we can go out!"

Me: "Sure! Call me at (248) 555-1212."

He called and we had a date by the end of the week.

Take what you want from that story.

ITA, never chase. Even if it's just a "here's my number, please call" type of thing. If he really wants to talk to you he will definitely ask for yours and call.

 

[kayte]

With the internet dating..each varied encounter is sooo different in dynamic
the emails...are different from IMs... IM is different...than a phone call
phone call is different from MEETING

In a scenario like this..& I'm a freak for privacy and I personally prefer it this way
tho, there are always exceptions...but generally if he offers his number out of concern
..knowing the internet and safety which is when/why most guys offer instead
of simply asking for YOUR number on the internet........a good sign!

I call the guy first ..and screen him out....{quite frankly, some guys don't make the cut}
BUT! if I want to hear from him again and he always wants to reconnect...of course
he says....how will I get in touch with you again???
...can I have your number?
and he gets it!

If we have already met in person ..that's different altogether!

ANY of the suggested options can work OP as long
as you are not making the SECOND phone call

Have fun!

 

[vevster]

Serenity, pls let us know what happens! Good luck!

 

[varaneka]

I like that you have the number b/c then you can call from a blocked # just in case you don't like talking to him lol

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think he didn't want to sound stalkerish or something by asking directly for SP's #. By offering his own first, I think he was trying to be respectful of her space, so she could call him if she wanted to... but not feel pressured to give out her number.

 

[JewelleNY]

I think he didn't want to sound stalkerish or something by asking directly for SP's #. By offering his own first, I think he was trying to be respectful of her space, so she could call him if she wanted to... but not feel pressured to give out her number.

Many guys now do this on the net for this very reason. If you feel comfortable just give him your number instead if you want to make sure he is doing the chasing but sometimes we have to be careful about reading too much into things, try to just enjoy dating and the experiences

I called my last date first, he was very much a gentleman and did the chasing, way too much really A guy chases you because he wants to, if you set it up for him to chase you, what happens when you stop manipulating the situation

 

[kayte]

quoting me first~~

...but generally if he offers his number out of concern
..knowing the internet and safety which is when/why most guys offer instead
of simply asking for YOUR number on the internet........a good sign!

By offering his own first, I think he was trying to be respectful of her space, so she could call him if she wanted to... but not feel pressured to give out her number.

Many guys now do this on the net for this very reason.

it's different set of rules on internet dating
which is why I appreciate a man proffering his number

I like that you have the number b/c then you can call from a blocked # just in case you don't like talking to him lol

totally~~~
my number is blocked and I do NOT accept every guy that gives out his number as dating material even if we clicked on all the other means of communication
if I get a weird vibe on the phone..it's for me to screen then it's
dont call us we'll call you ..
not!

but everybody is different!

 

[kasey]

Hey SP...I'm no expert, but I'd call him when you don't expect him to answer the phone and leave a short, cute message with your own phone number.

 

[Bunny77]

I think he didn't want to sound stalkerish or something by asking directly for SP's #. By offering his own first, I think he was trying to be respectful of her space, so she could call him if she wanted to... but not feel pressured to give out her number.

Many guys now do this on the net for this very reason. If you feel comfortable just give him your number instead if you want to make sure he is doing the chasing but sometimes we have to be careful about reading too much into things, try to just enjoy dating and the experiences

I thought about this.

I asked my boyfriend what he did when he was dating online, and he said he usually offered his number AND said, "Or, I could call you if you'd like."

Then he'd let her decide... either she called, or wrote him back with her number. I think that's a good way to handle it... or as was mentioned earlier, if the woman would prefer that he call, then write back with your number, which gives him the green light.

There are definitely good men on the Net who simply want a woman to feel safe and secure, which is why they offer their number and invite the women to call. Then there are the fools who want to sit back and be lazy... I think you can find out the difference quickly.

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

Curious to know what the OP decided to do.

My 2c, My # is a gift, and I wouldn't give it out, just to "make him pursue me". I also wouldn't play mind games with the whole, "Oh, thank you. Here's my # so you can call too." If you're interested, just call the guy.

Playing games is a waste of time, IMO. You can keep it lady-like, respectful and within your acceptable domain of dating without playing games and acting unnecessarily coy. Again. Just my opinion.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Update...

We went out on a date on Thursday. He took me to dinner! We spoke on the phone prior to that on Sunday evening. HE CALLED ME!! And I didn't have to wonder whether or not I was appropriate. Even sweeter...

Mondays are typically very long days because I'm at work from 7:00 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., then I teach class from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. I received a nice, very considerate text message from him on Tuesday morning, asking me how class went and hoping that I'd get some rest. Very sweet...

Fast forward to the actual date. I had a meeting with clients in the same area where he worked, so he called and requested the date. Took me to a pleasant spot. We had a good dinner and a nice chat. He then took me to the Metro and I caught the train home.

He respected my time and didn't keep me out too long. A real gentleman.

The sad part: I don't think there was much chemistry or either side. We share a lot in common but nothing beyond that. I wouldn't mind going out with him again just to be sure or establishing a friendship. But I would much prefer that he called me. I don't think I would be terribly upset if he didn't call me again.

I hope that's not wrong.

 

[Bunny77]

Curious to know what the OP decided to do.

My 2c, My # is a gift, and I wouldn't give it out, just to "make him pursue me". I also wouldn't play mind games with the whole, "Oh, thank you. Here's my # so you can call too." If you're interested, just call the guy.

Playing games is a waste of time, IMO. You can keep it lady-like, respectful and within your acceptable domain of dating without playing games and acting unnecessarily coy. Again. Just my opinion.

I wonder why you consider this to be "playing games." I hear people say this a lot and I'm not quite sure how choosing a traditional approach has become game-playing.

I don't think anything a woman does to make herself feel comfortable and secure in the dating process is "playing a game."

Whatever one wants to do -- call, have him call -- is fine. But wanting a man to pursue and take the lead is not what I would consider "playing games."

IMO, "playing games" is one of the most over-used terms in the dating world these days... and it's usually applied to the wrong scenarios... when few people call out the ACTUAL games that are being run on women constantly.