Having Mixed Feelings Since the BC

B

bkprincesa

New Member
I have to say, I thought my love-hate relationship would end once I was completely natural. I hated the way my relaxed hair was thin and flat and stuck to my head as if it were plastered on the first week or two after a fresh relaxer. I hated how my hair had refused to grow past shoulder length, was constantly breaking off, and forever growing unevenly throughout my head for the past 7 years. After reading so many stories of the health and length of hair improving tremendously after ladies' decisions to go natural, I decided to give it a go.

For the most part I HAVE noticed the obvious improvements. My hair hasn't been this thick since I was a very small child (5-7 years old). I don't have those endless tiny broken hairs on my shirt day after day anymore. The biggest thing that has really made me think is the fact I have more to show for my efforts than ever.

My relaxed hair was shoulder length at the time of my last relaxer in May 2009. I had been struggling to get out of that hair limbo since I was 14 (I'll be 22 in October). I managed to grow my hair from nothing to SL stretched in 12 months just by incorporating co-washing, regular shampooing, DCing, protein treatments, sealing with evoo and protective styling (bunning and twisting nightly) into my routine. I don't trim regularly. I don't use growth aids and I don't even drink water like we're all supposed to. It wasn't until my 10th month of transitioning that I learned to wash, condition and detangle my hair in sections and that advice has been the biggest part of my retention.The last two weeks, when I went to do my weekly wash and DC I didn't even detangle my hair with my wide-tooth comb as usual. Using my fingers was enough, and barely any hairs came out in the end.

I get emotional when I think about the fact that if I had all of this information a few years ago, who knows how long my hair could be right now. I wasted almost a DECADE trying to find the best ways to grow my hair and it turns out everything I ever needed was right here. Damn! :wallbash: But, as some of you ladies on here have wisely said before, there's no use crying over spilled milk. I'm so thankful that I came across this site and that I've at least found the steps that work for me in retaining my hair growth.


Even though I'm grateful and I finally have real hope that I'll make it past shoulder length for the first time in over 7 years, I'm still having mixed feelings. Lately I've been wondering if the natural look is right for me. I feel I'm not strong enough to rock this twist-out or this fro because of all the looks I'm getting. In a matter of months I've gone from people (females included) NEVER noticing me to strange men of all colors giving me looks ranging from puzzled to interested. Women (especially black women)are giving me the side eye and sometimes staring. And this happens every day now! I'm so not used to this and can't help feeling any other way but like some sort of strange specimen.

I'm also having to deal with some negative comments suddenly. My SO is El Salvadorean . For the most part he has been supportive about my decision to go natural and the PJism I've developed. It's his younger sister whose remarks are affecting me. She has informed me on two separate occasions that I reminded her of an (African) tribewoman and has questioned me about why I cut my hair. She has even been comparing me to her boyfriend, who is close to my complexion but has a slightly looser curl pattern. She openly tells me that her children will have better hair than the children I have with her brother because her boyfriend's hair is 'better' than mine. Their father comes from a racist family and despite the fact that both of his children are in relationships with Blacks, I know he would make fun of my hair whether I'm present or not. I've tried to solve the problem by avoiding his family but it's kind of hard because we all live in the same apartment building and every week my SO tells me about some different complaint they have about me being rude (by not coming to visit them and stuff). I was pretty close with his mom and sister before I started transitioning so I don't really know what to do about THAT...

Then there's my friends. Most of my friends are Dominican, and whether they're relaxed or not they prefer straight hair and think everyone else looks better with it too. When I decided to go natural with limited heat use some of them gave me that :perplexed look. I know their mothers' perspectives on hair are even worse so I've avoided going over to their houses to save myself some hurt feelings.Last night I was watching Youtube videos when I came across a Dominican blowout tutorial. The customer in the video had a texture similar to mine and as they were blowing it out in layers I saw her hair wasn't thin at all and it was nearly BSL. It looked healthy and shiny. I couldn't help thinking, if I just merged all the knowledge I've learned on LHCF and just stretched relaxers with blow-outs and deep conditioning treatments, why couldn't my hair be as long and healthy-looking as hers? I'm so serious too.

It hasn't even been a month since I BC'ed and I'm already contemplating being relaxed again. Is it normal to have mixed feelings like this?
 
You need to find a way to tune out and avoid all this negativity. Do not let yourself be engulfed by it. Find some new friends and focus on the positive.
 
I agree with Hopeful. I think pretty much everyone (even those with looser textured hair) has had some negativity about their decision to wear their natural hair.

I know I have & I chopped when I was 15. Just tune out the negativity because really, what are these people doing for you? The only thing they're doing is giving you a hard time, & you don't need that.

Rock your beautiful natural hair & tell the naysayers to get used to it. Because it's here to stay!

Although if you don't like your hair, then maybe you could straighten it more often. But if you knew there was going to be a possibility you wouldn't like your natural hair, I think you should have prepped for that before chopping.

I know when I first began my transition, I told myself I was going to love my hair no matter what texture it was. Because point blank, there's no point in trying to hide what your real, natural hair is. It is what it is. I saw your BC thread & your hair is beautiful, don't worry yourself about the comments of those negative losers.
 
Hey Bri,
Thanks for your advice. It was really helpful. You're absolutely right, and for them most part for the last year or so I've distanced myself from my friends a lot. I used to live on campus at school with them and we all had classes together but I moved off campus about 7 months into my transition and stopped seeing them and hearing their negativity for the most part. I've only seen one of my friends since I moved and that was before I BC'ed so I don't even know what they would think now. I sure don't mind continuing to keep my distance though.

As for my SO's family..I don't think there's really much I can do about it. After almost three years together we recently got engaged so I'm kinda stuck with them. And we were close before so I guess I can understand why they feel I'm being rude by avoiding them and stuff. So Idk if I'm just destined to put up with their rudeness about my hair for the sake of family or what.

brianna-alyssa said:
I agree with Hopeful. I think pretty much everyone (even those with looser textured hair) has had some negativity about their decision to wear their natural hair.

I know I have & I chopped when I was 15. Just tune out the negativity because really, what are these people doing for you? The only thing they're doing is giving you a hard time, & you don't need that.

Rock your beautiful natural hair & tell the naysayers to get used to it. Because it's here to stay!

Although if you don't like your hair, then maybe you could straighten it more often. But if you knew there was going to be a possibility you wouldn't like your natural hair, I think you should have prepped for that before chopping.

I know when I first began my transition, I told myself I was going to love my hair no matter what texture it was. Because point blank, there's no point in trying to hide what your real, natural hair is. It is what it is. I saw your BC thread & your hair is beautiful, don't worry yourself about the comments of those negative losers.
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Well I don't think hair should create a rift between true friends so I don't think you should be staying away from them unless you know they no longer want to associate with you because of your hair. And if this is true do you really want them as friends - regardless of what you ultimately decide? I'm sure you'd rather have people in your life who like you for who you are and not just because you straighten your hair like they do which is really such a small thing.

I don't know your friend's intention in saying you look like an African tribeswoman but technically speaking that's more of a compliment than an insult no matter how she meant it. Maybe pull up vogue black, click on a picture of an African model and ask her if she means you look like that. Assuming she's not white Salvadoran then that's like telling her that she looks like ____ (fill in the name of an ethnic group of her country) and ask her if she thinks that's an insult. Natural hair is very versatile. Today I looked at some videos of people doing roller sets on natural hair and they came out looking very nice. I didn't know this was possible - I remember trying years ago and ended up with a mess but apparently it's all in the technique. Give it some time. It sounds like you like your hair but it's other people's negativity that's making you second guess yourself. As the others said tune them out and enjoy your new hair.
 
Thank you. You're right, for the most part I do like my hair but I'm kind of impressionable. It sucks, I know. And she's not my friend, she's my boyfriend's sister. We're close like friends though so I can see how that might have caused some confusion. And yes she is a White (very fair skinned with no Afro features) El Salvadoran.


Tiye said:
Well I don't think hair should create a rift between true friends so I don't think you should be staying away from them unless you know they no longer want to associate with you because of your hair. And if this is true do you really want them as friends - regardless of what you ultimately decide? I'm sure you'd rather have people in your life who like you for who you are and not just because you straighten your hair like they do which is really such a small thing.

I don't know your friend's intention in saying you look like an African tribeswoman but technically speaking that's more of a compliment than an insult no matter how she meant it. Maybe pull up vogue black, click on a picture of an African model and ask her if she means you look like that. Assuming she's not white Salvadoran then that's like telling her that she looks like ____ (fill in the name of an ethnic group of her country) and ask her if she thinks that's an insult. Natural hair is very versatile. Today I looked at some videos of people doing roller sets on natural hair and they came out looking very nice. I didn't know this was possible - I remember trying years ago and ended up with a mess but apparently it's all in the technique. Give it some time. It sounds like you like your hair but it's other people's negativity that's making you second guess yourself. As the others said tune them out and enjoy your new hair.
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guuurrrrllllll i went through this too. as far as your friends, one of my best friends hated my hair but she had the decency to not say anything about it and one of my guy friends laughed and my other best friend LOVED it. u gotta realize it is YOUR hair not theirs. i was more worried about the attention from guys but you have a hubby so what do other peoples oppinions matter? they are not sleeping with u or paying ur bills or signing your checks so they dont matter. if your "friends" make fun of your hair make fun of theirs and laugh and make sure u do it meanly so they know u are mocking them. if ur a nicer person just sit them down and tell them why u pulled away. no one can read your mind you have to tell them. as for your hubby to be's family sit them down also and tell them y u were being "rude" if the remarks still come you gotta get thick skin and say slick stuff back. people will disrespect you until you make them respect you
 
L.Brown1114 said:
guuurrrrllllll i went through this too. as far as your friends, one of my best friends hated my hair but she had the decency to not say anything about it and one of my guy friends laughed and my other best friend LOVED it. u gotta realize it is YOUR hair not theirs. i was more worried about the attention from guys but you have a hubby so what do other peoples oppinions matter? they are not sleeping with u or paying ur bills or signing your checks so they dont matter. if your "friends" make fun of your hair make fun of theirs and laugh and make sure u do it meanly so they know u are mocking them. if ur a nicer person just sit them down and tell them why u pulled away. no one can read your mind you have to tell them. as for your hubby to be's family sit them down also and tell them y u were being "rude" if the remarks still come you gotta get thick skin and say slick stuff back. people will disrespect you until you make them respect you
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Amen to the bolded!!! They don't have to like your hair, but it's NOT okay for them to say hurtful things to you. You need to let them know that you will not allow them to disrespect you.
 
You will never live your life worrying about what others think. It's about what you think. It is your hair after all.
 
hopeful said:
You need to find a way to tune out and avoid all this negativity. Do not let yourself be engulfed by it. Find some new friends and focus on the positive.
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IA^^ BK, I am so sorry you have to deal with that, I'm sure it is disheartening. If these are relationships that you truly don't value (in-laws, friends, etc) then you really shouldn't value their opinions either.

This could be a post about hair, weight, clothes, career whatever--there is always going to be someone who will hate on your decisions, and you will not be able to change that. You can, however, change whether or not you will let it affect you and continue to surround yourself with such people.

Anyhoo, big-ups on the BC. I saw your thread with the pics, and you look wonderful!
 
1. I DID NOT like the way my hair looked with an afro at first.....Especially with negative remarks from my DH....I let that sadness fester and grow within me like a disease....

2. I prayed and put my thoughts and focus on the health of my hair and began to do research and ignored the negative comments...which eventually came from my co-workers who I am pretty cool with.

3. I immersed myself in information and websites that honored black, natural hair for a little while...just to practice self love of the GOD-GIVEN TEXTURE I was blessed to have....and I still feel 23 months and 29 days later (2 yr BC anniversary is in 2 days) that I made the right decision.

4. Give it time...In the meantime learn and practice different hairstyles....they will be drooling (like my DH and co-workers are now) over your hair.....

5. Remember you're not in a race trying to win 1st or 2nd or 3rd place...You are just trying to stay in the race....if you quit, or falter, you will not see what the end result will be...

6. Honestly, there will continue to be a love-hate relationship for a while....but the longer you let the hate dwell, the less and less you'll love your hair....

7. 2 years later I am glad I didn't quit....I love my hair more than ever and I know 100% I would have regretted that decision....

8. Learn to appreciate your God-given texture, and your hair journey will be easier over time.
 
First of all, you don't have to be natural to have long hair, so I hope you didn't BC solely for that reason. There are plenty of women on here who have relaxed hair flowing down their backs.

Second of all, it seems like you didn't mentally transition along with your hair....and they see that you are weak. Heck, I can see it and I don't know you from Adam. As long as you let them say these things to you and in your presence (and worry about what people like your future father-in-law are saying when you're not even around...I mean REALLY?? You can't even control that), it will never stop. When I BC'd, I was ready....so proud to rock my baby fro and show what I was naturally given, but the negative comments were still there. Until I told my SO that my hair wasn't going anywhere and he'd be sorry one day for letting people in his family talk about me like that, he didn't stop them from saying anything to me. They're all quiet now that I kept with it and my hair is around BSL, but only because I spoke up. (He really gets the worst of it, because we broke up later that year and nowadays I make sure to flaunt my hair in front of him!)

I can't sit here and force you to love your hair....but I can tell you that you will probably regret it if you relax because you are "impressionable", and I can also tell you that the negative comments won't stop if you relax your hair. And tell that sister of his to get a grip.
 
You do not need to listen to foolishness from your SO's sister. Either you set her straight (nicely) or have your SO set her straight. As your fiancée that is now part of his job, to protect you and keep his family in check. Talk about your feelings with him and start standing up for yourself. But your primary focus should remain on you, your happiness, and your newfound naturalness, you should be very proud of yourself and excited about the length and health your hair will gain over the coming months.
 
bkprincesa said:
I have to say, I thought my love-hate relationship would end once I was completely natural. I hated the way my relaxed hair was thin and flat and stuck to my head as if it were plastered on the first week or two after a fresh relaxer. I hated how my hair had refused to grow past shoulder length, was constantly breaking off, and forever growing unevenly throughout my head for the past 7 years. After reading so many stories of the health and length of hair improving tremendously after ladies' decisions to go natural, I decided to give it a go.

For the most part I HAVE noticed the obvious improvements. My hair hasn't been this thick since I was a very small child (5-7 years old). I don't have those endless tiny broken hairs on my shirt day after day anymore. The biggest thing that has really made me think is the fact I have more to show for my efforts than ever.

My relaxed hair was shoulder length at the time of my last relaxer in May 2009. I had been struggling to get out of that hair limbo since I was 14 (I'll be 22 in October). I managed to grow my hair from nothing to SL stretched in 12 months just by incorporating co-washing, regular shampooing, DCing, protein treatments, sealing with evoo and protective styling (bunning and twisting nightly) into my routine. I don't trim regularly. I don't use growth aids and I don't even drink water like we're all supposed to. It wasn't until my 10th month of transitioning that I learned to wash, condition and detangle my hair in sections and that advice has been the biggest part of my retention.The last two weeks, when I went to do my weekly wash and DC I didn't even detangle my hair with my wide-tooth comb as usual. Using my fingers was enough, and barely any hairs came out in the end.

I get emotional when I think about the fact that if I had all of this information a few years ago, who knows how long my hair could be right now. I wasted almost a DECADE trying to find the best ways to grow my hair and it turns out everything I ever needed was right here. Damn! :wallbash: But, as some of you ladies on here have wisely said before, there's no use crying over spilled milk. I'm so thankful that I came across this site and that I've at least found the steps that work for me in retaining my hair growth.


Even though I'm grateful and I finally have real hope that I'll make it past shoulder length for the first time in over 7 years, I'm still having mixed feelings. Lately I've been wondering if the natural look is right for me. I feel I'm not strong enough to rock this twist-out or this fro because of all the looks I'm getting. In a matter of months I've gone from people (females included) NEVER noticing me to strange men of all colors giving me looks ranging from puzzled to interested. Women (especially black women)are giving me the side eye and sometimes staring. And this happens every day now! I'm so not used to this and can't help feeling any other way but like some sort of strange specimen.

I'm also having to deal with some negative comments suddenly. My SO is El Salvadorean . For the most part he has been supportive about my decision to go natural and the PJism I've developed. It's his younger sister whose remarks are affecting me. She has informed me on two separate occasions that I reminded her of an (African) tribewoman and has questioned me about why I cut my hair. She has even been comparing me to her boyfriend, who is close to my complexion but has a slightly looser curl pattern. She openly tells me that her children will have better hair than the children I have with her brother because her boyfriend's hair is 'better' than mine. Their father comes from a racist family and despite the fact that both of his children are in relationships with Blacks, I know he would make fun of my hair whether I'm present or not. I've tried to solve the problem by avoiding his family but it's kind of hard because we all live in the same apartment building and every week my SO tells me about some different complaint they have about me being rude (by not coming to visit them and stuff). I was pretty close with his mom and sister before I started transitioning so I don't really know what to do about THAT...

Then there's my friends. Most of my friends are Dominican, and whether they're relaxed or not they prefer straight hair and think everyone else looks better with it too. When I decided to go natural with limited heat use some of them gave me that :perplexed look. I know their mothers' perspectives on hair are even worse so I've avoided going over to their houses to save myself some hurt feelings.Last night I was watching Youtube videos when I came across a Dominican blowout tutorial. The customer in the video had a texture similar to mine and as they were blowing it out in layers I saw her hair wasn't thin at all and it was nearly BSL. It looked healthy and shiny. I couldn't help thinking, if I just merged all the knowledge I've learned on LHCF and just stretched relaxers with blow-outs and deep conditioning treatments, why couldn't my hair be as long and healthy-looking as hers? I'm so serious too.

It hasn't even been a month since I BC'ed and I'm already contemplating being relaxed again. Is it normal to have mixed feelings like this?
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I think that going natural just because you think your relaxed can't grow isn't the best of reasons. In my opinion it really is a lifestyle change and i think you need to come to terms with that. I considered going natural because of my frustration with my relaxed hair but the more I thought about it, I dont think I would have been able to do it. My friend on the other hand went with it full force. Yes she got more looks from people while she was transitioning and some people called her hair nappy. but she just said, my hair's not happy it's tightly curled or kinky. You need to be confident enough within yourself to know that you look good whenever you leave the house. And you don't look good just because of what's on the outside but what's on the inside. You are black and part of you being black is your hair and if someone has a problem with it then F*** 'em and feed 'em beans. You're hair is part of what connects you to your people and your roots and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I think black people are the most beautiful people on the world and whenever I see a woman that's natural i stare at their hair in awe. And because of my personality i usually go up to them and compliment them on it. Maybe those people staring think you look fly and are just to shy to say anything to you.

Bottomline, if you think you can work your hair in its natural state and you can wear the hairstyles that YOU and only YOU like the most and be confident with it, then do that. If you don't think you can then you're just going to be unhappy with your hair and it probably won't grow to be that long or healthy because you'd be constantly fighting with it. I also believe in the power of negative energy and thoughts. So if you feel bad about your hair it'll probably start giving you a real reason to be upset with it.

HTH it was just my opinion.
 
I can tell you that, since I've BCed, yesterday was the first time I rocked my 4a/b fro in front of a bunch of Haitians (most of which believe that natural hair is like the devil :nono:). Yes, I got those looks that said "Uh uh :nono:" (even my dad said that my fro "isn't beautiful" and that I need to find a way to make it look "more presentable") but I also received positive feedback. All of these women came up to saying how relaxers are just ruining their hair and they applauded me for my courage. Guys my age were all "Wha~t!? Amy's rocking that fro!" :grin: When I weighed those comments, I realized that I'm going to love my natural hair for what it is, regardless of who likes it or not. Even if the layers are killing me and sometimes I feel like my hair's gonna throw me into a panic attack 'cause it just won't tame itself, I've discovered my hair's unique-ness, and people who truly love you are going to love you for you, regardless of your hair.
 
If it's not your hair they complain about it'll be something else. If you keep trying to accomodate them everytime they don't like something about you, you'll be miserable. Do want you need to do to reach your goals and they'll get over it...or not.

OT, about your future in-laws. Right now it's your hair they are fussing about, soon it'll be how you raise your kids etc etc. You need to nip this in the bud NOW.
 
Thank you ladies for all of the encouraging words. For those who questioned if I transitioned to natural solely because I didn't think I could grow my hair relaxed wihout it, I explained why I wanted to stop relaxing. I was tired of thin, flat hair whenever I was relaxed. And I've mentioned in previous posts that I've always wanted to see what my natural hair texture looked like and that I wished I had a say when my mom decided to relax it when I was five. So no, I didn't go natural just so my hair would grow although I am retaining more than I have in years now that I am.
 
Good grief these people sound like an ignorant bunch.

Ok, I am not one for confrontations or anything but you need to ask your Fiancee to have a word or ten with his family. I think that he needs to let them know their comments hurt you and how it is affecting your relationship with them. Please don't relax for other people that is the worst reason for it.

Considering that you are getting married, am assuming you will have children one day. There is a good chance that any children you have will have your type hair so really this needs to be nipped in the bud.
 
I didn't bc for just that reason, that was partially it. Also, you're probably right. Maybe I am weak. You're not the first person who has thought that. I cry at the end of every sad movie like a baby! I'm sensitive. I always have been so I guess I better learn to expect negative comments either way. Should I act more aggressively in response to negative things they say? How do I do that without being rude/disrespectful?

lilsparkle825 said:
First of all, you don't have to be natural to have long hair, so I hope you didn't BC solely for that reason. There are plenty of women on here who have relaxed hair flowing down their backs.

Second of all, it seems like you didn't mentally transition along with your hair....and they see that you are weak. Heck, I can see it and I don't know you from Adam. As long as you let them say these things to you and in your presence (and worry about what people like your future father-in-law are saying when you're not even around...I mean REALLY?? You can't even control that), it will never stop. When I BC'd, I was ready....so proud to rock my baby fro and show what I was naturally given, but the negative comments were still there. Until I told my SO that my hair wasn't going anywhere and he'd be sorry one day for letting people in his family talk about me like that, he didn't stop them from saying anything to me. They're all quiet now that I kept with it and my hair is around BSL, but only because I spoke up. (He really gets the worst of it, because we broke up later that year and nowadays I make sure to flaunt my hair in front of him!)

I can't sit here and force you to love your hair....but I can tell you that you will probably regret it if you relax because you are "impressionable", and I can also tell you that the negative comments won't stop if you relax your hair. And tell that sister of his to get a grip.
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L.Brown1114 said:
guuurrrrllllll i went through this too. as far as your friends, one of my best friends hated my hair but she had the decency to not say anything about it and one of my guy friends laughed and my other best friend LOVED it. u gotta realize it is YOUR hair not theirs. i was more worried about the attention from guys but you have a hubby so what do other peoples oppinions matter? they are not sleeping with u or paying ur bills or signing your checks so they dont matter. if your "friends" make fun of your hair make fun of theirs and laugh and make sure u do it meanly so they know u are mocking them. if ur a nicer person just sit them down and tell them why u pulled away. no one can read your mind you have to tell them. as for your hubby to be's family sit them down also and tell them y u were being "rude" if the remarks still come you gotta get thick skin and say slick stuff back. people will disrespect you until you make them respect you
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<<< unfortunately this could not be a more true statement

i can't tell you....especially with in-laws, everyone really
for whatever reason people just like to push to see how far you'll allow yourself to fall back
stand tall
 
i sincerely hope you start to feel better about your hair, relationships, & your new found family (what a fam); are they all runway models? because they sure have alot of commentary on another grown woman's appearance
they better be some perfect 10's

i say until you are more comfortable with your choice to BC maybe wear braids? micros...kinky twists...micro twists?? i think as your hair grows out you'll know if you want to relax or stay au naturale'

but seriously, we all have some of these confidence issues on something in our lives
i hope you wait it all a bit , before going straight!
either way
HHG
 
Bkprincesa,

You have to do what makes you feel pretty. Now that you have this support system, perhaps you can go back to relaxing/texlaxing if you wish and still grow long healthy hair.

Don't worry about what others think. What do YOU think?

Another thing, is you need to tell them something if they say rude things. Make it up, if you have to. "The doctor said I need to stay away from relaxers for a while." Something.

Or figure out a way to meet them halfway if you care about what they think. Would a braid out/twist out make a more presentable afro for when you around the critics? Pull it back into a pony.

As for the one who told you about your children's hair. Tell her she doesn't know anything about genetics. Hair doesn't come just from the parents... but often grandparents, great grandparents etc. My cousin has black parents that both have 2 something hair. Yet she turned out with 3c4a hair. Your child's hair could be "better."

And better yet, tell her your children will have great hair because you know how to make all hair look cute.

Shoot... I'm mad... I need to simmer down.
 
I would say It's normal to have mixed feelings sometimes Im transitioning Im in my 11th month and sometimes I think am I really the type to be natural (which doesnt really make sense). As far as the stares you receive when you are out dont assume that they are bad. I find myself staring at naturals hair all the time just yesterday I was waiting in lline to get a sandwich and the woman in front of me had the most beautiful shiny natural hair it wasnt long but it looked so healthy and the texture was gorgeous I was all up in her head she caught me looking I was embarrassed but she was really sweet and smiled wished everyone a good holiday before leaving. Dont assume the stares are a bad thingnthey could be admiring your hair.
 
What do you tell them in response? What would the say if everytime they snickered, or made negative comments you said, "Well I think African tribeswomen/women with NATURAL hair are beautiful. It's not all about what YOU think" (in a respectful way).
 
Your mixed feelings are not unusual and there is nothing wrong about having them. You're trying something different -it will cause new feelings and uncertainties. That's normal.

As others have said, putting a lid on their issues is a top priority for you at present. You need to sit down and truly come up with responses (two or three even) and rehearse them...mean them...and stick to your goals.

If you want to relax again, that IS okay. You're not letting down anyone, any "cause", or yourself...so long as you do it because YOU want to. If you can be happy with your reason and YOU feel it is legit (just as your reason for going natural are) then feel free to. Again, if YOU want to because it suits YOU and YOUR life -not to please others: on LHCF or offline!
 
calm down ladyraider! Don't be upset lol, a least not for lil ol me. I see what you're sayin about us getting our hair from past generations. My mother and father both have a looser texture than mine so I think mine comes from a grandparent or something.

I appreciate your advice but please don't be upset. Woo sah lol

LadyRaider said:
Bkprincesa,

You have to do what makes you feel pretty. Now that you have this support system, perhaps you can go back to relaxing/texlaxing if you wish and still grow long healthy hair.

Don't worry about what others think. What do YOU think?

Another thing, is you need to tell them something if they say rude things. Make it up, if you have to. "The doctor said I need to stay away from relaxers for a while." Something.

Or figure out a way to meet them halfway if you care about what they think. Would a braid out/twist out make a more presentable afro for when you around the critics? Pull it back into a pony.

As for the one who told you about your children's hair. Tell her she doesn't know anything about genetics. Hair doesn't come just from the parents... but often grandparents, great grandparents etc. My cousin has black parents that both have 2 something hair. Yet she turned out with 3c4a hair. Your child's hair could be "better."

And better yet, tell her your children will have great hair because you know how to make all hair look cute.

Shoot... I'm mad... I need to simmer down.
Click to expand...
 
Well the whole children thing makes me mad. My cousin (the one with the beautiful, long lush 3c/4a hair) married a dark, black man, and she has a BLACK skinned little girl who she dresses like a doll and who has looooong thick hair down to her BUTT.

Now someone could have said, don't marry that dark black man... marry someone else...you might have prettier kids with better hair...

Whatever... I've yet to see a prettier child... That stuff about kids is just the most hateful thing ever to lay on someone.

But I'm not really that mad. I'm just internet-mad. :)
 
My In-Laws SUCK!! I have been married for 3.5 years and I disliked them before I married and I still dislike them....They are just mean people with an agenda...an agenda to try and make my life and marriage miserable...because basically they are miserable human beings (God I pray one of them are on here and reading this)
I did not like my hair at first...and there are days I still don't like it...But I respect it and know that one day I will have the length and style that I am striving for....and I seriously don't care what people think...if they like it or love it...what is important is that I like it and I love it

Just keep being positive and look pass the small minds and concentrate on your goal.
 
have u told ur fiance how you're feeling? And i'm sorry i think i skimmed over the reasons you said you bc'ed. With that said then you should just focus on the fact that you're doing the absolute healthiest thing possible for your hair and body. And i think you may just need to respectfully go off on ur future in laws one good time so they can learn some manners. just point out how tasteless their remarks are and how it makes them sound and look ignorant and mention they prolly shouldn't repeat that to other ppl. Thats a pretty good passive-aggressive non confrontational way to make your point and not have to deal with too much awkwardness in your future interactions with them.
 
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